Please tell me if I did the right thing.

[Karen A]

Hi.I am in need of some wise words as I faced a real dilema today.I help to run a group for under 4s one morning per week.I have been helping at groups for over 10 years and worked for a time in a nursery.A couple of weeks ago a new 2 year old came along with parents.

 

I had noticed the child and from experience started to wonder if he might be on the Autistic spectrum -just a hunch going on what I know.

I got to talk to mum today who was very worried herself but has not talked to any professionals.I chatted about perhaps talking to Health Visitor whilst trying not to worry her.However after a few minutes the mum mentioned autism herself and said she had wondered but knew little about it.I then admitted that I had wondered if her DS might be on the Autistic Spectrum and explained that I know a bit as my son has AS.

I explained to the lady how to go about asking for a referal to CDT and emphasised that I am not a specialist and that there may turn out to be nothing to worry about.

 

I just know how important early intervention is and would feel awful if I had not said anything and found later that my hunch is right.

On the other hand I will feel awful if I was wrong and mum is worried sick when she did not need to be.

 

Any opinions on what you would have done welcome please.Karen.

[summertime]

I certainly think you did the right thing, I see too many proffesional pussy footing around and not saying anything when sometimes the signs are all there to be read and often the child goes for years and years without support because no one wants to rock the boat with parents.

 

Mum may be worried slightly but it sound like you are only voicing something she was worrying about already and probably gave her the push and advice she needed to be able to take it further. you are so right about early intervention and hopefully if he can get something going now he may be able to get support if he needs it when he starts school, otherwise it could take years before he gets it.

 

well done for taking the first step

[DaisyProudfoot]

Yes, you did do the right thing

 

I have done the same myself and the child in question, although not dx'd with autism was dx'd with another problem which wouldn't have been brought up if the grandmother hadn't taken my advice. (In that case it was the mother who wouldn't accept something was wrong).

 

I think when the carer themselves puts forward their own concerns I see nothing wrong in following that up with your own "parental" advice. I just wish someone had listened to me when I mentioned Martin's autistic traits when he was 3 years old, instead he was 9 before anyone listened.

[Lynden]

I think you've done the right thing - I would think if the Mum already had worries which it seems that she did, someone else noticing might make her feel justified in worrying iyswim. I hope that he can get the help he needs now :-)

 

Lynne x

[brooke]

yes i think you did the right thing. I remember wondering what on earth was "wrong" with my son and nobody dared say anything incase they were wrong. All i got was advice to look on NAS website!! Nobody directly told me that they thought he was autistic so i just blamed myself. I wished somebody had just come out and said what they thought as i would have been grateful.

[pearl]

Well done, you did the right thing. Its one thing to wade in when the mum has no concerns, but different when she is clearly worried. And you made it quite clear you werent an expert & to get expert advice. Tell her about the forum too!

[smiley]

I certainly think you did the right thing, I see too many proffesional pussy footing around and not saying anything when sometimes the signs are all there to be read and often the child goes for years and years without support because no one wants to rock the boat with parents.

 

Mum may be worried slightly but it sound like you are only voicing something she was worrying about already and probably gave her the push and advice she needed to be able to take it further. you are so right about early intervention and hopefully if he can get something going now he may be able to get support if he needs it when he starts school, otherwise it could take years before he gets it.

 

well done for taking the first step

 

I agree with Summer. You did the right thing.

Mum was already thinking about Autism - so you have given her the knowhow to take it further if she chooses to.

<'>

[Mad_Kangaroo]

You did the right thing, though personally I would have been slightly more indirect about it.

[bluefish]

Yes I think you did the right thing! Well done! <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Yes you did the right thing, what ever the outcome its good that you were there for her, wish I had someone like you years ago.

 

Clare x x x

[JsMum]

You have said all the right things in my opinion, the fact that she hasnt talked about it to anyone else she will of kept a lot to herself, in a small way I am sure she will feel releaved that someone has spotted Something, yes it is very emotional to begin to understand the development is different to other children but like you say it is much better for the child and the family if things are identified early, you have been very honest with her and out of the staff I got on with was the honest ones, so I think that it is a very positive aproach, and I think she may even be more confortable in the future to share more of her worries later on, I hope she does take your advice and asks for an assessment from her GpS Referral, you might of been the person to totally transfporm there lives, if left undiagnosed it is much more upsetting as so much more goes wrong that effects things that are not actually part of the ASDs but there self esteem, confidence, ect.... so in my eyes in the way you presented it you have done the right thing.

 

 

 

JsMum

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

without causing a riot

we are not qualified to say this, or paid well enough

we can say yes we have noticed XYZ and if we are good have good obsv to back us up

the child is still very young, and it may not be asd, we can see it very readily in others cos we see it soo much in our own kids

an early years senco would probably just observe at this point anyhow

sorry

[bid]

It's a very difficult situation, but I agree with Lya, sorry

 

Please no argument, just a different opinion!!

 

Bid

[JsMum]

From orignal post ......

 

I got to talk to mum today who was very worried herself but has not talked to any professionals.I chatted about perhaps talking to Health Visitor whilst trying not to worry her.However after a few minutes the mum mentioned autism herself and said she had wondered but knew little about it.I then admitted that I had wondered if her DS might be on the Autistic Spectrum and explained that I know a bit as my son has AS.

I explained to the lady how to go about asking for a referal to CDT and emphasised that I am not a specialist and that there may turn out to be nothing to worry about.

 

In the post it does not suggest that this child does have an ASD, just a might, and she has said she isnt qualified to diagnose, and she has guided her to the right proffessionals to look at an Assessment, to look into it with more proffessional.

 

In Js nursery there concerns elerted an assessment by a psychologist and was identified as having social and communication difficulties that later got further assessments into ADHD and now ASD, its not as clear for some people to always pick up on the signs of ASD the fact that this parent with an AS child can only be positive, she hasnt actually diagnosed this child, she has posted her to the right people to do that.

 

I have many times looked at children and thought gord he shows ASD, and if I was in a position to support that parent I would divert them into the right services, especially if they had concerns of an ASD themselves.

 

JsMum

Edited November 1, 2007 by JsMum

[Bard]

From my position, firmly on the fence, I can see both sides because I've been on both sides.

As a teacher, I've spotted all sorts of things, from petit mal to dyslexic tendencies, NAI to ringworm.

Most of these I have very little or no training in and certainly no expertise, so it can be very worrying to try and raise issues with parents about areas that are often sensitive, and that I might have got wrong.

On the other hand, as a parent whose son and family went through 3 very challenging, bewildering and traumatic years before dx, I almost punched the SENCO in my school who came out with the statement that she'd thought B might have AS over a year ago, but didn't want to distress a colleague by saying something so negative. She'd been sitting on the key for over a year.

 

So my pennyworth in this case, and like Bid and Lya said, it's only an opinion, is that the mother was already worried and looking for answers, and you gave her a hand. You made it clear that it was a suggestion from a non-professional and whatever it may turn out to be, you listened to her concerns and took them seriously.

[Karen A]

Thankyou for all the feedback.I thought people might have different opinions.

I do want to say that I was clear that I am not qualified to Dx and just suggested that she talk to her GP and asked for a referal to CDT.

The child does not have access to anyone else to observe as he is not at nursery and mum does not have contact with professionals.

I don't want her to wait another year until he starts nursery before anyone starts to wonder.

 

I am certainly not paid enough.It is a group run by volunteers. Hence although I have done other things before I am not working as a proffesional.I think in a way it makes things more complicated.It would have been great to pass my concerns to somone more senior. Regards Karen.

[Flora]

Karen

 

In these circumstances I'd say you did the right thing, because the mother herself raised her own concerns first. If she'd been in denial herself and hadn't said anything, I'm not sure what the right thing would have been to do. When bill was really young, about 3 yo, one of my friends came to stay with us. She was a health visitor at the time. After the visit she rang to say thank you for having her etc, then proceeded to tell me she was a bit concerned about Bill's development. I was really upset and defensive. Years later when he was dx I talked about it with her and came to the conclusion that I was in complete denial when she'd first said this. I WAS concerned about him, but buried my head in the sand for years hoping he would 'grow out of it'.

 

It's a really hard situation and I suppose you have to make judgements especially when you're involved in child care; do you risk upsetting someone or do you risk being accused of lack of care because you didn't raise the question.... A really tough call but it sounds like you handled it really well based on the information you had at the time.

 

flora

[shars]

If those where your suspicions, put it in writing and be very honest as to why you came to your conclusions.This information will prove invaluable for the familys fight a head. Always do the right thing xoxoxo Shars,

[Frangipani]

I certainly think you did the right thing, I see too many proffesional pussy footing around and not saying anything when sometimes the signs are all there to be read and often the child goes for years and years without support because no one wants to rock the boat with parents.

 

Mum may be worried slightly but it sound like you are only voicing something she was worrying about already and probably gave her the push and advice she needed to be able to take it further. you are so right about early intervention and hopefully if he can get something going now he may be able to get support if he needs it when he starts school, otherwise it could take years before he gets it.

 

well done for taking the first step

 

 

ditto

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[Nikkih]

I would just like to add that I also think you did the right thing. Due to lack of speech our son started a nursery school at 18 months, he is an only child and we thought being around other children would help. When he was around 2 - 2.5 years old, the playgroup leader approached our health visitor with concerns that there was more than a speech delay, the HV however said nothing as she "didnt want to worry the parents". The leader didnt feel she knew us well enough at the time to approach us so we struggled on for a further year until we started filling in forms for a statement and a friend of my husbands (who has an AS son) pointed out that he could be autistic, then everything fell into place. Up until that point i was convinced iit was all my fault as a bad parent.

 

I know our son was diagnosed early at 3.5 years but we could have understood him better and helped him better if the HV had raised the possibility the year before.

 

Sorry, still havent really forgiven the HV who was useless.

[Karen A]

Hi Thanks for all of the feedback.

Nikkih -mum yesterday is in a very similar situation to yours so it was very helpful to read the post.

As DS is 2 lots of friends have said that if he is only saying a word or two don't worry-just wait and see.

Other people think the parents need to change the way they manage behaviour.

 

I realised last night that the worst that could happen will be that I am over concerned-if mum comes back in a while and tells me the professionals think everything is fine [and who do I think I am ]that is not so bad.Karen.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I don't think you've anything to worry about particularly because the mum had mentioned autism to you herself. It's true that she may well be worried, however, she'd be even more worried not knowing what's wrong with her child. If you've simply shared your experience, you may well have shortened her agony - the fact that you both have suspicions means that she may now have the confidence/knowledge to seek specialist advice.

 

Caroline.

[LizK]

I think that whilst most of us are experts at spotting the signs of autism and know as much if not more about it than some professionals unless we have had specific training we are not experts at picking up the other conditions that can present similar to autism. See this a lot in cyberworld where someone posts asking about an autism diagnosis and whilst it could be autism it equally could also be a parenting issue, other neurodevelopmental problem, attachment disorder, developmental immaturity. Not everything that looks like autism necessarily is iyswim

 

However from a personal perspective I would have loved to have talked to someone about my concerns about my son at the age of two and been given some useful advice rather than the wellmeaning but empty reassurances I got. I think acknowledging the woman's concerns about autism and giving her practical advice as to how to proceed now is great but I wouldn't take it any further than that though sounds like you did not .

 

Lx

[mandyque]

It's a minefield to broach the subject with a parent but yes, as she already had concerns I think you were right to confirm her worries were not just her being an anxious parent. If it encourages her to take her child to the doctor to be assessed then it can only be good. I did the same with an internet friend a while back, she had her suspicions based on what we had talked about online and she asked questions about what her ds was doing and described some pretty much classic autism traits. I tried to encourage her to talk to her HV or doctor and she did, he now has a diagnosis which is doing him the world of good and his mum is doing fantastically with him