Asking SS for help

[curra]

Hi everyone,

I didn't want to go the SS path, but there's no other way ! Although M 's needs were assessed in 2005 by SS they concluded that "services have been accessed" (not true) and that the case would be closed. Since then M's problems have been getting worse and everything seems to be going downhill at home. Luckily he got a statement last year and moved to a new school where he is fine, but his frustration at home is awful, in spite of meds, he hits his head, screams and is desperate; he doesn't integrate to any group, doesn't go out, hasn't gained any independence and he shuns all social/human contact. I am going to take the step to ask SS to reassess his needs and help me although I dread the battle - I have no other choice. We have BIG housing problems with neighbours complaining all the time because of noise caused by my son (I can't tie him to a chair, he has to move)! , he hates the flat yet he doesn't go out, so he's in a constant depressive mood and last night he said that he hasn't had any experience of joy in years and that he hates me, all his family and that he can't feel love for anyone. I have cried all morning and got to the point where either SS help me or I'll sink. I hope that they don't expect for a tragedy to occur in order to act. Please wish me luck with SS

 

Curra

[jessie]

I hope that you get all the help that you are entitled to. We live in the countryside and do have some neighbours who do understand when son is throwing tantrums etc...it must be awful in a flat tho'.

 

good luck

 

jessie

[Bambi]

Awwww hun <'> ><

 

I know how u feel and i do hope that SS can help, yes i too feel like they need something to happen before they will act!

 

We can only but try and im wishing u all the luck in the world that they do help asap

 

Thinking of you.

 

Bambi x

[oxgirl]

So sorry you feel so desperate, Curra, it shouldn't have to get to this before help is offered. I wish you all the luck in the world with getting the support you need and deserve. Hold on and try to keep believing that things will get better. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Good luck Curra and thinking of you <'>

[curra]

Thank you All for the good vibes <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Talked to a lady over the phone who gave me another number to call. There was no one answering it so I'll call again tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive but it's not easy today, I'm feeling very low and must do something to cheer me up. I read somewhere that alcohol (in moderation) is good for stress. I very rarely drink but I think I'll have a glass of wine today . I hope it doesn't make me

 

 

Curra

[zaman]

Have you tried your GP? Sometimes referrals are made to happen a lot quicker if it comes from them. And s/he may be able to help you access other help that perhaps you don't know about?

[hev]

curra <'> <'> yes ring the number again tomorrow,you need and deserve help from ss,i hope they give you the help you need,in the meantime keep posting,i find it helps not to bottle it up

[Deedee]

Hi Curra sorry to hear you're so stressed at the moment.My boy's hard work and he's younger than yours without the hormones too!!!!

Hope you get some luck with SS it took us a lot of badgering but got there in the end...Do persevere with chasing them I'm sure its like most things (DLA etc) they rely on people giving up chasing them to thin out the numbers

[curra]

Thanks Zaman, Hev, Deedee <'> <'> <'>

 

 

My GP might help, I'll call him first thing tomorrow.

 

It's a constant struggle to get support for our kids, isn't it. I hope SS does something this time because i've got on one side my DS stressed out and in desperate need to be helped , and on the other my neighbours always complaining about alleged noise.

 

 

 

Curra

[ellisisamazing]

Thinking of you, Hun.....I hope it all works out for the positive.

[Clare63]

Curra, really thinking of you, it must be so awful those neighbours of yours keep complaining and with the threat of loosing your home and everything else you have to deal with you must feel nearing the end of your tether. Sending bucket loads of luck with SS, lets hope they sit up and take note and carry out saome positive action asap.

Clare x <'> <'> <'>

[curra]

Well, today I had a long phone call with SS but there is nothing concrete as a result. They asked lots of questions with a very nice and soothing voice, whether Cahms, GP, support groups, school etc were involved, and made suggestions to contact them to ask for help/advice. I insisted that despite the involvement of these agencies, my son WON'T go out, he completely lacks social contacts and is constantly frustrated about it, I said clearly that he's in desperate need of a support worker to take him out to do things like going shopping or taking a bus because he is risking not being integrated to society. In the end they said that if things get "too bad" they would act with a referral from the GP and they gave me another phone number to call, which turned out to be an ADHD support group! The lady in this group didn' even know what AS was, so I had to explain it to her. She said that they will try and see whether they can arrange a support worker.

The complaints from my neighbours are making everything even more unbearable but I found out at the housing association that they can't evict me because of normal living noises and that I mustn't worry. So at least, that was some good news this morning .

 

I'm still holding on to the hope that things will get better.

 

Curra

[bikergal]

Hope things improve for you soon, curra. <'> <'> <'>

[JsMum]

Hi curra

 

the precedures that the social services have taken dont seem right, the fact they gave you concact of an ADHD parents group that dont have awareness of AS which in itself seems a bit funny because our ADHD support group defo understand AS as many have it as a dual diagnosis,but they should of diverted you to a AS parent support group, I went to my fist group last night and it was a great place to meet others who are in similair circumstances so do check with NAS your nearest AS Support group.

 

The procedures the SS are taking are a bit wishy washy, and wondered if they have listened properly about the actual diagnosis of your son, and are they understanding that the needs are urgent, you could request an assessment with ss.

 

Have you a carers centre where you are?

I get quite a bit of support from them.

 

Also contact a family are good as well and can go into further details of what ss should be doing, they should be looking into a MDT meeting as soon as possible and getting everyone who are involved together to look at what support can be in place with in the home.

 

I would keep a diary of the times and dates of all your calls to ss and the calls they do to you and key note the kinds of support they have offered to you.

 

Mencap may be able to look further into a support worker for your son and some social groups also.

 

I would keep on ringing the ss at any times of the most distress and if they choose to still fob you off just keep writing it down what they are offering.

 

I personally wouldnt drink any alcohol as this could lead to more difficulties in making rational decisions, alcohol can make us feel confident to do things we otherwise wouldnt contemplate so do keep this to absalout minimal.

 

I feel just as frustrated as last weekend they where soo brillaint with supporting us, but I know if I really couldnt cope I would be very persistant and keep a log of events.

 

Good luck

 

JsMum

[curra]

JsMum,

 

Thanks a lot for the idea of asking Contact a Family! I have sent them an email today asking for information about family workers in my area. I live in a nice but not very big town that seems to lack some important services, or they don't work as they ought to. There's a carers group too but most of the parents of AS children attend the AS groups. We have 2 AS support groups where my DS doesn't want to go, so that has to be ruled out , at least for now. SS are well known here for being wishy washy as you say, so I was not too shocked this morning when I talked to them. They sounded friendly at least, and the door is open for me to contact them again - which I will keep doing until they help us.

I had only 1 glass of red wine mixed with orange squash because I don't like the taste of wine. It didn't affect me at all, but I know what you mean about feeling too confident when drinking. It's something I dread due to alcohol problems in the family.

 

I'm feeling okeish today and I know that on Monday I'll be ready to return to the battlefront ! SS have not heard all from me yet!

 

Good luck with your SS

 

 

CurraXX

[curra]

Thanks Bikergal <'> <'> <'>

 

C.

[lynyona]

Curra

 

Sorry to be negative but i was at my wits end and got in touch with social services out of desperation, and they sent a nice lady round to ask questions to do an assesment and she would be in touch shortly, that will be three years ago in May.Hope you have better luck than i did,i did phone them a couple of times and she was still compiling her report i gave up in the end.

 

 

lynn

[curra]

Lynyona

 

SS were the same with me. In 2005 I asked for an assessment of my son's needs and mine as a carer. They were very reluctant but a lady came after I insisted a couple of times. She asked lots of questions and I never heard from her again. My son received a statement in Jan this year and to my surprise there was a report by SS in it saying that he was getting support from other agencies so they had closed the case! I am just waiting to have the opportunity to complain about it. If he has been getting so much support how come things have got worse and worse for him? There was nothing done about my own needs.

You should try again. It is their duty to provide support but they rely too much on parents giving up.

 

Good luck!

 

Curra

[Kazzen161]

I asked for a summary of SSs involvement when I was putting my case for residential schooling - there were several errors in it - they even referred to the wrong son in one piece.

 

Karen

[curra]

I asked for a summary of SSs involvement when I was putting my case for residential schooling - there were several errors in it - they even referred to the wrong son in one piece.

 

Karen

 

 

When I was a teacher if I had referred to the wrong child in an official document, I would probably have been fired! Are these people for real?

 

Curra

[butterfingersbimbo]

<'> <'> <'> hope you are feeling better chic! and hope you get some support soon. good news about the housing tho!

[lilibet]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

)))))))))))))))

bw

Elizabeth

[lynyona]

We even went as far to ask for respite and according to them we were offered it a few years back and refused.Dont think so! wouldnt we remember if we had been and we d have snapped their arm off. Im still confused though with this "doesnt meet the criteria" we have often encounter by various bodies what is the criteria then.?

 

 

 

 

 

lynn

[Kazzen161]

Our SS have criteria - critical is the top one - and that is the only one they give any help to round here - and things have to be very, very, very bad to get into that category. There is also criteria to decide if you fit into the children and families team or into the disabilities team.

 

The criteria may be on your Children's services web-site.

 

Karen

[curra]

I'm fuming! Just re-read the "report" by SS after they assessed my son's needs in 2005 and it says that they couldn't determine how much of M's behaviour is a disorder or "of a nature that is brought about to keep his level of dependency". There's is no mention of M's diagnosis of AS and blindness in one eye, which affect his daily activities!!

 

Curra