isolated

[lisa35]

Does anyone feel like this??! Our son is 11 and recently he seems to demand so much more attention than ever before, we have about an hour on a night that is our "adult " time and thats it, Ihave one really good friend that understands (she just happens to be ed psych, but thats by the by, would be there for me whatever and I love her to bits)

 

But son doesnt get invited to other kids houses, do usual stuff like foot ball,etc(no loss!!), does go to scouts and loves that, out laws dont offer to have him, we always have to ask, hubby and I hacvent been out togther since oct!

Refuses to go on scout camps now (which is fair enough, I know it stresses him)

I know it must be a common problem for lots of parents, just need to let off steam as work colleagues and "casual " friends can only tolerate so moaning, was criticised at work for taliking about son too much (that hurt a lot) , wanted to say walk in my shoes for a day, you really dont know how lucky u are!!

 

Spose we are just having a "why us" week, last 18 month-2 yrs been hard , undergoing assessment, getting answers, mad that he got to 11 before we got acknowladgement, mad that my lovely son has to ###### struggle every day, mad that it is nt someone elses child,

 

Upset with in laws as his grandad is only one he has now (my dad died 18 month ago aged 58), and my grandad is 82, they are missing out so, so much, he is their only grandchild and my partner their only son

 

Im almost at point where I want to confront them, hubby too, but doesnt phone them or ask why

 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- didnt mean this to be a raant, guess, just needed to talk

Lisa

PS its not that I dont adore my special boy, just tired of fighting his corner, but wont ever give up

[Karen A]

<'> <'> Hi sorry you are having a tough time.Feel free to rant.I am sure lots of people on the forum will empathise.The lack of adult time is one of the things my OH and I find most difficult.Karen.

[reuby2]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[stressedmumto2]

Just wanted to send you a hug. I know how it feels when everything gets on top of you and you don't think there is anyone who understands what you are going through and the sheer desperation when you get to the stage of thinking does anyone actually even care.

 

there are poeple who do care and it's us on here who have been or are going through similar experiences, try and take some time out for yourself, have a nice bath and a cuppa in peace if you can. Get hubby to take son out for you, park or something and find some time for just you, put the music on have a cry if that's what's needed.

 

Is there any way in which s/s can offer some respite?

 

I've tried writing letters to family members, could you try something like that to explain how you are feeling?

 

Sometimes it's like fighting a loosing battle but sometimes you may just get somewhere even if it's small steps.

 

Take care <'>

[ellisisamazing]

First of all, a big hug for Lisa35 >:I understand it can be very hard. It is so difficult to try and find time together as a couple in all of our situations.

 

I miss the freedom and Grandparents willingness to Babysit also! My Out Laws never offer either, I last had them daysit so we could go to my Cousins wedding last March and we had to pay them!!

 

My Mum and Dad both work extremely long hours so I feel difficult about asking them for overnight stays (last time was OCT 2004!), but they do evening sits at our house which is pretty good. We do this around every 6- 8 Weeks. It gives us a chance to go out together for a meal or cinema. Can you not ask them to do this?

 

Your work colleagues sound not so nice, I bet they have 'stuff' they need to outpour also?!

 

Wishing you lots of nice, calm, happy and peaceful times!

[lisa35]

Thank you all so much, my difficulties are nothing compared to many of you, my son has only "slight" traits, never the less- still lot of energy! Just got bit on top of me I think, got three daysoff work now, have cleaned entire house, washed,ironed(you know the score!) and have decided this weekend we re going to have fun. I know Ive made him worse last few weeks, I screamed like a banshee last night- not good- just makes hime worse

Must try harder!

Thanks Again x

Lisa

[stressedmumto2]

you're only human, don't beat yourself up about it and have a fantastic weekend

[TheNeil]

Thank you all so much, my difficulties are nothing compared to many of you, my son has only "slight" traits, never the less- still lot of energy! Just got bit on top of me I think, got three daysoff work now, have cleaned entire house, washed,ironed(you know the score!) and have decided this weekend we re going to have fun. I know Ive made him worse last few weeks, I screamed like a banshee last night- not good- just makes hime worse

Must try harder!

Thanks Again x

Lisa

 

The fact that you get upset and beat yourself over stuff like this proves that you're a good mum and are always going to do your best. I know it might not be easy but try to put everything out of head for the next couple of days and enjoy your break - you'll feel a whole lot better. Oh, and set fire to the ironing - it's not important.

[oxgirl]

Hi lisa35, hope you're feeling a bit better now. <'>

 

I know exactly what you mean, I feel very much like you do. This condition, by it's very nature, is very isolating I think. My lad is 13 and has no friends at all and does not go to any groups or clubs or anywhere!

 

When he was a baby, I had friends with babies the same age, but as they grew up and went off to school they found friends of their own and we were left behind. At primary school, my son never had any friends, which meant that I didn't get to huddle with other parents in the playground and talk about coming over to tea, etc. I was, basically, standing there in the playground on my own because my son's lack of friendships had made me an outcast, or so it felt. My parents are both dead and my hub's parents live a long way away, so we have no help or support really either, I know how lonely it can be. Ooops, seems like I needed a rant as well, sorry about that!

 

Anyway, I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that people here do understand. <'>

Take care.

 

~ Mel ~

[MichelleW]

I know how you feel too - I'm technically a single parent. My eldest son hasn't seen his father since Christmas day and we've never had contact with the grandparents on that side of the "family". My parents babysit occasionally, but rarely overnight (3 times in the last 6 years and one occasion was because I was in hospital having my youngest!). My youngest's father never has him over night and never offers to have him for a few hours at the weekend. Although we are supposedly still "together" we don't live together (he really can't cope with the children) and we probably only see each other a couple of hours a week - and usually I am so exhausted I'm falling asleep. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me. It's when I'm exhausted and something happens to tip me over the edge (like last night the youngest tipped a 6 pint bottle of milk over floor!) i just want to get out for a few hours and have bit of time to myself.

 

I had considered joining a professional babysitting service - but then I can't leave my children with someone they don't know. J find's it difficult enough if my parents babysit, and I don't like to ask them unless it is a special occasion such as a wedding or birthday.

[dooday24]

hope u r fealling abit better it can be very lonely my outlaws wont look after our children and my mum already has the children 4 days a week so i can work so i dont like 2 ask her to have them so we can go out we last went out as a couple 3 yrs ago. sorry im ranting. hope things get better soon love donnax

[bikergal]

I know how you feel. Take care.

 

<'> <'> <'>

[Bagpuss]

Lisa,

 

I can empathise with your feelings of being hurt by family apparant lack of care or understanding. We too have experienced this, and it left both DH and I bewildered and confused. I just don't "get" how other people can behave sometimes....especially family, as you just assume they will be as supportive as you would be/are to them. No one can fully appreciate what you go thru, unless they've walked in your shoes, so I feel your workmates are being insensitive to suggest you talk less about your son. We are fortunate in that my mum is very supportive, and has a fantastic relationship with our kiddies. We are able to go for odd nights out....and attend meetings, appointments etc knowing she can and will help out. We don't have local mates we can call on for help, and if it weren't for my mum we'd be totally alone. I wish I knew what to suggest regarding you and your other half having quality time together. Maybe getting a takeaway, some nice music, candels......actually scrap that, if DH and I did that we'd both be fast asleep within half an hour Your not alone, we are always here to listen, and I hope life feels abit brighter soon. Take care <'> <'>

[hev]

having no time to ourself as a couple is hard for us as well,even if we are trying to talk in the bedroom steven is stomping about,calling me for silly things,this is at midnight and ive no idea what its like to be an ordinary couple and do what other couples do,say have a meal downstairs while kids are asleep,stevens always awake and if hes not awake k is,last time we went out was about 4 months ago,first time in about a year,it was lovely but cant ask my mum and dad no more to have both of them as dads ill,i think if me and n split up i would stay single,a new bloke would be mystified if he came here for an evening oh ive just thought,i could get n to babysit while i went out with my new fella

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Fxx

[ellisisamazing]

It's not easy at all is it!

 

I have a friend who moans that she only gets a Saturday night out, EVERY SATURDAY!......I would be so happy with that!

 

Some people eh?, if only they could spend a day in all of our (the fm's) shoes!

 

Some people just aren't satisfied......Imagine one whole night out per week?!