It takes two...doesn't it?

[Bard]

Not the children in my house who are a pain at the moment, but OH!

And this is one that St BenandJerry can't fix.

OH doesn't really get involved with children, B is too tricky and G is very low-key and independent.

He does talk to them most evenings, but not for long. Doesn't know the names of their friends, or teachers. Can't cope for more than a day with them on his own.

So last night, about 1am, I was watching Taggart when G came down for a cuddle. She never does this, unless the'res a major problem that she wants you to know but doesn't want to talk about. But you're supposed to use mummy radar to find out.

You all know that this week B's been kayaking, and that next week we're off to Glastonbury, Cheddar et al.

OH was supposed to be taking a couple of days off to spend them with his daughter. Maybe a trip to London or Oxford, maybe just pottering around and being her dad. We talked about this weeks ago.

He's not taking any time off.

She's 16 1/2, so childcare isn't the problem. The problem is, yet again, she feels that her dad doesn't care whether she exists or not. All her mates are currently on holiday out of county. Her last exam was on 22nd of June, so she spent almost a month on her own (with mates) during the day until I broke up.

Normally, it works like this, B wakes up around 7.30am. G wakes up at around 12 noon. B goes to bed before 9pm. G retires around 1am. So they both get around 4 hours quality time with me.

She just feels that her dad doesn't care about her, or B, and this latest piece of indifference underlined it big time. When I explained how she felt, he said that he had too much stuff that he had to do at work. It's computer stuff that could also be done at home, but he prefers the office.

We've sorted some cheering up stuff, and some things that she can do whilst we're away Tuesday-Friday.

BUT I'M SO CROSS! I had to tell someone, so it's you lot.

[Mumble]

I've PM-ed you

[Clare63]

<'> <'> <'>

Oh Bard I do empathise, its much the same here, my little lad owuld love some quailty time with his Dad, but he's either too busy with work or too knackered with work to give his son the attention he craves, I try to explain that Dad is important and that our son just does not want to hang around with Mum all the time.

 

Clare x x x

[LittleRae]

What about getting her to write him a letter - he may take it more seriously if he sees it written down. She's coming to the age when it could be the last time she will want to do this stuff with him so it's very important for both of them. My DH often travels on business and sometimes could be away for 2 or 3 days before kids notice he isn't there! Hope it works out

[Bagpuss]

Bard <'>

[Alyth_mum]

Oh Bard this rings BIG bells ...wish I knew what the answer was.

<'> <'>

 

Louise

[pearl]

<'> Bard <'>

[carrieq]

Yep, BIG bells here too, I wish I had an answer for you!

Hope your daughter gets the time she needs

Carrie

[forbsay]

<'> <'> <'>

[Bard]

Thanks everyone, normal service has resumed after my rant!

Tuesday she's going to do all the Maths that her new college gave them for homework. It's supposed to take a month, but that's not my lotus blossom! ( Lotus for short. 0-150mph in 3 seconds)

She's already got the complicated calculator thingie and the A level course book .

Wednesday she's going to the Simpsons movie and Brighton pier with a friend whose coming back from Italy on Sunday. Funding provided.

Thursday, I've got a friend whose a professional magician, and he's going to give her 2 hours training, then she can practice for the rest of the day. She's already quite good at sleight-of-hand, and interested in knowing more. Grandparents on standby to provide an appreciative audience.

Friday swimming and pizza with whoever else she can find who might be back by then, or a picnic on the common with...

And we've booked tickets to the circus for when we get back.

And we'll go to London Zoo on Monday or Tuesday after our return.

I'm going to buy her something lovely, jewellery-based from Glastonbury, although she didn't want to come with us, she likes Celtic art.

I've filled the freezer with all her favourite stuff, and the fridge will be filled on Monday.

And she's happy again, because she knows that she's special to some people.

B has just cut the first slice of the chocolate cake I made to celebrate his not being booted off the kayak course, and he gave it to his sister

I'll try to talk to OH tonight, but if he feels uncomfortable or pressurised, he'll just go for one of his 5 hour walks and nothing will change when he gets back. He's letting the chance to have a relationship with his nearly adult daughter slip away, and it really doesn't seem as if he's bothered at all, provided his calm and solipsistic world is not interrupted.

Ah well! Keep smiling!

[pragmatic]

What about getting her to write him a letter - he may take it more seriously if he sees it written down. She's coming to the age when it could be the last time she will want to do this stuff with him so it's very important for both of them. My DH often travels on business and sometimes could be away for 2 or 3 days before kids notice he isn't there! Hope it works out

 

If he works on computers an e-mail, may be a good idea.

[Bard]

She won't explain or beg, she's too proud. And irritated.

'It's fine, not a problem' is how she is rationalising it to herself now.

[bid]

Hi Bard

 

I think you've said before that your DH is quite spectrumy? Just wondering if he's sort of giving as much as he can??

 

I know that my DH does more with our children than I do because he is better at talking/explaining things to them and playing with then than me Very often I feel overwhelmed by their emotional demands and sort of shut down.

 

Hope I haven't given offence, as I can see how difficult it can be (my dear dad had AS, with a dx at the end of his life, and my upbringing/relationship with him was far from conventional).

 

Boho <'>

Edited August 3, 2007 by bid

[Bard]

Hi Bard

 

I think you've said before that your DH is quite spectrumy? Just wondering if he's sort of giving as much as he can??

 

I know that my DH does more with our children than I do because he is better at talking/explaining things to them and playing with then than me Very often I feel overwhelmed by their emotional demands and sort of shut down.

 

Hope I haven't given offence, as I can see how difficult it can be (my dear dad had AS, with a dx at the end of his life, and my upbringing/relationship with him was far from conventional).

 

Boho <'>

 

No offence, you're right. And that's the problem.

But he's always been like this, I think it's just that his lack of response hit home this time, because I'm away, her friends are away, and she's been on holiday too long. And 6th form is looming, with changes.

That's another reason that she won't push the issue. It wouldn't change things, and in her heart, she knows it.