Just saying Goodbye.

[fiorelli]

Thank you to all that have helped me in the past.

 

I have come to the conclusion lately that I just don't fit in - not just on here, but in various areas of our lives. I seem to have been the cause of L's problems lately - but for what reason I don't know. I need to take some major time out from everything in order to get myself sorted out in order to help L.

 

The results of his blood tests came back today, and they show that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, suggesting that he is overeating because it is a habit that I have allowed to develop. The aggression also seems to stem from the fact that I don't do enough for him - or any of my other children. I have spent the last week constantly doing stuff for my children, and keeping them occupied, and for the first time in a long, long time I have been upset at L and P going to their father. I was enjoying having them around, there was no fighting, there was no shouting, there was no violence. We were like a 'real' family - abeit one that has a child with ASD.

 

I have given out far, far, far to much personal information on here, and I realise that that must come to an end. The problems with me and my family are just that, and I need to be the one to sort it out.

 

I have begun to envy and despise people both on here and in real life who have support and advise, know where to get it from, or who to get it from, or know someone who knows someone etc. That is not right, and that is not me. I feel all alone drifting out to sea in a storm, and no sign of land on the horizon.

[pearl]

I'm sorry you feel that way fiorelli, sorry to see you go, & hope you find some inner peace <'>

[Zosmum]

Hi fioelli

What on earth has happened to make you feel so low ( sorry not meant to sound like a prying question)

I really feel for you and hope that you soon find the answers that you need to find your inner peace

Our thoughts are with you

Zosmum

[cmuir]

Hi

 

From what you've just said, the one thing that's screamingly obvious is that you're having a tough time and blaming yourself. You're doing your best and that's all you can do. Sometimes, I find with R, that my best isn't enough and I blame myself too. It doesn't take me long to realise that there's a lot in life that's simply outwith my control and when I analyse things I know in my heart I've done my best. Every now and again I completely run out of steam and find that this can make me irrational and makes me want to scream at someone. Thankfully, after a couple of days I get back to normality. I work full-time and so it can be really difficult. If I've assessed that R's been having a tough time (and it's been tough on me too), some weekends we don't venture out of the house at all. We'll sit and watch DVDs, phone a take away, play the wii, etc. Some people might consider that to be odd, but I've found for me/us that it can work and helps to recharge the old batteries!

 

I note you all commented that you've provided a lot of information. I think everybody on this forum has given a considerable amount of information about themselves and their circumstances. In some ways, this forum is an anonymous family - if that makes any sense. A lot of us are in exactly the same boat and so sharing our experiences, using the forum to 'vent' our frustration, etc is part and parcel of living with or having an ASD.

 

Take care and hope after a bit of time you're back.

 

Regards

 

Caroline

Edited October 30, 2008 by cmuir

[Flora]

The dynamics of family life are so complicated and diverse that to try to compare yourself to anyone else is potentially a very damaging thing to do (of course it can have positive consequences too).

 

I often mull over what things would be like for my family as a whole, and individually, if I'd done this or that differently. Sometimes I mentally beat myself up over it. My mum told me a while back that to do that can be positive if you just learn from it and move on, but to dwell on the past stops you from enjoying what you have now and can make you very unhappy.

 

Fiorelli, I regularly feel out of step with people, both on here and in the real world. Sometimes I feel pleased about it, other times I feel isolated and 'different in a bad way'.

 

If you trully feel that the forum is no longer appropriate that's one thing, but if you find that you get over this crisis of confidence and want to come back then please do.

 

Good luck.

 

Flora

[NickyB]

Fiorelli, I'm really sorry you're in such a bad place right now. I hope you manage to find a way through it all very soon.

 

Take care

 

Nicky <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

[jb1964]

Hi Fiorelli,

 

Thinking of you and your family - hope you see sight of your land soon.

 

Take care,

Jb

 

 

 

[Kazzen161]

You are not alone - I wrote this 5 years ago:

 

How I see my life:

 

10 years ago my ex left me unexpectedly, when I had a 4 year old and 6 month old Twins - I was miles out at sea, drowning, and no-one was taking any notice.

 

Made some good friends through Gingerbread - I'd found a log to hang on to, but was still far out at sea.

 

Had problems with ds1 - the log was snatched away from me - drowning again.

 

He got dx of Aspergers - started swimming for the shore, hard work, but I was determined to get there.

 

After two years, got him into a good school, but still had major behavioural problems with him - at least I had the shore in sight.

 

After 4 years, got him into very good residential school - I could at last sit on the beach, but my feet were still in the water at times depending on the tide.

 

He's been there two years now - pulled myself up onto the beach - had a rest, and looked around for food, and materials for a shelter.

 

Had just managed to botch together some sort of shelter, when ds2 was dx with aspects of Aspergers - the whole lot came tumbling down on my head - and it hurt!

 

Am now gathering all the bits together, and am trying to add some new stuff to make it a better shelter.

 

One day I'd like to be able to actually live, rather than just struggle to survive.

 

One day....

 

-------------------------------

 

I'm still not quite there, but things are a lot better nowadays.

 

Whatever you may think, it is pretty obvious from what you have posted that the school your son is at is not doing him any good - do try your best to get him into a better placement - it will help him (and the whole family) a lot.

 

Look after yourself.

 

Karen

 

 

[bid]

Be gentle with yourself, Fiorelli...

 

Come back soon <'>

 

Bid

[Karen A]

<'> <'> <'> As the other Karen said you are not alone.Life can be very tough.Please don't take it out on yourself it is a rubbish strategy....from a woman who knows.Karen.

[mossgrove]

<'> ><

 

I hope it isn't goodbye.

 

That said I do disagree with you! It simply isn't true to say that you have caused most the problems yourself. You have had some incredibly challenging things to deal with and you are a good mother, and you shouldn't place unreasonable expectations on yourself.

 

Take as long as you need, and remember that we will be here for you when you decide to come back.

 

Simon

Edited October 30, 2008 by mossgrove

[smiley]

Sweetheart.. you have my number - please, please text or call - I'm only 20 minutes away............

 

Hugs <'> ><

[zaman]

Don't beat yourself up. It really does sound like you are being hard on yourself. I hope that you can get a bit of support to stop your head exploding.

[hev]

<'> <'> <'>

[baddad]

Hope things are loking brighter soon <'>

 

[pookie170]

Fiorelli,

hope you pop back from time to time, please try not to be so hard on yourself-

Hope you feel better soon,

 

Esther xx

 

 

[JsMum]

 

 

 

Please stay, at least take a break and then come back to see us, its got its ups and downs here, but Id sure be lost without peeps here.

 

I will be thinking about the things you have said, take care of yourself.

 

You know were here always.

 

<'>

 

JsMum