Circle of friends

[madme]

My DD 5 is not dx as ASD (brother is AS ADHD) but she has been identified as having significant social issues such as not understanding friendships. School is aware and autism outreach worker has identified this as an area to work on. Today the class had a "circles of friends" and teacher got each pupil to go around the class asking who was their "best friend". DD identified a girl in her class - this girl identified a different girl as her best friend and noone identified DD as their friend. DD is understandably upset. Hubbie and I are concerned at the way this was handled. Is this a usual way for "circle of friends"? This has only served to highlight her differences. Perhaps Im just being oversensitive as the promises made about other things are still not materialising. Surely this exercise is supposed to bring out positive rather than negative issues?

[loulou]

Hi madme,

 

I've never heard of this before, but i think it's AWFUL, especially for 5 year olds . As you say, it only highlights the differences between children. I wonder what the teacher was trying to achieve????

 

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all <'> .

 

Loulou xx

[oxgirl]

I know I'd be terribly upset if this happened to my son! He's 13 now, but if they did that in his class it would just prove to highlight that he has absolutely no friends and it would stick out to him like a sore thumb! I think the teacher probably thought this would be a good way to get people saying nice things about each other, but I think she went about it in totally the wrong way. You might as well just say, 'who likes Tom, let's have a show of hands'!! Humiliating!

 

So sorry your little girl has been upset, hope this hasn't made her feel too upset! <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[dooday24]

that is awful i would be fuming if they did that 2 reece, hope she is okay <'> <'>

[elun1]

http://www.inclusive-solutions.com/circlesoffriends.asp

 

Hi I was just reading this website about Circle of Friends it looked really useful. The Circle is meant to facilitate inclusion, not exclusion!!

hth Elun xxx

[Bagpuss]

Madme, that must of been so upsetting for your little one. I'd of been heartbroken if it had happened to any of my kiddies No one wants their child to be the one who no one picks, and if your child was aware that she wasn't picked, that is cruel. May be worth popping into school and having a chat with the teacher to find out what she was hoping to achieve. Take care <'>

[hev]

i dont agree with circle of friends at all,ive never heard of it and think its awful,steve would have been so upset if that happened to him,hope your little girl ok,i would have quiet word to school to say how upset she was,thats really annoyed me,think its cruel

[ellisisamazing]

You must mention the negative effect of this on your little one to her teacher. How awful for your Child? <'>

[badonkadonk]

Hiya,

 

I've been reading about the Circle of Friends technique as well because it's going to help in the job I've applied for. From what I've read (I've never seen it put into practice) this isn't how it's supposed to happen.

 

These following quotes are taken from the document you can download from my county's AOT website.

 

What is a Circle of Friends?

 

?.. A group of volunteers from the focus pupil?s class or tutor group who meet regularly with the pupil and an adult facilitator.

 

The volunteers suggest strategies to support and help the focus pupil in their areas of difficulty. The strategies are then reviewed with the pupil.

 

These meetings could, for example, take place each week for six months.

 

The individual members of the Circle are not there to become a ?best friend? to the focus child.

 

The Circle is ended when sufficient strategies are in place to ensure that the pupil can succeed socially at an appropriate level.

 

How do you create a Circle of Friends?

 

?.. Ensure that the school staff are positive about the whole process and willing to see it through. Gain the agreement of the focus pupil and their parents. Later, parents of volunteers will also need to agree their involvement.

 

Then a series of meetings will be planned as follows:

 

Whole class session, where:

 The focus pupil is not included, but is happy to work elsewhere for the session

 

 An adult (normally from the support services) takes the class through a number of exercises

 

 Pupils are asked about different types or levels of friendship in their own lives

 

 Pupils discuss things the focus pupil does well and also the difficulties he/she experiences

 

 The connection is made generally between lack of friends, feelings and behaviour

 

 Initial suggestions to help the focus pupil are made

 

 Volunteers are invited to join a Circle of Friends for the focus pupil

 

An initial meeting of the Circle of

Friends, where:

 

 Ground rules are established (e.g. confidentiality)

 

 The group shares their motivation to help the focus child

 

 Some initial strategies are discussed

 

 Further meetings for the Circle are arranged

 

Suggestions made by a Circle of

Friends for Ashley (age 11) over a period of 3 months:

 

Our aim is to ?.

 

 Help him control his behaviour

 Help him to talk to others

 Help him explain when he is having a problem

 Involve him in games we are playing

 Make sure he knows how to play the games

 Help him with work if he is stuck

 Remind him we are there to help if he gets worked up

 Take it in turns to see that he goes outside

 Ask him to help when we are involved in a job

 

It's not great by any means....providing examples like "help him control his behaviour" and "remind him we are there to help if he gets worked up" are hardly appropriate or ideal aims to be giving so it's clear that the method is, as of yet, far from perfect.

 

But I think ultimately it is a good idea, but one that needs to be put into place very carefully and with full understanding from all adults involved about what is supposed to happen. Clearly this hasn't happened in the case of your daughter and you have every single right to feel that is unacceptable. Circle of Friends should be put in place to help those with social communication difficulties and so beginning this with what essentially boils down to being a popularity contest obviously means that understanding of CoF has broken down somewhere between the adults involved.

 

Talk to the teacher, more importantly talk to the Outreach Team and try to find out what exactly they were trying to achieve with this method. Explain what you thought was going to happen, explain what help you think your child should get in future and raise other concerns that you have also. You can't let them continue with this until everyone is clear what is trying to be achieved, especially when the effects on your daughter are negative.

 

Having Autism Outreach Teams across the UK I think is a brilliant idea and a fantastic opportunity to educate teachers and support staff whilst providing support and aiding understanding to the children and their parents. Nobody is perfect and even people trained in this area of work are going to get it wrong sometimes, every child is different as we all know, what works for one will probably not work for another. But in your situation it's not a case of this as this kind of method will not work for any child at all, I mean really when you compare it to the aims I quoted above it is totally against what they are supposed to be doing.

 

Good luck, be strong and have faith in what you feel, you are definately not being over sensitive!

 

Emily

xxx

[bid]

I think this is appalling for all the children involved, ASD or not

 

We all know that there will always be some children who no-one will pick as their BF...how insensitive of the staff to highlight this in such a way!

 

Bid

[CarerQuie]

One teacher my DD had made everyone pick one thing they admired about everyone else.That was a very positive thing.xx

[madme]

Thanks all. Im spurred on to tackle this. Im ging toread as much as possible about circle of friends. Im just so scared of being seen as "difficult". Had years of probs with my sons first primary schooland cant face going "there" again so to speak. Againthanks. Its so nice to be able to come hear and get advice.

[Karen A]

Hi sorry your child had such an unhelpful experience.I just wondered whether this is an example of a teacher with no experience getting hold of an idea and using it without adequate knowledge.I can easily imagine a teacher thinking they need to do something,reading one small article,not understanding the issues and creating a misserable experience.Does the teacher have access to ASD outreach or another specialist to provide some training and guidance? A specialist SLT visited Ben's school and provided some training.All of the staff are much more aware of how to help him now.

Sorry I read your post again and see that a specialist has made recommendations.I think perhaps the teacher needs some training re how to fulfill them.He/she was probably told to do something but not how to do it.Karen.

Edited January 20, 2007 by Karen A