allsetuk

i too tried the naughty step with my son but it was like a red rag to a bull, he went berserk got more violent and it just made thngs worse if i say anything in the way of correctional ...he accuses me of being mean, slams doors, hits my foot, or tries to destroy something of mine that he knows i like . . .i have no clue, i say please go to your bedroom but he wont go in his bedroom alone he says it scares him , everything scares him, if i shout i scare him, he gets violent with the doors or slams them or bangs them or throws things at them , i live in a rented house so i cant have that ...in those moments ..hes out of control he screams too

i approached my landlord they said they had evaluated and it should have been 800 but they were willing to reduce it for a long term tennant sent in a letter to HB saying that im a postgrad student and i dont have any income ...what a mess ..i m really trying not to lose the plot.

Son breaks up for summer holiday tomorrow which im so scared about, I dont know about anyone else , but im struggling to make ends meet, ive cut back or stopped altogether over the last three months on every luxury like dvd rentals, organic fruit and veg for my son, hardly use my car except for driving my son to school, yet im absolutly penniless. Can hardly afford food for me so im going without for my son to have what he needs foodwise as well as pay the bills in the house. Im doing a post grad MA course for which i won a bursury which paid the university directly for the course fees and a small travel bursury to attend the course as its a 60 miles round trip to get there. last week housing benefit wrote to me and say that they are suspending my HB becuuse I cant claim as a student and they didnt know I was a student .. everyone knew, my council tax exemption say i was a student, my lone parent advisor was fully consulted about it and the Rent service without even lookin at my house they said it was only worth 525 a month and my rent is 700 ..i appealed and they still said the same .....i asked them to release their figures as i printed off evidence showing..in my city you cannot rent a 2 bed house for less than 700, actually now 750 for a 2 bed flat... ...maybe 7 miles out in a village it would be 600 ......but they rejected my appeal ..leaving me 200 short on HB a month my HB comes in weekly amounts which i use to pay all my Direct Debit bills , and i use my child tax credits with a bit of DLA to pay the rent now without any HB ive gone over my overdraft , bills are coming out left right and centre and im scared to death about what they are doing .....surely they shouldnt be able to do this to vunerable families . Ive no where to turn

hi bike mad sounds like our boys are really similar as ive notice you comment on a couple of my comments about same behaviour. HI liz K and thanks for reply , my son was diagnosed last year january since then we have seen the department once at my request just to feel like someone wanted to discuss it and now he has been discharged ???????? as in their words he is progressing as you would think he would so i have had no help whats so ever .... i see my local cahms unit by myself to talk about his behaviour but not with my son What would a OT assessment do ?

mine does this constantly , throws himself violently against sofa, banging, climbing,jumping, no matter how many time i say stop, he says whoops sorry i forgot then 30 second later does the same .... why ? i dont understand ? from morning to night

my asd son is very musical , he goes to a private school which i use his dla for, and i am completly broke ....he does very well but there is no way i can risk taking him out,becuase he cant cope with any kind of change and new children ... but with him already being in there im not sure the lea would help me .. ..nursery and reception were awful where basically i was drawn in every day becuase of his disruptive behaviour and i felt sure i would ask us to leave, but my son suddenly started responding well to the rules and set timetable of year one and i think he has done really well ....i literally am on my knees trying to afford it though

my son is just 6 and the loss of structure from school on a weekend never mind holidays is a problem.He is so hyper yet seems to want calm hiding in a blanket or a den. He is already fixating on the timetables and structure and worrying about setting tv reminders as if to provide his own shedule,for the summer, i have drawn a huge HOME PLAN ...a guide to the day , where he can check what he can do, He seems to really like the idea. Ive allowed plenty of BLANKET TIME. . but im not sure how it will work, with most things he like them for a day or two then it evolves into something else. i have to be 20 paces ahead mentally all the time ...which i cant always do Im dreading it

if you go to the website special needs toys i think you can see them on there, they do look really what our children would need and love

JSMUM I am on my own too, every day all day and like you I find it hard to mix with others ..NO one understands what I have to deal with with my son apart from my local CAHMS therapist who I go to see every month ....on my own to discuss my sons behavior. She helps me understand what im doing right and how he is perceiving things...i find it an enormous help ...she is the only person in the world who reminds that im a great mum and makes me believe in what im doing even though 90 percent of the time im mentally beating myself up that im no good m ive got it wrong etc .....no two days are ever the same, but yet i am completly controlled by my 6 year old with routines, timetables, fixation , repetition and my patience is constantly pushed to extreme limits ..I think this forum is invaluable for providing help and support on dark days and proud moments....

my son was diagnosed in jan 2007 , I am still waiting for Social Services to give me this so called "Legal right to an assessment" When i called them recently they were cagey unhelpful and secretive and basically demanded to know where i got their number from. I had been given a leaflet by my local CAHMS centre and the number was on there. I told her i had a leaflet and i had also emailed through the local government website and told them my situation and they had given me this number . I also asked about direct payments .The woman was so rude and unhelpful ....not offering any help or information and basically said i had the wrong number then accused me of being negative ...i said how dare she ..i had rung up following an instruction to ring this number and ask for assessment for my family and she wouldnt tell me anything , choosing instead to be very silent and not forthcoming with anything helpful and i did not have insider information on what every department does. I have heard nothing ..this was 6 weeks ago. It was an ordeal

i called my local Direct Payment people/ office of SS, I cant tell you how cagey and secretive they were. It was how have you got this number, who gave you it. Why did they give it to you .... I couldnt beleive my ears. She kept saying what is it you are looking for exactly ? I was like look missy, ive been given this number as where i need to start to pursue direct payments. My son gets DLA and his therapist said to look into Direct paymets because i have not one iota of help and im struggling.. and i got an email telling me this was the number i needed The people I rang were awful ...eventually after giving the woman who answered a piece of my mind her tune changed and it was the right departement, I had to ask for a carers assessment and childs assessment...but ive not heard a word since ....what a system ...i really feel so passionatly for everyone that is getting doors slammed in their faces..everywhere they turn

Dont leave ...I know it probably feels like sometimes people are not listening on hear or are making judgement but dont for one minute think what your doing is easy and that you should have all the answers .There are times when i could cry for days , from physical and mental exhaustion and it helps so much to know others are in the same boat, you have always made me feel like I am not alone and you are nearly aways the first to respond to me when ive had a rough ride. More than most on here you have written about J in a really similar way to my son M and its sounds to me like you have carefully thought and tried to anticipate everything in terms of how best to handle things. I hope you feel better ...non of us are perfect ...try not to be so hard on yourself ....i know thats super hard but everyday just say you know what I am a good mum ......cos from what you write on hear you seem to be to me !! <'>

my son is like this too...has no clue about time ...and if i say hurry up or we have to ...he gets really worked up and hides in a blanket. im not the most patient of people and i find it really hard to get him to listen on any level ...im exhausted trying actually, everything seems to be about him controlling me , doing the opposite of what i say and the rest of the world thinking im a bad parent who doesnt exercise enough discipline !!

is there any chance you could involve your local MP / News paper ? and tell them of your difficultys , Im so sick of hearing about how we are all getting doors slammed in our faces over resources we are meant to be able to access Stay Strong

I was just wondering could anyone advise..my son was only awarded the lower rate mobility ..but i take real issue with this , everywhere we go is either at hyperspeed with no regard to roads, danger, he is constantly tripping up and falling and constantly distracted, there is no talking to him and he doesnt listen, his school is far enough away that we cant walk and even if we did what should take 20 mins would take an hour. as if the mood takes him he will just lie down and say his tummy hurts but how can i get dla to listen to me when they say its only if someon cant walk 50 metres or whatever it is .... any suggestions

ive had so many of these comments, its unreal, another one last week was ..the traits you describe sounds like living with a man....i try to laugh it off but my 6 yr old who was diagnosed as severe ASD probably aspergers and ADHD traits one half years ago seems to have mastered the ability to try hide or deflect his irrational fears anxiety onto other people, by changing the subject etc.....especially at school im really sick of my grandparents saying that he is a show off becuase he gets very embarrassed at their house and hides under the table alot, and talks a lot of kind of burbled nonsense so they shout at my son...telling him to stop messing about, i printed some sheets off the internet that was explaining in grandparents terminology what aspergers is and answers questions like "will he/she grow out of it" "the child is naughty and has irrational fears , is it just bad parenting" countless time ive been told he is just very intelligent,he will grow out of it, hes a handsome boy, he looks fine....he needs to be kept busy oh and the classic ...that i have had a lot of this year ....He needs a father !! Yes I am one of those dreaded single parents ...pariah of the current society ...just got a joint honours degree and won a scholarship to do a masters

everyone used to joke did i just feed him coca cola when he was younger cos he was so all over the place at lightening speed. he is allowed one glass of lemonda per school holiday and one macdonalds, the rest of the time he is on organic food and pure organic apple juice etc...ive been trying to be additive free for a long time. Makes no difference from what I can see. Becuase he is a rule follower, he thinks anything like nuggets, burgers etc is junk and wont eat it ...only likes salad, veg , pasta , do u think maybe other people dont notice all the little things, noises, etc like we do cos we have to live with it.

HI everyone, just been away for a week with another family from my son's school. This was the first time that we had attempted this and i have to say i was really surprised at how well it went, my son is one of these classic "pretenders" goes to school and for now does well (his six next month) , didnt do great the first two years of school was always in trouble and was all over the place but seems to have settled into the rules and regulations and responds well to the strict routine. anyway these friends offered to drive and i organised the cottage, 2 cottages near each other so that we had our own space on evening. My son amazed me, for the most part he was able to snap out of his most extreme oddities when the other childs father demanded it (which he did frequently, no silly noises, sitting sensibly at the table etc ) all demands that i make of him alot and yet he managed to behave accordingly in front of the other family where as normally he spends his time walloping me if i say anything he doesnt like but the minute we were away from them he did his usual , he always has be sat on me, with me , round me, on me, and its like he cant listen, he cant hear me but i know he can...He chases me round whereveer i am saying "huggy huggy" over and over and over and over and i mean all the time. ALL the time! its really stressful. Does anyone else's children crave the parent this in a similar way and what can you do about it. Is it a sensitivity issue. my son doesnt sleep properly unless under a weighted blanket and im just wondering how to address his behaviour with me. Im quite strict but he seems to be in one of these phases where he will almost do the opposite of what i say just to be akward. He constantly talks about poo and wee infront of other people and when he meets new people he dives in cupboards or tries to grab me shouting boobies boobies or blowing rasberrys in my face and laughs and runs off, i have no clue what to do about it.....when he was younger he used to shove his head under my jumper all over the place Whilst the trip went well it just left me wide open to a mass of "your son just needs a man" kind of comments or "hes playing you for a fool" becuase of his ability to snap out of the "silliness " or "showing off " as everyone else sees it when it was demanded of him. Its really hard to contend with this ....just wondered if you had any pearls of wisdom.....

my son is on Veg epa, i put him on it last july and it kicked in around september for the new term, ive noticed a massive difference, he has aspergers and adhd issues and every day through nursery , reception, i got pullled in, they said they couldnt communicate, he was a law unto himself, he was naughty etc. now he does his work in a micro flash and ive only been told once since september that she had to repeatedly ask him to do something, (one week when he didnt have his fish oils ) his concentration is amazing at school not at home and he has really really excelled in class, i liked these cos you can massage them into the skin when they are asleep...and my boy has a phobia about medicines

my waters broke at 9, my son shot out too at 3 am, i had been left to my own devices at midnight and told i would be checked again at 6am ! if it was not for my wonderful friend who herself had had 4 babies with me, who told the midwifes i was about to drop ...i dont know what i would have done. i was walking around as they said i was too relaxed and could go and use the toilet up the corridor....within seconds he came , and the cord was around his neck ... he also got pneumonia aged 2 , and his temperature was way up and above 40 for a few days after the local hospital sent me home 3 times one week saying just give him calpol, i went to my doctors twice in one day and my son lay on the floor in the doctors room, they still sent me home, it was only went he went blue and shook and was violently sick and that still they made me drive him to the hospital at one am in the morning and an elderly doctor finally admitted him, and yes it was severe pneumonia. it was an awful experience, i have italian friends who straight away said this caused his asd, i always thought it was genetic. interesting thread

i cant get it becuase im a postgrad student. This means somehow i am not a carer!

Hi suzy and well done for going to meet him and chatting for so long, really well done, I know from my own similar experience this is really hard. try not to worry although i know its super hard. maybe have a list in your pocket of topics, and then that can trigger your thoughts if you get stuck D x

it was made my fulcrum tv, maybe contact them and ask if its available

15 minute film on now on the community channel a mum with son with autism, a serious of snapshots and a mum talking about her life with her son from birth to adulthood, really great little programme for showing others how it is for life with autism. i wish we could get it, it encapsulates everything we all feel

I am trying myself to implement zero tolerance , i have even got lots of little cards that show NO hitting, No Smacking and they are in a little booklet called BAD CHOICEs....but im getting no where,ive taken away all my sons tv channels, the computer is a motivationfor being good but he still wallops me every time i or anyone else says something he doesnt like, he comes home from school and is so difficult to handle, i cant really cope. He gets really angry and then gets more cross at himself saying he is rubbish and i hate him. Ive no clue how to stop it