Having children with AS father

[minime]

Hi All

Just reading up on Cassandra. Can anyone give me more insight into how children with AS fathers cope with everyday life? I am currently in a relationship with an AS male which I care about deeply but I am wanting children eventually. I have read that it is likely that if I had children with him they would could be AS too is this correct? Am I understanding this correctly that an NT mother can be afarid that the AS father would not be able to care for the child?

Thanks for any of your thoughts. minime

Edited April 29, 2010 by minime

[cmuir]

Hi

 

AS fathers can be perfectly loving, caring and considerate towards their child/ren, just like NT fathers. Without doubt, because ASDs can be hereditary, having both an ASD parent and child can be difficult, but that's how life is - ie they don't know any different and so face problems (perhaps slightly different ones), just like any other families. I know one woman who has an AS son and husband and another who has an NT husband but 3 AS kids. Not without difficulties, but my view from personal experience is that an AS father can having an amazing insight into his AS child. There are some fantastic books available on the NAS website which cover both adult relationships and families.

 

Caroline.

[Tally]

This Cassandra syndrome is very controversial. You may get some very strong replies to this thread.

 

The most important factor is probably your boyfriend's personality. Does he want children? Do you feel he would be able to care for children?

[baranigirl]

my DP loves his kids and my older 2 kids. At such an early stage in your relationship you should be out having fun and enjoying yourselves, worry about 'possible' issues with children at a point when it matters, who is to say you will be the relationship long enought live together or have children?

 

Live for the day xx

[minime]

This Cassandra syndrome is very controversial. You may get some very strong replies to this thread.

 

The most important factor is probably your boyfriend's personality. Does he want children? Do you feel he would be able to care for children?

 

 

Hi

He does want children and yes I feel that he would be able to care for children as he has a great sense of responsibility towards the though of it because of his upbringing and not because of AS but because of his relationship with his father who was NT but old school

Thanks for that

Minime

[baddad]

I agree with Tally

 

And Cassandra is a load of old tosh. Instead of making a potiential father's life a misery by blaming him for every negative aspect of his partner's and/or child's lives and expecting him to apologise for being such a failure for the rest of his days why not just find someone who isn't on the spectrum and just blame it on the fact that they're male like the rest of the female population do? Much easier, and much more honest, IMO.

 

L&P

 

BD

[justine1]

Hi

I havent read up on Cassandra before but yes if he does have AS then it is more likely that one or more children will have AS because its genetic.

I think anyone can be a "good" father and anyone can be a "not so good" father,it depends on how you would define that.Some fathers do most the financial providing for the family therefore have little time to spend with their children,does this mean they are bad?

 

I am sure you hear in the news all the time about fathers (and mothers) killing their own children,none of them of ASD's.

My brother is quite seriously disabled,he can only use one arm and battles with communication,he has one son who he has cared for on his own for three days in the week(from age 4mths) when his wife is at work.He has managed to change his nappy,bath him,feed him,take him to the park and most importantly teach him right from wrong,handle his terrible two's etc.He is a very bright little boy,age three now and my brother is going to have another baby soon.

So my point is any disability can bring challenges but being a parent bring lots of challenges to,it doesnt make them a "bad" parent.

 

Is there any cousins,neices or nephews you could both babysit for a few hours so you can get a little understanding of what it is like caring for a child?

Its easier to say you want a child it is much harder when the child arrives.Again no offense,judging by your other post you dont even seem to know how he feels about you,is that really the environment you want to raise a child in?

Edited April 30, 2010 by justine1

[baddad]

Hi

I havent read up on Cassandra before but yes if he does have AS then it is more likely that one or more children will have AS because its genetic.

 

Hi Justine - though not the official description Cassandra is basically a counselling service which panders to the 'saviour' complex in some women. After deciding that their partner has AS (often without formal diagnosis, as in this case with the OP) the 'characteristic' (very important italics there) behaviours of AS are identified as the root of all problems within the marriage/relationship and the couple 'work together' to 'overcome them'. The women in the equation reinforce their own pre-existing belief that they are wonderful, caring, nurturing beings ('saviours') who will do what ever it takes to save their relationship and/or partner. Though not, of course, addressed directly the men, by definition, are the 'baddies' - the woman expected to accommodate their behaviours while they are worked on with the ultimate goal being the male's retraining and realisation of just how lucky they are to have such a wonderfiul, caring, nurturing partner and of how disasterous their lives would be without them.

The spin is that in the 'AS version' of the Cassandra effect the actual psychology underpinning it is inverted; the original 'cassandra' theory from the early 60's defining relationships involving over-controlling, hysterical women who feel compelled to 'predict ill' and 'issue warnings of dangers to come' and the subsequent social consequences (effectively the cassandra myth - the only difference being that Cassandra actually could see all of those things but was ignored, while the modern interpretation endorses and reinforces the speculations of the female partner based on nothing other than their own subjective view of the relationship and their utter self conviction regarding that interpretation).

Be honest, if a theory was put forward today that recast the gender roles in this equation there would be an outcry. Certainly few women would 'sign up' for it, and any husband who tried to encourage/coerce them into doing so would be viewed very negatively. Which is not to say, of course,that such relationships with the roles reversed do not exist out Cassandra workshops, because they undoubtedly do. My own opinion of such relationships - whichever way round the 'roles' are switched - is that they are dysfunctional and abusive. The 'AS version' of Cassandra acknowledges that, but the protagonist and victim are confused and inverted.

 

 

L&P

 

BD

[minime]

Is there any cousins,neices or nephews you could both babysit for a few hours so you can get a little understanding of what it is like caring for a child?

Its easier to say you want a child it is much harder when the child arrives.Again no offense,judging by your other post you dont even seem to know how he feels about you,is that really the environment you want to raise a child in?

 

Hi Thanks for your thoughts great ideas and totally agree about I dont really know how he feels about me which is a very good point. I feel like I am walking on egg shells at the moment as he has backed off. When he said he thought he had AS he also said that it wasnt a great prospect for a new partner and that he needed to sort himself out. I told him I disagreed and what ever he thought he may have that it was about working together (I told him then the way I felt about him and what attracted me to him) hence I bought a book and researching to see how else I could help. We havent spoken again about his feelings for me as I didnt want to push it.

Minime

[justine1]

Hi Justine - though not the official description Cassandra is basically a counselling service which panders to the 'saviour' complex in some women. After deciding that their partner has AS (often without formal diagnosis, as in this case with the OP) the 'characteristic' (very important italics there) behaviours of AS are identified as the root of all problems within the marriage/relationship and the couple 'work together' to 'overcome them'. The women in the equation reinforce their own pre-existing belief that they are wonderful, caring, nurturing beings ('saviours') who will do what ever it takes to save their relationship and/or partner. Though not, of course, addressed directly the men, by definition, are the 'baddies' - the woman expected to accommodate their behaviours while they are worked on with the ultimate goal being the male's retraining and realisation of just how lucky they are to have such a wonderfiul, caring, nurturing partner and of how disasterous their lives would be without them.

The spin is that in the 'AS version' of the Cassandra effect the actual psychology underpinning it is inverted; the original 'cassandra' theory from the early 60's defining relationships involving over-controlling, hysterical women who feel compelled to 'predict ill' and 'issue warnings of dangers to come' and the subsequent social consequences (effectively the cassandra myth - the only difference being that Cassandra actually could see all of those things but was ignored, while the modern interpretation endorses and reinforces the speculations of the female partner based on nothing other than their own subjective view of the relationship and their utter self conviction regarding that interpretation).

Be honest, if a theory was put forward today that recast the gender roles in this equation there would be an outcry. Certainly few women would 'sign up' for it, and any husband who tried to encourage/coerce them into doing so would be viewed very negatively. Which is not to say, of course,that such relationships with the roles reversed do not exist out Cassandra workshops, because they undoubtedly do. My own opinion of such relationships - whichever way round the 'roles' are switched - is that they are dysfunctional and abusive. The 'AS version' of Cassandra acknowledges that, but the protagonist and victim are confused and inverted.

 

 

L&P

 

BD

Thank you Baddad That turmed my stomach That is the weirdest thing I probably ever heard.My ex was slightly abusive(emotionally not pysically) when I went for Sams dx the GP said its likely my ex has it to,my mother actually mentioned it yesterday after she had been checking our background and nobody has autism in our family,but I could never have stayed with him just because of that.He would have still been his usual self.I dont think in the long run he was even happy so in some ways I left so that he could be,but he is still alone as am I after two years.

 

Just like I cannot blame all my sons problems on his AS,if indeed his dad has it I could not blame his problems on AS to.I did come on here when I first found out about my sons AS because I did feel guilty that maybe I left my ex and he needs help but I also felt guilty about disciplining Sam.Now I realise I have done the right thing and I will probably never know if he does if AS,so I am at peace with that.I would never have wanted to be seen as a martyr or saint for staying with him,same applies to caring for Sam.I wasnt a saint before his dx why would I be one now???

 

I agree the whole thing is rubbish!!!

[baddad]

I agree the whole thing is rubbish!!!

 

To be fair, I wouldn't just take my interpretation of what 'cassandra workshop' is as definitive! People who sign up for it obviously see it differently (I hope!), but then - just like the AS cassandra generally - we're talking subjectively in either case.

The mythology, in a nutshell, goes something like this, I think...

 

There was this girl, Cassandra, and she had the gift of prophecy/second sight. Apollo (the God) wanted to get in her pants but she wasn't having any of it, so he cursed her. Rather than taking away her second sight the curse meant that nobody would ever believe her predictions, so she spent the rest of her days wandering around screeching stuff like 'the end is nigh' and 'don't let your cat out tonight, she'll get run over' and stuff like that, but nothing she could do could stop the bad stuff from happening... As you can imagine, this was not good for her psychological health.

 

So leaping forward to 2010, Cassandra's are victims of their own insight - doomed not to be believed or taken seriously. The men in the equation are seen both as 'Apollo's' i.e. controlling and abusive - in effect the embodiment of Cassandra's curse - and also as the cause of Cassandra's ongoing distress because they do not listen to her warnings, do not see the disasters she's trying to protect them from, do not see the wisdom of her advice etc etc...

 

As I say, I think it says more about the female psyche in the dynamic than it does the male. In fact, I think the whole concept of women 'cursed by the gods' to suffer psychological torture at the hands of the people they're trying to 'save' is an inherently unsafe delusion to reinforce. But what the hey, I haven't got a psychology degree or written book's with forewards by Tony Attwood. And i'm a blerk, fer god's sake, so what possible insight could I have into relationships or the outrageous injustices women suffer as a consequence of having anything to do with us whatsoever?

 

Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians, I say! They might still kill me, but at least they won't insist on telling me it's MY fault!

 

L&P

 

BD

[KezT]

From another point of view, my father is probably AS (not dx'd, not likely to be). He was a terrible father, but only a couple of incidents stand out as because of his possible ASD - they were to do with his inability to risk assess/foresee problems arising. Most of his bad parenting was just that - actually from an adult perspective I think he was probably depressed for much of my childhood, but again, that was not due to his possible ASD, but other, more obvious factors.

 

The whole family agrees that my brother is probably AS too (not dx'd, not likely to be), and we all agree that he would make a great dad if his wife ever decides she does want kids;)

 

It partly depends on what forms the ASD takes (inability to foresee dangers is a problem if they are looking after young toddlers for example), but mostly being a good parent depends on the personality, not the conditions the person has.

[trekster]

I agree with Tally

 

And Cassandra is a load of old tosh. Instead of making a potiential father's life a misery by blaming him for every negative aspect of his partner's and/or child's lives and expecting him to apologise for being such a failure for the rest of his days why not just find someone who isn't on the spectrum and just blame it on the fact that they're male like the rest of the female population do? Much easier, and much more honest, IMO.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Totally agree with you there BD

 

[minime]

As I say, I think it says more about the female psyche in the dynamic than it does the male. In fact, I think the whole concept of women 'cursed by the gods' to suffer psychological torture at the hands of the people they're trying to 'save' is an inherently unsafe delusion to reinforce. But what the hey, I haven't got a psychology degree or written book's with forewards by Tony Attwood. And i'm a blerk, fer god's sake, so what possible insight could I have into relationships or the outrageous injustices women suffer as a consequence of having anything to do with us whatsoever?

 

Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians, I say! They might still kill me, but at least they won't insist on telling me it's MY fault!

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

Very funny. Humour solves alot !!

Thanks for that insight it has giving me a better understanding and I agree blokes are just blokes lol lesbians all the way he he

[minime]

RE:

From another point of view, my father is probably AS (not dx'd, not likely to be). He was a terrible father, but only a couple of incidents stand out as because of his possible ASD - they were to do with his inability to risk assess/foresee problems arising.

 

 

 

Hi

Thanks for that above comment.

I surpose this is more what I am looking for to understand the nuts and bolts as it were. One thing that does concern me is that for example say I am waiting for him to pick me up he will always be late its not a major problem for me. However I think to myself has he just got absorb in something and my concern would be if he was looking after a child that he would forget he was doing that? Is that possible?

Edited April 30, 2010 by minime

[got the tshirt]

Don't know much about cassandra!! but I do know that my Dad [ who is possibly on the spectrum] was really bad at most aspects of parenting. We didn't live with him, but he never showed any affection,forgot our birthdays, he never put us first, he used to "forget" to pick us up. As a teenager I decided that he was just a rubbish parent but now as an adult and having 2 children who although are not dx' ed have loads of asd traits, I have realised that he probably didn't relate to us because he didn't know how and he probably didn't forget to pick us up it was just that he couldn't walk away from something until it was finished. I don't see him anymore because we don't have a relationship. I don't pity him either because he is completely happy in his own world and he doesn't miss me.

Hopefully with more openness and knowledge people who struggle with relationships/emotions will get support and understanding and will in turn make brilliant parents.

[baddad]

Don't know much about cassandra!! but I do know that my Dad [ who is possibly on the spectrum] was really bad at most aspects of parenting. We didn't live with him, but he never showed any affection,forgot our birthdays, he never put us first, he used to "forget" to pick us up. As a teenager I decided that he was just a rubbish parent but now as an adult and having 2 children who although are not dx' ed have loads of asd traits, I have realised that he probably didn't relate to us because he didn't know how and he probably didn't forget to pick us up it was just that he couldn't walk away from something until it was finished. I don't see him anymore because we don't have a relationship. I don't pity him either because he is completely happy in his own world and he doesn't miss me.

Hopefully with more openness and knowledge people who struggle with relationships/emotions will get support and understanding and will in turn make brilliant parents.

 

But there is absolutely nothing about that that has anything to do with AS - 'possible' or otherwise - and it can apply equally to mum's too. My mum had huge problems showing any emotion to her kids (funnily enough i've just posted in another thread about women who love 'babie's but sort of lose interest once they get to about 4 or 5 and that' my old gal to a tee!), but that wasn't because she was AS (or possible AS) it was because of her upbringing. My dad was pretty distant too, but that wasn't because he had AS or possible AS it was because of his upbringing, and, being totally honest about it, the way my mum would have reacted if he had tried to be a more 'hands on' dad (jealous).

 

And I don't negatively judge either of them for it because they were both products (as are we all) of their childhood's and circumstances. Loved my dear ol' mum to bits - in a totally honest and 'warts n all ' way - and sadly didn't really get to know my old man at all (though from what I do know 'warts n all' I suspect I wouldn't have liked him greatly) - but she was no saint despite her penchant for pleading martyrhood!

Would Cassandra have helped their dysfunctional relationship - would it *******! Because Cassandra, albeit in a subtle (actually quite snidey and sneaky sort of way) seeks to place responsibility for the dysfunctional elements of the relationship on the head of the (possibly) AS partner. it talks about 'meeting in the middle' but what constitutes the middle is defined by the perspectives of the injured party - regardless of whether that perspective is accurate or merely projected/imagined. If my mum had had that sort of 'reinforcement' she would have made my dad's life hell (well more hellish than they made each others lives anyway! ). Had the old man been on the receiving end of it he would have probably done one sooner than he did (and i wouldn't blame him), which as I was the youngest would have been curtains for me!

I'm all for openness and knowledge, and i think counselling can - with the right counsellor - help to achieve that. But any sort of counselling that includes the prejudicial judgment (and it is prejudicial) that the problems arise because one party is inherently 'flawed' is nothing short of a kangeroo court. The psychology involved is the kind of pulp fiction cod psychology (men are from mars etc) that looks at preconceptions and popular myth before it looks at individual dynamics, and is no more relevant/realistic than the concept of 'original sin' that has been used to persecute women for centuries. Handing the woman the notion that she is a victim and the man - whether intentionally or unintentionally - her persecutor is like giving her a sh!tty stick to whack him round the head with. she might wear a velvet glove while she's doing it, but in terms of the male psyche and self esteem it''s the sh1tty stick, and not the glove, that does the damage

 

L&P

 

BD

[minime]

kangeroo court.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

I Love the way you are expressing yourself. I am just wondering wether the practical help of counselling etc actually works or is it really just down to acceptance by the NT partner as the best solution to a happier relationship?

 

Also RE: prev post about time keeping issues. Is it really the case that an AS person has to finish what they are doing no matter what? Even if there are alarms going off tell them they have to leave to be on time do they still have to finish what they are doing? Can counselling change this behaviour? My boyfriend says to me he always feels quilty he is late so that doesnt help him!! I try not to set a times now with him so then there arnt expectations on both sides but thats just not practical long term. Any suggestions?

Thanks

[got the tshirt]

Time keeping ha dont get me started, 2 of my daughters [youngest being assessed for an asd] are obssessed with the time, they could both tell the time quite young, we never tell youngest that someone is coming at a certain time because she expects them to arrive dead on time. Eldest used to wait on the drive looking crossly at her watch if people were late. Youngest doesn't care if she is late though and I have a game to get her to school on time. Youngest also finds it really hard to stop doing something unless she has finished this has caused friction, but we have learned to give her lots of warnings and time to get used to the idea of stopping. No real solutions though. And of course this is not necessarily an asd issue as I am sure baddad will remind me in a minute lol.

[baddad]

And of course this is not necessarily an asd issue as I am sure baddad will remind me in a minute lol.

 

 

That said, I do think time is a bigger issue for many children who, for whatever reason, are 'concrete thinkers' or for those who might need more behavioural support.

If you think about it, time is incredibly reliable if you keep an eye on it! Much more than people, or buses, or anything like that. For a concrete thinker that can be what keeps them grounded and on course for the day. For someone with behavioural issues it is often the 'key' by which they learn behavioural control - time out, groundings, naughty steps... do this for an hour and you can have a reward, sit still in assembly it will finish by nine etc etc etc - and also by which they count down to being allowed to do stuff again! For all those kinds of reasons time can have an added importance. I think, like most things, the 'gotta finish what I'm doing', 'needs lots of warnings' can be as much about control as it can genuine need. Over time, it can definitely evolve from one to the other, but if it's never challenged it's always going to be seen as a genuine need regardless. Funnily enough, if you offer something better than the current 'got to finish' activity quite often you'll find that there is room for a 'pause'.

 

Old Joke:

Man at zoo - Why are there no bears in the bear pit

Zookeeper - There are, they're just in their cave 'cos it's mating season.

Man at zoo - Oh, if I throw them a biscuit will they come out?

Zookeeper - Would you?

 

The point being a biscuit isn't a big enough incentive. Find the right incentive, and the behaviour will change.

Also, just because someone says 'sorry' doesn't mean they are genuinely 'sorry'. That can be an excuse too. If the 'sorry' buys them a concession and the other person stops having expectations of them thay have no need for sorry or an excuse. Don't need counselling to sort that out - just an expectation and some mutual respect. AS people can do both of those, even unofficial ones, if they want to.

 

L&P

BD

Edited April 30, 2010 by baddad

[minime]

Old Joke:

Man at zoo - Why are there no bears in the bear pit

Zookeeper - There are, they're just in their cave 'cos it's mating season.

Man at zoo - Oh, if I throw them a biscuit will they come out?

Zookeeper - Would you?

 

 

L&P

BD

 

I am speechless open mouthed with laughter out loud. What if you can only afford biscuits? lol.. I know use my imagination and lateral thinking I feel that there is always a solution to a problem

[trekster]

I Love the way you are expressing yourself. I am just wondering wether the practical help of counselling etc actually works or is it really just down to acceptance by the NT partner as the best solution to a happier relationship?

 

Also RE: prev post about time keeping issues. Is it really the case that an AS person has to finish what they are doing no matter what? Even if there are alarms going off tell them they have to leave to be on time do they still have to finish what they are doing? Can counselling change this behaviour? My boyfriend says to me he always feels guilty he is late so that doesn't help him!! I try not to set a times now with him so then there arent expectations on both sides but that's just not practical long term. Any suggestions?

Thanks

 

With me it depends on what the activity is, i can now leave half finished tv programs and songs because being on time is more important than the song. Also im not expecting to forget what im doing and i have hobbies i can dip in and out of eg embroidery and stamp collecting.

[trekster]

Time keeping ha dont get me started, 2 of my daughters [youngest being assessed for an asd] are obssessed with the time, they could both tell the time quite young, we never tell youngest that someone is coming at a certain time because she expects them to arrive dead on time. Eldest used to wait on the drive looking crossly at her watch if people were late. Youngest doesn't care if she is late though and I have a game to get her to school on time. Youngest also finds it really hard to stop doing something unless she has finished this has caused friction, but we have learned to give her lots of warnings and time to get used to the idea of stopping. No real solutions though. And of course this is not necessarily an asd issue as I am sure baddad will remind me in a minute lol.

 

if it hasnt developed by the age of 7 then it is related to ones disability, could be dyslexia, adhd, autism or something else causing the problem.

[smiley1590]

i feel emotionally unstable at times really high than crashing lows and scared as i get older getting worse not better i'm work at nursery and i'm an auntie to a 5 years old little girl my sister's daughter who keeps me going 'strong' at times just manage to hold it together because of her and her amazing spirit for life and making others laugh and smile same at work but then i look at kids and think what kind of mother would i make? suppose i won't know until it happens for real! and will i be able to cope without support from others?! i have AS and MH probs! i struggle personal care skills for myself let alone little child and with my everyday anxities and depression brings would it be fair on a child one day bring into that kind of situation or do deserve more my sister's a great single mum working full time i look at her in ore she my idol for motherhood i hope i can be half mother she is her daughter her world her everything and more .... my neice idols her mum so lovely nice to see ..... would social services help me or NAS step in? i go over it all time in my head i look at mother's in street and think am i asking too much from myself to able to do this in future if i meet an AS lad and got preggs by him higher risk of my child having AS?! even though know how to deal with it wjhere would that leave us? i'm scared of thought of sexual intercourse and getting preggs but in a way find it excting adventure!

 

XKLX

[Jannih]

Hi All

Just reading up on Cassandra. Can anyone give me more insight into how children with AS fathers cope with everyday life? I am currently in a relationship with an AS male which I care about deeply but I am wanting children eventually. I have read that it is likely that if I had children with him they would could be AS too is this correct? Am I understanding this correctly that an NT mother can be afarid that the AS father would not be able to care for the child?

Thanks for any of your thoughts. minime

 

Hi Minime

 

Thare is no such thing as a perfect spouse/partner/father or mother. There is such a thing as "good enough." The ASD father, like a neurotypical one, will have their own set of strengths and weaknesses.

 

I need to be careful what I say here, but my dad has "autistic traits" and my mum always used to tell me that I was just like him ! She was very unhappy with the fact that he could or would not express any emotion within their relationship and that he could not understand that she wanted to do things that couple do ie. go to see a show together, in short do social things together. All said and done, he also did the right things. He worked and financially supported the family, disciplined the children, he would help with the housework if my mum was ill. He did these things because this was the right thing to do. He is in his 90s, so not quite influenced by feminism.

 

He loved his ife and children, I'm sure, but did not have the ability to convey that emotion. when he heard that his 18m old daughter was fighting for her life with meningitis, his response was to calmly say " Oh ! my brother died of that" but then he did go "white as a sheet." according to my mum.

 

I think you need to view your man as an individual. Consider what he is like around other people's children, because obviously, his interaction with kids is important to you. There are several bad NT fathers around. I think Baddad may have a point that these are problems that pertain to men in general

 

My young sister who is autistic absolutely adores children esp. babies. I'm a possible Asperger's and more HF, but I cannot relate to kids, babies, due to a complete inability on my part. I have no desire for kids and even though "my clock" has now gone past midnight - I still have no regrets about not having a baby, even though everyone said I would, once I was older and could no longer have them. I do go gooey over kittens and puppies, so I'm not a complete cold fish!

 

I know very little about these "Healing Cassandra" ideas but you can bet your life someone has made money from books and workshops !

 

Just remember your man is as unique as you and you cannot rule him out just because he is on the ASD spectrum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chris54]

I would say that ever one is different and without knowing the person concerned they have the same chance of being a good father as any one. There are plenty of bad fathers who dont have an excuse.

 

If we think this way, what future for your children?

[minime]

I'm a possible Asperger's and more HF, but I cannot relate to kids, babies, due to a complete inability on my part.

Just remember your man is as unique as you and you cannot rule him out just because he is on the ASD spectrum.

 

Thanks for your personal thoughts. I definately havent ruled him out and I said to him when he told me he thought he had AS that "I didnt know what all the fuss was about". He also said he needed time to sort himself out. If you like someone you can stick what ever label on it and to me you will still like them. So I agree with you. I am now using emails to ask questions which seems to be a better approach easier for him to digest. He does come out with his feelings but sometimes counteracts it with saying but maybe thats the way I think I should be feeling!! Hopefully with time he will be able to reflect and make a decision based on what he actual feels and wants.

Edited May 2, 2010 by minime