Furious and really p******d off!

[elun1]

Hi I would really really value advice on this one!!

To cut a long story short after much soul searching and battles we were recently offered overnight respite for ds2 (severe autism, SLD, ADHD, Dyspraxia, SID etc etc!!!) He is just 6. Respite is for once a fortnight

Anyway call me naive but I had never realised what totally ###### respite carers are emplyed by S.S. Seriously I wouldn't leave a goldfish with the carers we've been offered - let alone my precious vulnerable beautiful child - who has NO way of telling me how he's been treated. The total absolute fool in charge of SS told me 'Please be assured .... our carers go through rigorous checks' I was also told that O would be on the 'Looked after child list' if we accept their help - how is that fair? I don't even want to ask for help but sometimes I drive up to work and I haven't had sleep - it's only a chance to recharge the batteries. I feel so so angry - I feel like complaining to the highest possible person who will listen!

Any advice appreciated - I am losing the plot over this and that isn't like me these days

Thanks for listening

Love Elun xxx

[hev]

elun im waiting for overnight respite care for steve and this is also my worry,ive been assured that they are checked v carefully but its still a big worry to me,did you meet your sons carers today then?

[stressedmumto2]

Hi Elun,

 

I think the Looked After Child list is just what they call it when it's over-night respite, I know though it's not very nice how they've put it but it's not like a child at risk register.

 

I know what you mean wih respite carers, lol have had enough of my own difficulties. I think the most you can do is meet with all of them and if you are still not happy is there anyone you feel he could be left with and ask s/s to fund them for training to deal with your child and the money for them to look after him and give you the much needed respite.

 

S/S have said they would prefer this optyion for me and i've only just realised now it's because it's so much cheaper and if son had respite and carers couldn't cope it would show a bigger need for residential school which I wanted.

 

Take care <'>

[elun1]

Hi Hev <'>

We've been offered 2 carers so far. The first carer spent an hour with O with me there too and didn't want to do it. He's incontinent and she didn't want that. Also she wanted a child she 'could have fun with' That broke my heart when she said that. The second one I had an appointment to see but when I checked her out via friends and also a couple of people from O's autistic unit who I do trust they advised me not to leave him. Also dh is in the Police and is regularly called to places such as this. Don't get me wrong, there must be some wonderful carers but we haven't had a good experience so far

xxx

[elun1]

<'> Thanks sm22 xx

[Bagpuss]

Could you apply for direct payments and employ your own overnight respite carer? At least that way you would get the reassurance that you have vetted them personally and checked them out fully. It is a worry isn't it......especially knowing that your child isn't able to communicate if they are unhappy or mistreated in anyway. Good luck and hope you find someone wonderful soon <'>

[hev]

oh elun how hurtful that she said she wanted a child she could have fun with,no wonder you are furious,i would be too <'>

 

im gonna go with gut feelings on steves carers,if i feel uneasy with them he will not go,its pointless having respite if we spend our time worried sick.

 

i hope you have better luck with the next carers they send you <'>

[elun1]

<'> Thanks

There must be someone right for him somewhere! The whole system is just so wrong though. We should only be offered people of high quality for our special children - just find the whole process so humiliating and depressing

xxxx

[elun1]

Bagpuss - thanks for replying - I've put our name down for direct payments - think it could be a way forward. My sw told us we couldn't use it for overnight but I'm not sure she's right - got to look into it

xxxx

[oxgirl]

Elun, the quality of some of these people entrusted with our children is pitifully low (sorry if that offends anyone), I'm also including some TAs in this, some of them haven't a clue. Just because they don't have a police record doesn't make them fit to care for vulnerable children. If you don't feel confident in any of the carers' ability to care for and enjoy being with your son, then I'd reject the lot of them and write a very strong letter of complaint to the organizers explaining the reasons why none of them were suitable. They must try harder to find people better equipped for the job, some of these people are hard as nails, they don't even seem to LIKE children!

So sorry you haven't found the help that you need. Good luck. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[JsMum]

J has had previos respite and it turned out to be very unproffesional,

 

this was at an age we had no real definate diagnosis, just probables, so he went on the basis that he was just behavioural difficulties,

 

the couple where doing repite fostering because their children had grown up and they had free time, they offered placements to two children, but it was stated that J be cared for on his own due to social difficulties,

 

the first few sessions where but after third time they took in an older child double Js age and he was into everything, stealing, setting fires, breaking property, rude and abusive,

 

the couple thought that it was ok to let this older boy supervise my J and go off on a wonder with him because in their eyes the area was safe, but what about safe of this other boy, so off the two went, on a wrecking spree, causing trouble and causing complaints,

 

when J returned he had lighters was setting fires at home and at school that led him onto on an intensive course from the fire brigade,

 

I complained to SS and insisted that J be placed by himself, when this happened, they stuck him in front of a Video and when he got bored they sent him to his bedroom for been silly, so the next time J didnt want to go again, and the couple got two sisters and they preferred these to J as the sisters where good and occupied each other.

 

 

So it stopped and it I have never been interested in another family, the checks are very basic and the course is bare minimum, I wouldnt trust ss repsite carers again and would look into indepentant or banardos,

 

JsMum

[elun1]

<'> Thanks J's mum.

Once half term arrives I'm going to lodge a formal compaint with SS and also try and see my local AM (we're in Wales) May also contact press but I don't really know if they'd be interested. To me though it's just outrageous - the most vulnerable in society being cared for by some of the most unsuitable people I've ever met!! Also I think SS bank on the fact that most of us are too tired and stressed to go through a complaints procedure and will just give in and carry on caring 100% of the time - it's truly shameful and I feel I just have to try and do something about it

Elun xxx

[hev]

well ss have been here today,got a couple to look after steve for few days a week,they coming here 5th june then we going there another day to look at their house,im hoping it goes ok

[elun1]

Good luck with it Hev, really hope they're right for Steve. How many hours a week did SS agree to?

x

[lorryw]

Please, please make a formal complaint to ss. Im afraid its the only way forward and the only way to make proper changes to the system.

Its even worse for adults with autism. My son is 20 and is non verbal and with severe learning difficulties. The service is just not geared up for him or adults with similar difficulties.

It has taken me a long time to realise that the only way to change things is to complain and make as much fuss as possible. Its time consuming, draining but the only way forward.

[elun1]

<'> It is the same where we live, there's no provision of any kind for children like ours post 19 here and not a lot before that age. Once half term comes and I'm not working I'm going to get complaint written.

Take care xxx

[Deedee]

Oh Elen what a scary situation to be in <'> We had the same predicament with our son's respite but went down the Direct Payments route in the end.Where I live we have a charity that manages it all for you so it really cuts down on all the organisation of it all(not my strong point!!!)

We advertised ourselves and interviewed with their help and now have a wonderful boy who helps out with M.I think DP gives you a lot more choice in who actually cares for your child.Have you a friend/family member who can do it?They will allow this as lon as they don't reside at the same address. I do hope you find someone suitable soon. <'>

[phoebe]

hi

just flew in for a quick visit to catch up....sorry things are so difficult. I do hope that you manage to get something more positive sorted out.

Take care of you

Phoebe

[hev]

Good luck with it Hev, really hope they're right for Steve. How many hours a week did SS agree to?

x

havent told me yet,prob wont start for another month IF it starts at all

 

i was put off doing direct payments cos its like being self employed they told me,sorting out national insurance contributions etc

[lynyona]

I used to work as a carer on direct payments for a friend of mine and all she had to do was to send the time sheets in obviously you have to have a separate bank account for it but The crossroads charity helped with all the tax and insurance stuff .It worked well for her because she could interview and choose her own carer.They did all the advertising and stuff checked references and that before they put them forward.I do agree though with what as been said there isnt much about for our kids after they reach 18 when they are supposed to become adults or there is next to nothing around our area.

 

 

lynn

[hev]

ss have agreed to 2 days a week which im pleased with(not at school at mo)have to see how it goes

[suzie-girl]

Definatly complain,it's disgusting and how hurtfull <'> x

[Cariad]

I get respite for my son once a week in schooltimes and twice in half term times. I haven't broached the subject of overnight respite as it worries me also. My Son can soil and smear and wet himself and i'd hate this to happen when someone has him overnight!

 

I do get a break everynow and again over night at the MIL's and it's a godsend as my son doesn't sleep and we are constantly tired. I hope you find somebody you can trust for your son.

[Bard]

My Son can soil and smear and wet himself and i'd hate this to happen when someone has him overnight!

 

my son doesn't sleep and we are constantly tired.

 

Isn't the whole point of respite care that you have to deal with this 24/7 for years, and the carer only has to cope for a short period? How can they think that they are carers if they will only do part of the job?

Thank God that these selective, insensitive people don't have children of their own with particular demands and needs. There must be respite carers out there who would be fuming at such unkind and heartless words.

[elun1]

<'> Thanks

Im writing formal letter of complaint this week to s.s and going to make appointment to see our Assembly Member (we are in Wales) I was chatting to another mum of an autistic 11 yr old girl from my ds's unit and she has also not accepted the dreadful 'carers' she's been offered for her lovely daughter. On the grounds of her refusal to accept this standard of care for her child, ss are now refusing to fund a place for residential which this family badly needs! I find this so disgusting and unfair that something just has to be done

Elun xxxx