Stella63

Hi Donna Share a few of these <'> <'> <'> and if your head will cope with it, more than a few of these I blame the government for telling me that I shouldn't have my large glass of wine in the evening - it just makes me rebel and have MORE!!!! Hope you feel better soon. I discovered some snowdrops in the garden this afternoon and it made me cry. Stella xx

Hi Update as of now. We did let him back in late last night (cringe as I know we shouldn't) but none of his mates would put him up (which actually says a lot about them!). He was pleading and promised to go to school and we made it quite clear that there was no negotiation on that - no school, no nice comfy bed. He did go to school today, which is good, and I told him that nothing has changed, he must go to school or bag will be packed and next time he is on his own. However he was supposed to attend an anger management session as part of his supervision order tonight and he has now decided that he doesn't have anger issues as he has stopped taking ADHD meds!!! Made him aware that if he defaults on it he will go back to court but to be honest this is his mess and he must take responsibility for it. He didn't go so will get taken to court and probably get xtension on the order and now he is 16 we don't have to attend court so he is on his own on this. He seems to be determined to push the boundaries and not want to take responsibility of consequences with us, school, even the legal system - what will it take for him to realise it is his life he is messing up? I know a lot of you will think we did the wrong thing last night and deep down I agree but it is so hard knowing the right thing thing to do at any one time and however much he abuses our trust we love him and want him to come through this but it is tearing me apart to the point where I really don't know what to do with him. Thoughts and ideas as ever appreciated. Stella xx

hi Thanks for the support. He has turned up once already and told he's not allowed home. He phoned a few minutes ago with all the promises of going to school etc etc told him no, said if he can't stay at mates, cos suddenly they're all working or at college!!!? then we would phone SS who would have to find him something. He didn't like that idea so watch this space!! Stella xx

In the Sunday Times today there was an article about an actor called Hugh Dancy (never heard of him but I'm a bit prehistoric with actors!) saying he had made a film called Adam about an Aspergers man falling in love. Tried googling it and there are a few reviews about it and it will be out sometime this year. Might be worth looking at? Stella xx

Well, it has been coming for some considerable time now. We have done everything we can to try and make AJ see the consequences of his actions eg busting him for keep bringing drugs into house. He is under Youth Justice and having anger management sessions and meetings with the drugs lady and is under SS as Child in Need (although their input has been minimal to say the least!). The bottom line is that he is taking us for complete mugs - all his promises about going back to school, week after week come to nothing. He managed one day on his work placement and couldn't be bothered to back. He can't be bothered to get a part time job or even do work for us in the garden or around the house. He is still stealing from us if he gets the chance and we had a situation last week where 2 of his mates were phoning us up saying he owed them money and trying to put pressure on us to pay!! After a discussion with my parent support worker we decided that as nothing we have done previously has shocked him that we would throw him out of the house (with or without SS support). He took money out of my purse this afternoon (in a nano second where my back was turned) and then tried to turn it around and tell me it was my fault for not giving him enough money!!! 'all my mates get at least �20 per week and they're not working or going to school' - well forgive me for being the tight, non understanding parent but he is having a serious laugh!! What 16 year old in an ideal world would not love the lifestyle he has managed to carve for himself - not going to school, not working, sleeping all morning, out with mates in evening, doing a bit of drug dealing to make money and make him feel like he's someone important, helping himself to food, drink, nice bed to sleep in..... I could go on - trouble is we get nothing in return apart from verbal abuse, aggression, stealing etc etc. So, no more nice guys, he has been thrown out of the house. Trouble is he still has a key so we are ok tonight cos we can double lock door from the inside but I'm going to have to get someone in tomorrow to change the lock otherwise he can get in when I go out. At the moment I don't know what will happen. If he comes around tonight and starts getting aggressive we will call the police and they can deal with him cos we have just had enough. Any ideas for the next few days would be appreciated. Stella xx

Hi Nikki, Sorry, had to laugh hysterically before answering!!! Had to battle to get SW, once got, she did absolutely nothing, when we really needed them fro short term respite care, they refused. She now wants meeting to sign AJ off so we're left with a violent, aggressive 16yr old who is refusing to go to school, refusing to get a job, demanding money (not getting!), stealing from us and his yoiunger brother, dealing drugs - great help!!! Oh and she is about to go on maternity leave!! Stella x

Hev Totally understand!!! Getting lots of the same. My name currently is 'the ######' when things are not goin the way he wants them and sometimes shouted extremely loudly outside the house with all the neighbours curtains twitching!! I am trying to remain the 'adult' and not going into 'child' mode where i shout back or get petulant etc. Lots of <'> <'> <'> Stella xx

OJ absolutely worships him!! The Torchwood series and his singing. Best Christmas present was his cd which he knows off by heart now!! I saw he was doing concerts this year and persuaded OJ to come with me - he was very unsure thinking it would be full of screaming women but I chose Bournemouth cos I've been there before and its quite a small theatre. Anyway booked tickets this morning - just got to wait til May now!!! . Still we've got something to look forward to!!! Stella xx

Wow Tally!! That comes across as a really positive step forward and I think you are very brave <'> <'> Make sure you get some good advice for selling your place, it can be a very stressful time and you need to be in control and know what is happening the whole time. Make sure you post regularly so we can all 'move' with you and give you whatever support you need. Stella xxx

Hi Thanks guys for your thoughts. OJ has been fine so wasn't appendicitis but a swollen gland from the flu virus (one to watch out for in the future!!). Mind you he was so adamant he wasn't going to be in hospital over xmas cos that just doesn't happen - not to him anyway!! Managed a quiet xmas day with no major traumas although we find that OJ spends all year looking forward to this one day and somehow it is always an anti climax in some way - really difficult to handle especially for DH as he finds it hard understanding how OJ thinks!!! Oh well looking forward to a nice News Years Eve and then back to school!!!! Thanks again everyone! Stella xxx

Inkheart by Cordelia Funke. OJ wants us to see it at the cinema so I'm reading the book first - always prefer it that way round! Its a childrens book but so far its quite magical with a dark edge to it! stella xx

Hi Jonathan, Yes, getting up earlier has been part of it and also going through a learning process so that I understand what he has to do so making sure that i tell him to get ready for school in plenty of time to allow for all the rituals (and any changes he may have to make!). I've never really been able to impose a time limit as OJ would become more anxious if he felt he was being timed. However he now has a better awareness of time and knows that we need to leave the house by 8 am so that he has time at school to see his friends before school starts. If we are late he is missing out on something that he wants to do so I guess thats his incentive! Likewise, we have no family to support us and all the CAHMS, SS and others can do is give strategies (most of which don't relate to OJ's individual needs!) and what makes it harder for me is that I am the chosen one who has to be there for all the bedtime rituals and on the very odd occasion when I go out I have to prepare him for weeks beforehand and he still makes me feel guilty for leaving him. I am trying to build on this cos he's 13 now and I do need some respite!! He is having a new bed for Christmas which we are both hoping will change and maybe stop some of the rituals. On the other hand it may make things worse!!!! I think the other thing is age. OJ could not cope at Primary school and his anxieties were far more acute. Once he started secondary the routines were much more rigid, his timetable was fixed and once he had got to know all the teachers he really blossomed. I know this isn't the experience that all have but he has certainly changed in the last year. Stella xx

Wow, we had a fun day yesterday!! OJ had been complaining of stomach pains for a couple of days, right hand side, that were getting worse. I got an appointment late afternoon with Dr who immediately phoned the hospital and told us to go straight there!! He was checked at A&E and admitted for further observation. OJ freaked out when they drew blood out for tests and then more so when they put a line in for a drip!! We were taken up to a ward and then had to wait to see another doctor. They weren't sure if it was appendix or swollen glands from the flu - apparently you have glands near your appendix and it can mimic appendicitis. Unfortunately there was a major trauma and we didn't see a doctor until 11pm by which point OJ was totally traumatised at the thought of sleeping in a strange bed, strange room with a tube coming out of his arm! Luckily the doctor decided that he could come home and we monitor the pain. If it gets worse obviously he will have to go back but so far so good!!! OJ is determined it will go away - Christmas CANNOT be ruined!! Bless him, he was really brave and all my fingers and toes are crossed (well not really) that we won't have to go back!!! Happy christmas everybody!!!!! Stella xxxx

Hi Jonathan, OJ was dx'd with OCD by the Tourettes clinic as it forms part of that as well as AS. He is on Prozac to try and ease some of his anxieties but he has ssoooo many routines and rituals which he HAS to do. Its to do with creating order in their life as everyday life has so many unknowns and I know with OJ if I try and stop any of the rituals it just makes the anxiety worse. He has sock rituals in the morning which can last up to 10 minutes and then shoe rituals, his bedtime is the worst as he has to shut doors and curtains 20 or 30 times (the number relates to whatever his brain is telling him and it varies all the time) he bangs his headboard with his teeth, duvet has to be tucked in a particular way. I could go on and on and on!!!! It is really hard sometimes being patient especially at the end of the day and sometimes I get cross with him and then feel so guilty afterwards. Hope this helps Stella xx

Blimey enid, I hope you don't live near Bagshot in Surrey. AJ was picking up a PS3 for a 'mate' the other night - sounded well dodgy, like everything he does these days!! Stella xx

Wow Enid!!!! Please make the most of it and hopefully not to excess!!!!! We know it may not last but enjoy the moment while you have it - sorry, didn't mean that to sound negative - a corner may have been turned. Just not seeing any corner turning in our household - aagghh sorry Enid- a rambling unhappy Stella - ignore!!! Stella xx

Aaagh!! Thought my day was fairly bleak having caught yet another lurgy but all my sympathy goes to you SG <'> <'> <'> at least I have been snuggled up on the sofa watching films! hope things get sorted with the wretched bailiffs. Stella xx

I read in the paper this week that hot blackcurrant squash works better than all the things that you buy in the chemist. Worked well for OJ as that is the only thing he drinks (but normally cold). The hot and cold thing is fever and sweating it out is the best thing to do (thats what I was always told anyway!) Hope you feel better soon - blimey, we're dropping like flies aren't we?!!!! Stella xx

Well, after nursing OJ through that horrible flu virus this week and him somehow managing to sing his solo 2 nights running in the Carol Concert when he couldn't even speak!!! I got up Friday for the last day of school and work to find my arm really painful. Thought it might be a frozen shoulder as had that before so went to docs who thinks it is shingles . A rash appeared just before my appointment and he says if it starts blistering it is definitely shingles. Its really painful to touch and I can hardly move my arm. And Iam supposed to be going to a baby shower tomorrow and I've never been to one before but the baby could catch chickenpox from me! And I've got to take OJ up to London tomorrow for his Tourettes clinic and if I cancel I will have to wait months for another appointment but its going to be so stressful for him doing trains and tubes and I have literally no energy. I'd also promised to take him to the Natural History museum as a reward!!! Oh woe is me!!!!! Stella x

Hi Same with OJ, had the flu bug thing all weekend (feeling very sorry for himself - doesn't do illness well just like his father!!!!!). Keeping him off school today to get over it. He needs his throat better for carol concert on wednesday as he's singing Once in Royal Davids City!!!! Stella x

Hi Sara, My youngest was dx'd at age 9 and we were able to get a Statement for him. His cognition and learning levels have never been a problem but the anxieties caused by the poor social communication skills were impacting on his ability to learn and the statement reflects this. it will help if the school support you on this and try and work together to put a good case forward. Good luck!!! Stella x

Hi Don't know if it's already been mentioned cos I really didn't want to wade through 12 pages but started reading The Island by Victoria Hislop the other day (to take my mind off other matters!!) It is truly amazing - its about life in a small Cretan village with an island close by which was a leper colony. It's interesting to me cos my DH is Greek Cypriot so I have an understanding of what life was like for his parents growing up in small villages (his grandfather was a shepherd), also we have been to Crete several times and also my great uncle was a missionary in a leper colony in Hong Kong (which I am going to find out more about before everyone dies and can't give me any family history!!) Anyway, wonderful book and I can't put it down (except for now cos obviously I am on the computer and even I am incapable of that kind of multi tasking!!) Stella xx

Eloise You have absolutely hit the nail on the head!!! And when we are in this utopia can someone arrange for me to have free vodka on the NHS please?!!! Stella xx

Hi clare I hope I won't catch it by responding to your thread!!! I know what you mean about the menfolk though! Hope you're all over it soon and glad to hear things are going ok for Connor Speak to you soon Stella xx

Hi Thanks so much for all your support and kind thoughts. I haven't had the energy until now to get on the computer!! Well, after a very long day, they were in and out of court from 9.30 til 3pm, they have put AJ on a 3 month supervision order which means he has to have weekly contact with his youth justice officer and she will be able to get him on an anger management course starting in Woking after xmas and some drug counselling and whatever else they can come up with. We're pleased with the result as the youth justice service are fantastic - they seem to be the only ones we have come into contact with who have the knowledge and experience of ADHD and AS teenagers and have access to a wide range of services. They also get on with things, unlike SS, who have done nothing since our big meeting!!! It does mean that he will have a criminal record and this is something he will have to live with - a very real consequence to his actions! So the rest of his birthday was reasonably quiet until I went into his room late last night to chuck his friend out and found his friend rolling up a joint!!! Needless to say, friend was booted out told never to return and the joint was flushed down the toilet. AJ's response was 'well it wasn't mine so whats the problem!' Going to be watching him very closely for a very long time! Anyway, too knackered to say anymore for the moment, waiting for DH to come home with a nice curry! My parent support worker has told me we have to try and regain some normality in our house for all of our sakes and try and laugh several times a day - I know she is right but it ain't half difficult at the moment. Thanks again everyone Stella Is that a sort of smile?!!!