Parents get all the blame-easy way out

[steviegirl]

When will they stop blaming parents for everything. As if publicity had no part in it. I never overate as a child cos there were not adverts, no chemicals and no t.v. Now they MAY fine parents for their children overeating. Hev and myself do try and curb Steves eating but he suffers with stress and aspergers and finds a lot of comfort with food. Also sometimes Hev gets so fed-up she cannot concentrate on everything, although she dont bring certain foods in the house. What more can you do? I feel sorry for parents today as my children were not confronted with all these pretty adverts and sweets and crisps everywhere.

Also and I don't know, I think there is so much preservatis and things in food it causes a lot of bad behaviour. Kids were bad behaved in my time but not to the extent as they are now, so something is going on and no-one really admits it. If they are really cincerned about kids, take the stuff off the shelves to help parents. No they won't do that will they? If it's not there they wouldn't get attracted to it, and parents would not have the hastle of saying NO.

[brooke]

yes i seen this on telly. parents are always blamed for everything these days My son seems to be constantley hungry and just helps himself to food all the time. Im lucky that he grows fast and doesnt seem to put weight on, but it is very difficult to stop him snacking he can get round cuboard locks etc. I think youve made a very good point they should just take all the unhealthy rubbish off the shelves.

[Bagpuss]

All three of my kiddies have different appetities and are different builds. DS 13 NT eats pretty much anything, he towers over me, looks virtually skeletal, very sporty, and has a bigger appetite than me and DH....he seems to be continuously eating. Eldest dd 9 AS eats most things, although not a great lover of vegetables, cheese, tomatoes, salads etc...she was incredibly thin as a youngster, but is now a good weight. Youngest dd 6 ASD lives off a really restricted diet. She eats bread, marmite, butter, fresh orange, milk, water, waffles, yoghurts, crisps, pickled onions, and nuggets. I'd say she is probably slightly over weight. All of ours love sweeties but we have begun to restrict sweets to weekends. I'm more liberal with what DS wants to eat, mainly because he seems to burn it off so well, yet youngest dd is less active, due to the MD, so we have to be careful. I think as a parent you can only have a certain amount of influence over what your child eats....youngest dd will refuse point blank to eat many, many foods, and ds is at an age where he can buy things from shops....so we can't control their food intake in that respect, but we do try to encourage healthy eating, and we hope the kids view sweeties etc as "treats".........I don't think a parent should be fined if their child is overweight, no parent wants that for their child, and support should be given, not punishment. From the other side of the coin, I was overweight as a child, from about the age of 11, up till I joined the RAF at around 20 and had to lose a vast amount of weight to join. I look back on my childhood etc, and wish my mum had tackled the issue of my weight. It was never mentioned or suggested that I could do with losing weight, and I wish it had been. I was never teased or bullied, but I did lack confidence.

Edited June 15, 2007 by Bagpuss

[dooday24]

reece lives on choc spread and crisp sarnies(together) but he is average weight. and the proffessionals arnt worried about as he is not under weight or lethargic. but i do wish hed eat a variaty of food,

love donnaxxxxxxxx

[jb1964]

I know I've read about this coming up for a while now. My daughter until recently was severely underweight and the Paed. referred her because he believed she was anorexic (this was before diagnosis). I know this isn't the same as the over-eating but it's just the flip reverse of it.

 

It often makes me think would they fine you if your kids are severely underweight as well. It's obvious to me that there are many people who have issues with food - be it over-eating or under-eating through many reasons. The majority of parents care about their childrens well being and want them to eat a healthy diet - but unfortunately there are lots of reasons that they can't or won't - surely it's these issues that research and support should go into - not putting a fine on parents. Surely they can see that it's a very small minority of parents that are of the couldn't care less attitude. They need to open their eyes.

 

For us my daughters non-eating was due to a restricted diet - the Paed. was convinced she was just stubborn - but CAHMS eventually found that it was all to do with textures and swallowing etc - this went on until she was 11 years old from birth - there was no support and no help - and there were many times during those years where her weight was critical and we were helpless.

 

Take care,

Jb

[hedders]

My confidence has been shattered though the school and also proffessionals, no-one seems to want to believe what i say in regards to older dd, after fighting the school that it wasnt my parenting skills the SLT department querery if there are problems at home.

My younger dd was referred to a pead who shared some concerns about her development but still found that she was judging my parenting skills and thought that dd was clumsy because she was wearing inappropate shoes and referred her to a physio to give me advice which they said her shoes were fine. The pead also said that i could improve her playskills and would benefit play sessions with her SLT six months later the pead wants to discharge dd but now the SLT suspects dd has a communication or language disorder and the pead doesnt want to investigate further but will monitor her social interaction.

May be because it would show i was right all along with dds, as im not at all happy with the comments i have faced and the mistakes from the school and slt department.

Over the next yr will be very interesting as i have always insisted it is genetics, there cousion who is a yr old is being monitored by a hv as she isnt reaching her milstones and has already discussed with her mother about referring her to a pead in the near future.

I hope this will streaghten my case and shut all those professionals up that it isnt parenting skills or home environment !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited June 17, 2007 by hedders

[bid]

OK everyone, don't lynch me!!

 

I think there is a problem with some children, who are morbidly obese.

 

I have seen several stories in the media about young children who are the weight of an overweight adult. Very often the parents are reported as saying something along the lines of 'I had to give him/her food because they get so upset if I refuse!'

 

Now, the first thing to say about this is the fact that such cases are rare, otherwise they wouldn't cause such a stir in the media in the first place. The second thing to consider is whether such children might be suffering from some undiagnosed condition such as Prader-Wili Syndrome, etc.

 

BUT, whether a child does have some kind of medical condition or not, what has happened to the ability of some parents just to say 'No'?? A child, and especially a young one, can only eat whatever food the parents choose to buy and keep in the house.

 

I have worked with children with Prader-Wili, and their weight stabilises when they are with us, because the kitchen is kept locked and they are stopped from grabbing food, tantrum or not. Now, I know it is much easier in a specialist placement because there are not the same emotional dynamics involved as at home. But it isn't rocket science: the children we have with a weight problem have their food intake restricted on a healthy diet, and we get them as active as it is possible for them to be.

 

I'm running off to hide now!

 

Bid

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

no i with u bid <'>

i will tell u we eat healthily, but the amount of choccy i bought

and the kids will be allowed to eat it

 

but how many families eat together?

we always have and if wea rea al here we still do, it makes food mroe healthy me thinks

off to hide in bid hidey hole lol

x

[hev]

my steven is v overweight bid and i do agree with you,i cant believe its got to this stage and i do not know how to stop it,i feel like his eating out of control just like other aspects of our life,i often think he has that prader will then i think am i making excuses for my parenting,hes never ever full up

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

my dd is never full either

hev <'>

u are stuck atween a rock and a hard place

food is a good weapon, for a child and for an adult

x

[bid]

Hev, it must be very difficult <'>

 

Things that I have found help in our family: like Lya, we always eat together sat round the kitchen table. I make 99% of our food from scratch. I only buy crisps and fizzy drink at Christmas or for birthday parties, and very rarely as a treat to watch a special DVD or crisps with a picnic. If mine are hungry between meals then there is the fruit bowl, or a bowl of cereal. Cereals are the 'boring' ones like weetabix, no 'choco' anything.

 

BUT, they do have sweets on a Sat and Sun, and a small cakey thing in their packed lunch. Very rarely we have Fish and Chips as a treat, and again MaccyDs if someone requests it for their Birthday Meal.

 

I do know that food refusal/selective diets is a completely different situation

 

Should also mention that my two youngest both have severe multiple food allergies (although these are getting better as they get older ), so I do know what it is like to struggle over the whole food issue

 

My main issue is that some parents seem to have lost the fact that they are the adults and as such are 'in charge'.

 

Bid (move over Lya!! )

 

BD will probably come along and mention me and choklitt now!!

Edited June 17, 2007 by bid

[bid]

food is a good weapon, for a child and for an adult

x

 

Very good point, Lya

 

Bid

[Bard]

My main issue is that some parents seem to have lost the fact that they are the adults and as such are 'in charge'.

 

Bid

 

 

I agree, and that goes for bedtimes, swearing, curfews, manners and all the rest as well as food. Parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever done, and a lot of it is trial and error, with the emphasis on error.

One of the problems that a lot of parents I know seem to have is that it is exhausting to be consistent about rules, so they give up after the fifteenth time. It's also hard to resist peer pressure, and to weather the tantrums.

I found that I had to begin when my daughter was very small, and using me as an example. Then B came along, and consistency became even more important. So now they're both inches taller than me, and fitter. But they know whose the lion tamer, and who are the lions. It's a case of mutual respect and love, they are both too big for any other scenario to work.

We actually like each other a lot, and we still eat healthy food at home, have treats when they're out and save pigging out on chocolate for Christmas and Easter. Although when B moves out, he's going to have a TV in his room, chocolate cake for breakfast and mint icecream after every meal. He will live in his jimjams and never get married because a wife would talk too much. Or so he tells me.

[bid]

Another angle that I find extremely upsetting is the fact that there are parents in the developed world who choose to allow their children to become obese, while there are parents in the third world who have no choice but to watch their children die through malnutrition.

 

What do you suppose the parents in the third world would say to that?

 

I know I won't be popular for saying this, but the majority of weight problems in the developed world are because people need to eat less and move around more.

 

Bid (byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee )

Edited June 17, 2007 by bid

[Bard]

I know I won't be popular for saying this, but the majority of weight problems in the developed world are because people need to eat less and move around more.

 

Well I know that's definitely the case with me!

I learnt to drive 12 years ago, and went from 7 stone3lb to 10 stone 2lb in a decade.

 

Maybe I need a trampoline?

 

Or to walk from here to Greenwich?

 

You know those cash-rich, time-poor people that the papers talk about?

Well, I'm cash and time poor.

[hev]

My main issue is that some parents seem to have lost the fact that they are the adults and as such are 'in charge'.

this thread has give me such a good kick up the backside,i mean that,i say im worried about steves weight then i buy crisps and chocs on my weekly shop,i dont need to buy them,me and ste are both overweight,im the one who buys the main shop then i get upset about stevens weight,im going to sort this out

 

actually last night i made some salmon fishcakes from scratch with steve,he loved them and i felt good because i hadent just chucked something in the oven from the freezer

[bid]

Way to go, Hev!

 

Most kids like cooking, and it's great for their independence skills, and a good chance to chat about food and what makes some things healthy and other things not so healthy.

 

Bid

[Bard]

this thread has give me such a good kick up the backside,i mean that,i say im worried about steves weight then i buy crisps and chocs on my weekly shop,i dont need to buy them,me and ste are both overweight,im the one who buys the main shop then i get upset about stevens weight,im going to sort this out

 

actually last night i made some salmon fishcakes from scratch with steve,he loved them and i felt good because i hadent just chucked something in the oven from the freezer

 

You go girl!

If I had biscuits, icecream and anything chocolate in the house, I'm sure I'd weigh double what I do. The easiest way is just not to buy them. It's tough to start with, I kept opening up the pantry door and looking in hopefully, but it does work.

And real cooking! Talented woman!

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

well done with the cooking hev

it is really hard changing life and i think u are very strong to be able to do it

[Bagpuss]

Well done Hev

 

Obesity, IMO, it more likely to be due to some emotional issue, rather than greed and laziness, yet it is never addressed. In a perfect world, no one would be overweight, and no one would be under weight, we'd all be healthy, non smoking, non drinking, fitness peeps.....there is always a bigger issue going on underneath the actual weight. This also needs to addressed in families with obese children.....there is more to it than the parent allowing the kids to eat whatever they want......a lack of knowledge, a depressed parent, peer pressure, pressure from the extended family (I know my nana was famous for feeding us all up ), a childhood of learnt behaviour like "your not leaving the table until your plate is empty" passed from generation to generation, a parent raised in a household where healthy eating wasn't the norm.......

 

I'm not a perfect human being, I have flaws (many actually ) and I'm far from a perfect parent. I'd love my youngest dd to eat the same as the rest of us and something other than bread, marmite, milk, water, nuggets (she refuses home made one, has to be frozen), waffles, yoghurts, pickled onions, crisps, apples, bananas and sweeties on a weekend, but it's not happening, and life is too short. The pead says she healthy, and that's good enough for me Blimey, she won't even sit around the table with the rest of us because she can't bear the noise of conversation........

[elun1]

Hi

Bagpuss your house sounds like ours at dinner time! O (6) will not eat (and I mean he really won't) eat anything at the moment except yellow/cream coloured food. Sit at the table? In my dreams!! He sits and then gets up and runs, over and over again. Sometimes I put him in his Breezi chair which he has for his mobility problems and that's a help but only for a couple of minutes. Eldest ds can not bear the noise when O eats so moans about that - it goes on!! Also ds2 is unable to have a 'conversation' sadly so the lovely stereotype of families sitting down together to eat does not apply when one of you CANT talk! I'm not overweight but to be honest that's more to do with stress. I rarely feel like eating

Elun xxx

[Bagpuss]

Elun <'> <'>

[hev]

well i must say i did really well tonight,steve come in and said he was starvingkept bangng about in the freezer calling me names etc,he wasent actually starving obviously,what i would normally do is chuck a ready meal in so he would calm down but i resisted and gave him a drink and fruit till his dinner i defrosted my home made fish cakes and he had rice as well i think the secret with this cooking lark is to freeze my home made stuff for times like that,feel like ive made a small step and it does feel good

[Bagpuss]

I'm trying to cook more from fresh too Hev, well done Now get your feet up, and open a bottle of wine, you deserve it Don't forget to save some for tomorrow, you could add some to a spag bol

[hev]

baggy i had a little tipple with dad today so no more for me tonight,had about 2 voddys and fell asleep,im getting old

[Bagpuss]

A night cup of Ovaltine then

[bid]

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, or that my kids are perfect!

 

My eldest DS rarely eats a meal with us as he struggles with the noise, but he always starts off at the table with us and then says if he has to leave, and will stay if it's something special or he's very relaxed. Even when he does stay, he eats quickly and then escapes. When he was little he couldn't stay on a chair (ran off, fell off, etc, etc), either, but we continued to expect it and evenually it happened as he matured.

 

Youngest DS has always been a selective eater, as well as severe food allergies. It has taken years to get him to eat a tiny piece of potato, but we perservere. Now that he is 6 he has to pick out any of the bits he 'won't' eat himself: no more picking them out for him!

 

Thing is, none of them can eat crisps, etc, etc, if I don't buy them.

 

Bid

Edited June 17, 2007 by bid

[Bard]

Well, both my children are odd. If one likes something, the other one won't. And they don't do it on purpose, it happens independently. If one discovers a food they like, I can be certain that the other won't like it.

B will only eat potatoes mashed. Mashed is the only form of potato P will not eat.

P likes bacon, B hates even the smell. B will eat cous cous, P can't bear to look at it.

B will eat any white fish in batter, P will only eat salmon and tuna, neither of which B can stand.

B ate ALL my strawberries off the plants ( I thought it was birds!) P hates strawberries, and will only eat raspberries and peaches. I don't feed them at the same time as B's eating habits distress P, and her whining annoys me. So I sympathise with you elun1.

So we have a weekly menu, Monday to Friday. Then I know what to buy, and can check that there is some sort of balance for both of them.

 

Did you miss my ' that is why I don't have a baking cupboard' post?

My boy can eat his own bodyweight in glace cherries and marzipan, so if I don't buy stuff, he can't eat it.

I don't think it's a question of being a perfect parent, I'm just trying to keep on the positive side of sanity occasionally. We treat ourselves when we're out, if we have enough money! Sometimes the purse is empty, and that's a learning experience too.

[Bagpuss]

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, or that my kids are perfect!

 

 

 

 

Bid

 

 

I wasn't trying to suggest you or your child were.

 

I was talking about myself, and that if I lived in a perfect world and was a perfect parent, my children would all sit down at the table and eat a wonderfully varied healthy range of food, but life is rarely that simple and straight forward.

 

I was only adding my own perspective on this issue, which is that I feel childhood obesity, and adult obesity for that matter, is a hugely complex issue, and I wish it was as easily solved by not buying crisps in the first place, sadly, I don't agree... but that isn't a criticism of you Bid, just a different point of view.

Edited June 17, 2007 by Bagpuss

[brooke]

I do agree that not buying the food is an good option (which i often take, it would be a lot easier if it wasnt there) but i think all food in moderation is ok. It also depends on what you class as junk food. My children only have sweets at weekends and i never buy fizzy drinks but they do normally have a packet of crisps everyday with there packed lunch and i dont think that is wrong either.

I, like many mums (im sure) would love my boys to sit round the table together and have a family meal but with O he just cannot sit still and if he gets up (which he regularly does) it distracts the others too and it just ends up in a battle i dont want to fight to get them to sit still. I remember being made to sit at the table untill i had eaten everything on my plate and often it wasnt a happy time, and it certainly hasnt made my diet any better for it. i still cant stand the smell of some food, just the reminder of being told i HAD to eat it!! Dont get me wrong though I really admire people who are able to get their children to eat all different kinds of foods and i really do wish we as a family could have sit down meals together but i think for me i have to accept that at the moment as long as my boys try and eat some of their dinner then i have to be gratful!

I hope i havnt offended anyone <'>

Brooke

Edited June 18, 2007 by brooke

[bid]

I wasn't criticising you either, Baggy <'> <'>

 

Bid

[hev]

well ive prepared early,we got pasta and mince tonight,in the mince i put suede and carrots,tastes lovely,feel v positive about it