feeling shaky

[hev]

steves school hes at now say they cannot cope with him but he can stay there until he goes to residential,they got a school in mind but i still think it will take time.

 

i couldnt sleep at alllast night cos im thinking im gonna be heartbroken when he goes,the reality is i cannot cope with his behaviour though,soive realised im sending him away cos i cant cope with him,its made me feel ill.

 

im wondering if theres any alternatives to residential,i was talking to nick about just keeping him home all day but realistically i cant see it working,he would be bored stiff,i know the professionals say residential,i know deep down its the best for him i think,i will miss him so much but then its hell here most of the time,i thought i was coming to terms with it,maybe im panicking and wont be as bad as i think,i imagine me curled up in ball sobbing for weeks once hes gone,dont want to be in this position,hate it

[pumpkinpie]

Big change is always hard, but I think you know in your hear of hearts residential is the best place for him at least for a while

Take care

[phoebe]

Poor you <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I have read lots of your posts and know how you have agonised over this decision and also about many of the difficult times you have been through lately.

 

Give yourself some time, it is going to be a major change for everyone, but I am sure you are not "sending him away". You have made a balanced decision which you think will be the best for all concerned. It will take time to get used to and you will have to see how it goes. WE are all trying to do the best for our children and any decision that will affect them, we probably all go through a whol range of emotions because we know how much they are affected by change, but we make these hard decisions with their best interests in mind and then HOPE FOR THE BEST!

 

Take care of you

X

[reuby2]

Hiya Hev, <'> <'> <'>

I know that you are feeling terrible at the moment. This is going to be a big change and I think you are very brave because you are doing what is best for Steve, even though it is upsetting for you.You are doing great girl and I admire you a lot.

Although it isn't the same, i just wanted to tell you about how i was feeling this year with my son.He left primary school this last summer and was due to go to the juniors school, I was worried sick about it, would he be able to cope as they expect so much more? Would he have friends there, as they split up the classes? Would he be able to cope with the bigger school?

I didn't realise how much I was worrying about this change but in the summer I had a really bad time (depression, anxiety etc) and at one point the "crisis team for mental health" had to come and see me because the doctor thought I was on breaking point.

HOWEVER, My son loves his new school (so much more than his old one) he has made some lovely new friends that are his best friends and who really like him.He is so much more confident and this new school was just what he needed to grow (in confidence, ability, interests , friendships etc). What I learn't through this is that I was running all the worst possible scenarios through my mind, when really the experience has been really good and positive for my son and I couldn't give him this confidence, he has had to "grow " into it and meet some challenges and find his own way through it.

I could have saved myself a whole lot of torment if I had just waited to see.

I hope you feel better as you come to terms with all these feelings. You love your son very much and that is obvious to us all. Please don't beat yourself up for doing your best. <'> <'>

[loulou]

Hi Hev,

 

<'> <'>

 

I went through similar emotions when Kai started at his special school after being at home for 18 months. It's only natural as a parent to feel like this, especially when times have been tough. Keep talking about your feelings though, don't bottle it up like i did (I ended up back on antidepressants).

 

Hopefully he'll settle in and love it, which will in turn benefit your whole family. I think you are going to find it emotionally tough for the first few weeks, but stay strong and don't punish yourself. You are doing what is best for Steve in the long run. I remember the first few weeks when Kai went back to school, I felt like an emotional wreck, couldn't leave the house, panicked when the phone rang etc. This doesn't last for long though, you'll be ok honey <'> <'> .

 

I know it's not the same as full-time residential, but Kai boards 2 nights a week. I found that tough too, because i felt guilty for "sending him away". I miss him because he is my baby, but i know he is benefiting from it and it gives me the respite i really need. He makes me feel even WORSE when he tells me the bed isn't comfy and they don't let him put sugar on his shreddies .

 

Thinking of you <'>

 

Loulou xx

[bid]

I've PM'd you, hun <'>

 

Bidx

[Rachelp2]

Hi Hev,

 

Oh my..... Poor You - My heart well & truely goes out to you lovie. <'>

 

I guess it's easy for me to say but you must feel so traumatized with all this going on

 

All you can do is "Give it a go Hev" If he hates it and really can't cope then look at the situation again but "Cross that bridge when/if you come to it" You must be feeling so low and only wish I could take the pain & guilt away for you, unfortunately my magic wand is still not working (Sorry just trying to find a lighter side!)

 

Is your Steve 12? Think he's the same age as my Dan, we had the same prob with school afew years ago if I remember right????

 

Take Care Hev, ya can contact me whenever for a chat if you want to,

Love Rach xx

[curra]

Hev

 

Many <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> to you.

 

You know what is best for your son. You are a very good mom and it's natural that you feel pain.

 

You can always look at other alternatives if it doesn't work. I'd say give it a try.

 

Curra XX

[Bagpuss]

Hev <'> <'> <'>

[smiley]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[mossgrove]

Hev

 

I am not sure I agree with your assessment that Steve is being sent away because you can't cope, because you seem to be saying that if he had a better mother he wouldn't be going anywhere. That is not true.

 

Steve needs to go into a residential environment because his needs are for a 24/7 curriculum which a non-residential school cannot provide. It is not your fault that he needs this level of support, so it is not appropriate for you to feel guilty.

 

I do understand you maternal instinct to keep him at home, but I do not think that would be the best option for either of you.

 

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Simon

[Kathryn]

Hev,

 

This can't be easy, but you're doing the very best you can for Steve, and that makes you a great mum.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

K x

[baddad]

Hi Hev -

 

as everyone's said already, the reasons for resi are NOT because you can't cope but because s can't cope in his current environment (or rather, they can't give him the support he needs). I think I've a good idea of where the residential placement would be, and from everyhthing I've heard/seen it will be a really good opportunity for him... He will be home every weekend, and the evening hours in the week will be used helping him to develop practical skills for later on - something no regular placement can offer!

 

I think it'll be HUGE positives all round, and far from undermining your relationship my guess is it'll give you both the space you need to make things better - living in each other's pockets is rarely good for anyone...

 

L&P

 

BD <'>

[elun1]

Hev <'> <'> <'>

Sorry I haven't anything to say that'd be of great help but really feel for you. You sound like such a good mum

Elun <'> <'> <'>

[stressedmumto2]

Hev, have a few of these <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I guess in some ways we are in the same boat. My son is 8 and out of education, he started aresidential placement on monday to see if it's suitable, if it is they can offer a place and then we just have to fight at tribunal.

 

I've spent many agonising moments over this but I see it now as giving him his life back, there's no suitable school here that can meet his complex needs the only school i've been offered is not suitable.

 

have you been to the school and had a look around? it may be when you see it you will see how much they can help your son.

 

Really it isn't your fault, there are lots of children who just need more help, 24 consistent enviroment with staff that are experienced.

 

Go have a look at the school and see how you feel after, or maybe look at a few different ones,

 

Take care <'>

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Hev youre not to blame youre a brilliant mum doing her best all the time.

 

Think of it this way if steve is happier in a residential setting then the knock on effect could be youre happier,home life is more pleasent and youre relationship with your son can be rebuilt and more pleasent.Every one is a winner.I dont envy you the decisions youve had to make but youre doing whats best after months and months of agoniseing and trying alsorts of other things.

 

If say he goes to residential and it goes ###### up could you pull him out and then think about him staying home then.Least youll have explored and tried absolutley everything.

 

Take care Hev and good luck.