Kathryn

Welcome to the forum and belated happy birthday to your son. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Good to hear that your son is now making progress and happy after what must have been a tough battle. K x

Hope that you hear very soon Sally. It will take longer than normal if there is a lot to sift through, and it's likely to be a lengthy written Decision as there are a lot of issues to be considered. K x

Such anniversaries are always a bit difficult. Hope you get through it OK and that all goes well with your dad. K x

Well I only have one child with AS and one who is so called NT. The NT child stims a lot - in fact more than the one with AS ever did, but has no other significant traits. He is obssessed with the computer and x box but then so are all of his friends, so that's not particularly significant. Oddly enough, it is the NT child who is neat and ordered whilst the AS child lives in permanent chaos! K x

Hi Loubeelou, Welcome to the forum I really feel for you, as your situation sounds so like my own back in 2004 when my daughter suffered a severe breakdown and was no longer able to attend school. That was the crisis which prompted me to join this forum and I've had wonderful advice and support from the good folk here ever since. I hope you find it equally helpful. Although you may feel there's no obvious way forward for your son at the moment, I just want to hold out a bit of hope. My daughter (academically very able, dx with AS at 15 )was severely ill and depressed for over a year at age 15/16: after trying the start of year 11 and finding it too stressful to go on, she barely left the house or communicated with anyone and was only able to cope with a very limited amount of home tuition - in the end we scaled it right down to half an hour a week and the tutor was basically colouring in pictures with her. She had two lengthy bouts of not speaking at all and her physical coordination deteriorated to the extent that I was helping her dress herself. She was constantly anxious and was self harming. She took, over 18 months, five different kinds of antidepressant. During this time we tried and did not succeed in getting a statement for her to attend a specialist school. In view of her age, we gave up that battle and accepted a place at the local FE college, far from ideal as she was in the learning difficulties department, working way bellow her intellectual level, but it provided the nurture and emotional support she desperately needed while she slowly climbed back to full health. To cut a very long story short (the full version is documented all over this forum over the last 7 years!) she has just started her first year of a degree in English at a highly regarded university. This is without a conventional education: she never achieved a single GCSE or A level but was eventually able to do an Access to Higher Education course at the college, and got in on the strength of that. It took her a long long time to build her confidence to the point where she is able to cope with the academic, social and organisational demands of going to university - but she has done it at the ripe old age of 22 - not too far behind her peers. The point I'm trying to make is - although your son is in a bad place at the moment - don't give up hope that he will come out of this and have every chance of fulfilling his ambitions and his potential, whatever that may be. He may do it in a different way and a little later, that's all. It's hard when you see his peers moving on and upwards on the conventional educational path but try not to worry and just go one step at a time. I agree with others that it's wise to consider all options, especially as you have now got a Statement: there are some very good specialist schools out there which do wonders for children who have been screwed up by the system - definitely worth visiting one or two. There are also good "ordinary" independent schools which, partly because they are smaller, also offer a more supportive environment for young people. You know your son though, and if you feel that he would be unable to cope with any school, a period of respite at home may be better than forcing him back into formal learning too soon. However getting him signed off long term sick may be better than deregistration, as the latter will require you to take full responsibility for your son's education and the LA will not have to do anything else to help you. If he remains on the roll of a school, especially as he now has a statement, the LA still are obliged to meet his needs. You have to weigh up what's best. In answer to the question you originally asked, if you choose to home educate, you do not have to provide anything that looks like a conventional school education: (set timetables, the national curriculum, tests, homework etc.) although it's wise to have some kind of a plan as the LA can and may check that you are providing a "suitable" education. Take a look at the links in the pinned "Home Education" topic at the top of the Education section, for more detailed advice. I wish you well and hope that it won't be too long before things take a better turn for you and your son. K x

No - the decision is usually sent 2-3 weeks later. Full reasons have to be given in writing. There's nothing to prevent a decision being given on the day, but this is rare. I heard of one where the panel were concerned that the child needed to be in the right school ASAP and the evidence was so obviously in the parents' favour that they did give their decision there and then. K x

Sounds as though it was a very useful meeting. Universities seem to be very clued up on the support side- at least that's been my daughter's experience of the universities she's applied to and the one she's at now. Good luck with the next stage: I.e. approaching your GP. K x

Hi Julie Welcome to the forum. I merged your topics together so you can see all replies together under Help and Advice. Your son is still young enough to benefit from many years of additional support if he needs it, so it's good that school staff are taking action now and involving you as well. Two important things to bear in mind: As has been said above said, educational professionals cannot give a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, only a health professional such as a paediatrician, clinical psychologist or psychiatrist can do that. So you would need to get a referral to a child development centre, or similar, where usually a team of professionals would assess your son. The sooner this is started the better, as there is usually a waiting list and the assessment can take time and usually involves more than one visit: it appears that professionals often adopt a "wait and see" approach before giving a firm diagnosis, especially for young children. The other thing is that your son doesn't need a diagnosis of anything before the school gives him any extra help: in fact they have a duty to support him if he is having greater difficulty than you would normally expect a child of his age to have, whether the problem is with his behaviour, reading and writing, communicating with others, or with any other aspect of his education. The school may be able to give him some extra 1-1 help straight away, or support him in a small group with other children, or even bring in a specialist teacher depending on what he needs. An Individual Education Plan (IEP) should be drawn up for him. This will enable the school and you to set targets for him to work towards, plan what extra help he will get to achieve these and to monitor his progress carefully. You may want to ask for a copy of the school Special Educational Needs policy and then after the observation (assuming it will happen soon)ask for a meeting with the SENCO and class teacher to discuss what happens next. The policy should set out what kind of extra help the school would normally provide at School Action and School Action Plus. K x

Hi Taylor Thanks for coming back to tell us such good news and I hope you stay around as it's encouraging for others to hear success stories like yours. Did you have to go to Tribunal ? It's frustrating that the help your son needed has taken so long to get, but on the positive side, he will not have to suffer the challenges of secondary school in the wrong environment. I hope all goes well for him this year and in the future. You deserve a bit of a breathing space now but you don't have to be bored. If you still want to immerse yourself in the world of SEN and carry on using your experience to help others, organisations such as IPSEA would love to have you as a volunteer. K x ,

Thats a comprehensive list. When you go to your GP it might be a good idea to arrange for one of you to take your son out after the first five minutes: it's not easy to talk about your child while they are sitting there! Unfortunately as a parent you do often have to persist until people listen, and you may be in it for the long haul.Regarding the nursery, asking for their SEN policy in advance may give you confidence as it will tell you what they should be providing and guide you in what you can ask for. Also take a look at the SEN Code of Practice chapter 4 which is all about Identification, Assessment and Provision in Early Years settings. http://media.education.gov.uk/assets/files/pdf/s/sen%20code%20of%20practice.pdf Although it all looks neater on paper than it often works out in practice, just knowing the legal duties of education and health providers regarding your son means you are less likely to be fobbed off when you ask for things to be done. Good luck! K x

Agree with this. If you asked thirty parents on this forum about Camhs you would probably get thirty different answers! It's a long time since we were involved with Camhs, but initially when my daughter was referred we had appointments with a child psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and then severl sessions of counselling were set up with the psychotherapist. They were supportive in an ineffectual way as their experiemce of children with ASD and severe depression was limited. However we were later referred to the Camhs outreach team which included a psychiatrist specialising in ASD, and an occupational therapist who visited our house, and they were able to offer the level of support we needed as they just understood the situation better. I think it's better to be involved with Camhs than not. They are there to support you as well as your child and can be very useful allies when you are trying to get further help in school. As well as the professionals mentioned above, the team should include clinical psychologists and other specialists as well. You should be able to get further information about what your local Camhs can offer, through your GP or online. Sevices vary: I don't think all areas have such an excellent outreach service as we were referred to and I think even this one has suffered from funding cuts. K x

Hope you get some proper help from Camhs this time, Mandapanda. Your situation reminds me so much of my daughter at a similar age, Mandapanda. She barely left her room, let alone the house, for two years, and like your son, she would only do something she really wanted to do, otherwise the anxiety was too great. In her case, it was anything to do with Star Wars! She wouldn't eat with us and although there is a nice field right outside our house, I couldn't even get her to go for a walk as she couldn't cope with the noise of barking dogs. Germs were also an issue, so she couldn't eat in restaurants or use anyone else's toilet but our own. She had various other obsessive rituals as well. That severely restricted our outings. For the sake of our younger son, we had to try and do normal things, but there was no question of going on holiday with her, so we left her at her grandparents' while we went on the occasional short holiday - the only other place she felt secure. She was highly anxious most of the time. I think a lot of this was due to depression and at the time we thought it would go on forever, but it didn't. She eventually recovered more and more to start seeing friends again, cope with the demands of college, and now she is at university, as I've posted elsewhere. It was amazing to see how the OCD symptoms disappeared as she got better in other ways. So hang in there, and it's important you look after yourself as well, because, quite frankly, the whole situation can just drag you down. A job helped me and I hope it helps you too. It's just refreshing to be known as yourself, not as mum of X and talk to other people besides health professionals! Regarding lunch, would he eat a sandwich and fruit if you left it for him? Or is there someone local who can pop in and make sure he's OK? K x

Depends how good looking he is. K x

Yes my daughter struggled with this perfectionism too - fear of making mistakes often led to not getting started at all on a task. She is still like that to some extent but is learning to overcome it - luckily - as the volume of work required at university means she just has to get on with it and realise that even if it's not perfect it will still be OK. K x

To the large media empire who decided, without warning or consultation, to bar outgoing calls from my landline because the phone bill has trebled this month, and then made me pay £100 to get the service restored, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!. :wallbash: The phone bill was predictably huge because I spent virtually every day for two weeks talking to my homesick daughter who has just gone to university. I knew there would be a lot to pay. The bill wasn't even due to be paid until mid November though. Has this happened to anyone else? Because I had no phone I couldn't cast my Strictly vote on Saturday either. And to the person whose lapse of concentration caused them to run into the back of us on the M1 a couple of weeks ago and left us with £100 excess to pay - thanks very much to you too. Just how I would have chosen to spend £200 quid in a month when I am between jobs with no income. I'm sure Mr Branson and the insurance company need it more than I do. K x

Hi good to see you back. K x

Hi Aceartist I assure you we are very much alive here (well most of us anyway ) I'm sorry you haven't received the responses you were looking for - but maybe you're looking for answers which are impossible to give? Although some people here may have expertise in specific areas, none of us are posting here as experts on ASC and even if we were it would be inappropriate to offer any kind of definitive opinion over the internet- we can only offer you our own experiences and try and point you in the right direction for further help if we can. Without ever having met you, and going only on the description above I would find it impossible to say what it is about you that has led others to believe you have AS. It's unfortunate that no one who has met you has been forthcoming in telling you. Perhaps they are scared of offending you by appearing to be critical? Have you tried reading some of the many good books which are around - both those which describe ASD and the excellent autobiographies that have been written by people with AS? You might find something you recognise in feelings or patterns of behaviour described by others. Reading widely - especially the autobiographies- certainly helped my daughter to understand herself better. If you want some recommendations, have a look around the forum or ask us. K x

Sorry Fudge - not my area at all. However, have you seen the Scotland thread pinned at the top of the Education section of this forum? It was compiled by one of our Scottish members -(thanks Pookie! ) There is a list of links to further information and support and you might find something useful in there too. The direct link is here: http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/topic/20379-sen-in-scotland/ K x

Blimey Franz, that's a bit of a snap judgement! There are many innocuous reasons why people don't respond quickly to posts . Some of us have lives away from the forum; some of us like to read a post, think about it and come back later to give a considered response, and some of us don't have an answer at that moment and so prefer to say nothing. I would have welcomed you but if you aren't staying I guess I won't waste my time.

Hope you get a buyer eventually and good luck with the move. K x

I'm assuming you called the school: how did you get on? The school should be supporting him anyway, even without either of these things, and so I hope you manage to get a meeting with the SENCO soon to discuss where the difficulties are and ask what they can do to help now. It sounds as though at the very least the pressure needs to be taken off just a little before he gets too deeply into this cycle of negative reinforcement. A diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean the situation will instantly improve: however in some LA's access to specialist services, like the ASD Advisory teacher is restricted to those pupils who do have a diagnosis. A specialist teacher will be able to advise staff on ways of making certain aspects of school life more manageable for your son, breaking homework tasks down into smaller units, for example, as cmuir suggests. A diagnosis doesn't automatically lead to a statement either, but that's another story! If he does end up needing one, you'll have a stronger case if you can show that the school over time have put measures in place to try and support him. I hope school doesn't continue to be "hell" and that they understand your concerns. My sympathies - my daughter also struggled at the same stage of her education. There are so many different challenges to cope with. K x

Hope your new shift went OK today. K x

Well done - that's fantastic! It takes courage to do something like that. Next time you're feeling bad about yourself, remember this experience! K x

Hi Becca Welcome to the forum and hope you find it helpful. Modertor hat on for a moment: Can I ask that people don't name specific schools or individuals on this thread but pm Becca with your views. Thanks I've got no experience of the schools in that region but hopefully you'll get some responses. Regarding private vs maintained schools generally, I think it very much depends on the school and the amount and nature of SEN support a child needs, so it's difficult to generalise. Yes you would expect a maintained school to be more geared up to support a child with ASD and other SEN, and the law places specific obligations on governing bodies to do so, so there is a greater level of accountability. However the reality of budget cuts mean that schools are struggling and the outside support services are overstretched so what is down on paper doesn't always happen. Private mainstream schools are so variable - many children with ASD thrive simply because the enironment is better: classes are small and there is usually therefore more support, earlier detection of problems, better discipline, a calmer atmosphere and more scope for pupils to follow their individual interests. Not all are good at supporting pupils who need a greater level of specialist support than this: I suppose it would depend on their previous experience of pupils with ASD and yes, some don't appear to want pupils who are going to be "high maintenance" and may limit their participation in school activities or even exclude them altogether rather than deal with challenging behaviour. I've spoken to parents with good and bad experiences. As your daughter has a statement, that level of provision is secure wherever she is placed. You may be able to convince the LA to pay the fees for an independent school, but it won't be easy. Parents have done it. It usually comes down to money in the end. It would help if you could show evidence that she would need a higher level of support in a maintained school than she would in an independent school, therefore the independent school would be cheaper overall. I don't know if that helps any, Becca. The best way is to research thoroughly all the possible schools in your area: talk to SENCO's get hold of SEN and equality policies and talk to parents - just as you are doing. K x

Sounds right to me from what you've said. It may be a good idea to write back and ask them to clarify exactly what they mean and as Justine says, to set out the timetable for future review. K x