I feel so awfull

[soraya]

I have had the worst day ever. I had to have Nick arrested today as he hit and punched me and pinned me to the floor sayiung he would kill me. This is because he would not go to school again, and i said if he was not at school he would have to do work at home. I feel so guilty, i have coped with this since he was 5, but now is is 14 and bigger than me, i am actually frightened of him. He is at the police station now, and i am very tempted to say i dont want him home. He will manupulate the police, saying how awfull i am, i have now really had enough, i feel guilty having to call the police, but i cant cope anymore. Can he go into care just to give me a break and him a shock? I really do love him but he needs help.

[zaman]

You poor thing. i have no words of wisdom I'm afraid, other than to say that you really have no need to feel guilty. I hope that this crisis brings you the help that you need.

[forbsay]

You have no need to feel guilty.

 

Sending you lots of hugs

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

ooh hunny <'> dont feel guilty

you are where many of just manage to avoid,

can u call ss? or cahms for advise and help?

call gp maybe and see if they hav any advice

cal police station tho and make sure they have some knowledge of asd

thinking of u

 

xxx

[oxgirl]

So sorry this has happened, soraya. Is he back from the police station now?

Whatever problems your lad has, you don't deserve to be treated like this and he must learn that this violence towards you is unacceptable. I hope that when you are reunited he is suitably sorry for frightening you like this and that things settle down between you.

Don't beat yourself up. When a woman on her own is attacked by a much larger male, then, unless she can regain control, there is sometimes little choice but to do what you did for your own protection. You did nothing wrong, so be kind to yourself. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

I'm so sorry <'>

[Clare63]

I am sorry too, I hope this results in some much needed help for you. I think you'll find the Police will probably contact social services as he is a minor they will arrange to visit you to explore what support is required, whether its forthcoming or not is another matter.

 

Take care and don't beat yourself up about this it is totally unacceptable to being put under attack.

 

Clare x x x

[hev]

oh soraya ive only just seen this post <'>

is nick home yet?you might remember but ive called the police on my steven as he was hitting me and there was no other alternative,do not feel guilty though,i did at the time but looking back a 13 stone person was attacking me,if it was my partner i would have called the police also,same goes for steven even though hes my son,it is a terrible situation to be in though as its the last thing we want to do

 

ive no advice because i muddle through every day,hang on in there and let us know how you and nick are <'>

[pearl]

<'> Soraya <'> so sorry things are so tough at the mo.

[wishingwell]

Hope you are OK!

 

This is not your fault, it is not possible to do it all on your own, I hope Nick gets the help that he needs.

 

Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[BusyLizzie100]

Soraya, <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Is he home now? I think you did the right thing. Hope you get some help and well-needed support.

 

Lizzie xxx

[bikergal]

<'> <'> <'>

[elun1]

<'> Hope you are both ok <'> <'> <'>

[soraya]

Sorry everyone for not posting earlier, but i have been in a bit of a state. I have gone to stay with my sister for a few days as i am still so upset with Nick. Went to see my social worker and they are usless, she wont do anything as Nick has attacked me, and not the other way round (can you believe it).She wants to push for a residential school, although apparentely we dont stand a chance as the school meets his needs even though it is 1 1/2 by bus away, and Nick has refused to go since easter. Can anyone give me any advice regarding transport to school being non-stressfull, as Nick does have a statement and this could be the loophole we need to fight the LEA, as Nicks journey is so stressfull, that he gets off trains or buses and comes home.

Any way i havent spoken to Nick, and i am staying away for a few days hoping it will give him the shock he needs, as i am usually always there for him, he has to learn that he cannot hit me. The police put him in a cell and gave him a telling off, but he was totally calm, trying to justify himself, and was even trying to make friends with the policemen

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Hi Soraya,

 

Sorry to hear what you are going through. <'> Did you manage to find anything one to talk to in the 'Toughlove Parenting' support for teens in your local community, they could be very helpful.

 

Its a worldwide program proven to be very successful in Aussie. Perhaps they could be a starting point.

 

love

Frang xx

[Frangipani]

Hi Soraya

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Hope you're okay

 

love

Fxx

[soraya]

Hi Soraya

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Hope you're okay

 

love

Fxx

Hi Frangipani,

Yes im fine, all is calm now, and Nick is acting as if nothing has happened!!. I havent had time to look at the tough parenting, although we do follow advise from the behaviour therapist from the autistic society, and that is ver tough!! I put most of it down to puberty, although being out of school dosent help. Thanks for your concern.

[BuntyB]

Went to see my social worker and they are usless, she wont do anything as Nick has attacked me, and not the other way round (can you believe it).

 

I am sorry to hear that you aren't getting the help and support you need. Who is this sw? Can you speak to a manager, because even though they are there for your child's protection, you are entitled to a carers assessment and if you are not coping with the situation, they need to intervene.

Do try to speak to someone while the situation is calm so you are prepared if things get out of hand again.

<'> <'> <'>

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Mind/mencap have a scheme called buddies where some one a vetted voluntear befreinds a person with a disabilitie be it physical,learning autisism whatever and they do fun things that the person likes.You just get in touch and say you need help and do they run this scheme in youre area.I know coz i used to work as a buddie.Its a chance for say youre son to get out with someone away from the family doing something he enjoys and takes the pressure of you.

 

Or we once looked into a thing run by i think it were social services called support a family or something where youre child gets to know another family and they then look after them say once a month for the weekend to give you as a carer a break.

 

 

 

I know what its like to have a great big towering rageing aspie son pushing you about ive got one.MIne is almost 14 hes five foot 11 and weighs 10 stone and hes great big size 11 feet.He can get realy aggressive and im only small and weigh less than 9 stone i aint a chance...and it gets scarey...........he knows that physically hes got the upper hand.I get scared too and i dont antagonize him specially when his dads at work.last time he got rattled he came at me with a snooker cue,he once got me in a head lock and delivered punches to me ribbs i was so shocked at his anger and strenth.

 

To us there always our little boys our angels and it comes as a shock when you realise there turning into great big strong men.......and with aspergers they tend to have an axe to grind.

 

 

I hope you get help,or things calm down.

 

i try to think of it as a phase there teenagers after all.My Nt daughter was a nightmare at 13/14 and shed not got issues.

[Cariad]

I am sorry too, I hope this results in some much needed help for you. I think you'll find the Police will probably contact social services as he is a minor they will arrange to visit you to explore what support is required, whether its forthcoming or not is another matter.

 

Take care and don't beat yourself up about this it is totally unacceptable to being put under attack.

 

Clare x x x

 

You took the words right out of my mouth. I think a social worker on the scene would help you a lot. The DS is 11 and violent too, as he's got older he punches and kicks harder so I totally sympathise <'>

[soraya]

Thanks everyone for your support. Nick does have an uncle who lives up the road, he is very good and takes him fishing at the weekend, the buddie scheme sounds good, although i dont know if Nick would go with someone he didnt know. How long does pubity last? he seems to have been going through it for ages!! I think l will take up self defence classes!!