KateBall

Its weird isn't it. They always want to say that it was the parent who had this or that concern when in the first place it was one of the professionals. This happened to me. The SALT put in her report about my ds that because of my concerns I asked for a dx and the way she put it made me sound neurotic. It was in fact the head of SALT who asked me if I would like a dx because of the way my ds was behaving and concerns had only come about because of issues raised by HV etc. But why do they always want the parent to be the one who raises concerns as if we are some sort of neurotic body of "concerned" parents? If you are not happy with the report then I suggest you write to the psych and place on record your objections to the inaccuracies in it. When I did this my SALT re-did her report. I wasn't going to have her inaccurate report on record.

Seems I'm C**p at this too

? ?

jlp you could have been talking about an almost exact same situation I am in and have been for some 4 years. I've desperately tried to ignore the mother concerned. It's been a bit easier to do this now that ds travels to and from school on the bus and I don't have to go to the place. I am still well aware though how this other parent has spoken unjustly about my ds to the others. It makes me paranoid too and I just can't face any of them easily. I know they have been got at as I've heard the things they've said as a result. I used to be a bit paranoid about the attitude of school too until I mentioned this parents awful comments and one of the staff told me that she was a "nasty piece of work". That really made me feel better because I knew at least that someone was on my ds's side. I can only suggest that you try and take comfort from the support you get from the teacher and hopefully head teacher and make it clear to them whats going on and see if they can help in any way by taking the opportunity to speak to other parents when issues arise. They would hopefully be able to diffuse situations and make other parents realise the truth of the matter. I can't see any purpose in tackling the other mother yourself - unless you think she might all of a sudden turn into a reasonable, rational, apologetic, humble, helpful, kind and understanding person - Nope didn't think so! My school told me that they can't control parents behaviours and would not speak to them. They could only speak to the children in school and hope that the message got through at home too. Problem was they would do that and then the beastly parent would undo it all by her prejudicial comments. It's a very difficult and upsetting situation and I really do know how you feel. Speak to the HT and T about it though - you will hopefully find support there as I did. <'>

Homeward Bound - about 2 dogs and a cat finding their owners and Sophie's Choice - Meryl Streep

That is good isn't it?

Yay - Im Beaker too!

Well my dd (nt) always says I'm a muppet so I suppose I must be. But I'm confused - where does it say this officially? And how did they know?

Fascinating - I was INFP and on reading career choices it listed all the ones I always wanted to do but didn't but not the one I did and hated. Very accurate.

Both I and my dd spot autie moments now and I desperately want to help if I can but it really makes me feel proud when I see either they or family coping despite it all. And it makes me feel part of a very elite - very special club.

Is there a difference between ODD (oppositional defiancy disorder) and PDA?

My dd (nt) came across this attitude at uni when during a lecture (to do with social sciences of some sort) they discussed whether adhd / add was a genuine condition. Others in her group said it wasn't and said it was just down to bad parenting. She soon put them right. But its incredible that these peeps as young as they are with no personal experience can be so bigoted. Its at times like this I wish I could come up with some really hard hitting sarcastic one liner that puts them down and makes them realise what pill**ks they are. Hope you can come up with something if you have to work with her again and she goes on.

Thanks everyone. Well we told ds yesterday. He didn't cry but very nearly did - he seemed very shocked. Then he said he wanted to go to the funeral and see the coffin - we didn't even suggest he should go at all he just said it out of the blue. Anyway we explained he couldn't go and he readily accepted this so I think he didn't really want to go at all - was a sort of anxious enquiring gut reaction thing he said. I think he seems quite relieved he's not going. Just recently I had to go out for the day and it meant he'd not see me til the evening and he refused to let me go and made a big fuss for several days. This time though he has immediately accepted he's not coming eventhough we are going away overnight, so I suspect he was worried about the idea of going so I know we've made the right decision. Its so difficult to know what's going on in his mind. He just can't easily verbalise his anxieties - he will never talk about them. Tonight he said to daddy - again out of the blue - "I'm going to miss Granny B. But these things happen you know" Balloons seem a nice idea too - might try that.

Yep we do have similar issues. My ds will refuse to do work but I think the school seem to handle it fairly well. They give him no option but to do it by consequences if he doesn't - eg to miss out on special times such as choosing or golden time. I's sure sometimes it works and sometimes not. They will also give him treats if he does do work such as being able to do his own stuff for a short time - eg computer game or lego. They have a picture book showing scenarios and consequences - good as well as bad. The class teacher sends home the odd bit of homework but I know they don't expect me to make him do it as they know he may prove difficult and that just makes home life even more difficult. I think they just send it home in the hope he might and then its a bonus if he does. I asked him tonight if he had any homework to do and he said "no I because I said I didn't want any"!

Thanks for that Allie. Tree planting sounds a brilliant idea. Or actually maybe a rose because I remember now she loved her roses in her garden. Thanks so much - you've given me the answer I think.

Somerset - cider country

These replies have been really helpful. I'm so wrapped up in trying to avoid the need for him to go but some have mentioned trying to mark the end of granny's life for my ds too and of course I should. So that is what I am going to do. We will plan something for my ds to do to remember her by - perhaps we'll go somewhere we all went together or something like that. Otherwise it just feels like we're excluding him and that's not right.

Hi Karen - yes you're right - mother in law. She was very elderly (dh is quite a bit older than me) and so ds will not I hope find it too difficult to understand. Dh is away sorting out all the arrangements at the moment and wants to tell ds himself when he comes home. But I understand what you mean about picking up on things and I have a feeling he realises something is wrong/different. I'll hang on for long as I can but may need to tell him myself. Especially as he is off school at the moment too cos he's got spots (Dr says its not chicken pox) and a cold. God I've had a stressful few days. Had to drive DH to mothers house in time for him to be there with her when she died (3 hours away) then get the train back cos dh needed the car and he can't drive long distances but I had to be back for ds home from school. School rang me on the way down to say could I pick ds up cos he was ill. Managed to get my dd to collect him (she was an hour away). On the way down trying to sort everything out on phone and use the loos in the service station and left my car keys on the hook on the back of the door. Couldn't remember which loo it was so had to wait for everyone to come out in turn to go in and check each loo. I think they thought I was mad. Thankfully some kind person had found them and handed them in. Now its my birthday today and instead of going to lunch with my friend I'm all alone apart from a marauding so called sick (or at least spotty and sniffy) child! Still we mustn't feel sorry for ourselves must we - got to count our blessings!! No really I'm having quite a peaceful day after recent events.

So cute but what on earth are they doing there?

Thanks everyone. Yes I think I've made the right decision not to have him there. His dad may get upset and he would probably find that very strange to see. I'm 100% now he shouldn't go - there was just a little doubt in my mind in case I was being unduly protective and you've all made it clearer to me. We will sit him down later in the week and explain things so unless he really objects to not going - and even if he does - then we'll try and come up with something else for him to do. Thanks again.

Is it a catkin tree?

Great - that's 4 of us. Anyone else?

I've got a bit of a dilema. Ds is 9 - communication disorder - autistic traits, gets anxious, asks lots of questions etc. Granny has died and funeral is next week. She lived quite a distance away and as a result ds hadn't seen her for some time (I'm talking years) but even so had spoken to her on telephone. At the moment he thinks she is ill - we are going to tell him soon - and he's been asking after her - how she is etc. My dilema is about taking him to the funeral (its going to be really difficult not to as I don't have anyone at home who can look after him overnight). I'm not sure I want him there - because he might ask questions, say silly things, be fidgety etc but more to the point I don't want to make him suffer any undue anxiety. I think I've made my mind up about him not going - just not sure how to make arrangements but I'll have to work it out - but I wondered whether any of you think I'm worrying unduly.

Oh and by the way - the problem only came about because we treated the cat. The fleas jumped off him and only had the furnishings and floor to go to and then onto me.

We have cats and in the summer we had a real problem with fleas. I get bitten by them terrible and react with big red blotches etc. Drove me mad. In the end I had to steam everywhere - that helped quite a bit. Then we put rugs and sofa cushions outside overnight - so the cold would kill them. Possibly that worked to some extent. But the biggest and best thing of all was the stuff I bought in an outdoor activity shop - jungle strength. It came in spray form to ward off the fleas and roll on to soothe the bites. Absolutely did the trick. Sprayed the furniture as well as me. NB the cat flea spray you get in pet shops or supermarkets did no good at all. Only get the jungle formula stuff which you can get in varying strengths. I think I used the mid one - not the most extreme. Not sure how it might affect your son if you sprayed it on him - but try spraying it on seating and carpets in particular.