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About Ferret

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    Salisbury Hill

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  • Gender
    Not Telling
  • Location
    burrow, underhill
  • Interests
    everything - i'm a polymath. cryptographer. puzzle solver. autistic. (knowledge + experience) / (insight + hindsight)sq = .understanding'n

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  1. you are welcome. the children are becoming scared because they do not understand why it is happening - this is a responsibility area for the teachers to explain to other children how to behave towards your child. and to inform other children about autism. i would suggest do not doubt yourself. take all feedback and assess quietly and reflect upon it. keep a diary. note everything, good days and bad days, patterns will reveal themselves and help you understand. also diary is a good way for you to destress too and give your day structure, so that in the evening she too can participate with you and add to it if necessary. this will or may also open up channel of communication, and also 'destress' at the end of the day. but do not force her if she requires 'own' time. a diary can be used in support of your assement in november, and be a useful tool in support of yourself. she does sound like she needs a more autistic friendly/supportive environment for her learning needs. she sounds very much like she is exhibiting stress/overload. no. myth. self hurt is to express internalised pain that cannot otherwise be expressed or verbalised or acted upon because of inhibitors social or otherwise. it is a control issue, a self control safety valve. it is erroneous to presume or interpret this type of act as 'attention seeking'. it is not attention seeking. it is a sign of extreme distress, both emotionally and psychologically, and it is a logical reponse to extreme enviornment stimulus toxicity. poor mite. keep a diary of all self harm issues. triggers will reveal themselves as pattern events externally. raise these with your gp. this is not a problem. this is her finding a natural destressing, decompression activity to aid her in 'switching off'. i would suggest you begin to change your understanding of this behaviour, and do not associate it with negative connotations. to suggest it is obsessive is erroneous. think more in terms of: destressing, decompression, meditation, peaceful activity, downtime, comfort time, safe space. this is again not necessarily a problem, but should be monitored. i would suggest that if she is hungry, this might be due to the amount of energy she is burning off in terms of calorific stress. but equally, compulsive eating is a sign that either a) she is not getting enough of a balanced diet and the body is craving nutrients, or b.) the body is in a state of stress and flight or flight due to high cortisol levels, and is in 'danger' zone behaviour, therefore is needing food, or c) she needs to comfort eat as this give endorphins to the brain and is calming. again, trust yourself and her to tell you the right thing. listen to her. but also keep a diary too about this. if there is a trigger, it will reveal itself. all the best for the assessment. f.
  2. hello charlotte i am autistic firstly, if you are using your full name, perhaps it might be an idea for online security not to use your full name. you may wish to change your username now to address your query: i shall begin with a standard disclaimer that i offer opinion only. should you deem anything i say to be of use, please take it as such. i make no formal diagnosis, yet offer insight into the autistic condition based on my personal experience/understanding. i read your query with interest. i immediately assess this as an immersion issue, and a focus issue - an immersion in experience, and also focus of attention. you suggest in a neurotypical way that you interpret the inferrance by the teachers that your daughter SELECTIVELY CHOOSES problems with her hearing. this is myth, imo, and my experience. the hearing myth - think not merely of sound as noise, but as information. imagine standing in a room full of televisions, all playing different channels, and having to concentrate on a task - this is what it is like for your daughter when she struggles. too much information. autistics become exhausted by concentrating and using all of their mental effort to filter through and concentrate. now. imagine if all of the televisions suddenly tune in to one single channel, very loudly, and all play the same. suddenly, 'hearing' becomes easier. the channel is clear, or at least 'the message' is. we can tune in and join in. suddenly we appear not to have a problem - this is what it is like for your daughter in the singing lesson, and also, it is a physical experience, AND and emotive one, AND one of expression, free expression. she chooses to participate and can do so without inhibition. you will find that many autistics enjoy loud music, almost ear piercing. even to the point of repetitive playing of the same stanzas. we like to drown out all the other noise with one noise. as for the not concentrating in busy places or becomming overloaded by sound and activity - think of the saying 'it is so loud, it's deafening', but think in terms of INFORMATION. sound is information. we are sensory receptors turned up. tuned up to receive everything. so we will experience things differently. to suggest we are making it up in any way is to a) exhibit a lack of understanding of what we experience b.) exhibit a lack of understanding of autism, and the landscape of the sensory. i would suggest this is normal. often overload and exhaustion can exaccerbate outward 'symtomatic' behaviour. think of putting an extension lead in a plug socket on the wall already overloaded and then adding another appliance. you will end up overheating and blowing a fuse. our nervous systems are highly attuned, we don't need much stimulation to kick us up and off. add to that stress and continued day in, day out demand/attention stimulus and you get a nice recipe for emotional exhaustion there. eventually it will manifest as insomnia, defensive violence - literally, leave me alone' style defense - and then seeking isolation or becoming non-communicative as we shut-down. no. your daughter sounds normal for an autistic. i trust the assessment goes well. i trust the above i have outlined offers some further insight. i am sure others here, will weigh in and offer their support and comments and insight in due course. you can also try the national autistic (nas) site for information and support. f.
  3. you have made no social faux pas, at least as far as i'm concerned. but i am a ferret. i merely balance preciously on that social tightrope high above the social circus ring - yes, i understood you were being metaphorical. no harm done. and believe me, you cannot offend me. nts do being offended. auts, i find, know the difference - side note: i'm detecting an air of trepidation here, a shall make a leaping presumption aut interactions are a rarity. oft is the case with us, so far flung and peaceful are we that encounters with our own are few. ah! don't get me started - or dp for that matter, their poor self will be typing for days... .but saying that, by all means dive in and engage or post any of your thoughts, as many here do, though not everyone answers immediately... *ears prick up* oh dear. that is true irony. *nods* yes, i can imagine. or rather, would prefer not to as it is a minefield. not but recently i had someone suggest they "don't consider me a threat or danger to myself or another person, at the moment". i then recounted to them an incident of an individual, standing at the kerbside complete with mobile phone and coffee-to-go, who proceeded to get into their car, pull out of the car park space at the side of the road and drive up behind my associate's car - i was getting in at the time into the passenger seat - and this joyous individual proceeded to plant their hand on the horn and continously so. we had no where to go. it was a one-way street. and in less than 10 seconds i was safely into the passenger seat and my associate pulled to the junction. cue then us pulling out into traffic, and tootling along.... only then to be roadraged. us swerving to the left hand side and onto the pavement as roadrager accelerated past but veering into our path as an oncoming, equally aggressive driver in a 4x4, swerved at the last minute and braked. roadrager accelerated away along the narrow market town street and disappeared around a bend, brake lights flashing on furiously. .... my statement to the 'helpful' person who had made such a useful and constructive reflection on the fact i might not be a threat, and cared to voice it, was: define danger to another person. so you see, it's all relative at the end of the day... one persons roadrage is anothers autistic meltdown. the difference between the two is who is in the driving seat. f.
  4. polarity *tuts* i'm using finite and dualistic terms again - side note: Deepthought would, no doubt, put salt on my tail for that, and more than likely have extensive thought upon the matter... ah yes, labels. don't we just love them. my personal favourite doing the rounds at the moment is: 'vulnerable person'. still investigating the rather ominous implications of that for all auts from legal standpoints etc etc. vulnerable of course being much like ye old Victorian favourites, 'mad' 'hysterical' and 'lunatic'' *gleeful applause from the crowd* ....and... ah.... gesture of physical contact. how.... nt of you. though polite forms are accepted, and the etiquette acceptable. the connundrum of how one goes about shaking hands with a ferret however, i shall leave up to you to contemplate. f.
  5. greetings... from one to another, one an interesting polarity of thought you have there... that aside, re: running and hiding - better to flee and fight another day, as the saying goes. therefore, wise. side note: most nts i've come across have the coward gene or the ostrich gene which is altogether very different from the oft misconstued peaceful creature gene - so i would be bold and suggest you are being very aut and not nt in the slightest... as for feet, and general treading: one small step for mankind and all that, so go where angels fear. you shall have no objection from me on that front, nor anyone else here i should imagine... centred huh? hmm... or self-aware? the two of course being very different - but please, navel fluff picking in moderation, say i. best done on one's own time but discoveries are always worth sharing if deemed objective (ha!) and constructive *canned laughter* i am ferret, btw. obo others here which do lurk, as is our want as peaceful creature, welcome. until next time... *tips hat in poilite adieu*
  6. Ferret


    and i see another regular bites the dust over at nas. *shakes head, goes back into burrow*
  7. Ferret


    This is where our prognosis differs, milo. agreed. en totale... and 3. and 4. 5. 6. 7 and 8 are accepted. 9. dear milo. i would only add that the fact that it bothers you /not/ to go there, is where my concerns lay. having been a student, for want of a better term, or rather a time served apprentice, of the 'abuse' system, i am maintaining my position that to participate in the nas debacle any further would only 'bother' me. even now, i am co-opted by peerage into a discussion regarding the shortfalls (and pitfalls) of that institution - alas there seems no getting away from the nas and it's decomposition.... what a whiff! touching briefly on your observances - yes, i had been aware (and am aware) that the site has the psychology embedded in it. even now, the offer of 'participating in a vote' is a classic abuse tactic - the pretense of choice, and thus the lure, for the abused to yet again engage and perpetuate the cycle of abuse by willing co-operation in the hope that the outcome will be successful. *heavy sigh* monkey traps. not very sophisticated, still ensnare effectively. i find the nas' approach increasingly exposes the 'indirect accountability' pattern. ie there is no direct accountability, instead there is the fog of faceless bureaucratic piecemeal to achieve the illusion of 'inclusion' and 'consultation' where none exists. one would never be able to get past the parapet, and instead remain in the killing field as those aloft looked down using their arrows in moderation. the nas clearly is using is users to beta-test a system which should already have been tested, and insomuch as carry out a partisan social experiment at the same time. war by attrition. my question would be: was a consultation not already carried out? the answer of course is yes. therefore, why have another one? were the issues being raised by users not already raised? and if the answer is no, which of course it would be, then the next question is WHY. of course, if the answer if yes (issues were raised by users in the consultation process) then again WHY were they not acted upon? either way, yes or no, it highlights a flaw in the consultation process and furthermore, indicates the direction of the cause. UP. upline. to the decision makers.... wherein, of course, the power ultimately lays. all else is illusion. look to the place which cannot be seen... the hidden from view.... moriarty.... meanwhile, i shall enjoy the sun, the fruits of the earth of the garden - very good apples this year! - and i shall remain here, in quieter more peaceful surrounds unencumbered by the hoi-polloi as ever, your faithful sherlock f.
  8. Ferret


    there comes a point when even the most inept individual realises that death is part of life, and that attempting to resuscitate a rotting corpse leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
  9. Ferret


    meaning: joke, humour, inverted insult, use of visual metaphor in contextual terms of: historical sherlock/scientist laboratory and specimen jars, items kept in preservation and care. purpose: to say take care of yourself, and your computer too. don't put too much pressure on yourself. on anothe note: i read through the 'switzerland' posts you made on nas. your logic is sound in all cases. good call. but really, is it the responsibility of users to do the moderators jobs for them, i wonder. this is where my concern is sited. it's all a bit after the horse has bolted, and like we discussed at the beginning of this thread, the medium is the message in that the 'shell' of the nas site now amplifies the energy and distorts it... posters and contributors are now no longer answering questions, the site is no longer an information hub. i won't say what it's become except a reflection of what is.... and i'll leave it there.
  10. Ferret


    milo! methinks you need to put your brain in a pickle jar. does wonders for the grey matter. and that goes for the computer too. as for writing, i often feel that despite ideas being presented in black and white, there is always a shortfall on the receptor end. one's logic can be absolutely pure, but if read by a monkey..... and speaking of monkey-minds - ah, the nas. yes, as i predicted, it's disappearing up with the smoke being blown up the proverbial botty over there; failure, i stated, was inevitable.... one day people will listen to me, ahhh, those will be the days.... order, peace, cats etc etc. it was obvious that the nas was going to fall victim to its decision - nt thinking at work again. i find it hilarious in the extreme that they would 'poll' now on any changes, yet say that the decision ultimately would reside with the mods. laughable. utterly laughable. i feel even more vindicated to have left that slow car crash behind and gone on foot elsewhere... good luck to you though, with your attempts to act as switzerland, but please, don't exhaust yourself; remember that the power is not in your hands to effect change there.... ..... and it's like rats leaving a sinking ship over at nas. another person deactivating their account. i know of several individuals now who have either 'left'' or deactivated entirely. don't blame them. i won't be returning... i think this forum would be a perfect place and alternative for the nas site. it's well structured, easily accessible - though i do find its auto explitive removal tedious in the extreme - bum!!! hopefully a new acorn will result in a tree...
  11. Ferret


    ugh. lost replies. the bane of the online communication process. this communication dimension is fraught with such events. hence i always put pen to paper in the first instance, then type out and save a copy, then 'post' online. the principle and framework of 'real world' dimension i carry over. i only view online dimension as similar to a post box. and we all know the anxieties surrounding putting letters in post boxes, even sticking our hands in the gap to ensure the lette r is 'in there' because we can no longer see it - where does it go?.... - and then wondering what alchemy the royal mail gets up to. i still am fascinated if i ever pass a royal mail delivery man at work with an open post box - gosh, the curiosity, but also the averted gaze slightly, as if one is tresspassing upon some collective privacy: peoples letters! so private. there is something taboo about post boxes... as for online, that is merely energy draining. it is not 'real' or sited in the reality, but rather converted into another form of energy. once lost, it is lost - but of course energy can neither be destroyed nor created, only transferred, so if 'lost', where does it go to? is there a 'lost response' room somewhere in the bowels of the electronic realm, the equivalent of the umbrella room at the lost property kiosk at paddington station....? but no fear. any reply from you is always a pleasure. and i totally understand the 'lost moment' of the response process: through repetition or attempted repetition the energy in the sponteneity and therefore the 'art' of the response, and its act, is lost.... time. it's all about time.... ....until such time we converse again, my very best to you as always f.
  12. my pleasure. that does sound like your son has experienced a typical 'meltdown'. often as autistics when we are struggling to find a solution to a problem we get overloaded and unfortunately we spill over the top. it's not nice for us and unfortunately not nice for those around us. it's just a case of understanding, and sometimes it takes a while for even us to understand our own processes as we just function differently in terms of emotions and how we organise the experiences we have. what appears irrational, is only because what we experience feels irrational to us. it's a just a reflection. we just try to find a logical route through the ilogical and we get frustrated and emotionally distressed as a result. often this manifests in very basic emotions like anger, tears etc etc. we remain, however, peaceful in our intention at all times. we're just afraid of what's going on around us and it's too much information. we are sorry that we can't communicate this to others for them to understand, and equally feel isolated that we are not understood. we then find strategies to minimise the effects of what we perceive to be 'wrong' eg. venturing out to get food from the kitchen when no-one is around. this is because we don't want to hurt others by our words or behaviour. we feel like 'inconvenience'. we are very sad, often, and we lack the ability to communicate this 'state' of mind and being. we do get there in the end, though. yup, this sounds and i see it as 'space-giving'. it's about boundaries. he's needing space and also trying to come up with the best solution for both sides to reduce conflict. resolution of his issues for himself are for him to deal with. obviously this is difficult to 'live with' from your side as you'll feel resentment of the house being treated like a hotel. but of course just bear with it. if it becomes untennable for you as parents, another solution must be sought for the benefit of everyone... as i'm sat here i'm thinking of possible solutions, perhaps if there are financical restrictions on him obtaining a home for himself, perhaps he could explore for himself ways of getting independent living. the nas may help with ideas on this. but obviously it's a case of you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. sooner or later, the solution will present itself. i think you need to give yourselves some reflective time and do what is right for you first, and then the middle ground between where you stop and your son starts will reveal itself. that boundary, for you and your son, is the most important thing, in terms of wellbeing for both sides. all the best. by all means do keep posting, i'm sure others will jump in and reply too. also, if your son wants to chat, here or other forums might be a good idea so he can connect with others like him. ps. here's a little something extra from an independent source that may give yet another perspective... psychologytoday.com/blog/presence-mind/201306/parents-grads-beware-the-enabling-danger-zone
  13. hello i would say that your son should do what he feels is most appropriate for him. i am a great one for having a go, and saying that, i am happy to explore my limitiations, or rather, i am happy to explore my world and take my limitations with me, so to speak. i do not see any reason why an examining board should not be able to make special consideration during an exam for the element of dsypraxia. examination boards make special consideration for people who are disabled, giving them extra time to complete. i would say this: that is it not how fast you are able to complete a task that is important, but rather, how well you complete a task and how well you understand it at the end of the day. a task undertaken with consideration and deliberation, and most importantly, with the wider context of application in mind, then that is BETTER. that is a craftsman's approach. and approach is everything. it takes several months to make a samurai sword. many times the making has to be abandoned, and restarted. this is not failure on the part of the maker, but rather part of the process. that is the nature of art. i think that if any course cannot accommodate the idea of special consideration then it is the wrong course. but i do not think that your son should abandon his ideas purely because one course cannot accommodate him. my best wishes to your son.
  14. hello woodlarker i am autistic. the following is my opinion, my perspective. please take what you find useful and discard or ignore the rest. without knowing the details of what triggered the disagreement, i cannot fully apply my autistic problem solving mind to the issue and identify perhaps where the conflict is - saying that, of course i would only have your side of it, but then i'd have to hazard a best guestimate as to your son's position. in all things, there are two sides to any dispute, disagreement or otherwise.... saying that, i can explore what you have outlined. there are two main areas that jump out. your son has returned from uni with a degree back into homelife. at uni, he no doubt explored independence and achieved self worth and self esteem for himself by completion of a degree. that validation on top, externally, by examiners to say "yes, you are x good enough" (x being the value of achievement in degree terms 2.2, 2.1, 1.1) will of course be an added perspective for him to reflect upon.... your son returns home..... why? why is he home? has he no-where else to go? can he not achieve employment? does he have to rely on you? has he failed in some way? now to your side..... your son goes away to uni and returns with a degree qualifcation after three years of intensive study and has to return to the family home, back into his bedroom, his childhood bedroom, because he ????? .......... <---and here is the gap in the information. NO, you do not have to tell me, these comments are only to aid reflection.... are you behaving in old patterns towards a now adult individual whom you previously treated only as a 'child'?<---YES, he is still your child, he always will be. flare ups do not mean that he doesn't love you. BUT, parents can be just as troublesome as teenagers can be for parents. often, for autistics, getting our message across can be a fraught business, even at the best of times, even with professionals we have to fight tooth and nail sometimes...... so he can't wait to leave...... why? what is stopping him from leaving now? <----this i think is the real issue here. the problem he can't solve or feels inadequate about. and potentially that subconscious inadequacy is being reinforced, not on purpose, not with intention by you, but that is what is happening in a broader sense. so he wants to leave. that's his intention. he wants independence again.... why? what has taken that sense of independence away???? he is still the same person with a degree who has achieved but..... ?????? where did the sense of self empowerment go? where did the adult go? why is there suddenly a child again in its place????? i think neither your son nor yourselves as parents are deliberately creating this conflict situation. it is, as always with everything, a matter of communication and miscommunication, and listening and understanding perspectives. it's about roles, adult, child, parent. it's about who we are in any given situation. if your son just wants to stew in his bedroom and eat cornflakes, and you are happy to give your son what he needs and support him with a roof over his head and a safe space until he can work things out for himself, then why not just do that? why not just do the bear minimum? why not ask his permission if you want to do something for him, ask him: what do you need? we would like to help. and of course that help must be unconditional. if it comes with: you do this and do as your told because you are in our house our rules etc. etc. then that's just treating someone like a child and you need to ask yourself: would you do that to a friend who was in distress? as you can see, there are perhaps too many variables in the mix for me to be able to give an accurate reflection or analytical perspective on this. however, i will say that from personal experience of situations of major conflict with my parents over the years, it is often the case that best intention is always there, on both sides. a desperate need in the autistic to reconcile who they are with need to please the parent, and a desperate need in the parents to give to their child (any solution, even food) in order for their child to be happy. i hope the above does in some way provide even a tiny bit of information useful, if not, my apologies.
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