Jannih Report post Posted December 30, 2008 I am 56 years old and for as long as I can remember , which is a long , long time ; I have had difficulty in expressing my feelings . My main problem is that if I am angry or unhappy about a situation and I try to challenge someone about it , I inevitably end up in tears. This sets me in a downward spiral as I hate getting like this because I know I am over reacting and feel pathetic. I am sure people think I am being emotionally manipulative but the truth is I don't appear to have any control over this crying and the last thing I want to be is " manipulative". If I am angry I would much rather show it in the tone of my voice and " be angry" than dissolve in tears ! Is this typical of an autistic symptom and does any one have any advice on how I can deal with it. By the way I have not been assessed and diagnosed. I have managed to mask a lot of my problems over the years but recently I am starting to unravel and my social anxiety seems to be worsening Jannih Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted December 30, 2008 I don't know if it's related to ASDs, but this very much describes me. I can identify in particular with the fear of being thought of as manipulative or as I often see it, thinking that people think that I'm trying to get my way by making them uncomfortable. I've found I can't control it, but if I am less hard on myself and accept that it's part of who I am, it happens less often. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sonj186 Report post Posted December 30, 2008 i cry at the drop off a hat! i dont want to! but i cry when im happy, i cry when im sad/tired/angry/overwhelmed! i find cams school problems hard to deal with sometimes because i usually end up in tears! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aspiesrule Report post Posted December 30, 2008 Hi, This sounds just like me, too. I was accused by an unreasonable boss once of "turning on the waterworks" to get sympathy, which I found very upsetting, as I wish I didn't cry when trying to explain a point. I have also found that I get emotional when I need to go to the school to stick up for my son. I write more letters now as I can control the emotion then and I get rid of the emotion while I'm typing them out. If the letter sounds too emotional when I read it back I can edit it later when I'm calmer. Then I go into school and discuss the problem after the head or whoever has read the letter and got the main points. I do still end up in tears sometimes but at least I get my point across. Unfortunately I think DS (AS) has inherited this from me and he cries easily and at 10 he is starting to get called cry-baby. I really feel for him as I know there is no way to turn it off when it comes! (incidentally I have never been diagnosed but having researched AS I am sure I have a lot of the symptoms, especially social anxiety, and if ever I do any online AS tests I always come out quite heavily on the AS side) I don't think there is a fix, it's just the way we are. I think at 50 I'm too old to change now! Cheryl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jannih Report post Posted December 30, 2008 I don't think there is a fix, it's just the way we are. I think at 50 I'm too old to change now! Cheryl I don't think that we should stop trying to change our behaviour especially if we are unhappy with it , but I get your point , and that's probably one reason why I have considered assessment /diagnosis , because it might give me the excuse to accept things more and not be so hard on myself. Thanks for the tips as well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted December 30, 2008 When I'm trying to explain something that I feel strongly about to someone I often find myself in tears. It's because, when I'm upset or getting stressed or angry, I can't express myself properly and can't make them understand what I mean and this leads to me feeling very frustrated and that's when the tears come. I know I need to be able to express what I mean calmly before I start to feel anxious and, if I've gotten my point across, then it won't lead to frustration/tears. With me it really depends on who I'm talking to. I'm particularly bad when trying to explain to people who are very confident or strong characters, as I feel self-conscious and stupid compared to them and then get tongue-tied and can't say what I mean. Authority figures are also a problem for me, as I feel intimidated and bullied very easily and, therefore, can't get across what I'm trying to say effectively and can't stand my ground. I'm much better able to express myself on paper. I'm able to put down everything very eloquently in an email and express my feelings thoroughly, but I often end up saying too much or coming across as too formal and this can then backfire on me because people then take offence and get defensive and come back and attack me, so I can't win really. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chris54 Report post Posted December 30, 2008 I have to admit to being over emotional at times. Being a grown man in tears because you just been made redundant don't go down to well. Sad stories fact or fiction will set me of. I have noticed that my son (8) is just the same. At my dads funeral earlier this year, I was in tears most of the day. My nephew who is about 40 said something along the lines of "It is good to see someone who is not afraid to show their emotions". Perhaps that is why I don't do angry, my wife says I'm too laid back but hay life's to short. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jannih Report post Posted December 30, 2008 I have to admit to being over emotional at times. Being a grown man in tears because you just been made redundant don't go down to well. Sad stories fact or fiction will set me of. I have noticed that my son (8) is just the same. At my dads funeral earlier this year, I was in tears most of the day. My nephew who is about 40 said something along the lines of "It is good to see someone who is not afraid to show their emotions". Perhaps that is why I don't do angry, my wife says I'm too laid back but hay life's to short. Being made redundant and experiencing bereavement are justifiable reasons for being upset and tearful. My problem is that the reasons I have , are not. It's good to know that I am not alone though. I suppose it all depends on whether one is a passive person or an aggressive one. You hear of those with ASD /Aspergers acting out their frustrations but there are those who suffer in silence and get totally overlooked because of their passivity but the frustratations are there all the same , though manifested a different manner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted December 30, 2008 i cry at the drop off a hat! i dont want to! but i cry when im happy, i cry when im sad/tired/angry/overwhelmed! i find cams school problems hard to deal with sometimes because i usually end up in tears! This describes me too and it's so annoying <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted December 30, 2008 My lad cries at eveything even obscure stuff....you name it the tears come. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billabong Report post Posted December 31, 2008 When I'm trying to explain something that I feel strongly about to someone I often find myself in tears. It's because, when I'm upset or getting stressed or angry, I can't express myself properly and can't make them understand what I mean and this leads to me feeling very frustrated and that's when the tears come. I know I need to be able to express what I mean calmly before I start to feel anxious and, if I've gotten my point across, then it won't lead to frustration/tears. With me it really depends on who I'm talking to. I'm particularly bad when trying to explain to people who are very confident or strong characters, as I feel self-conscious and stupid compared to them and then get tongue-tied and can't say what I mean. Authority figures are also a problem for me, as I feel intimidated and bullied very easily and, therefore, can't get across what I'm trying to say effectively and can't stand my ground. I'm much better able to express myself on paper. I'm able to put down everything very eloquently in an email and express my feelings thoroughly, but I often end up saying too much or coming across as too formal and this can then backfire on me because people then take offence and get defensive and come back and attack me, so I can't win really. ~ Mel ~ Ditto to every single bit of this. In some situations, and depending on who I'm talking (blubbing) to, if I have something difficult to say I can preface it with "I know I'm going to cry when I say this, it's just how I am". It seems to take away some of the anxiety about crying and makes me feel a teeny bit more in control ie the person I'm talking to has been warned and knows it's not (or not necessarily) their fault, and has also been warned that it's something I find difficult to talk about. This seems to make them more receptive. But, as I wrote, it does depend on who I'm talking to. Billabong (not AS but definitely differently wired) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
