Is your child argumentative?

[Sooze2]

DS will argue over anything, has to have the last word and won't take no for an answer. He literally argues about everything, I can't say anything at all without it turning into a discussion/debate and it's very very wearing. I can't even talk to DH without him interupting and arguing about what I'm saying!

 

I just wondered if this is just normal behavoiur or whether it's worse with AS children.

Edited June 27, 2008 by Sooze2

[JsMum]

Short reply YES. its Js way of trying to be in control, be assertive, though a little on the strong side, for J he sees things very literal, very logic, so if its unusaul or not striaght he will argue, he has a very wild manipulative streak and uses arguments to manipulate the situation, he is very good at control/power issues and this increases arguments very quickly, to the point of no return and the bust ups are quite severe over a very trival argument or debate, he is very sensitive and so his reactions are very reactive and explosive, the tinest argument leads into a very big display of distress and anger.

 

I think I find the arguing very waring and tiresome, sometimes I have to just keep distracting him onto another topic or issue to prevent behavioural difficulties that could lead to more anger, it often means he wins, which is what he is striving for, if he gets the last word, this means power, control, if he getd that then he has won and he loves that because it quenches his real deeper anxieties but the quenches dont last long and so it repeats quite often, aruging will increase the arousal chemicals too so keeping his body ready for an attack so it could become addictive habbit.

 

JsMum

Edited June 28, 2008 by JsMum

[bikemad]

O yes bigtime-so much so that some nights im crying from exhaustion from the constant battling with him-if I say black he says white if I say up he says down you get the picture lol. He sees life in Black n White everything is literal so if I say 'il be a minute' he will time a minute then row with me cos ive gone over that time. And he always has to be the center of any convo so I cant hold a convo without constant interruptions off him.

[KarenT]

Not strictly argumentative any more, since we've been working so much on anger management etc and he's less confrontational than he used to be. But he does need to have control and will attempt to negotiate all the time, even on rules that are carved in stone, on the offchance that he might get his own way with it.

 

The latest one is showers. He has a five minute shower every night before bed. A few weeks ago I gave him a treat for good behaviour (like the numpty I am) of a 7 minute shower. Since then we have the same conversation every night:

 

Me: Time for your shower J.

J: Can I have seven minutes?:

Me: No.

J: Can I have six minutes?:

Me: No.

J: Shall I just have five minutes:

Me: Yes.

J: OK then.

 

But somehow he seems to need to push this boundary in the hope that I'll give in. Fortunately I'm more stubborn than he is.

 

Karen

x

[Bard]

Just to add a curveball here, I'm a primary school teacher.

Around 8 and 9 seems to be when an enormous number of Nt children go through an argumentative, bargaining phase that often ends in a paddy.

Not to say that our ASDs don't. but my son has always been more reasonable about rules than my daughter.

[Enid]

Yes, yes and yes! didnt used to be but is now! Enid

[pookie170]

Oh god, aye!!!! My Cal just CANNOT let things go, or give in gracefully or anything like that. And everything is a big debate, during which he's extremely talented at either manipulating the other person into doing what he wants or diverting the conversation away from the unwanted subject- it's something that I warned his school about, and one of the few areas they didn't seem to hear my advice- then it got brought up at a review like it was a revelation!! I DID say I told you so at that point!! But it can be sooooooo wearing..... I have to say it's something that has got worse now he's on ADHD meds, but is still a big improvement on what happened before that. And like Bikemad's lad, mine is also very literal and a great, big, conversation hog!!!

Love him to bits, but my word, I think I'd faint if I asked him to do something and he meekly replied, 'Yes, mother!!'

 

Actually, I think I'd grab him and say, 'Who are you and what've you done to my REAL son!!!????'

 

Esther x

[Sooze2]

Love him to bits, but my word, I think I'd faint if I asked him to do something and he meekly replied, 'Yes, mother!!'

 

Actually, I think I'd grab him and say, 'Who are you and what've you done to my REAL son!!!????'

 

Esther x

 

PMSL same here

 

He has always been like it, the blighter even refused to come out at birth because someone told him to do it, had to be induced at 42 weeks and ended in a ceasaian!

 

He has seriousley been arguing since he started to talk and like you say he takes everything literally so you have to expalin what you mean about 15 times. DH insists on using figures of speech constantly and lots of sarcasm and the more I explain that he is making things worse the more he does it He argues with his teachers and causes himself huge problems at school which he thinks are totally unjust.

 

I am dreading the teenage years when he is supposed to be like it!

Edited June 28, 2008 by Sooze2

[bikemad]

Sooze2 my lad was the same lol he was 3weeks late then took 24hours n had to be pulled out with ventouse!!! My dp is the same too n uses sarcasm n my ds just dont get it at all!!!!

[lynyona]

Kieran is terribly argumentative and you cannot win an argument with him.If they are arguining usually about games of some sort my ds s have evn shown them articles wrote down in the magazine or on the internet and he ll just say well they are wrong.He can carry an argument right through the night with him, he ll get up and say as i said yesterday blah blah blah......ok then and when we dont bite and carry on arguing he may let it go sometimes he still goes on and its this poin that i wish i could remove the batteries lol

[nedgly]

OMG yes! My dd is so arguementative, black is white etc, etc... if we told her the sky was blue she'd say no its got shades of blah, blah blah.... These arguements can carry on for hours and normally end in total meltdown, this could be due to dh tormenting or using sarcasm. I try and diffuse the situation and then I get in to trouble and told I'm siding with ... (whichever one of them) They are so alike but just cannot see it, both need, no not need, have to have the last word and neither of them will back down and so arguements can go on for hours and then be broughtr up again later in day. I am getting so fed up with it, most evenings lately it's getting to the stage where I just want to sit down and cry. It seems the arguementative years have gone on forever, they really became noticeable around the age of 5-6 and she is now nearly 16. Will it ever end???

[Zosmum]

A great big definate YES.

DD has to win every argument. If she can't win verbally then she'll get physical.

She will always have the last word not matter what

[lynyona]

OMG yes! My dd is so arguementative, black is white etc, etc... if we told her the sky was blue she'd say no its got shades of blah, blah blah.... These arguements can carry on for hours and normally end in total meltdown, this could be due to dh tormenting or using sarcasm. I try and diffuse the situation and then I get in to trouble and told I'm siding with ... (whichever one of them) They are so alike but just cannot see it, both need, no not need, have to have the last word and neither of them will back down and so arguements can go on for hours and then be broughtr up again later in day. I am getting so fed up with it, most evenings lately it's getting to the stage where I just want to sit down and cry. It seems the arguementative years have gone on forever, they really became noticeable around the age of 5-6 and she is now nearly 16. Will it ever end???

 

No sorry no light at the end of the tunnel kierans nearly 23