allsetuk

just out of interest have you had any behaviour throwback from him trying hard at school all day , mines been hiding naked on the sofa in a den all evening since school finished

your post brought tears to my eyes as thats how i have felt this past week, my son was off school for a full week ill before half term and then last week it was half term , being one to one with them is so exhausting and especially when its just you and no help , im in the same boat ...and many a night last week i burst into tears, i couldnt get him into bed on an evening and he spent the whole week physcially sat on me , my shadow i think someone described it as on here ....if i told him i needed some space he took it so personally and got really upset even if i just said i didnt want a hug for the 100 time that hour ...over and over and over ...its so hard to keep your sanity and i was so glad to see him go into school today .....it doesnt mean you love them any less, its just realistic that we all need our space and time to regroup xxx hope it gets better this week

can anyone tell me who is the best person to get to fill in the dla form ...as in which specialist /therapist etc ..i presume they contact the school anyway from what i am reading Di

oh and the constant humming , rasberry noises , laaaaa hummming too ...and repeated conversation over and over and over ...

im totally with you donna ...totally...im exhausted to breaking point, my son was off school 7 days before the half term, with a horrible flu so we had no sleep for a week ...of course this week has been half term and he wont do anything that doesnt involve sitting with me /on me, physically attached to me from 7am to bedtime.......he keeps talking all the time in this wierd voice and if i say the slightest thing he doesnt agree with he hits me for saying something horrible, i could say please could you play with your toys ive put out for you ..he runs and hides under the sofa cushions saying ive been horrible to him ..every single minute he says huggie ..huggie ...just wants sensory comfort of every second of every hour ...i love my son so much by i cant stand this attachment ...if i sit on the computer he puts his face next to mine or sits behind me and wrings my neck ..no matter how much i play with him its never enough...sigh sigh sigh ...so weary ...so fed up ...got to go..being strangled and licked aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

i totally understand, i am a single parent so whilst i dont have a partner to consider ,i can see easily what a massive strain this could be ...my son is very very good at school and it has been observed he is making a massive effort, the consequence of this is as soon as school is over the throw back is phenomenal, he has to do everything attached by my side, he has to constantly be attached to me phsycally and always controlling me.......yet hyper, cannot sit still , leaping around the room and removing all his clothes.Wont do anything that is asked of him and writhes in pain if his dinner is not presented when he gets in..... are there any external resources you can tap into, locally maybe something they could go and do together? to take the focus out of the difficult situation at home best wishes .d

ok i am going to scream ....i am so on edge i dont know wether to laugh or cry, im really struggling to cope - i kinda of feel like doing both laughing and crying ... having such a bad day in fact bad fortnight...DD wont leave me alone, not for a second ...hes being doing this all week and last week and its getting worse, i cant sit on a chair without him sitting on me, or behind me or wrapped round me in some way, he has to be physically attached or touching me all the time, if he sits behind me he hugs my neck , so hard i cant breath ...then he realises after i say please stop ....and he is like oh sorry , then literally 5 seconds later drifts back into his own world and does it over and over and over and over and over .....i must be saying like 200 times , please can you not do this ...or please dont - he is constantly trying to put his feet or hands up my jumper as crazy as this sounds ...he wants to sit and watch tv ..well not sit..... fidgit for five seconds ...if i walk out the room , he comes, he wants to sit on the cooker if i am cooking !!!!! he wants to do everything one inch away .....i cant escape and im getting totaly overwhelmed ...i cant get any activity up and running as everything i suggest he says he isnt good enough to do it , so can i do it for him .......

got a magnetic reward chart from early learning today 6 pound ..not bad !! and you can write on it what goals you want to achieve ..

i wonder if i could work his obsession with me into this lol!! does anyone know is there a list of all that you should/could apply for to help you out benefits wise..a definative list for a single parent, ive read somewhere about the disabled tax credit premium but that its being phased out. gosh it all seems so scary right now , not have i only got DS to contend with (see I used some jargon !!!) but all the DLA stuff to deal with too...i can see why people are put off doing it the form is hideous...

i think ive had this forum on from 7am till 11pm the last few days every day as i try to get my head around everything i have to get on with ...all this and im trying to finish my degree thats going out the window LOL

this topic is scary , my son has just been diagnosed and i have to apply ...i cant beleive the contradiction you all face and everyone gets something different ....the more i see the more disgusted i am with the whole system ...ive got the form...but goodness what a nightmare....hope i can get it right!! good luck to everyone

good thinking maybe i could try it , he isnt really interested in tv though ....and sitting still is a no no ...he definatly has obsessions and i think im the latest lol!! along with the running order of the backyardigans of course - its not just italy , he has known (as in recognised )the difference and attempted to speak french and spanish since he could talk ..

again thank you for your feedback i am really grateful , i know i am not alone, even if it is just through cyber space i can connect with others at the moment ...Cmuir. interesting what you say about ignoring - i have found that threatening to withdraw things seem to mean nothing ...or make things much worse....he thinks nothing of wacking me if i say something in a tone he thinks is not Kind at all times and despite repeatedly telling him its not right like for past 2 years he isnt getting it........yet he seems aware that out of the home he cannot do this, until he gets with the boys from school who are all totally into rough play ..... he actually likes watching programmes like nanny 911 etc ..and really enjoys saying how bad the children are and when they are doing things right or wrong , yet cant apply to himself......ive tried many charts happy or sad over the years but after about 4-6 weeks they dont mean much ..to him so they have to be readapted ..has tons of energy and if i leave the room he follows, if i sit at the computer he sits on me , if i sit on chair he sits on me , everything from going to the bathroom to sleeping he has to be tucked up close , he is so dependant ....and gets mad if i try to get a bit of personal space ...he begs for "huggies " CONSTANTLY and i love him but my goodness do i feel smothered ... The only time i ever see him happy is when we are away from england , everything seems to interest him more..the scenery in italy ,rome especially , he LOVES it .....the language the noise seems to really interest him, he repeats and mimics languages and loves the smiles and interaction from people as opposed to the frowns and growls in UK .... Best wishes to you all D

thanks so much for all your input - i found the jargon buster ..sorry i didnt spot it - im so tired that i am in fairy land most of the time ..had my son off school sick for past week and half and now its half term so its a bit full on. my freind in the US her daughter has just completed therapy degree she made this suggestion for encouraging good behaviour an incentive plan. Beth says autistic children do well with this, When he does something well he gets something in his hand or jar, like a poker chip, you'd have to always carry them with you though, and if he does not do well a chip is taken away. then after a specific time the chips get turned in for something he wants. she explained it as they need immediate gratification. the only thing about this that bothers me is the taking away i know with my son , pointing out his failings have a terrible effect on him, make things worse

oh thank god, i didnt realise they didnt like to be reminded of social failings and ive tried at length to talk to my son about his agression towards me, but he says no no no i dont want to hear bad stuff , or goes and hides crys and beats him self up mentally that he has been horrible to me........ he went to a party at xmas where all the children were being very aggressive and rough..ever since he as been a changed boy channeling constant rough play towards me at all times,all day..... if i use what he considers to be the wrong tone , or say something that he thinks isnt nice even though its totally normal he over reacts and hits me , scratches me , attacks me....ive NO clue how to handle it...

really enjoying having somewhere to check into everyday ...and see what you are all going through as well....i am bowled over...more with where the hell do i go from here and coping in general , things seem to be getting harder and im getting more isolated ...i cant understand why being in my house is becoming such a horrible experience for my son, its like he is totally manic,attacking me all the time all day long unless i spend every waking second attached to him ....its like extreme boredom ..but ive not a clue how to occupy him as he cant sit still to do anything i give him to , thats fun like arts and crafts .. took him to the deep aquarium today, he went round it in 8minutes flat ...but still managed to tell me everything he had seen ... madness !!!

they have a local mini martial arts class for 4-7 mostly fun not too serious here, but sadly my son spent the entire time running around or hiding under a chair so he is seen as disruptive and the other mums frown at me..when 9 little ones are sitting nicely and mine is climbing or hiding...it makes is akward- he only joins in for the competitive stuff when he thought he could beat every one or get major attention from the master. I dont know wether its detrimental to keep him in but he says he enjoys it

hi everyone and thanks so much for the reply , its so great to hear other perspectives, I am a single parent with VERY little in the way of support or help. I am amazed at the response i have seen in my best friend and family who all seem to think somehow that not having a dad around in my sons life has caused this or that i am somehow not hard enough on him or I have not been consistant enough. There are many things i read here that i associate with,I have done charts since he was 2 and i have had to reorganise , change them after a couple of months as they stop having an affect. I need to get hold of a big visual chart i think by the sounds ...my goodness JSmum u sound really really organised My son too is obsessed with me dying and always asks and has done for about a year, where would he go if something happened to me....he seems emotionless though in some respects and is more bothered about the literal "who would drive me to where i am going to live if you are not here anymore??" He asks me these questions alot, especially in bed when we are reading ....he acts as if he is totally obsessed with me but not anyone else.He is my shadow day and night . He cannot sleep alone he requires bear hugging all the time to feel safe, he is scared of dark so much. I feel there is a lot of complex technical jargon and medical information that if i wasnt clued up (by reading websites and talking to people ) and I see you all talk in code on here . DX, DS,IEP, SENCO etc ... i dont know what half these mean but ill fathom it out. My son has done very well at disguising his behaviour in certain situation ,i think becuase he is very verbal he can deflect and be devious to cope with things he cant get his head around and this could easily be overlooked if you didnt live with him. Luckily goes to a good school full time where he is in a small class of 15 with strict rules and he has flourished here after the first term of drama and whilst has been a challenge to teach he seems to have connected well with his teacher who was his nursery teacher too, she moved up with him into Reception Class so he has been there since 3.5. She even came with me to the case assessment and took an afternoon off school to support me. The hospital said i had done an amazing job with him and make it look very easy but they are fully aware that it is not easy...... just my "normality" because i have always been on my own with him. I have very little in the way of family but what i do have is some elderly grandparents who have always insisted my son is just naughty and a show off (when he spends half or more of the visit hiding behind the table/sofa or chair because they have told him he is an idiot !) and that i am not hard enough on him........which in the past i have been but i soon realised the naughty step did nothing but affect his self esteem , also if i touch him ..ie. to move him away from me , he gets very violent and this make things ten times worse and the friends i have told have had an odd reaction and i wondered if anyone else had experienced this? ........people seem almost getting cross that somehow my son has been pigeon holed as a high functioning autistic at a young age and that labelling children is totally wrong. My best freind who is a teacher says that there is nothing wrong with him from what she can see, and does not recognise it at all saying autism should not be diagnosed until they are 8 ...this is what she wrote to me "like are we supposed to think hans aspergers is a genious for suggesting that we bolt shelves to the wall and put cupboard locks in our houses?Well My kids also climb the sofa as do all other kids who come to my house, including those who are older than Your son. They all hate scratchy labels, tight head holes, itchy patterns on the inside of t-shirts, love routine, need bribery to get their hair cut, etc. etc. As for boys whacking each other, this is what they have been created to do, fight for a princess, fight for their country, defend their livlihood, they're BOYS." ..........i feel totally bemused and confused by her reaction I thought surely isnt it better to help him now with social stories and understanding. im feeling fragile after all this external negativity..

thanks ...althought right now i am not even sure where to go for help or what i am meant to get ...i was given a reading list and told that was it !! contacted a local group they said they were not even running as not enough members

i would really appreciate any help or advice on coping strategy with a 4.5 year old severe aspergers boy, i am a single parent and i am totally dedicated but i am finding him increasingly difficult, i love my son and have isolated myself from everyone in order to just make it through the weeks . he was banned from friends houses many years ago because he is so busy and full on.he has just displayed odd behaviour since he could crawl i always knew but thought it was my normality and i have remained as upbeat as possible.......He was just diagnoses 2 weeks ago after 2 years of video assessments, reporting , diary keeping , note taking with sever aspergers, add and sleep disorder. I have had this huge news told to me and given a reading list !!!! and left to get on with it ...im not sure where to go from here. I cannot raise my voice without him saying do not speak to me like that over any kind of matter, he argues and disagrees with everything and has a literal response to absolutly everything..... i cannot seem to get through to him that he doesnt need to do everything from morning to night one inch away from my face, or on my knee, he follows me everywhere.......he is totally over aggressive having to bear hug me all the time , punches , kicks and generally leaps on me all the time, sometimes for fun. And just doesnt seem to respond to mummy being upset, he is very bright and clever and has a good command of language way beyond his years yet seems to have no empathy with how much he is hurting me.Ive tried explaining repeatedly , and ignoring or walking off he just follows , ive tried naughty steps, we have star charts ...does anyone have any suggestions on how to connect with him - or has anyone tried social stories ? thanks xx

thank you

hello i think you should seek/push for a second opinion if your gut feeling tells you they are wrong .My son (4 yrs 10mnths) has just been diagnosed with severe aspergers. I wrote down every thing about his behaviour over past 2 years and using video footage and diary regularly updated the Doctor at the Child Unit where they were assessing him. He has attended nursery since 3 and half and has aclimatized to what is required of him socially so on the surface appears quite sociable but with alittle bit of careful listening to how he speaks to people and watching you can see he is totally in his own world and has realised he cant always drag everyone into his world. He doesnt take well to new people coming into the school or group and can be really hostile outside his group.When he was younger he used to bite his freinds , now he growls at them....when he cant get them to play his game his way and mentally this is so scary to him ....becuase he cant understand why we cant all do things his way....So he plays on the fringe of everyone elses requirements but still within the limits of what he can cope with but on the surface appears very sociable and talkative but his conversations are all one sided ...he spouts facts at you or tells you what he has done , he is not really interested in eye contact either but will tell someone a very literall thing about themselves at totally inappropriate moments. His friends also have realised that it is very amusing when they try to hug him and he bolts ...... Di

hi from my own experience, my son (4.5 ) has always had a switch that can be triggered in public situation, doctors surgery, buses, cafe etc ...i suppose they all deal with it differently but he starts bolting around and being very demanding particulaly if he knows someone is watching and giggling manically.There is no stopping him when he gets like this and its awful to cope with. He likes to dive for the safety of the floor by crawling at super fast speed the length or breadth of any given area or pavement or will dive under a bench chair or table or shelves in a supermarket or behind clothes in a shop and always tries to hide under it/ in it etc ...u dont know how many people shake their head, roll their eyes or tell me he is a show off having a tantrum. But it so isnt like that..he stumbles about and always rolls on the floor in public places when someone has looked at him and the eye contact has freaked him out. Most people ask me what i have been feedng him as if i have fed him coca cola or something which i totally havent ..im a single parent and i have to be feeling really strong to attempt a town outing with him here ......he is much worse when he is with friends as he has realised that whilst he struggles to fit in with his peers, he can always make them laugh by doing totally inappropriate things and so this is how he copes......its exhausting as when he realises after that he did something inappropriate , he beats himself up emotionally and gets very negative.....i agree its a complex balencing game outside the house Di

Hello everyone, i am a newbie here, my son recieved his official diagnosis last week after an intense year and half of observation and assessments in his homelife and school. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers, ADD issues and sleep disorder which hopefully can be remedied with Melatonin. Its all huge at the moment and i feel there is a lot of complex technical jargon and medical information that if i wasnt clued up (by reading websites and talking to people ) and im not really sure where to go from here. I am a single parent and have dedicated myself to my son who is 4 and half but acts about 7 in some ways and most people think he is much older and always have because he appears very knowledgeable and full of facts and exceedingly strong minded and with strong opinions on all sorts of thing. He has done very well at disguising and being devious to cope with things he cant get his head around and this could easily be overlooked if you didnt live with him. Luckily goes to a good school where he is in a small class with strict rules and he has flourished here and whilst has been a challenge to teach he seems to have connected well with his teacher who was his nursery teacher too, she moved up with him into Reception Class. She even came with me to the case assessment and took an afternoon of school to support me. The hospital said i had done an amazing job with him and make it look very easy but they are fully aware that it is not easy...... just my "normality" because i have always been on my own with him. I have very little in the way of family but what i do have is some elderly grandparents who have always insisted my son is just naughty and a show off (when he spends half or more of the visit hiding behind the table/sofa or chair because they have told him he is an idiot !) and that i am not hard enough on him........which in the past i have been but i soon realised the naughty step did nothing but affect his self esteem and make things ten times worse and the friends i have told have had an odd reaction and i wondered if anyone else had experienced this? ........people seem almost getting cross that somehow my son has been pigeon holed as a high functioning autistic at a young age and that labelling children is totally wrong. If i had a penny for everytime someone had said to me, that there is nothing wrong with him from what i can see.............i feel totally bemused and confused, surely isnt it better to help him now with social stories and understanding. This is the attitude i get ...the following comments are an example of what i am talking about "like are we supposed to think he's a genious for suggesting that we bolt shelves to the wall and put cupboard locks in our houses? " If i have plucked up the courage to tell my freinds they say to me "Well My kids also climb the sofa as do all other kids who come to my house, including those who are older than Your son. They all hate scratchy labels, tight head holes, itchy patterns on the inside of t-shirts, love routine, need bribery to get their hair cut, etc. etc. As for boys whacking each other, this is what they have been created to do, fight for a princess, fight for their country, defend their livlihood, they're BOYS." I feel like no one takes me seriously !! Would love to hear anyones take on this ...but be kind ....lol!! im feeling fragile after all this external negativity