lisa35 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 tonight son had friend round, played lovely..ish, Ihad to kep telling him to let her play on laptop as he intent on what he was doing. Guess made me realise what a "typical" 12 year old is like, dare I say it, I want that, I want a child that doesnt exhaust me and tie me in knots over same subject over and over. i want a child who gets up and gets dressed in a morning without me stood in the room, and having me stood over him Tonight, I just asjked him to put his bags in school bag,went in his bedroom,it was chaos, pencil sharpening s over floor, no books in bag, had decided to put stickers and labels on his files. Im ashamed to say I lost it , and told him i WANTED HIM TO BE NORMAL do u all have this chaos day in day out?He s relentless with our attention too, even if Im in bath hes calling me ,or pegging out washing Im c@@p, sick oflistening to parents of kids at work, who have not got a clue what goes on in our lives I want this to be someone elses child, not mine. All we seem to do at home is bicker, and son onstantly fratching with his dad, Im fed up lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted September 30, 2007 <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> You're not alone <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
allie Report post Posted September 30, 2007 Lisa you are only human and it is so hard sometimes! <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted September 30, 2007 All I can say too Lisa is you're not alone. Same problem here. Given ds a nice new carpet and room and tonight I find he's raided the spare room and made himself a makeshift desk (stuck a piece of wood on an upturned laundry basket). You have to laugh most of the time but then just sometimes - like with you now - it just gets to you and it hurts. Hang on in there. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 thanks all, just been up to give him a cuddle,last thing he needs is me yelling and being so mean.He just said that the girl that came to play toight told him he was her best friend in yr 4, he filled up, and said noones ever told me Im their best friend before.god,how ###### do I feel Ive got to try harder Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nic m Report post Posted September 30, 2007 Lisa everyone has bad days and you dont need to beat yourself up. Isnt life funny, your boys friend saying that is enough to turn it all round isnt it? Take care Nicola Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 Lisa all I can say is don't beat yourself up over it. I have to admint I feel how you do daily and Kate my son does things like yours!! The thing athat nnoys me the most is the havoc he causes, complete chaos but there are a few odd moments when things can be really good. All I can say is when your feeling down it's very important to try and make some time for yourself doing something fun or just relaxing. Take care and hope you feel better soon <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 hi lisa i think we all get times like these i know i do wen people say how independent there children r, reece still needs help with everything and hes seven now, and also still wets alot at nite and dosnt sleep very well they also want attention 24/7 reece sits on my head if i ignore him or say the wrong thing also licks me all the time!!! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> TAKE CARE LOVE DONNAXXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cariad Report post Posted September 30, 2007 Yep! I think we have all done this. I'd love one day from my son to jump in the shower when I asked him to and wash himself at 11 years of age instead of washing him. I know where you are coming from, when my son had a friend over on friday with AS I felt jealous. My two girls played better with my sons friend than he did, I felt quite sad, but they are still friends so it's not a total wash out. Hang on in there, tomorrow is another day <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted September 30, 2007 <'> lisa <'> It does improve. But it never gets easy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 thanks all, but dont you think life with nt kids a bit boring?? Says me ,least never a dull moment in our house xxx Lisa ps our lives just a kaieledoscope of love n colours Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pets74 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 i hate my life. i hate the fact that i will never be able to nip off on holiday or even to the shops without sorting something out first. i hate the fact i still bath him at 13 i hate the fact that he has had a major regression and it's probably my fault, i hate walking down the road when parents are screaming at their kids to shut the eff up, what i wouldn't give to have mine talking at me, i hate the fact he will never know a lover's touch or what it's like to hold your own child, i hate that i am selfish and jealous, i hate the really horrible thoughts that come into my head. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 pets74,what can i say, think we all have thos selfish thoughts xxxx I need to "wind " my neck in as hubbyd say, my lad s not so difficult, I hope one day that he will be independant of us, just as times as he gets older, the differences seem more noticible, they mature so slowly Why do u say its your fault? we need to stand proud, and be glad we re not like those parents who have it so simple ,yet still dont appreciate what they have xxx Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pets74 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 pets74,what can i say, think we all have thos selfish thoughts xxxx I need to "wind " my neck in as hubbyd say, my lad s not so difficult, I hope one day that he will be independant of us, just as times as he gets older, the differences seem more noticible, they mature so slowly Why do u say its your fault? we need to stand proud, and be glad we re not like those parents who have it so simple ,yet still dont appreciate what they have xxx Lisa cos everything is my fault. there is 11 months between mine and the differences are huge. we are never gonna be free of each other, what kind of a life is that for him? think God screwed up big time. should have chosen someone better to educate and nurture him. tired of pretending that everything is ok. it's not and it never is gonna be. had 8 years to accept this and i still can't. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted September 30, 2007 cos everything is my fault. there is 11 months between mine and the differences are huge. we are never gonna be free of each other, what kind of a life is that for him? think God screwed up big time. should have chosen someone better to educate and nurture him. tired of pretending that everything is ok. it's not and it never is gonna be. had 8 years to accept this and i still can't. Poor you - feeling so low and to blame. You're not to blame and you're not making things worse - I just know your're not. God gave those kids to you because he knew you were the only one who could do what you do for them. No one else could have done any better. <'> >< Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 <'> <'> Lisa <'> <'> We all have days like that. You are not selfish!! It's 'normal' to want a 'normal' life now and then! Pets - I do know how you feel <'> <'> <'> - O is severe too. Today I have been punched, 2 big tantrums . Scrubbed the carpet yet again - I don't think he will ever poo in the toilet. Can't make any plans or progress in career like I should have been doing by now. BUT he swam the length of the pool (with armbands) and smiled at me looking me right in the face. And tomorrow I get to escape to work which I love really although I know teaching is the wrong job for me as I can't balance it all!! I feel for you but none of it is your fault at all - nothing I can say to make it better (I really do know that) but you are not alone love Elun <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted September 30, 2007 Everyone ..... <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> ..... its hard so very hard, we are only human and yes we have bad thoughts, say awful things, feel jealous and bitter, thank Goodnes for this forum where we can share these thoughts and feelings and not be judged. As Elun has said there is nothing to say to make it better, but hopefully like me you can seek comfort in knowing you are not alone. Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted October 1, 2007 I can really relate to this. Although I've never shrieked the 'n' word at J I've come pretty close at times and have said some truly awful things to him in the heat of my frustration. Let's face it, we're living with very difficult circumstnaces without much of a break and it's pretty much impossible to have the endurance to tolerate that long-term. We've all got to snap sometimes, I think. I find that, just like J, I'm more clear-headed and focused once I've cracked up, and can go on and be a good parent again once I've calmed down. I do think there are mixed feelings to see our chlidren with NTs and doing seemingly 'normal' things. We can't help but make comparisons because that's what we do as parents - it's how we know how our children are developing, or not. It still cuts me to pieces to see kids of J's age playing together in the park, without supervision or someone hovering purposefully in the background 'just in case'. It actually takes me by surprise when I see it because it doesn't fit with my normality - the fact that you have to watch him like a hawk in case he suddenly snaps and bops somebody. Then it hits me that that's what mine should be doing too and I hate it. Tough for anyone else to understand, and very tough for us to live with. Stay strong, Lisa and Pets. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted October 1, 2007 <'> >< <'> >< totally feel like this on really bad days everyone gets to breaking point i get all those thoughts in my head and more at times -then i feel really guilty and feel i have to punish myself for not being a good mum. rq xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shortcake Report post Posted October 1, 2007 Lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> heres to a better week for all of us Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Minx Report post Posted October 1, 2007 Hi Lisa I know how you feel. Do you get any support from his dad? I have two autisitic children one 6 and one 13. They both want constant help and I feel like I am being pulled in two. I do not get any support from my husband and he can not understand what it feels like and thinks I am over anxious. So join the club. I often feel like at breaking point, but I have to pick myself up and start all over again. Sorry if that is no comfort. Mandy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted October 1, 2007 There are bad days,the frustrating days from the constant battles,but do you have good days too, do you get a chance to laugh too? If you do have good days try to think of them too. If you can, be positive,for i feel that they are special people,and are probably feeling anxious and confused too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 1, 2007 (edited) Its a really stressful life when you have children like ours but I know that as well as all the things J isnt I know he defo defo is and thats these. Cheeky, Funny, Mischievous, Eager as ever for anything, even extra's if hes interested, Comes out with amazing facts and riddles, makes me laugh out load with the replies he comes out with, My child makes my tears sting with the great effort he puts in only to achieve half of what other children achieve, I know in his heart that he does try as hard as he can, I dont under estimate the demands he makes or the energy he takes from me, My Child defo has the energy to climb a mountain and cycle hundreds a miles in a week, he is the one who runs along the walls and up onto roofs to get a different perspective of those below, he has a wonder look constantly and cry of wow all the time, when the living room is caos and his stuff unorganised, I too do sigh, then I watch to see there he is again in a world, A world I really cant understand, for me who is normal its not half as interesting as it is for my wirl wind of a child, thats all mine. JsMum Edited October 1, 2007 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 1, 2007 Its a really stressful life when you have children like ours but I know that as well as all the things J isnt I know he defo defo is and thats these. Cheeky, Funny, Mischievous, Eager as ever for anything, even extra's if hes interested, Comes out with amazing facts and riddles, makes me laugh out load with the replies he comes out with, My child makes my tears sting with the great effort he puts in only to achieve half of what other children achieve, I know in his heart that he does try as hard as he can, I dont under estimate the demands he makes or the energy he takes from me, My Child defo has the energy to climb a mountain and cycle hundreds a miles in a week, he is the one who runs along the walls and up onto roofs to get a different perspective of those below, he has a wonder look constantly and cry of wow all the time, when the living room is caos and his stuff unorganised, I too do sigh, then I watch to see there he is again in a world, A world I really cant understand, for me who is normal its not half as interesting as it is for my wirl wind of a child, thats all mine. JsMum Awwwwww JsMum, that's lovely <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted October 2, 2007 I agree i have had as many laughs as well as crying times. The funniest thing i saw him do this year that just had me in giggles was he decided to strip off all his clothes and bounce on the tramploline outside in the pouring rain. The other thing he has done in Church, when the singing has stopped he says in his best head teachers voice, "you have all done" very well and you can sit down now! I am also very proud of him he is very intelligent and he does tell me he loves me sometimes and wants a kiss's too <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted October 2, 2007 We all have tough days and can relate to everyones experiences of feeling a failure bad parent whatever,but we are all doing our best and while i think when i compare my 18 year old nt son to how kiearan is now at 21 i wish he could be nt and he drives me nuts but kieran wouldnt be kieran thats what makes him what and who he is,and i couldnt imagine him any different, so to all us at times stressed parents <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted October 2, 2007 thanks Js mum, sometimes get bit bogged down and forget best bits Other day, he managed to get bus on his own and met me in town, however, heres best bit! PE last lesson, so met me in shorts and tshirt-SCHOOL SHOES and no socks, his reasoning....cos I told him his pe trainers were just for that,pe! H e was navy blue! but looked like a child from the slums! Bless him,his little twiggy legs and big black shoes I do love him, he s better company than most adults I know, and has such an ideal,simplistic view of people and the world, has no hate or malice Lisa xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 2, 2007 <'> I know what you mean, I was just trying to get you to see that by been the way he is you get a totally different lad to all the NTs mums, I go throw similair difficulties too but I try and always see why J is the way he is, its megga hard right now, I sometimes get so defeated because I am a SM and I dont always feel my friends understand, only the ones who have children on the spectrum or SNs so please do see I do get what your meaning and from your last post the situation with the pe shorts and his skinny legs I do understand but you will see the funny side when he is a six footer in years to come and smile. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites