loulou Report post Posted February 28, 2005 Hi all, I've just got back from the visit to Kai's new school (an EBD school). I feel really traumatised, so i can't imagine how bad Kai must be feeling. We got to the car park and he wouldn't get out of the car. He was petrified. Nothing i said made him want to go in. Eventually i dragged him out of the car, kicking and screaming into the school. He wouldn't go where the Head wanted him to go, so he sat in the foyer. He called the Head a string of bad names and went very pale. I then managed to get him into the office and he kicked off. He went for the Head, fists flying. He restrained him and Kai was screaming. He was saying "Help me Mummy, help me." It was awful to watch him. After that he came and sat on my lap and became withdrawn. The Head asked me if we thought he may have AS. I said that i was waiting for an assessment. He said that the technique they use is like "breaking in a wild horse." I was gob smacked. I don't think this is the right way to go for Kai at all. He said that this method MAY work for Kai, but if he has AS it will probably make him worse. What do i do now? Are we back to square one? If i give the school a try, it could compound Kai's phobia of school even more. When we got home, Kai said that he'd rather go back to his old school than go there, which is saying something because he HATED it there. I'm totally confused now. Please please please, if anyone has any suggestions about what to do or where to get advice, i would be so grateful. I feel so bad. Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LittleRae Report post Posted February 28, 2005 Loulou No advice, I'm afraid. Just <'> <'> <'> <'> Was the Head of this school not able to point you in a different direction? I really feel for you and Kai. A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted February 28, 2005 (edited) Oh Loulou <'> I'm so sorry things didn't go well today. If it were me, I would be extremely wary of sending a child with AS to an EBD school. As I understand things, it could well make things worse. I also think that if your son is so against this school you need to listen to him. When we were looking at residential schools for my son, he took an instant dislike to the photo of one school, saying he hated the look of the building. All I can say is that our LEA officer who has a lot of experience, said that if he felt like that then there was no point pushing him to visit. Have you thought of a specialist AS school? There certainly shouldn't be any 'breaking wild horses' involved in AS specific placements. So sorry again, but remember that you are doing a great job because you are obviously very sensitive to your son <'> Bidx I have PM'd some info that may be useful <'> Edited February 28, 2005 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
noogsy Report post Posted February 28, 2005 oh dear pet.. what a nightmare <'> <'> im really sorry things didnt go well erm i dont really have any advice.a hot soapy bubble bath and self medication of wine later tonight.maybe look into home education.there i am clutching at straws.i probably wouldnt have got my wee one in there either noogsy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bevalee Report post Posted February 28, 2005 So sorry LouLou <'> <'> I have to go and see and EBD school with my son on the 17th March. He has already said he's not going! I definately won't push him, but that is what my LEA came up with. I would try for an AS specific school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pim Report post Posted February 28, 2005 I'm so sorry to hear that the school visit went so badly. I don't know what a EBD school is so I can't offer any advice. Sending you hugs. pim Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted February 28, 2005 Hi Loulou, <'> <'> <'> How dreadful for both of you. I don't know if I could send my son to a school that compares my son to 'breaking a wild horse in' But I do know that some methods of ABA are a bit like that and they are spceifically aimed at children with ASD. It's not for me and maybe not your son. I think that it was always going to be difficult getting your son back into the system. Once a child has been out for awhile I think that the prospect of going back, especially when they only have bad memories of school, was never going to be easy. Are there any AS specific schools near you - would they look at your son without a firm dx? It's not an easy choice for you. take care Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted February 28, 2005 Loulou, I'm sorry you both had such a traumatic time. <'> I don't know what to suggest. It seems like a slower gentler approach is needed to help your son get back into school, whether it's this one or another one. I know there are a couple of ASD specific schools not too far from you, it might be worth visiting one to compare. K Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Helen Report post Posted February 28, 2005 Hello Loulou, I think your son was very brave today - it couldn't have been easy for either of you, thinking of you both <'> Helen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted March 1, 2005 Loulou It sounds like you both had a terrrible time. I certainly find it hard to understand a teacher who says a child needs breaking in. That sounds like someone who runs one of those American 'bratcamps' and has no place in a school - especially one with troubled children. I hope you find a way round this. Barefoot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted March 1, 2005 Hi everyone, After a sleepless night, I've spent most of the day on the phone. Kai has been very quiet after yesterday's trauma. He told me that the Head really frightened him . I've had a long chat with the consultant Paed, who we're seeing next week. He thinks that an EBD school is NOT the right place if Kai has AS. He also said that we should be able to get a quicker diagnosis. The SEN officer has been in a meeting all day (apparently!), but i will track her down tomorrow! Next step is to phone NAS and then phone the local AS schools. Thanks everyone for your support, Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted March 1, 2005 So sorry that it didn't go well. Hopefully a better alternative will be offered soon. I agree that a school that uses terms like "breaking them in" sounds very unsuitable. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted March 1, 2005 I would trust your instincts - sounds like that school could totally destroy your child. You need to get a dx of AS asap, as then AS specific schools can be considered. There are sometimes independent schools that cater for a range of disabilities - offering small classes and lots of support. They often have a lot of AS children in them. If necessary go and look at other EBD schools, cos they don't all have that approach, although I am always reluctant to suggest an EBD school for an AS child. Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
