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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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Sally44

Husband dropped a bombshell - he's leaving

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Sally44   

I've not been on this forum for long.

Its the early hours of the morning and I feel very inadequate that I have no-one else to talk to about this.

My husband has just told me he wants a trial separation.

He's leaving within the next couple of days.

I didn't see it coming.

What am i going to say to the kids, my family, his family.

He's also leaving work. He's telling them his mother is sick.

So I feel like I'm expected to be keeping up the pretence of normality until he informs me of what he wants to do.

He wants the priviledge of going away to think about things, whilst I am supposed to carry on as normal.

Financially I have no idea what we are going to do.

He's taken medication for depression before. And I think he is feeling like that again now.

What is the difference between depression and just wanting to leave your wife, kids, job etc?

But he says he doesn't want medication again. He wants to find out what is causing his feelings.

Obviously the separation idea is to see if he misses any of us.

But I think that if you have depression and the tablets make you feel better then you do have depression.

He thinks he is unhappy and that the tablets just cover this up.

I don't know whether to just let him go. Cry kick and scream. Or just feel relieved.

But I don't think i'll ever forgive him this or trust him again.

The hardest part is looking at my children and knowing that they have absolutely no idea.

Don't know what tomorrow will bring.

I just can't believe I am in this situation.

 

 

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Sallya   

Sally,

make a trip to the CAB to find out what help you can get- community charge, rent, income support. Encourage your hubby to at least visit his GP to talk things over-he seems to have a few misconnceptions about depression and medications. Talk to the children together, and let him do the explaining.

sorry this is happening.

But you will get through this, ok?

Take care

s

xxx

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Enid   

Just sending you some hugs and support, >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> will be thinking of you and yours. Enid

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Ahh Sally, sorry to hear this. No easy answers though you might want to contact Relate.

 

Be kind to yourself and don't try to carry on as normal. Give yourself a bit of time.

Edited by call me jaded

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dana   

Hi Sally 44,

I am really sorry to hear this. My husband was also depressed recently, talking about leaving, although he has been very supportive to us all these years.I was really worried but it lasted for sometime and now I have him back again.

Maybe this is not something final.It is very hard and I KNOW how you feel . If he was really suportive to you and kids and if you love him and want him to stay try not to blame him and not to be angry.(I know it is hard.) I just want to give you plenty of these. >:D<<'> >:D< >:D<<'> >:D< >:D<<'>

 

Danaxxx

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szxmum   

Sally, just wanted to send you lots of >:D<<'> >:D< >:D<<'> >:D< >:D<<'>

 

I have also been through this and would give the following advice - take it one step at a time and look after yourself; go to find out what benefits you are entitled to asap (don't leave it like I did as you may miss out on money that you are entitled to - they wouldn't back-date in my case); don't tell your bank that there are problems or they may freeze any joint accounts (again this happened to me); in time, do go to relate, for you; as said above do encourage hubbie to go to Gp and do go yourself if necessary.

 

You don't know what's going to happen, so one step at a time. My hubbie and I separated for six months - I did forgive, I've never forgotten but I did come out stronger.

 

Lots of love and thinking of you >:D<<'>

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I am really sorry this is happening. Try to be calm and practical. I know it is difficult but I would try to leave the door open for a while. I have suffered from depression and felt that there was no way other than go away because I could not hear myself think! I did not go anywhere because of the children and that I have to be the strong one at home, but I had two very difficult years. Your husband is not thinking straight and obviously feels under a lot of pressure. I know you do too but not everyone copes the same and I am sure men cope less well with stress because they don't have so many friends.

In the meantime you need to take care of yourself.

Lots of >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

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Tally   

I'm so sorry Sally! What a huge shock.

 

You say he wants this trial separation to see if he misses you, but maybe it's because he wants to see if being out of the relationship helps him feel less depressed - work out whether he is unhappy in the relationship, or if he was unhappy because he has an illness.

 

Sometimes antidepressants can make you feel emotionally numb as a side effect, and he might be better with another type. But they will not make you feel happy about a situation if that is the cause of his unhappiness.

 

I think you should try to meet in a neutral place to discuss the interim financial arrangements. If he's unwilling, then you need to seek legal advice.

 

Do he and you have a good relationship with his parents? If you can explain to them what he has decided, and the thoughts you have on his depression, they might be able to encourage him to accept medical help.

 

Try to just take one day at a time. It's a horrible situation, but people DO get through it!

 

T x

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Sally that's horrible news for you to hear, I am so sorry, I dont really have any advice other than what has already been said but didn't want to just read and run so to speak..

 

D's father left me when I was 5 months pregnant and I didnt know what to do, I was only 20 at the time and very young and naive, I then spent 8 yrs bringing Daniel up on my own until I met my youngest sons father but we have been having problems for ages and I wonder if we will go the same way. Im alot stronger now though than all those years ago and wouldnt change those 8 yrs for anything, although I appreciate you wont be feeling like that at all now.

 

I do hope things work out for you whatever the outcome xx

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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lisac   

Sally i am so sorry to hear you are so upset. What you need to do is get out there and pull yourself a toy boy ;) , x

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Paula   

>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

 

I suffer from manic depression and at times youre emotions are all over the place..you dont know if what youre fealing is real or not.When ive been realy realy depressed ive often announced im leaving im off lets divorce..............why...........because a part of me thought that my husband and kids would be happier if i wasnt around that they wouldnt miss me that i wasnt needed.I never followed any of it through............beauty of being a manic depressive/bi polar is one minute you can be down and depressed and the next day you can be high as a kite and all negativity gone and forgotten.

 

Maybe youre husband thinks youd be better of without him..............perhaps all he needs to known and understand is that you all love him and dont want the trial seperation.that even though hes a depressive you still want him in youre life.

 

I hope it works out i realy do.

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Kathryn   

Sally,

 

So sorry to hear this. It must be so hard to see the way forward right now. :(

 

Just sending you >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

K x

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Emma_74   

really sorry for you Sally

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

hope things turn around for you soon

 

Emma

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board   

so sorry to hear this but you need to find out if there is any one else he is seeing for you own sake he may want to see what it is like with her

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Sally44   

Just wanted to say thanks for all your kind words and thoughts.

We've spent the last week actually spending some time together and talking things through.

I think we'll be okay.

 

 

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