Turned round and brought him straight back home. :(

[oxgirl]

So fed up with school, Jay just can't cope anymore, he's had enough.

 

He wasn't due in until 11.00 today and he was okay on the way, but as soon as we got there and was told things were different today he started getting so distressed and panicky! He was pacing and crying and begging me not to leave him there, saying he couldn't stay there! I tried for a while to get him to calm down but he just couldn't cope so I put him in the car and brought him home again.

 

The teacher was trying to persuade me to leave him, I think she just thought I was pandering to him and I shouldn't let me see that he can get away with it. But I'm not going to have them drag him off of me whilst he's crying and begging me, what am I supposed to do!!

 

I just don't feel that the people at the Unit are taking on board just how terrible he is feeling at the moment. I already told you that his TA told him, 'no wonder you haven't got any friends' last week! Yes, he knows he hasn't got any friends, he's desperately lonely and unhappy and frankly nearly at breaking point! I think they just feel like he's being silly or rude or he should just snap out of it, and it just isn't fair. I don't know who to turn to to get some understanding and respect for him and his feelings.

 

Would you have brought your child home or would you have made him stay??!!

 

~ Mel ~

[Bard]

Sweetheart, I'm a teacher. I'd have brought him straight home, stuck him by his beloved pond and fed him something whilst he watched the fish.

If it was different today, why didn't he know? Why hasn't that idiot of a TA apologised to him?

Of course it would have been wrong to let them drag him away...shades of an ancient lunatic asylum. He has to know that someone is always in his corner, and that someone is you. It's a huge burden for you, but he hasn't got anyone else that he feels safe with right now.

The school needs to work on building a relationship with him, one little step at a time. How you get them to do it, I don't know.

<'> <'> <'>

[Bagpuss]

Mel, I'd of brought him home. How could you of left him? <'> <'>

[jb1964]

Hi mel,

 

Please don't beat yourself up of it - I've done exactly the same thing many many a time - it's very easy for anyone to say to leave them and they'll come round as I know with my daughter that's just not true and you end up getting a call to pick them up anyway.

 

If my daughter starts off depressed or anxious and upset beforehand - it just doesn't go away - it takes one hell of a time to remove that feeling.

 

I don't feel so guilty about this anymore - when she was being assessed (before we knew she had ASD) the CPN saw her many times in this state and told us the worst thing we could do is force her in a situation that is clearly causing her a tremendous amount of grief (as you say this is totally different to just feeling a bit shy or a bit sad or a bit worried and needing just that extra bit of reassurance or coaxing etc).

 

Take care,

Jb

[oxgirl]

Thanks so much Bard, Baggy and Jb, I really needed that reassurance that I had done the right thing. <'> <'> <'>

 

Bard, you're so right in what you say! And yes, he's spent about two hours crouched over his pond gazing at his lickle fishes and feeding them dead flies, so he's safe and happy again. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

<'> Mel <'> you did the right thing. My heart goes out to you both.

[oxgirl]

<'> Mel <'> you did the right thing. My heart goes out to you both.

 

Thanks Pearl <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[MichelleW]

I knew J would find the last days of school difficult, so I arranged with his teacher last week to keep him off school yesterday and today. I would have had to have taken the days off anyway as he ended up getting a stomach bug and started being sick yesterday morning - and only stopped at 10 this morning!

 

But i also wished I'd kept him out of the school play - he was so reluctant going to school last week but he couldn't tell me why at first. But I finally found out it was the school play that was upsetting him. So no more performances for him.

[oxgirl]

I knew J would find the last days of school difficult, so I arranged with his teacher last week to keep him off school yesterday and today. I would have had to have taken the days off anyway as he ended up getting a stomach bug and started being sick yesterday morning - and only stopped at 10 this morning!

 

But i also wished I'd kept him out of the school play - he was so reluctant going to school last week but he couldn't tell me why at first. But I finally found out it was the school play that was upsetting him. So no more performances for him.

 

Aw, poor lad, hope he feels better soon. <'>

Yep, school plays can be a nightmare, can't they.

 

~ Mel ~

[elun1]

<'> Hi Mel

I'm a teacher too but without hesitation I'd have brought him straight home. Otherwise just think how anxious he would be next time knowing that his feelings didn't matter. School sound useless considering they're meant to have an ASD unit.

Elun xxx

[oxgirl]

<'> Hi Mel

I'm a teacher too but without hesitation I'd have brought him straight home. Otherwise just think how anxious he would be next time knowing that his feelings didn't matter. School sound useless considering they're meant to have an ASD unit.

Elun xxx

 

 

Thanks for the support, Elun. <'>

Yes, I'm constantly amazed by the attitudes and ignorance of the people who work in this place. I can only hope that next year, when there are supposed to be 'lots of changes', they have some new staff with fresh ideas and a modicum of enthusiasm, because the two TAs we've, quite frankly, been saddled with for the past two years have been, shall we say, less than ideal!

 

~ Mel ~

[Clare63]

Mel, <'> <'> <'>

[jlp]

Glad he's feeling better - I had ds#1 prised off me and pulled inside screaming on Sports Day (he was told just before a race that he couldn't wear his cap and he'd already figured out this would give him an advantage and thought he was in with a chance of winning! Therefore he got really upset and wanted to come home with me.) I feel terrible still and am never sure what to do at the time - I'm sure the teachers think I pander terribly to him but often by my coming in for a bit while he makes the transition into school comforts him and he calms and is ok to be left. Sometimes this just isn't going to work and he becomes hysterical.

 

When do you break up? Our schools broke up last week? The end of term is an awful lot for them to cope with, ds#1 often ends up missing the last week or 2 (he made it to the end this term but things were very fraught by the end!)

 

I hope everyone's replies have reassured you that you did the right thing.

[hev]

you didthe right thing mel,its heartbreaking isent it,i always doubt myself after things like that but you had to take him hope,i hope hes ok today <'> <'>

[forbsay]

Mel sending you lots of hugs. <'> <'> <'>

 

I think you did the right thing as well - I would have done the same.

 

Take care

 

Forbsay

[JsMum]

he started getting so distressed and panicky! He was pacing and crying and begging me not to leave him there, saying he couldn't stay there!

But I'm not going to have them drag him off of me whilst he's crying and begging me.

Your J is clearly saying how he feels here and is demonstrating very powerfully how destressed he is in this unit, is there no chance at all of an alternative education, he sounds sesperatly unhappy and his needs are not been recognised especially his emotional needs.

 

JsMum

[oxgirl]

Thanks all for that support. <'>

He managed to go in today, but was only in from 9.30 to 12.00 anyway, so was okay. All finished now anyway, thank goodness, it really has been a rotten couple of months!

 

JsMum, nope, it's this or nothing.

 

~ Mel ~