Hi from a desperate mum!

[Jordasmum12]

hi to everyone... Ive joined this site in the hopes of getting some answers to the world of questions that I have. My son is 12 years old and has aspergers syndrome. I first suspected that something wasnt quite 'right' when he was 4 years old but it was not until he was 10 that I decided to try and find out more. Last year he went to see CAHMS and was diagnosed with Aspergers. Ive tried to find out as much as possible about it and am at present going through what I suspect many other mums have gone through... all the guilt for all the times Ive told him to "look at me when Im talking to you" and trying to get him to socialize with other people and to put a halt to his obsessions. The list is endless!

Im really trying to be more understanding and patient and as we moved a few months ago, Im having to go through the process of explaining to the school all about Jordan and his concentration issues. He gets distracted easily and then distracts others. He also starts talking and continues talking even when the teacher is trying to do his job. He has now gone up to high school which is a huge change for him... and to top it all off, because the school is 25 miles away, he has to stay at the school hostel 4 nights a week... all this for a child who reacts very badly to change.

As I say, Im doing my best to cope and help him as much as possible, and i have to say, the school and hostel have been wonderful.... the things I need advice on is Jordan's temper ... he has gotten so stroppy (yes I know he is a teenager!), but he has become so disrespectful and seems to flare up in temper tantrums even when it seems so over the top... his room is like a toxic zone...he wont even put his empty plates or rubbish out of his room. He seems to have an eating obsession at the moment and will even sneak around and take out of the kitchen and take biscuits etc up to his room.... it drives me crazy! Mostly because it is so unnecessary, he only has to ask and he gets so why the sneaking around! He is spending so much time away from company and I do understand that his own space is important to him, time to himself is a need not just a want, but it seems impossible to get him to spend more than half an hour in our company.

My partner is not his father but he does try very hard with Jordan though Jordan just treats him with contempt. I would appreciate any advise anyone has.... Im literally losng my hair with all the worry this has been causing me... thanks very much, annie

[Tally]

Hi Annie, and welcome to the forum.

 

I am an adult with Asperger's, so my experience is very different from your own. I expect you've always done what you thought was best for Jordan. Sometimes it can be very useful to know how to "act normal," and it's very difficult to tell the difference between encouragement and pressure. Much of what you've done will probably be very useful for him.

 

My parents were always extremely concerned about the amount of time I spent locked away in my bedroom. They were always trying to encourage me to spend time downstairs with them. At this time I was not diagnosed with Asperger's, and they didn't understand how much I really needed the time alone after a whole day with other people at school/work (partly because I was unable to explain it). Perhaps you can agree on a compromise where he gets the alone time that he needs, but also spends some time with you as well.

 

Teenage boys often like to live like pigs, but it is your house and you make the rules and have a right to impose certain standards about food/plates, laundry and rubbish. All the time I lived with my parents (even as an adult) I was never allowed food in my bedroom at all. Perhaps making Jordan eat meals together around the table would be a good way to solve the dirty plates problem and get him to spend time with you as well.

[baddad]

Hi Jordan's mum -

I think one thing you have to consider is the major changes around schooling and how much of your current situation could be arising from that.

TBH, if he's recently moved to a residential school with specialised knowledge of his condition I think maybe it would be a good idea to take a 'step back' while he adjusts to all of that. I can understand your concerns, but I think maybe you have to give him a chance to adjust to the school rather than trying to explain to the school how they need to adjust to him (and JIC that 'sounds' wrong I didn't mean it in a negative way, just in the practical sense of not trying to fix everything at once and waiting to see what 'fixes' itself in the interim).

On the other stuff: You really should not feel guilty about things like trying to get him to socialise etc. These are life skills that will benefit him hugely in the long term, and it's more a question of getting the balance right between 'firm encouragement' ('cos anything less than firm is unlikely to make any difference) and 'unreasonable force'. It is not 'normalisation' any more than teaching a physcially handicapped child to use a wheelchair is...

After making reasonable allowances for his age (teens! ) and his difficulties I think it's incredibly important to draw very clear lines in the sand about unreasonable behaviour. I would include him treating your partner - whether he is Jordan's natural father or not - 'with contempt' as completely unreasonable, and make sure that whatever the circumstances you and your partner present a united front on this. No matter how often Jordan might voice the opinion 'you're not my dad - you can't tell me what to do' he needs to know that his stepfather is fulfilling that role (whether Jordan likes it or not) and that it's a dynamic that has nothing to do with biology.

As far as it goes your son's behaviour has as much (if not more) to do with how you respond to that behaviour than it has with either his age or his diagnosis. That's true of all children, whether autistic or not. Autism complicates that sometimes, but it doesn't redefine it.

 

L&P

 

BD

[trekster]

hi to everyone... Ive joined this site in the hopes of getting some answers to the world of questions that I have. My son is 12 years old and has aspergers syndrome. I first suspected that something wasnt quite 'right' when he was 4 years old but it was not until he was 10 that I decided to try and find out more. Last year he went to see CAHMS and was diagnosed with Aspergers. Ive tried to find out as much as possible about it and am at present going through what I suspect many other mums have gone through... all the guilt for all the times Ive told him to "look at me when Im talking to you" and trying to get him to socialize with other people and to put a halt to his obsessions. The list is endless!

 

At least you accept and understand your sons Aspergers. My mum still doesn't get it sometimes and has even told me off for being cheeky when im being literal!

Im really trying to be more understanding and patient and as we moved a few months ago, Im having to go through the process of explaining to the school all about Jordan and his concentration issues. He gets distracted easily and then distracts others. He also starts talking and continues talking even when the teacher is trying to do his job. He has now gone up to high school which is a huge change for him... and to top it all off, because the school is 25 miles away, he has to stay at the school hostel 4 nights a week... all this for a child who reacts very badly to change.

 

i used to get distracted easily as well but it didnt get me distracting others. i just used to snap at them for being annoying or try to get on with my work.

As I say, Im doing my best to cope and help him as much as possible, and i have to say, the school and hostel have been wonderful.... the things I need advice on is Jordan's temper ... he has gotten so stroppy (yes I know he is a teenager!), but he has become so disrespectful and seems to flare up in temper tantrums even when it seems so over the top...

 

Low stress tolerance is definitely an asperger behaviour. ive just completed an essay on challenging behaviour for my Birmingham uni course. "adolescents and asperger syndrome" would be a good book for you. "freeks, geeks and asperger syndrome" or "how to be yourself in a world that's different" i would recommend to your son. Also "aspects of asperger syndrome, success in the teens and twenties" is another book (I've heard those older and younger than the target age have enjoyed the book as well).

 

Have you explained to him why he has to stay away from home?

 

Is something about sleeping in dorms bothering him? If he's easily distracted this could apply to night time as well and sleeping with other kids who make noises (which can seem much louder for asperger folk) could be keeping him awake. http://www.autism.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly....2427&a=3376 is the NAS section on "sleep and autism" applies to adults as well as kids. Joining the NAS if you haven't already is another good thing to do.

his room is like a toxic zone...he wont even put his empty plates or rubbish out of his room.

 

Im also a messy asperger, i have major organisational problems. i guess hes got a rubbish bin in his room? Also that you have asked him for his empty plates when hes finished his meal? if you ask him before hes eaten he could forget, yes asperger brains are that forgetful.

 

He seems to have an eating obsession at the moment and will even sneak around and take out of the kitchen and take biscuits etc up to his room.... it drives me crazy! Mostly because it is so unnecessary, he only has to ask and he gets so why the sneaking around!

Sounds like me when i was madly craving my gluten and milk fix. We don't think about asking (probably as the answer is always yes or we don't know how and when to ask) we just take as "you would have said yes anyway mum". With me it was kitkats. Gluten and dairy free living is hard work at 1st but sooner or later i got used to it. i didn't try it until i was 26, which was 10 years after my carer (gran) suggested it to me. Hes a food addict in this respect but the problem is unless he wishes to accept this it is going to be hard to keep him off the gluten and dairy stuff. There's a section in the forum for "diets" so feel free to browse. Also there are a few books "user guide to gf/cf diet for autism aspergers and adhd" is aimed at teens like your son, "dietary interventions and autism spectrum disorders" is aimed at parents and is much less techie than "children with starving brains".

 

He is spending so much time away from company and I do understand that his own space is important to him, time to himself is a need not just a want, but it seems impossible to get him to spend more than half an hour in our company.

My partner is not his father but he does try very hard with Jordan though Jordan just treats him with contempt. I would appreciate any advise anyone has.... Im literally losing my hair with all the worry this has been causing me... thanks very much, annie

 

Sounds like he is depressed. He wont necessarily show it in conventional ways but hes stuffing himself and avoiding company. 5htp helped with my depression but it's only available at health food shops. i wait until there is a sale on (like the current holland and barrett sale) before buying my 5htp if i can. i have to take 3 tablets at night or i get severely tearful and snappy the day after. b50 is another supplement that helps me.

 

How about joining a parents support group? They normally meet on a weeknight and if Jordan is staying at the school you don't need childcare. Another option would be trying out the asperger social clubs in your area (varies from county to county unfortunately).

 

His food obsession is hurting him but what other obsessions does he have? Some of them could be encouraged in certain situations.

 

Alexis

 

 

 

[trekster]

Hi Annie, and welcome to the forum.

 

I am an adult with Asperger's, so my experience is very different from your own. I expect you've always done what you thought was best for Jordan. Sometimes it can be very useful to know how to "act normal," and it's very difficult to tell the difference between encouragement and pressure. Much of what you've done will probably be very useful for him.

 

My parents were always extremely concerned about the amount of time I spent locked away in my bedroom. They were always trying to encourage me to spend time downstairs with them. At this time I was not diagnosed with Asperger's, and they didn't understand how much I really needed the time alone after a whole day with other people at school/work (partly because I was unable to explain it). Perhaps you can agree on a compromise where he gets the alone time that he needs, but also spends some time with you as well.

 

Sounds like an excellent idea to me.

Teenage boys often like to live like pigs, but it is your house and you make the rules and have a right to impose certain standards about food/plates, laundry and rubbish. All the time I lived with my parents (even as an adult) I was never allowed food in my bedroom at all. Perhaps making Jordan eat meals together around the table would be a good way to solve the dirty plates problem and get him to spend time with you as well.

 

Please don't force sitting at the dinner table on him. i was told by my psych that's the worst thing you can do to an autistic, is to force them to sit at the dinner table. To me dinner tables have too much to concentrate on at once, table manners, eating, sitting properly, along with talking at the right time.

 

Alexis

 

[oxgirl]

Please don't force sitting at the dinner table on him. i was told by my psych that's the worst thing you can do to an autistic, is to force them to sit at the dinner table.

 

I have to disagree with this, I think sitting at the table with the family to eat is essential. It's something we've always made our lad do and there's no way I'd allow him to sit in his room and eat alone. We sit round the table and eat together in a civilized manner and it's something I think all kids should learn. Only my opinion, but I think it's just wrong for kids to sit in front of the telly with their dinner on their lap not interracting with anyone. My lad has no friends and has terrible trouble interracting with others, but he'll jolly well sit at the table with us and interract with us whether he likes it or not!

 

~ Mel ~

[lynne]

 

 

Hi Jordan mum.

 

Forget about the past as there is nothing you can change. You need to think what behaviour you will not put up with and discuss this with your son (when he is calm). Set the ground rules. You can not deal with everything so put the other things aside.

 

 

I read an excellent book once that said you had to list what was important that you wanted changing. You do this by allocation letters. A = must change. B = would like to change. C = no change. You allocate a letter to the problems. Obviously focusing on one thing at a time. You than need to decide on what you want and set the boundaries with your son and partner. Do this when your son is relaxed and ready to listen. It also means you don't put negative energy into things that upset you such as him sneaking food upstairs.

 

This is a very positive way of dealiing with problems and identifying what is important. Obviously it sounds like your son is going through a difficult time and hence he needs your guidance, support and stucture more than anything.

 

Take care

 

Lyn

 

 

[smiley1590]

i was officially diagnosed at CAMHS at 14 years old (2004) at 16 years old came along the challenging behaviour ( anger,aggression and physical violence) mine i personally believe i know there is NO excuse for this but in background was emotional /mental confusion and frustration of AS/MH probs ( anxiety,stress and depression) soi i can get where you coming from my parents had to physically restrain me on the floor i was put on risperdal ( risperdone) anti -pyschotic meds to calm down my anger as spiralled out of control over 'nothing' we found no triggers but could last for hours and be quite severe and extreme AS meltdown risperdal i had to stop as producting breast milk soaking my nighties right through they raised my hormones levels tricking my body into thinking i was pregnant ( which to clear up i WASN'T!) they didn't work for me anyway and hormones and puberty hard to 'balance' equally spread when also have AS to complicate matters just see it as messing things up totally so annoying and frustrating as i can imagine it is for you parents too just the same

 

after meltdown i end up in floods of tears felt so bad and guilty it's like i 'watching someone else' hurt the ones i loved like i wanted to run from them and me i know from personal experience and situation my parents felt so helpless powerless to understand and know what to do for the best which sounds like the place you're in at the moment they were upset ,hurt i felt i 'lost' myself in the whole thing i made me feel useless failure which made my low self-esteem and depression worse oviously i do think alot of was down to control of AS and not understanding how i felt and how to regulate my emotions and thoughts in a productive way without 'lashing out'

 

 

i would read up all you can in books, maybe see if you have a local parent AS group to see if any ideas etc are shared and if any practical advice /tips can come from going there and maybe just to have someone who been there and understand the situation themselves

 

have you thought about medication to calm him down???

 

what do you think could be behind this situation - main triggers is common situation that seems make things worse with him? i would keep a record of his anger problems time mood changes behaviour etc ??? and then keep track and maybe work out what's happening and the reason behind?

 

are you getting any help and support with him???

 

why not try a anger cool down corner /space where he can have quiet time to think over and collect his thoughts /emotions and then when he more settled sit and talk him over the situation and how you can improve it next time maybe have a chart showing the emotions/feelings which lead up to this anger situation and put words and pictures so before he gets to that ' boiling over point' you are warned and can put things in place before gets 'out of hand' ???

 

has depression been looked into??? as reason behind as most time physical signs such as anger can show when depression is lurking it background hiding secretely i know it was with me or anxiety/sensory issues noises smells etc

 

has he ever expressed anger or frustration towards himself ? e.g. self harm suicidal thoughts?

 

 

take care

XKLX

 

these web links may help with information on anger and AS :

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Syndrome-...4896&sr=1-4

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Parenting-Child-As...4896&sr=1-2

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Red-Beast-Controll...4896&sr=1-1

 

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=797&a=10355

 

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp...541&a=15189

 

 

[JsMum]

 

 

Hi, my son started a residential school a year ago, and it took the stuffing out of him, the increase is everything, interaction, socialising, learning with others, and being with other kids/staff 24/7 can be difficult at first, it does take time for the changes, there is defo rules at school too such as eating at the table and no eating in their rooms, there is also a visual instructions of what to do with dirty laundry and a laundry basket that is collected every day, over the last year some of these have come home, so there is hope, I enjoy eating at the table with J too as that is our time to talk over things too, or just to be in each others company for a short while.

 

How is his behaviour at school? is he showing any of the similair behaviours such as isolating himself, retreating to his dorm/room is he hauding food to eat later, that kind of thing.

 

It could be a comfort thing too, and with christams the amount of chocolate does increase slightly! it could be he is just taking some time out when he comes home, and processing it all, it might be a good idea to communicate the difficulties you have had to deal with reguarding your son, it maybe that they also have concerns at school, if that is the case then other services maybe be available throw the school, such as a councillor for his mood/behaviour, a nutritionist to look at his food habbits, and maybe some home support vie visual routines/rules ect...

 

 

I am a single parent and I know for sure if J had to share me with another partner that too would cause a load more difficulties as It would be very difficult for J to understand that male is his new step dad, we would have to look at building up a relationship very carefully there, step dad role must be very difficult.

 

 

JsMum

 

 

[spottydog]

it might be worth talking to National Autistic society - they run a parent education day about managing anger in aspergers children.

[Jordasmum12]

Thank you to all those who have left a reply. It is a comfort to know that we are not alone in dealing with problems which others have also had. Jordan does have his dinner in our company and sits with us, he does seem to like to do that which is pleasing. Its one of the few times I can get him to tell me anything or talk to me. Ive been trying to show him that I understand and am trying to learn all I can so I can help him. I got a copy of Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome which I found useful so has Jordan.

I think the advice to take a step back and see how he settles is a good idea. At school Jordan seems to be coping well and has managed to make a couple of friends.... he even has his eye on a girl at school, though his is admiring her from afar at the moment! Im not sure a first girlfriend is the best thing for him at the moment.

Jordan finds the hostel the most difficult to cope with... he says the noise and the chaos is a lot to deal with... I have spoken to the hostel manager and he has said that if necessary they will get the funding so that he can have his own worker at the hostel. The kids arent allowed in their room from 5-9.30pm so it is reallyhard for Jordan to get any quiet time while he is there. If they get another worker then he will get an escort up to his room and he will be able to have quiet time... we wil just have to see how it goes.

I just hope for his sake he learns to cope with his difficulties as he is such a bright boy and could do so much with his life if he can only focus a little!

 

[bid]

Welcome to the forum

 

I have AS myself, and a young adult son with AS too who also went to a residential school.

 

I'm a bit unclear about your son's school. Is it a residential special school or a regular boarding school? My son went to a residential special school for AS, which transformed his life and enabled him to make fantastic progress.

 

I would echo the comments about firm boundaries, etc. On the subject of eating all together I think that as a basic rule this is very important, but it does need to be tempered with flexibility in my opinion. As we have a large family of 4 children it would sometimes be too overwhelming for my son and he would ask to take his meal elsewhere (in fact he still does sometimes) and taking each episode on its own merits we would occasionally agree, but it was/is the exception rather than the rule.

 

Hope you find the forum interesting and supportive.

 

Bid

[trekster]

I have to disagree with this, I think sitting at the table with the family to eat is essential. It's something we've always made our lad do and there's no way I'd allow him to sit in his room and eat alone. We sit round the table and eat together in a civilized manner and it's something I think all kids should learn. Only my opinion, but I think it's just wrong for kids to sit in front of the telly with their dinner on their lap not interacting with anyone. My lad has no friends and has terrible trouble interacting with others, but he'll jolly well sit at the table with us and interact with us whether he likes it or not!

 

~ Mel ~

 

That is so mean and im pleased i dont live in your house. Imagine how hard it is for an autistic to balance, eating, talking, table manners and asperger behaviour all at once. Multi tasking isnt something thats easy for autistics. Who said sitting with only one thing to concentrate on was uncivilised didnt even understand autism at all!

 

[justine1]

That is so mean and im pleased i dont live in your house. Imagine how hard it is for an autistic to balance, eating, talking, table manners and asperger behaviour all at once. Multi tasking isnt something thats easy for autistics. Who said sitting with only one thing to concentrate on was uncivilised didnt even understand autism at all!

I thnk it depends n the child.My Sam cant sit with food on his lap,we do this occasionally,he seems to feel very uncomfortable.He does like sitting at the table,but I dont put much emphasis on table manners,he does do quite well with his table manners though,he does sit at an angle (wont put the chair straight) and he doesnt like when his older brother talks to much,its often him talking and us listening.This "arrangement" works for us at this point in time,maybe as he gets older he will change,not sure.He would never go off to the lounge or his room because he has a fear of going into rooms on his own so if we all at the table then thats where he will be and he doesnt complain about it.

[bid]

That is so mean and im pleased i dont live in your house. Imagine how hard it is for an autistic to balance, eating, talking, table manners and asperger behaviour all at once. Multi tasking isnt something thats easy for autistics. Who said sitting with only one thing to concentrate on was uncivilised didnt even understand autism at all!

 

To be fair, I'm autistic too and I can manage sitting at a table with others. Granted it is difficult sometimes, and very occasionally I have to leave because the sensory overload is too much, but I do it happily most of the time...so I guess it differs from person to person.

 

Bid

Edited January 3, 2010 by bid

[trekster]

Thank you to all those who have left a reply. It is a comfort to know that we are not alone in dealing with problems which others have also had. Jordan does have his dinner in our company and sits with us, he does seem to like to do that which is pleasing. Its one of the few times I can get him to tell me anything or talk to me. Ive been trying to show him that I understand and am trying to learn all I can so I can help him. I got a copy of Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome which I found useful so has Jordan.

 

Im pleased Jordan doesn't find meal times distressing. My family used to tell me what i had done wrong at mealtimes and i happen to find sitting at the dinner table physically painful due to having underdeveloped stomach muscles that would hold me up. Also i have fibromyalgia so sitting that long would be too much for me. Even meals out with certain family members can be like torture. im fortunate that i don't have the complication of selective eating (the medical term for faddy eating) and that my parents aren't too pushy with the "sit at the dinner table" rule. 30mins and im too stressed out to cope i found Xmas day meals to be the worst. It protects my mental health not to be forced to sit at the dinner table. Im not going to die or get ill from being away from the table and it doesn't hurt anyone to not sit there. Maybe when my mental health and my time obsession (have to do 2 or more things at once when awake, at the moment im watching a film and typing for example) improves it will be different. For now me and dinner tables dont mix.

I think the advice to take a step back and see how he settles is a good idea. At school Jordan seems to be coping well and has managed to make a couple of friends.... he even has his eye on a girl at school, though his is admiring her from afar at the moment! Im not sure a first girlfriend is the best thing for him at the moment.

 

Im pleased the school side of things is working for him.

Jordan finds the hostel the most difficult to cope with... he says the noise and the chaos is a lot to deal with... I have spoken to the hostel manager and he has said that if necessary they will get the funding so that he can have his own worker at the hostel. The kids arent allowed in their room from 5-9.30pm so it is really hard for Jordan to get any quiet time while he is there. If they get another worker then he will get an escort up to his room and he will be able to have quiet time... we will just have to see how it goes.

 

i hope you manage to get this funding. i was suspecting the hostel situation was unsettling for him. Does it have a library or some other similar book area where he could sit and defrag?

 

I just hope for his sake he learns to cope with his difficulties as he is such a bright boy and could do so much with his life if he can only focus a little!

 

im sure his focussing difficulties are part of his aspergers. Various things could help here, one being introduce fish oil supplements into his diet. Another is to remove him from the distraction or the distraction from him whichever is the easiest.

 

Alexis

Edited January 3, 2010 by trekster

[trekster]

To be fair, I'm autistic too and I can manage sitting at a table with others. Granted it is difficult sometimes, and very occasionally I have to leave because the sensory overload is too much, but I do it happily most of the time...so I guess it differs from person to person.

 

Bid

 

With me it can depend on who im sitting at the table with and whats gone on before. If i had a heated disagreement with someone then being expected to sit at the table with them (unless it has been resolved) would be overloading for me. i have a few family members with loud voices due to deafness and typing hurts my ears. As i mentioned later on 30mins i can stand any longer and i have to leave. Even the asperger xmas meals i was up and walking around like a jumping bean! i learnt to associate from an early age "dinner tables = people will pick on you" making me literally scared of them.

 

Alexis

[trekster]

I think it depends on the child. My Sam cant sit with food on his lap, we do this occasionally, he seems to feel very uncomfortable. He does like sitting at the table, but I don't put much emphasis on table manners, he does do quite well with his table manners though,

 

i just find the concentration of table manners, socialising (hard for even this very verbal individual), eating without spilling food down me too much at times. Saying this i managed a game of cards for about 3 hours today but was up and walking around in the middle of the game. i guess since Sam has never remembered a traumatic experience at the dinner table hes not scared of being there?

he does sit at an angle (wont put the chair straight) and he doesn't like when his older brother talks to much, its often him talking and us listening. This "arrangement" works for us at this point in time, maybe as he gets older he will change, not sure. He would never go off to the lounge or his room because he has a fear of going into rooms on his own so if we all at the table then that's where he will be and he doesn't complain about it.

 

Ah your son has a fear that prevents him from leaving the dinner table. Makes total sense to me. Executive function would be why he has to speak for the majority of the time. Unless he can say what he's trying to say straight away he can forget it quickly and will get annoyed with his brain for forgetting what he was meant to say. Sorry that was long-winded. Any form of panic (such as something unexpected) could prevent the words being recalled.

 

i know that once my anxiety is fully under control that i will be able to cope with unexpected interruptions from others better.

 

Alexis

[justine1]

i just find the concentration of table manners, socialising (hard for even this very verbal individual), eating without spilling food down me too much at times. Saying this i managed a game of cards for about 3 hours today but was up and walking around in the middle of the game. i guess since Sam has never remembered a traumatic experience at the dinner table hes not scared of being there?

 

Ah your son has a fear that prevents him from leaving the dinner table. Makes total sense to me. Executive function would be why he has to speak for the majority of the time. Unless he can say what he's trying to say straight away he can forget it quickly and will get annoyed with his brain for forgetting what he was meant to say. Sorry that was long-winded. Any form of panic (such as something unexpected) could prevent the words being recalled.

 

i know that once my anxiety is fully under control that i will be able to cope with unexpected interruptions from others better.

 

Alexis

You have summed him up 100% in the last bit

[Jordasmum12]

Thanks again for the replies.... to clarify the school and hostel situation. Jordan goes to school 25 miles away and it is the nearest one to where we live. He attends school then walks down the road 10 mins to get to the hostel. He goes to the hostel on Monday morning where he drops his suitcase in and then goes to school from there, he shares a room with 2 other boys then comes home on Friday evenings. Jordan is my only child.

We are giving the hostel a go at the moment to see how he gets on.... to be honest in early December he was having a meltdown with the hostel and I could see he wasnt coping at all. The hostel expressed their concern and we all felt it was in Jordans best interests to commute from home for a week to give him a break from the hostel... he went back to the hostel for a week before xmas so he has had a good break now. If we cant find a way to make the hostel work for Jordan then he will have to commute, but it is such a trek everyday and as we live out in the sticks, the bus doesnt always turn up in bad weather. I am going to ask the hostel to go ahead and get someone to work with Jordan so he can get the time he needs to himself.

I have been having a talk with hm without trying to come across as 'big momma'! I have told him that some of his behaviour cannot be allowed to continue and I expect him to try and make an effort to keep his room tidy and free from rubbish. food and plates. Ive also told him that I will not tolerate disrespect towards my partner who at the end of the day, is the one who is always there for him and does more for him than his own father ever did.

Once again, thank you for the advice, it is all very much appreciated

[JsMum]

Thanks again for the replies.... to clarify the school and hostel situation. Jordan goes to school 25 miles away and it is the nearest one to where we live. He attends school then walks down the road 10 mins to get to the hostel. He goes to the hostel on Monday morning where he drops his suitcase in and then goes to school from there, he shares a room with 2 other boys then comes home on Friday evenings. Jordan is my only child.

We are giving the hostel a go at the moment to see how he gets on.... to be honest in early December he was having a meltdown with the hostel and I could see he wasnt coping at all. The hostel expressed their concern and we all felt it was in Jordans best interests to commute from home for a week to give him a break from the hostel... he went back to the hostel for a week before xmas so he has had a good break now. If we cant find a way to make the hostel work for Jordan then he will have to commute, but it is such a trek everyday and as we live out in the sticks, the bus doesnt always turn up in bad weather. I am going to ask the hostel to go ahead and get someone to work with Jordan so he can get the time he needs to himself.

I have been having a talk with hm without trying to come across as 'big momma'! I have told him that some of his behaviour cannot be allowed to continue and I expect him to try and make an effort to keep his room tidy and free from rubbish. food and plates. Ive also told him that I will not tolerate disrespect towards my partner who at the end of the day, is the one who is always there for him and does more for him than his own father ever did.

Once again, thank you for the advice, it is all very much appreciated

 

Hope that everything works out with the extra support at the hostel, Good Luck.

 

JsMumxxx

 

 

 

[trekster]

You have summed him up 100% in the last bit

 

Any tips for dealing with your sons anxiety would be appreciated.

 

Alexis