I've given in to it

[Viper]

I feel like a complete failure. I went to my GP about my hypermobility problems and broke down in tears, told him my life story and he has given me anti depressants.

 

I always thought I was strong and prided myself on coping when I was under so much strain. But after my cousin killed himself and recently my brother was beaten up serverely, things have just gone down hill. I can't get up in the morning, cry at the slightest thing and can't handle the general day to day streses.

 

The thing is, I have told my DH they are pain killers for my HMS (hypermobile syndrome) that I was dx with a few weeks ago. I feel too ashamed to tell him the truth. I think he sees me as the strong one who can cope with anything and I don't want to destroy his faith in me.

[llisa32]

Viper <'> <'>

 

Please please do not feel like you have 'failed' in any way whatsoever!

 

Our body's and emotions can only deal with so much at any given time...that's the way we are all built, think of it as filling up a glass of milk...unless you can tip some out when u get to the top it will overflow...exactly the same with us and emotions/stress.

 

When we get to our fill, if we are unable to get rid of any of the things currently causing upset/stress/worry etc it has no where to go - hence you will feel more emotional/bit down etc. The pills will just in the short term give you a bit 'more room' in the top of that glass....I hope this doesn't sound too crazy <'>

 

Really,absolutely and sincerely nothing to feel ashamed or embarassed about, they will hopefully give you the strength to carry on some more and see if theres anything in the top of your glass you can either chuck out or resolve so that it causes less stress.

 

Take care <'>

[Tally]

It is little wonder you are struggling to cope with all that has happened recently. I think you must be a strong person to carry on every day when you are feeling this way. You wouldn't feel bad about using a crutch if you broke your leg, and this is no different, and no less real. I hope they help you to feel better.

[Bagpuss]

Don't feel a failure I went to GP back in November, and broke down in tears...I was mortified! She prescribed anti d's and counselling....I haven't looked back! The counselling was superb, and I went to see GP a few months back and told her I wanted to come off my anti d's. Slowly, my dose has been gradually reduced. I feel fine......and at the mo am taking a low dose one day, and nothing the following. I have to see her again in a month, when I will come off them completely. I too was perceived to be the strong one...my hubby was astounded by my dx, although he knew I wasn't myself. Now I wouldn't hesitate go back if I felt I was plumetting into depression again. I also found telling those around me helped a great deal... hiding how you really feel, and not asking for help is the worst thing you can do. Well done and take care <'>

Edited September 20, 2007 by Bagpuss

[mossgrove]

Viper

 

Sometimes the hardest step of all is admitting to yourself that you have a problem and getting the help you need. It certainly was for me.

 

Please try find a way of talking to your husband about this. It is often said that when someone has depression they are the last one to realise it, and DH will probably have picked up on more than you realise. Having his support will make your depression much easier to deal with.

 

 

Simon

[wishingwell]

Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

You've received some very good advice take care.

[pumpkinpie]

I have had problems with depression off and on for years. My husband had cancer and the responsibility was put on my sholders that I had to cope with everything( in my own mind).

I had several breaksdowns over the years but for me it was counselling that has really helped me realise my own danger signs. I havent had to use anti ds for quite a few years now but if I needed them I wouldnt feel guilty anymore.

Depression is an illness, if you broke your leg you wouldnt expect to run a marathon - would you. Depression is the bodies way of saying hey you need to slow down and look after your self - you are important too. Your not wonder woman and its ok to stop and watch the world go by for a bit.

 

I always empasise with the the john lennon song

I m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round , I really love to watch them roll, no longer riding on the merry go round I just had to let it go I just had to let it go.

 

When I feel I should be doing more that song helps me put things into perspective

[Viper]

Thank you everyone. <'>

 

I think a lot of my problem with admitting I have a problem stems from my mum. She was always saying she was ill with one thing or another. It seems my whole childhood and even now my mum had something wrong. And everyone knew there was nothing wrong with her. If she had a cold she called it flu. When I had pnumonia (sp) 9 years ago, I was addmited to hospital and had intraveinous antibiotics. My mum, who didn't visit, told me on the phone that she had had pneumonia and had taken Lemsip to cure it. And I should have just taken that and I would have been OK. Everyone else was never as bad as her.

 

Now I have a fear of being like her. So I go the opposite way and never admit to being ill. Like when I had pnumonia, I walked the kids to school, pushing a buggy after spending the whole weekend awake because every time I went to sleep I stopped breathing and my heart started racing. It wasn't until a friend at the school told me I looked awful that I went to my GP and he sent me straight to hospital, where I colapsed.

 

I always feel I am making a big deal of nothing.

 

Thanks for "listening"

[Clare63]

Viper, don't feel bad, after all we are only human. I joined the Anti Deps club too, but don't see it as failure just a little helping hand.

Take care

Clare x x x

[zaman]

If a friend was telling you about herself and described the situation that you are describing, would you tell her that she wasn't being strong enough? No, of course you wouldn't. Don't be so hard on yourself, and cut yourself some slack. It sounds like your body is telling you that you have to listen to it, as pneumonia is something that is really easy to keep getting back once you have had it if you don't keep on top of your health. And that is emotional as well as physical health.

 

And you know what? I am so much better at giving my advise than taking it!

[KarenT]

Viper, you ARE a strong person. How could you have coped with so much for so long otherwise?

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're doing a great job in the midst of rotten circumstances, but it's not always easy and sometimes we have to fall apart a bit before we recognise that we have to look after ourselves as well as everyone else. I'm sure you'll get there, because you are that strong person!

 

As for telling your other half, I guess you don't have to but perhaps the effort of keeping it secret could add stress that you could do without. Often it's best to come clean about such things, but you have to make your own judgement on that because only you know your relationship.

 

If you're finding it hard to cope with daily life, it might help to look at what that means to you and weed out the non-essentials. Cut back on cooking and get ready meals, skimp on the hoovering, wear clothes twice so you don't have so much laundry etc etc. Put yourself first for once, find ways to make it easier for you.

 

Good luck hon.

 

Karen

x

[smiley]

<'> Viper

 

As karen said - you are strong. Just at the moment you need a bit of help too.

 

Try to speak to hubs <'>

[pearl]

<'> Viper <'>

[hev]

took me a long while to admit i needed help and go to the doctor,been on anti ds for about 6 years now,i used to feel ashamed that i was on them,like if people knew they would think i was mad but ive realised now like as someone said earlier it is like having a helping hand,dont feel bad viper,you have had a lot to cope with <'> <'>

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[Viper]

Thanks evryone. Dare I say It's like a sanctuary of sanity coming here? You all make life bareable.

[bid]

<'> <'>

 

Bidx

[baddad]

Not much to add really, only that it's not 'giving in' to take help you need (medical or otherwise). Far more damaging in the long run to keep battling on and find yourself on the floor rather than the ropes...

Hope the anti - d's help

 

L&P

 

BD <'>

[ASue67]

I have been on anti d's for over 7 years now....................... still like to think that I am a strong person despite having to take them!

We are all here for you and it isn't giving in at all........................ <'> <'>

[elun1]

<'> Hi I actually think you're really brave to be tackling the problem. That's often the trickiest part and NOTHING to be ashamed of. How can you not be feeling sad and low when you've had so much to deal with?

Really hope you're feeling better soon, Elun xxxxx <'> <'>

[bikergal]

You're certainly not a failure. Hope the anti d's help. Been on them for a while now; do try to talk to your dh. <'> <'> <'>