What is a meltdown?

[Bevvy]

I am reading lots on the posts about meltdowns and I understand from some that they can be absolutely horrendous. What is the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum? I know some people have to call the police!

 

My boy (nearly 4, suspected Aspergers) has a tendency to throw toys, (not lots just the one he may be holding at the time) , stamp his feet and make 'angry noises' if he doesn't get his own way or if I tell him to play nicely or threaten a punishment. I have always just seen this as a tantrum as most 4 year old get. He also can get very emotional over little things and it takes a lot to snap out of it. Is this classed as a meltdown?

 

I understand some are related to much more complex things like a build up of stress over the day.

 

Could you give me your experiences or meltdowns and do they get worse with age? Am I being stupidly optimistic to think my experiences are just tantrums that he may grow out of?

 

thanks

[Frangipani]

I am reading lots on the posts about meltdowns and I understand from some that they can be absolutely horrendous. What is the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum? I know some people have to call the police!

 

I understand some are related to much more complex things like a build up of stress over the day.

 

Could you give me your experiences or meltdowns and do they get worse with age? Am I being stupidly optimistic to think my experiences are just tantrums that he may grow out of?

 

thanks

 

Hi Bevvy,

 

A tantrum is similar to what toddlers go through like the terrible two's when they throw themselves to the ground or cry obsessively to get their way as they dont have the verbal skills to put into words what they want, or carry on long enough mum or dad will get fed up and give in. Kids usually grow out of this.

 

With a meltdown it is a term used to describe when someone with Aspergers or and Autism Spectrum Disorder is at their witsend and about to explode or implode. They dont grow out of it, parents get really stressed and totally flip as it can upset the whole household, and parents need to learn how to handle meltdowns to basically give the ASD child or adult room to breathe. Its like they have overloaded. I just found a link with some steps on how to deal with a meltdown and by reading this you will understand the difference between a tantrum like the terrible twos and an ASD meltdown.

 

Hope this helps

 

http://www.mindsandhearts.net/gfx/pdf/Mana...ituation%20.pdf

 

It took me a while to work out my sons triggers and many parents resort to books and support groups and doctors to help manage their child ASD meltdowns, some are so bad that they require therapy and more severe cases medication to help them cope. But that usually much further down the track. I think meltdowns for ASD really start around the age of 8 some 12 depends on if they are Aspergers or ASD.

 

F xx

[hev]

thanks for the link fran <'> <'>

[Bard]

As Lya said on another thread, what is the difference between an AS meltdown and normal, annoying teenage behaviour?

B has had meltdowns from being around 7. he had temper tantrums before that, and still has tantrums now on occasion. For me, and this is only one person speaking about her son, the difference is in the amount of control he has. Meltdowns often occur when he has been walking the impossible tightrope at school and got stressed beyond bearing. It begins with volume, a real feral, shut-down expression and shoving or knocking things in his way. At this point, swift action can sometimes avert the storm.

If not, he loses control. He can't hear people calling or shouting his name, he is locked into expressing his aggression. He will throw his bag, kick over bins, push through doors and go through anyone in his way. If another person has started something, B will hit them. He normally listens to teachers and isn't disobedient. In one meltdown last year, a male teacher had to exert serious force to drag him off another child. B was just Y7, the other was 6' and 16. It made no difference to B, he was responding not thinking. Sometimes he runs and hides in a small space, and has been known to fall asleep. Once a meltdown is ended, he regains control quite quickly, provided no one talks to him, touches him or makes any kind of noise. He struggles to achieve it, and any interaction makes him lose concentration. His memory of any incidents during a meltdown is patchy, but he won't disagree with an eyewitness he trusts.

He's learning to identify triggers, and his school has been very supportive in all sorts of ways. The incidents are less frequent, but he only has the ability to manage school for around 5 weeks. The longer a term is, the more like juggling gelignite it becomes for everyone involved.

Edited June 8, 2007 by Bard

[Mumble]

Bard <'> <'> What an excellent description and so much of which I can identify with. Loss of control is perhaps the key - I'm an adult, I don't have meltdowns often, but when I do, I'm certainly not in control and not aware of what's going on either (at a particular level - I am aware, as Bard says, if people try to touch me or talk to me - whilst talking can help when I'm calming down it can also have the opposite effect - and touching is a big no no in any situation). My memory of what happened is very limited, which is why it is difficult to learn from these situations without someone to help me understand it - I had a meltdown at a large railway terminus a few months ago - the culmination of an incredibly stressful day, not being able to communicate with the ticketman and then being unable to find my train home - I was so stressed and in such a panic that I just went into total shutdown, crying and shaking in the middle of the station.

 

As Bard also describes, the running and hiding in a small space is something I do to - I would suggest that in these cases I have a bit more control and have identified things getting too much and have sought safety. The worst meltdowns though can be quite unpredictable as above and I'm not very good at identifying when stress levels are too high and this might happen - I say I'm ok with situations because I'm too embarrassed to say I'm not coping, it's too noisy, crowded or whatever, and then I suffer the cataclismic consequences which can be even more embarrassing.

 

I would venture (and I'm happy to be corrected on this because I don't have children and so haven't witnessed the terrible twos) that tantrums are often more about manipulation and gaining control in testing boundaries, whereas meltdowns are about a loss of control and a loss of boundaries

 

Mumble

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

i think in the head for our kids it is too much of something, noise, thoughts,smells, confusion

and by the time they get to this they cannot articluate ( howver they do) that they need to let off steam

when we get cross, or frustrated, we shout this?

then they strart to smash things, or us! or themselves, i have been led to believe that head banaging takes one thing away and replaces it with pain which is preferable?

the issue with this is, if i leave my dd alone, she will do serious damage to something, and now threatens to jump out of the window, so we take it,

i cannot tell hew how much we love her, i cannot talk to her, and if i try too soon to talk to her she rolls straight back into it ( which our salt did warm me of)

finding a trigger is great stepping back and seeing what is coming, for me our daig was too late, and the sliding into meltdown is inevitable.

talking softly and with few word, or divertions can help. dd can sometimes see something coming and goes and bounces, but for us the past few years have been more fraught, and we put this down to hromone fluctuations

x

[Kazzen161]

Tony Attwood said something like: if a child is in meltdown - if you say "If you continue, I will chop off your arm, if you stop I will give you a million pounds" the child will continue. He is beyond reasoning with, and beyond rational thought.

 

As children get older they can be helped to develop strategies to calm themselves down, to recognise the pre-cursor signs, etc - to avoid getting to the meltdown stage.

 

"Aspergers Syndrome and Difficult Moments: practical solutions for tantrums, rage and meltdown" by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick is an excellent book covering this.

[peppa]

DD is 4 next months and the meltdowns begun approx 6 months ago.

When she has meltdown it goes far far beyond average tantrum, (which of course she does also occasionally have).

Her eyes become glazed with a look of sheer terror, she cannot tolerate been spoken to, she runs around uncontrollably knocking into walls, tables,doors etc. Her strenghth seems to increase ten fold and she will climb and throw herself from anything possible into anything possible.

The worst part is when she self harms, she hits her head, pulls her hair, bites chunks out of her arms and headbutts (even concrete surfaces) she also directs head butts towards us. She shouts made up words and gobboldy gook, and some unsavoury words!

She can not be calmed with any tactic when she has gone beyond a certain point and we have to just try to keep her safe, often needing to be restrained, she has continual bruising on her forhead and bite mark bruises up her arms.

They can be extremley heart rending and emotional to watch, but nothing compared to what it must be like for the individual.

DD can occassionally spot when she is feeling overwhelmed and will go and lie on the bed saying she needs to calm down, this is only a recent development as we have learned to spot triggers and help teach her coping strategies.

We are all just learning.

Hopefully this is something that will improve with age and that is different for every asd individual.

I hope this helps and hasn't sounded to much of a rant!!

Despite it been the hardest to deal with, it really is just a minor part of who dd is, and her unique and special personality.

[KarenT]

I've always felt that control is the key in defining a meltdown. There's usually something subtle that differentiates between tantrums and meltdowns, with experience you begin to tell them apart - it could be something in the tone of voice/screaming, what's actually being said, the visible behaviour. It's different for each child but you do get to recognise it with time.

 

You can usually reason with a tantrum, however difficult it might be, but a meltdown just has to run its course and burn itself out. All you can do is give the child opportunities for this to happen and avoid adding pressures that might make it worse or lengthen it. IME, a tantrum requires firm discipline to manage whereas a meltdown needs support and understanding, although obviously you do need to stand your ground. Essentially a tantrum happens when a child is pushing the boundaries and trying to get something it can't have, it's about manipulation, whereas a meltdown usually comes from over-stimulation, heightened emotion and the total loss of self control that results. You can't reason with a meltdown! Another defining characteristic is the loss of memory of what triggered the meltdown, whereas with a tantrum the cause is usually known to the child and they can remember the entire incident.

 

J never had a toddler tantrum, not one. Then suddenly when he was six he started having meltdowns and I instinctively knew what it was. This wasn't about pressing my buttons and manipulating me, he was completely lost and out of control - I could pick up a lot from his manic facial expression and genuine fear. I found the first few rather scary but you get used to them after a while, learn how to stay calm and just back off till it's over.

 

J's had much fewer meltdowns in recent months because we've talked about them openly in our anger management work and we now have a routine for when he loses it. I think he feels safer knowing what will happen and that he won't be punished for losing control. We have agreed tools that help him to calm down which he knows he always has access to. Meltdowns are scary things for our kids but they can be made more bearable by ensuring some security when they happen.

 

Karen

x

[SallyAspie]

I'm 31 and still have the occasional meltdown.

 

A few years ago (before I was diagnosed with AS) they were quite frequent and getting too much for my OH. He would try to reason with me and/or blame me for the way I was which just made things worse and even after I had calmed down on the surface I would still be very stressed inside and ready to explode again.

 

I likened the meltdowns to a raging inferno which was left to smoulder in between and his responses to throwing on more fuel. We came up with a fire blanket which consisted of him hugging and reassuring me to help banish the negative feelings and it not only helped me out of meltdown, it made me feel a lot better and the meltdowns became far less frequent due to not having fuel left over from last time.

[JsMum]

I'm 31 and still have the occasional meltdown.

 

A few years ago (before I was diagnosed with AS) they were quite frequent and getting too much for my OH. He would try to reason with me and/or blame me for the way I was which just made things worse and even after I had calmed down on the surface I would still be very stressed inside and ready to explode again.

 

I likened the meltdowns to a raging inferno which was left to smoulder in between and his responses to throwing on more fuel. We came up with a fire blanket which consisted of him hugging and reassuring me to help banish the negative feelings and it not only helped me out of meltdown, it made me feel a lot better and the meltdowns became far less frequent due to not having fuel left over from last time.

 

 

Josh my 10 year old son has described similair to yourself, his is a volcano or a rinorosarous, I like the idea of the fireblanket as he is mad about fire I am going to call his weighted blanket just that and explain it in the same way you describe your fireblanket it I have your permission.

 

Js meltdowns and some trantrums, as he does have tantrums as well are a result of frustration and impairments in expressive language.

 

He has just started with some art therapy with a psychologist so I am hoping we can reduce the frustration he feels he just goes into a rage so I know he isnt nessasarily having a what is described as a meltdown, but more of a loss of self control and he needs some form of containment, so I love the idea of the fire blanket.

 

I admired your post and it helped me maybe see how it is could be for J, everyones descriptions here a all very unique and its soo interesting to read the replies.

 

JsMum

[jb1964]

For me, and this is only one person speaking about her son, the difference is in the amount of control he has.

 

For me personally you've described it perfectly. My daughter in meltdown mode has no control - she gets frightened by this feeling. There is no bribary or reasoning and we find it just has to run it's course which usually lasts around 30-60mins - with sometimes even longer. Afterwards she is physically and emotionally drained (and so am I!).

 

Take care,

Jb

[SallyAspie]

Sorry I forgot to mention that the fire blanket only works if a spat with my husband caused the meltdown in the first place although that's usually the case as I tend to hold it in when around other people.

 

If hugging someone in meltdown mode gets you bruised don't do it but they might like a hug afterwards.

[krystaltps]

C has had them since toddler-hood. It happens when he is over-stimulated, as opposed to being upset at not getting his own way (then it's a tantrum). The thing that I have noticed is the over-whelming strength that he possesses during a meltdown - that's the most alarming part for me. He must be running on sheer adrenaline, like a "flight or fight" reaction. Unfortunately C usually chooses the "fight" option, although they are becoming more infrequent now that he is older.

[dooday24]

reece has had them since a toddler too, he just goes glazed. he goes completly out of control. you cant reason with him at all. hes like a frightened animal. a freind of mine who has a daughter with autism discribed it brilliantly. think of yrself in china(hyperthetical) in the dark with no money and all alone, not being able to understand or comunicate with anyone and this is how our children feel at these times(meltdowns). reece can go into one 4 upto 3 hrs. he ends up completly exhausted. and i usually end up battered and bruised. but he cant rember afterwards wats happened and asks why i hav blood running down my face, hope this helps

love donnaxxxxxxxx

[clintess]

Hi with my ds2,its the look on his face that gets me while he is a meltdown,ita a look of total stress,he has had these since he could walk and is nearly eight.all with the same intense emotion of stress.It happens mainly whilst outside and he throws himself to the ground and you just cant get him to move,indoors its throwing things,breaking things,kicking things,these can last up to an hour or so depending.I can sometimes head these off if i see it in time coming on.The best way to handle it is to make sure they are safe and then let them get on with it til its over then softly speak to them.

All sorts can trigger it, smell,noise,crowds,not understanding something etc the list is endless.They dont seem to grow out of this like ive said ive had seven years of meltdowns

With toddlers is more of i want kinda thing and not handling the word no and last a whole lot less,my daughter was queen of tantrums when she was a toddler but grow out of it by the time she was four now grown into a sulky teens which is much quieter lol.