Help? Advice?

[fiorelli]

I am sat here .

 

We are not coping. Things are getting so, so difficult with Louis. Every day is a constant battle. He is so angry, unhappy and is taking it out on everyone.

 

I am getting more and more worried every day. There are slanging matches going on everyday, and everyday both mine and my husbands tempers are getting frayed more and more. The fights are starting to get physical, with Louis lashing out, and then myself or my husband trying to restrain him.

 

Friday night was a nightmare. Louis was hitting out at his brother, and being verbally nasty as well, so hubby went to pick him up to get him in his room, but louis pulled away, hubby lost his grip on Louis, and he went into the wall. He know has a nasty bruise on his ear.

 

I don't know what to do to break the cycle.

 

I dread the mornings, evenings and weekends when Louis is at home.

 

School have been no help. CAMHS are next to useless, and the doctors don't have any appointments left.

 

I don't know what to do, I don't know who to turn to.

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Have some of these firstly.

 

You dont say how old youre son is but my son used to be just the same.hes now almost 13.We went through an horrendous time with him between the ages of 8 and 11 it all just kicked of againe big time.

I dont realy know what to say except we found that there was little point in trying to reason with him because it just made everything worse as his temper grew more out of controll.We basically let him get on with it and tried not to react.Not easy i know.

 

 

Can i just make a point that my sons behaviour and violent temper outbursts have become less frequent and when they do occur there over far faster since we altered his diet.Doing all the usual things,no junk food,no fizzy pop,no biscuites ect............its been a miricle.Not a cure but hes a lot more manageable.

[oxgirl]

Oh dear, I'm so sorry! <'> <'>

Do you know why your son is so stressed?? Is it school worries, is he happy at school?? How about going and having a talk with your GP about his behaviour?

So sorry, I know I'm not helping. Hope things improve really soon. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[witsend]

Again sorry don't have much advice, but feel for you <'> I think lots of us have been at this point and it is so hard to cope with it all. Like Oxgirl said do you think there is some reason for your son being so stressed right now? It is difficult to think straight when you're caught in the middle of it all, would school or family have any idea why he might be so stressed at the mo?

Is there any way you can get some respite away from him, even for a short time? (That sounds a bit awful, it's not meant to) but sometimes to begin breaking the cycle you need time out from it, am sure you thought of that already though and if it were poss you'd of done it right?

Sorry not being much help, really do hope things can get better for you soon.

Luv Witsend.

[phoebe]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

You poor luv.

 

WE also altered our sons diet - it helped so much, we wouldn't consider going back and it was only done out of desperation! Started out as a consequence actually!!

 

Dont know how to help but we are here for you

love and hugs

Phoebe

[Bagpuss]

Fiorelli, <'> <'> Sorry, no words of advice, just wanted to offer some support. Take care <'>

[brooke]

<'> <'> its not much help but me and my husband are going through the exact same problem my son lashes out alot and its very difficult he seems to be happier on his own or with one to one attention. Hope you feel better soon

Brooke

[Platefull of Love]

<'> <'> <'> <'> . I know the feeling to. Have you spoken to Camhs about his recent outbursts. Even if they don't seem to listen please tell them, get it noted down somewhere. Its just incase anything happens & you need back up. ( I know from personal experience, I have been through a crisis & now Dan is staying away with family ).

[fiorelli]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

It is all a continuation from him coming back from his fathers 3 weeks early in the summer holidays. It has been getting worse and worse.

 

I really don't think I can alter his diet any more than it is. He is on a Gluten Free, Casein free, diet, Monosodium Glutamate is restricted as much as we are able to. Additives, Preservatives, Colourings are all kept to the very minimum. All his meals are home cooked, fresh veg, fresh meat (even things like burgers are home made).

 

I have finally managed to get an appointment with CAMHS, but the earliest they could fit us in was 20th December. I was in tears on the phone to them, so they know it is urgent that I see someone.

 

I have to phone Doctors at 8.30 in the morning to try and get him an appointment about his ear (they had none free today)

 

I really am at a loss. I wish someone had a magic wand to wave and say that everything would be ok, but at the minute its not. School have phoned about his ear. They weren't happy. I haven't a clue what/if they are/can do anything regarding it, but it is worrying both me and my husband. It was an accident, but school don't seem to believe that.

 

ARGH. It's a mess. He's due home in 20 minutes, and I so don't want to be here.

[Platefull of Love]

It depends on what Louis has told school, if they don't believe him or you, they can notify SS. Is there any way his dad can have him for a short while to give you a break.

[fiorelli]

POL, you're joking right?! His father sent him home 3 weeks early from summer holidays (He had agreed/wanted to have him the whole holidays). I then didn't hear from him until I phoned his Mum (Louis's Nan) and asked her whether she knew if he was having them, she assured me nothing was wrong, and that he would be having them that weekend. He had them that weekend, brought them back with a cheery 'see you in 2 weeks', and we have heard nothing since. This from a person who had taken me to court to get parental responsibility, Residence (where he has the kids full time), and when that wasn't granted, for Visitation, who has had them (Louis and his brother) every other week without fail, and for at least 2 full weeks in the year.

 

I believe this is what has 'caused' Louis's behaviour since he came back, but he can't tell me what happened, and his father certainly isn't telling me. so I can't even begin to solve whatever the problem is.

 

As for social services. Let them get involved. I want them involved, only I have a lovely letter sitting in my file which tells me that because Louis is under the care of CAMHS, there is nothing they feel they can do.

 

This is what I mean. I want help. I have asked for help. I am not getting help.

[butterfingersbimbo]

oh no what a nightmare for your whole family chic! i know when me and el's dad split up it really brought a lot of things to the fore.....el went on one big time, and now she doesnt see him, hasnt since last september (his choice) and she feels so rejected by him......do you think this may be the problem? our children cant cope with emotional stuff like this can they, and lash out at anyone and at any given opportunity when they are really stressed.

 

am not sure what to advise tbh but want to send you a big hug and loads of positive vibes. <'> <'> <'>

[Bagpuss]

Fiorelli, I remember your posts from Louis's visit to his dad's and his early homecoming. . So sorry to read this still hasn't been resolved. Poor Louis must be so confused, and no wonder you are feeling at the end of your tether. So hope CAMHS are helpful. Good luck with the doctors appt. Thinking of you and take care <'> <'> <'>

[stressedmumto2]

Sending you a hug <'> .

 

It sounds like you could definatly do with some help in the way of respite. I wold get back onto s/s tell them how serious things are getting that you feel unable to cope at times ask for a meeting to be held and fightthem every step of the way to start helping you. I know it's another battle but if you had some free time to yourself you will prob start to see things abit clearer.

 

I have been where you are now and it's not nice but getting some help has helped me so much, but it has been a fight also with accusations thrown in along the way.

 

I don't know what else to say, I know my son wont open up after he's been to his dad's and he thinks what he does there is nothing to do with me, (wonder where he's got that one from) for ages I wouldn't push it but now I do try to get him to open up.

 

Take care of yourself <'> <'>

[smiley]

Hi F,

 

The only down side to being online, is all i can offer you is a virtual hug <'> <'> . I don't have any advice for you other than what i know you've already tried .

 

Here if you need me <'>

[Platefull of Love]

Sorry, I hadn't realised how much stuff had gone on with his dad. I really do sympathise with you. <'> <'> .

[Bullet]

No advice, but <'> <'> hugs <'> <'>