bluefish

Hi I requested a change of school for ds just before christmas, Education officer agreed that if they can meet ds needs he will amend statement to name new school. New school have been sent ds statement etc but due to the christmas break I am yet to hear from them. My problem is that I am not sending ds back to current school tomorrow. The reason for wanting to change school is down to constant problems with the way they are implementing statement,not communicating change etc etc and although ds seems to cope with this at school it has been having a huge impact on his behaviour at home. I am not sure if I should write a note to school saying I am in the process of changing schools and due to the nature of his condition will he will not be returning so I can ensure he is prepared for the change. or do I say nothing and just keep him off? I know it will be unathourised absence either way. any sugesstions?

hi, Thanks for all the replies about taking ds to panto. We visited theatre yesterday and looked at our seats, Thank goodness we did as ds was very suprised they were brown not blue (his favorate colour) and we had to have very lengthy disscusions on brown being ok all last night.... we looked at the stage and I explained it would be noisy and it would be pretend. Well.............. what can I say! We managed to stay for the full two hours( I think for any five year old thats good!) I loved every second and ds seemed to enjoy himself! He did announce in a rather loud, and very articulate voice about 20mins in that he needed a poo! not something the rest of the audiance needed to know but hey, He had his tourch (thanks for that advice) and his ear defenders which although he held tightly chose not to wear!!!! He had an icecream at the interval and although did start counting th fire exits near the end he was amazing! When I asked him about it later and what he liked he said...... eating icecream sitting in a brown seat! I feel like a million dollars! It is a year since he was carried screaming from the christmas panto at Nursery where he head butted the floor untill they removed him......... Ahh I am once again all tearfull! Thanks everyone A huge step today.....HUGE

Hi, I love panto and it is a fantastic christmas memory for me...... Well I have booked for me and ds to go on Tuesday....I have got seats by the door so we can get out if he needs to and have a visit to the empty theatre arranged for tomorrow so he can see his seat and get used to the acustics,I am just in a panic that I am being selfish and that he will hate it and I do not want to put him through that but also do not want to assume ds won't cope with it as he may well enjoy it....... We have talked about it but he does not really understand, If he does not go he will know no different and will not feel he has missed anything, but I want him to have the chance to have a new and maybe exciting experience. Is this selfish of me? how have any of your little ones managed at a theatre? I am fully prepared to leave after two mins, but think that I will have at least given him the option to like of hate it rather than decide for him. Any thoughts?????

Hi Kate, I do not have any friends that understand. However I have come to understand the very hurtful comments that have been made in the past and the total lack of understanding that has been shown that has made sad and mad (i.e. he will love the party, just take him) is down to lack of undertanding of asd and sadly as parents we have had to become experts, but our friends haven't they see a simple solution to many of our problems. I do not discuss ds in detail with friends anymore and also except when they boast about the triumphs of their kids it is not ment to hurt me it is just what parents do ... hard but true Walk in our shoes for a day and the opinion would be diferent....It is not going to happen, so I have no advice as I fantasize about telling a friend of mine how life is for me....... but its not worth it we are living this not them and ~I often think that I never gave a thought to parents with children with difficulties/ dissabilities until it affected me!.

Thankyou!!!!! not only did this make me weep but I gave it to my mother................ and she got it yes she finally understood her grandson is a square peg being shoved into a round hole and saw that he is beautiful and amazing in his own way....... THANKYOU Merry Christmas

Hi, ds has seen the advert for the "clap on clap off" thing that makes your lights go on and off..... he wanted one badly . so with so money he was sent for christmas I got him one.....Oh my word!!!!! Huge mistake..... first of all it requires just two claps to work and ds just sits and claps then gets cross that it does not work then when eventually (after day three) he got it he is consatntly clapping at it and driving me nuts!!!!! the other problem is that it is sound sensitive so seems to have a mind of its own.. ds high pitched voive seems to activate it..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but one happy yet frustated little boy! it is nothing like the ad! lol Think twice

Welcome to the forum, you will meet lots of people here who not only understand but have a wealth of knowledge and have answered any question I have ever had!

Welcome to the forum

Hi, Ds will be going to a new school after Christmas (just waiting to here from them to see if they agree they can meet ds needs now they have seen his statement etc) I thought I should write some personal things about ds, what he likes, who he lives with, pets etc so they can have an idea about him. Not sure how much info to include. I am sure "pupil passports" have been mentioned in the past? I have tried to look this up but am rubbish on pc and all I have found is one for the transition to senior school that I can't open to get ideas from as do not have the right application. Can anyone give me some hints on what you would include for a new school? They have all the reports about him, but they are all about his asd and what he has trouble with rather than about him. It should be easy but my mind goes blank every time I start...

Hi, I think and hope new school once having recieved ds statement will still agree to take him and be able to meet his needs. This leaves me with the difficult disision as what to do with regard to old/current school. I have so many concerns with regard to the way my son has been treated,I have choosen to remove him. I believe it is now up to me to complain about the school or not... Would you just go quietly, and not bother complaining or would you follow it through and complain(in detail) how the school ignored a statement of special needs so much so I felt the need to remove my son. My problem is also I live in a very small comunity and those I will need to complain about I may see on a regular basis. I have mixed feelings, in a way feel once we are out of that school I could do with out the hassel of complaining but also feel the school need to be made accountable for the problems they have caused and if they are letting down a child with a statement what on earth are they doing to the children on sa and sa+ ? If I do not complain I feel I am letting down the sen children at the school and those that are sure to enter the school in the future, but should I leave it and let other parents go through what I have for the last three months? I really feel this is a dilema because I am pretty unpoular as it is but I think things at that school must change and if I don't complain just because I am tired of it all maybe they will get away with bad practice and fail other sen children???? your thoughts please

Thank you! I can not believe I was so calm and factual! the education officer was really nice to me, even when I said ds was not going back to school, he explained that it was a legal requirement and was unautherised absense but that he understood why I was doing it !!!!! I said I was not prepared to lie and tell current school he was ill when he is not. I was amazed that I felt understood and respected! this is the same man I locked horns with over his statement until I got what I felt ds needed. I am very nervous about the move and how things will work out but feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders tonight. I have told ds he is not going back to old school and he seems very calm and happy about it! thanks for your advice

Yes I feel very isolated, and like many of you have said hate the school gates where I have nothing in common with the other mums. My life is nothing like theirs. I have attended Earlybird and Earlybird plus and although I found them very very good I also felt very guilty expressing the way I feel and the problems I encounter as on both courses I have been the only parent with a child that is verbal and my life is a walk in the park compared to all the other parents I have met. we had two weeks of talking about our children and our lives, I missed the second week and when I went to lunch with one of the other mums whos story I had missed, I asked her about her life, I was humbled by what she told me.I felt ashamed that I had talked about ds and how sad I felt as I am very very lucky. So the isolation is there even with other parents that have autistic children, if that makes sence? No one I know understands. I fear the future more than anything and just wish someone could tell me how things will pan out then at least I would know. I am a single parent and find that quite isolating in itself, We don't do the "normal stuff" people keep asking if ds is excited about christmas and I tell them no he hates it due to the many changes it brings and is cross that some people say santa and some father christmas he is totally confussed. I think it is also isolating being the mum that consantly has to complain at school, and I am an autism bore( self confessed!) I live and breath it as all of you do and I know I must be boring to talk to because my topic is always the current fight I am having with school or whatever is going on that ds needs not being met! Infact the only place I do not feel isolated is on this forum

Well done you! I hope it all goes well. Your fight paid off! <'> <'>

ds wants..... road signs, another highwaycode and a janitorial trolly!!!! lol bless him For his birthday he got his very own "slippery when wet" sign!

Hi, The meeting went really well. I expressed my concerns, education officer listened and suggested I could write my letter then and there to request new school! He then promiced to send ds statement and all paperwork to new school first class post today so they can say yes or no to a place before christmas! The only problem will be getting an lsa. I feel so relieved. I am going to complain about current school in the first instance to Govoners. I am going to keep ds home until it is all sorted, athough I may take him to the doc with stress in Jan if new school not sorted. Thanks for all advice

Hi I have a meeting with lea tomorrow to discuss my concerns regarding ds safety and the way school are not implmenting his statement. I am very nervous! I have typed lots of notes that include dates of different problems that have occured. My aim is to get ds to a new school, however I am not sure how realistic this is as his statement has only been in place since july 08. I will not allow ds to return to present school as even with a 15hr statement his needs are being ignored. Do I have any legal right to keep him off? I have documented a structured timetable following national curriculum for the last two days I have kept him home. What are my rights as a parent? If the meeting goes badly I have decided to de-register my son and home educate am I right in thinking even with a statement I can do this? your thoughts and advice are very much needed.

Things have got to change but even when our children have statements they are often not adheared to!!!!!! So much has to change across the board!sen needs are still seen as a low priority..........................and the provision is only as good as the school who provide it, That needs to change too!

A VERY very vailid point!

Hi, I had not thought about Gp, and a very good idea! but Gp does not seem to have an understanding of asd and when approached about blue badge did not support my application as stated ds" has no problems with mobiltiy!" I got a badge without reciving mobility payments in the end as HV wrote in support as she knew my son well and understood the problems we encounter. But I guess worth a try Thanks for that suggestion.

Hi Thanks for all your replies. I kept ds home on Thursday due to the Christmas party that he was so stressed about, we had a fantastic day! I kept it like structured as of course he was not ill, we painted, baked, read, did some writting of christmas cards, went for a nice walk etc, the end result was a calm and happy child! something I have not seen other than weekends since September. I am meeting with the Lea on Monday to disscuss the situation, I have decided to vote with my feet as it were and kept him home again today and again had a fabulous stuctured day that involved him doing lots of activities as he would of at school, as I felt if I was keeping him off due to lack of support at school I still wanted him to recieve play and learning as he SHOULD be getting at school. I have decided to keep him home untill I have met with the lea on Monday. My stress levels have gone down by about 1000% as I was safe in the knowledge he was happy and safe! up until Thursday ds had 100% attendance at school. Very nervous about the meeting on Monday but feel I have no choice now other than to take this further and to find out about the new school and to highlight everything that has been going on in his current one. What we have done at home in the last 48hrs has again made me think seriously about home educating, a huge undertaking and not a decision I can take lightly, however it would keep ds safe,happy and would reduce the behavior problems he has been having EVERY evening. My problem is ds loves going to school!??! and in his own way "plays with" other children, so I hope I can sort appropriate support at the new school and fingers crossed that might be agreed for Jan? If not do I have the right to keep him home until things are sorted? oh I really hate making a fuss, I would really prefer to just melt into the background and that is something that just cant happen! Any tips for the meeting with the education officer? Thanks as always

Hi, my sons 1-1 support has no idea about asd! I am having huge problems getting school to understand his complex needs even though he has a statement and a diagnosis my words fall on deaf ears and the battle is constant. Training is now planned for January.....Will it make a difference??????? In my opinion all teachers that are in contact with an asd child should have at least a basic knowledge and understanding and 1-1 support need to be given training BEFORE thay are able to support an asd child. We would expect a french teacher to speak french, understand french and have an interest in france before they were allowed to teach french to children... So why are untrained staff or those that simply do not understand the importance of the way children on the spectrum think and learn able to supoport our children!

hi cat, yes he has a 15 hour statement! 3hrs per day It is a very good statement, that documents all of his needs! as I re wrote it for the lea when I got the proposesed one and everything I asked to included was. However it is being ignored.

When I was about 8 I bought my nan a diary and address book for christmas, when I was around 11 I got it back! The same one as it had " merry Christmas nanny" in my childish scrawl! ha ha that was a pretty rubbish present!

Hi, I need some opinions from people that are not as close to this situation as I am as before I complain AGAIN would like to know if my expectations of what should have happened today are unrealistic. Firstly I plan to move schools but think that September 09 is more realistic to get everything in place and for ds to be fully prepared. I Went to parent help today in the Nursery as I do everyweek,it is conected to Reception so I see what goes on. Ds normally has 1-1 from 1pm till 2pm every afternoon. It was Nativity this afternoon at 2.30pm Lsa did not come at 1pm. She came at 2pm to help all of the children get into costume and to paint faces.... Ds recieved NO 1-1 and infact recieved no attention as things were busy with 29 children to get ready. I strongly felt that as his lsa is in place to support ds she should have been helping him ,calming him and preparing him for the play. He was simply a beard that needed to be painted. During almost the entire play ds sat and poked his fingers into his eyes( his was of coping when things get too much, and very upsetting to see) his lsa was doing the music for the play right at the back of the hall (next to me!) I was so upset that noone approached him and removed his fingers or him I had to leave the hall crying as I wanted to go and help him. After the play as you can imagine parents,friends and grandparents were all in the classroon with 29 children looking for there clothes, the teachers were busy sorting costumes as was his lsa.It was chaos I could not find ds and felt total panic, he is a runner although school seem not to beleive this! Another parent that knows me and ds well, found him hidden away in a quiet corner with a train. Not one of the teachers or his lsa took a blind bit of notice as to whether he was there or not. The final insult came when, just after I had found him his lsa approached me and said "Did you enjoy that?"(meaning the play) I replied "not really my son was poking his fingers in his eyes and was distressed" she said " oh I didnt notice"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I am saying is, I am not upset he did not get his 1-1 at 1pm but can not beleive the lsa was used as a pair of hands to help the teachers and spent no time with ds at all! Surely she should have at least had some time talking to him about it being the play and escorted him safetly to and from? helped him dress after, and in my opinion been close enough to him to help him out when he started poking his fingers hard into his eyes and rocking? Am I unrealistic in what I believe his statement is for? surley He sould be her priority? not saying she not able to help out but she should at least have an interest in where he is. I do not know where to turn. I have spoken to his teachers, they still do whatever they like (like today) I have seen the senco, they still do the same, I have raised major concerns with the HT and she gives me lip service! I can not get hold of pp and am totally worn out with it all. Told teachers tonighty I am keeping ds off tomorrow as it is the christmas party, he hates parties anyway and can tell by his distress at night time he is about to blow! Sorry this is so long, really need some support

Hang in there! your post made me cry! (in a nice way) know exactly what you mean about worring about how you handle your little one in public and what poeple think! Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job! I am still the most stared at parent in any social situation in my area, ds does not do parties, but even the mums that know us well and "understand" that ds finds things difficult sometimes or may behave in a strange way, still seem to take pleasure in tutting and mumbling under their breath when ds does something unusual! However now he is 5 he is managing better with certain situations and often it is not ds causing the problems! only down side to that is that he is so truthfull that he tells on EVERYONE! lol that won't help him gain friends! glad you found this forum I have found it a lifelinewith loads of people that have a wealth of info x