Paula Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Ive spent the day in tears to be blunt ive fealt like ending it all....................I cant take anymore i realy cant. My son is 15 hes got moderate learning difficulties and aspergers syndrome..............the bulk of his care and all his personal needs are met by myself...........his dad works full time and his sister shoes 17 wishes hed just dissapear................to be honest theres a part of me wishes he would too. All day long ive walked on eggshells,all day long ive jumped to his tune for fear hed loose it.Hes over six foot tall and im powerelss physically against him.Hes been nasty,insulting hes sat all day in his dressing gown ............... I cant stand anymore. No one knows what its like liveing with it day after day after day year after year..............it grinds you down..........theres no end to it. yes sometimes you fool yourself and think .............its not that bad it could be worse..............and you plod on you get on with it. I know he cant help it.............i do honestly.............i know hes got all the teenage hormones whizzing round because of his age................and yet i just want to scream. I feal like letting rip at him letting it all out takeing it all out on him the years and years of care,of wipeing his bottom,of dressing him,of constantly haveing to make all my decisions based upon his needs and yet haveing lets be utterly honest here nothing in return. He looked at me and it was like he didnt see me.............as i sat there in tears sobbing away it doesnt register............i guess it never will never has. Yes im haveing a bad day.........hes been off school for over a week and today was an extra day off.............its dragged me down.He hates to leave the house and although he can be left for short periods you cant relax ..............you can never relax............. I guess ill dust myself off carry on and pretend all is fine. I guess you cant let the inner fealing surface not even a tiny bit coz when they do the floodgates open. How ive not screamed and yelled at him today ill never know............. Im his mum i love him.................i wish he were normal. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sooze2 Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Sending some of these <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zaman Report post Posted February 23, 2009 <'> At risk of pushing you over the edge, can you let your Dr or CAMHS service, or someone, know how bad things are for you? It seems so wrong that you are going through this on your own. Z Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Hes just rushed upstaires this past 30 minutes and got dressed and put on his shoes............amazeing isnt it what he can do when it suites him...then hes stormed downstaires ranting and raveing saying hes of out to the shops...........he never ever goes to the shop alone...............i said he couldnt go.He stormed back to his room and began to bang around i stayed well clear. Now under normal calm conditions if hed said mum id like to go to the shop on my own...its around 20 minues there and back id have worried wed have chatted about the rules ect and then id have reluctantly agreed and panicked till he got home.................but theres no way he could go in the mood hes in.............yes ive moaned about him but id be worried hed run away..............in his ranting moments he threatens to pack his bags and leave............this is normally when he doesnt get his own way.............. me daughters jst called to say she wont be home till 6..............im drained with the whole rotten event......... ive tried to calmly aske whats wrong with you is something upsetting you.his answer was........you bring it all on yourself.............. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Ive never even had a refearell to cahlms ever ive no outside help as such.............he doesnt even see a peodiatrician anymore...........they discharged him years ago. My son used to be seen regulary when he was born.he was born with a condition called bi lateral choanel atresia and underwent loads of surgery........he was under the drs for 10 years then they discharged him.Ive always been on me own with all this just me me hubby and his sister.............he attends a specail school.........there very good. Ill just plod on its just a bad patch one of many over the years. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NickyB Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Paula <'> <'> <'> <'> I really sounds like you're at breaking point. I can only say that I think you should speak to someone - maybe start with your GP ? I'm not an expert or anything but I'm sure there must be someone who can help. Please don't bottle it all up - I did that for years when looking after my Mum who has bipolar disorder, and I made myself very ill. Take care Nicky <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clareo2003 Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Big Hugs i know how you feel..i too feel like this on numerous occasions, trying my hardest not to lose it with my son ..incase i go too far... yeah most of the times you can cope with it..but there are times when you just cant! Huge hugs i feel for you and my daughter is 16 and also quite often says she wishes my son wasnt here...unfortunately though which makes you realise..my son also wishes he didnt have problems either and quite often hits himself and screams that he hates aspergers!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted February 23, 2009 <'> <'> I know ive been there before n just felt like giving up the fight.....dont know what to advise but couldn't read n run. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kimdim Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Paula so sorry you are having a bad day hope you have a better day tomorrow just wanted to send you a hug <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Is there a carer's organisation locally? What you really need is for someone to look at your needs and a carer's assessment is one way forward. Your GP can probably help with a referral to SS but a carer's group could be the kind of moral support you'd benefit from right now. Crossroads have quite a few local branches, Carers UK and Princess Royal Trust for Carers too, depending on where you live. Even just speaking to someone on the phone can help. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Can't add to the good advice above, Paula, just wanted to send a couple of <'> <'> your way. Is your son back to school tomorrow? I hope the stress eases off when you finally get a bit of time to yourself. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Paula, I know, really really know how you feel, that walking on eggshells in case you set him off, locking myself and littles and dog in a room away from him, the only thing that kept me sane was posting on here, it sounds daft but just getting the words and feelings out, even to complete strangers, helped to stop me going over the egde, I have posted many similar posts to yours, its so hard when they are bigger then you, and use that against you, my son is on medication and that really helps, this time last year we were all in a bad place, he wouldnt leave the house so we were trapped in, he ran away and hid for hours, he was 12, at the drop of a hat he would trash the house and attack us all, I was where you are now, every morning I would wake up and dread it, I was counting the hours till the evening and just getting through another day, when he was asleep I didnt want to go to bed just so I could enjoy the feeling of relief and freedom. What got me through the worst was this forum, good friends, red wine!!!!! and just taking it a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time! get a referral to CAHMS, and keep posting, pm if you want. much love and support. Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tjw Report post Posted February 23, 2009 paula i have read your post and just wanted to send love and hugs to you, so sorry you are having to deal with this all on your own and feeling so down sending loads of these <'> <'> take care theresa xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mad cat lady Report post Posted February 23, 2009 You don't have to go to a GP to get a social worker (although it helps), you can go and ask to speak to the duty social worker, who will take a full history and pass it on to the relevant person. If they think there is no rush, they will put you to the bottom of the pile, so if you really can't cope make sure you tell them that you REALLY can't cope. You may also have to make a nuisance of yourself though. A visit to the GP's is a good idea though, Hope you get something sorted out quickly <'> MCL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Hi, It does sound like your very desperate for some support, and maybe some respite, if your feeling like you could really end it and your not coping with his needs then you need to ensure you get urgent help. There will be a contact number for your councils Emergency Duty Team for your local social services who could carry out an instant assessment, if you continue to pretend that your coping and all is alright you will just get more frustated and the consequences could be worse. The changes of half term could of disrupted his routine and so makes it difficult for him to motivate and be in a structure, have school shared any concerns of similair behaviours that he has displayed home does he display them at school? I really feel your dispair and I really do hope that you can get some help soon, I use these services too who maybe able to give you some more advice tomorrow if you can get throw the night. http://www.cafamily.org.uk/families/index.html http://www.youngminds.org.uk/parents/ http://www.oaasis.co.uk/ Hope its helpful. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Paula, just wanted to say your post strung a chord, sending you lots of hugs and wishes that there was more I could do. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aspie Mum Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Paula, I agree with the previous posts, it is worth trying to get some support and help. Especially now, it is difficult to get at this age as he is nearing "adulthood" but it will be worth it for all of the family. You must push for support too, don't take no for an answer. Best of luck. <'> >< <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
edith simon Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Ive spent the day in tears to be blunt ive fealt like ending it all....................I cant take anymore i realy cant. My son is 15 hes got moderate learning difficulties and aspergers syndrome..............the bulk of his care and all his personal needs are met by myself...........his dad works full time and his sister shoes 17 wishes hed just dissapear................to be honest theres a part of me wishes he would too. All day long ive walked on eggshells,all day long ive jumped to his tune for fear hed loose it.Hes over six foot tall and im powerelss physically against him.Hes been nasty,insulting hes sat all day in his dressing gown ............... I cant stand anymore. No one knows what its like liveing with it day after day after day year after year..............it grinds you down..........theres no end to it. yes sometimes you fool yourself and think .............its not that bad it could be worse..............and you plod on you get on with it. I know he cant help it.............i do honestly.............i know hes got all the teenage hormones whizzing round because of his age................and yet i just want to scream. I feal like letting rip at him letting it all out takeing it all out on him the years and years of care,of wipeing his bottom,of dressing him,of constantly haveing to make all my decisions based upon his needs and yet haveing lets be utterly honest here nothing in return. He looked at me and it was like he didnt see me.............as i sat there in tears sobbing away it doesnt register............i guess it never will never has. Yes im haveing a bad day.........hes been off school for over a week and today was an extra day off.............its dragged me down.He hates to leave the house and although he can be left for short periods you cant relax ..............you can never relax............. I guess ill dust myself off carry on and pretend all is fine. I guess you cant let the inner fealing surface not even a tiny bit coz when they do the floodgates open. How ive not screamed and yelled at him today ill never know............. Im his mum i love him.................i wish he were normal. How many of us has felt the same way.especially after a halfterm with the "teachers training on top as a bonus for us. Any help maybe from social services??They should give you sg like a few hours total break when you can sleep or go for a walk etc. I would not be able to cope without the carers who come to our house and stay with my son or take him out for a few hours. Soc sevice should give you a break!!! It is difficult to get help but if you try and try it might bring some releif for you. I am just sending you my big hugs and tpotal sympathy. best wishes Edith <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
westie Report post Posted February 23, 2009 Paula, I too am thinking about you. There are many others who have posted some good advice about getting a carers assessment, seeing CAMHS/ a doctor for yourself to get support. I hope yr evening is a little more calm, and that you can find a way to move forward XX <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted February 24, 2009 Just a positive post <'> Your son can change the way he behaves. If he copes OK at school, then you know he is capable of appropriate behaviour. There are loads of good posts about behavioural techniques on here. You and he won't be able to change everything all in one go, but you can start with the most problematic negative behaviour. Please don't despair...it is definitely possible to turn things round, and have a young man who is a lot easier to live with. Good luck <'> Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
purplehaze Report post Posted February 24, 2009 Hi, I also have been and sometimes still am in this positision, so send hugs. I have felt scared of my 15 yr old son but I always saw me as the parent and one to provide boundaries. My son would throw things threaten to kill me etc. Even if I couldn't do things at the time apart from go into a safe place I would always give him a consequence/punishment after-even if it caused the same behaviour all over again. Saying all of this I also understand what causes the behaviour much more now so can try and provide support-visual, calm, sensory integration etc. Have you ever been on any of the help courses-they offer one on managing challenging behaviour-contact the NAS to find out if there will be any in your area. This is a difficult age for our sons-even with learning difficulties & ASD they are trying to find themselves, their individuality etc and it difficult for us and our families-we are bound to have days(I know I have) where we feel like we can't go on-this is when familes need support and how to get it. It makes me angry that we have to go through this because the support isn't there! Hope you feel better today-keep talking-have you any friends you can talk to just to get it all out? XXXXXXXX <'> XXXXXXXXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 24, 2009 Thankyou for youre support...............I was utterly exhasted last night through the straine of it all......and guess what he was doing...he was as happy as larry as tthough nowt had happened......typical i thought. When my husband go tin i kinda let it all out ..............said son was installed watching simpsons..............while i let rip with a scream in the kitchen followed by a couple of kicks to a chaire...........What a day hey. Hes back at school today..............he hates holidays coz he just sits and wallows and wont be budged and all his rotton behavioures come out snd it drives me mad. But like a kick in the teeth hes got yet another so called teacher training day next wednesday...............im going to stock up on chocalate to get me thorugh it. I have heard of crossroads and have used them in the past when he was little because he made it impossiboe to leave the house even to take his sister to school. I dont realy want to get SS involved............i guess im one of those folks that gets by with the odd scream,massive bar of chocalate and a kick of a door now and againe. It did help just getting it out. Hes of to France for 4 days in Septemeber with the school...............ill miss him.thats the irony when hes not here with all his awkward ways makeing demands im lost and have nothing to do............thats the cruel twist in all this im sick of looking after him and yet thats my life and without it i feal useless. But maybe thats the problem.............hes demanding freedoms,im scared to let him have them incase it all goes wrong......i darent let go....but am i trying to protect him or myslef am i scared of looseing controll. I thought the early years were hard when he was younger and we wernt used to him but these teenage aspie years are just as diffiucult. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
