phoebe

Shouldn't that be 90??? Oh boy do I identify with that - I could have written your post yesterday!! Today is a better day, but sometimes, I cant let go of the negativity that he forces and spreads around him. Even the simplest tasks are met with complete refusal and temper and "why should I." Even the little things can create a huge atmosphere and then afterwards, I am supposed to forget and let it go and he is demanding that I do something for him...... I feel like being the child sometimes and starting it all off again (but I dont cos I know where that leads)!! But I do find it really difficult to let go of my negative feelings and carry on. And I really dont like him a lot of the time. You are not alone!! Hope that you feel a bit better today and are enjoying a bit of breathing space. Look after you Phoebe X

same for me too,but I am getting used to it!!

I could be up for a Legoland meet.......1 carer gets in free on production of evidence of receiving DLA. Also, you can get fast passes for the rides with a hand stamp. I can only do thursday this week or Friday next now though? Anyone fancy it?!

Hi Jonathan, I just popped in quickly .....late again!! to see how you were doing today. I do hope that you are feeling a little less downtrodden today........... I have been thinking about you. Do let us know how you are feeling, we can send you lots of cyber hugs!!!! Phoebe

Thanks from me also...................... I seem to be fully back in working order!! Thank you Thank you THANK YOU

I have read your original post, but not many of the replies yet as I am late logging on tonight and have also been having some problems today..........................so, apologies if what I say has been said before and I am just repeating it........... I am sorry that you are feeling so low an I am sure that you have loads to deal with. I gave no idea how someone with an AS mind functions, but I am parent to an 8 year old and I often try to think about how he is feeling and what has caused the current pronlems we are facing.... I dont know what to say to you to be supportive. I understand completely your feelings of being a misfit and being ridiculed/laughed at or ignored. Even as the most positive person, you cant keep taking hits and keep bouncing back. It is really great though that you posted, and that you have expressed all those feelings. As someone who has been through depression, I can only try to imagine how you are feeling and how difficult and heart wrenching it must have been for you to write those words. It sounds as though your mum has not been at all supportive of you, and has not accepted the person that you are,,,,,, I am so sorry for this. Maybe you have not accepted the person who you are either. I dont feel like I am being much help, but I wanted to try. I would hate to think of my son feeling the way that you are feeling, but I fully recognise that it is possible that he will do so. In one of your posts you say you are sorry for writing the way you have because it is not at all what we parents would want to hear/face up to in our own children and their futures.........I absolutely think that you should have posted and please do continue to do so. <'> <'> <'> People will probably already have said this, but you should seek some support from the doctor. Maybe print your post, or parts of it that you need to get the message across. Wish I could help more.......I feel so useless.....I will be thinking of you, Phoebe

Hi to all newbies and welcome to the forum. To motherofanaspie - dont know what you have tried already, but we went to the GP asked for referrals, we saw EP's, we banged our drums at school, we had a telephone consultation with a psychologist through the youngminds association, we contacted the NAS, we asked for advice, wrote to our local MP, the LEA, the ED psychology dept, CAMHS and more...........it is bl***Y hard work and it takes a while, but 2 years wait, NO that is not good enough. Have you requested a statutory assessment yet? Is he on School action plus? Is he getting any support Phoebe

Also - what a fab idea, having a positive news post - hopefully, we will all be able to think of some positives every day love and hugs Phoebe

AHA............................................. My positive is today, the LEA lady who came to meet with us yesterday, did what she said she would and has started the ball rolling in the right direction. At our meeting yesterday, she included more in the proposed statement and made it much "tighter." She will get the final statement to us by Easter; so after weeks of hard work, the ball is firmly in someone elses lap for a while at least. THANKYOU TO ALL THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME IN THIS ALONG THE WAY. Also, my new mobile phone arrived and it has got loads of features!! Absolutely amazing!!!!

OMG what can I say. Thinking of you babe. <'> <'> <'>

cant get the hang of the quoting thing!!

WE cant be saints all the time!!!!! "Its when something needs to be done and he isnt wanting to that we get the real resistance, that can at times result in J really displaying his un coperativeness." Sounds familiar!!!!!!! "I am going to set a more tighter routine at bedtime as well, I have printed out the kind of things I want him to do and not do and he has signed it and agreed to it, I also signed one to say I wont shout???????" You had already been planning for making tomorrow a better day!!! "I was just a bit sensitive as well with it been mothers day and there was my son hurting me, of all days but I will end on a postive note of one of the kind things J did for me today and that was he brought me a cup of tea when I woke up, and Josh said what do you say then? I said thankyou, and he trotted back down stairs. It was his first attempt of making one by himself." Take care of you Phoebe

The school gate........................... The other mothers........................ Even the other children.................. I have felt exactly the way you describe and still do often. Sometimes wonder why my life seems to be so full of stress and want to close out the world. Have done too, but there is a difference between closing out the world and enjoying some you time, giving yourself a little pamper and shutting yourself off. Go to the docs, sometimes we just need a little helping hand. It wont be forever. Well done for making the appointment - take care of you and keep us posted <'> Phoebe

<'> to you both. Hope it works out for you.

<'> <'> <'> <'> J's mum, I am sure you are not "going wrong" It is so hard to deal with sometimes isn't it? I dont know what to say really and have no advice I am afraid. Often when I read your posts I feel I could have written them myself..........just wanted to say you are among friends. With my DS, his behaviour and aggression is cyclical and we have some relatively good periods folowed by some major troughs. I dont believe it is because anyone around DS is doing anything differently, just that something starts to really stress him and it takes him weeks to deal with it. (I am hoping we are climbing out of one of these troughs at the moment). At a time when he is being most aggressive and horrible, I have to try to be majorly positive, supportive, affectionate and loving. I have to give him more time. I review his reward chart and give him some new (maybe easier) goals to aim for and try to rebuild his self esteem a bit. Hope you can find a way...... Love and hugs Phoebe

Glad i am not the only one then!!! TEE HEE

dnot bee daffftttnot by dfaft dotn bee sillly Wee hadnnnt eevin notissed!!!! <'> <'> lurve and huggs Phoebe

Who wrote the book "the broken pane of glass" Eva Brick ..............................................(Heave A brick)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Who wrote the book "one fell off a cliff" Eileen Dover ................................................(I leaned over)!!!!!!

what do you call a fly with no wings? a Walk!!! What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A Horse!!! What do you call a man with a spade on his head? D(O)UG what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? do-you-think-he-saurus What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye's dog? do you think he saurus rex Great idea for a thread - may it go on and on!!!!!!! Phoebe

Hi Brooke Just wanted to add my hugs to you. I am also going through one of the troughs at the moment. My 4 YO Ds, still too young to understand, will also copy her bro's behaviour and it is sooooo horrid to see isnt it. I keep having to talk to her about not hitting/pushing her friends at nursery at the moment. I know that all kids go through phases like this, but it is so not her nature. She also talks about death and killing a lot and says horrible things like, I dont want to be with your daughter anymore.....................etc. All echoes of her brothers behaviour and words. Most of the time i can cope with it, but when it spills over in public with her - I feel I just cant stand it. I dont have any advice or anything helpful for you except to say - I understand and truly hope that an up phase is not far around the corner <'> Look after you Phoebe

Can you remember how you felt as a child or can you tell me how it makes you feel now, if someone were to hold you and try to stop you from doing this to prevent you hurting yourself?

dont know where you are, but there is one of these runnning in Oxford on March 28th I am going to. It was rescheduled after the snow. 10 - 2.30. I can give you more details if you pm me. Phoebe

hmmm - i have posted about my DS and his defiance many many times.All that you have said and the questions that you are asking yourself all sound really familiar (as well as some of the responses). He is 8 now and I have been thinking about posting again only this week as he point blank refuses to do some things even now. I probably still will, although that post will be in the education section as he refuses to do tasks at school and their way of handling it at the moment seems to be to send him home with the work and let us deal with it! At the age your DS is, we had huge problems getting DS to get washed and dressed; even earlier than that he would not get into the car/ car seat or acccept having the seat belt on .........I am sure you know the score. It is difficult at that age to know their level of understanding and to know what to dpo about refusals. One thing is for sure I have always felt that it is never worth giving in for a quiet life otherwise these things will only get worse the older they get. Some things we tried were sticker charts - whatever is your greatest problem at the moment - incentivise her to complete it. We have been through many different reward schemes and we are constantly evolving them and the rewards associated with them. (need to re-do one again now)! Also, we use consequences/ punishment. DS big thing is screen time (maybe yours is watching telly/videos), we limit this to a certain length of time and add or deduct time accordingly. We explained al this to him and he understands that it is linked in to his reward chart and behaviour. If we are asking him to do something and he doesn't do it we count him that's 1, that's 2 if he gets to 3, he knows the consequence is 10 minutes less screen time. Similarly, if we want him to stop doing something we count him and the same consequences apply. The trick is to find out what her trigger is. What means a lot to her? Also, if it is a daily routine thing that she refuses to do, visual timetables are great - if you haven't got time to make one with all the pictures on look on ebay there are some excellent ones available. She would probably be quite excited about getting one. I have come to the conclusion that it is wholly AS related, he applies his own agenda to everything. He can also be really loving and very very "helpful" - always on his own terms and in his own time, but thanks heavens he is sometimes!! Sorry if I sound like I have swallowed a parenting manual. i very much identify with your post and hope that you will find some helpful answers. Take care of you Phoebe

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Sweetheart, just wish I had some words that would help. Often wish I knew more of the answers. I am so sorry, not to have any advice for you, but really wanted to give you my support and hugs Phoebe