Getting dressed

[lil_me]

OK my son has a few medical problems, so far diagnosed with ADHD, Dypsraxia and most probably ASD , but I'm having major problems with him dressing himself

 

He is now 6 and a half and every dayI have to dress him, every time I try to get him to dress himself he just goes off on one

 

For example this morning, I asked him to lift his foot to put his pants on instead of me laying him down as when he is laid down he kicks me in the face etc and all he did was scream 'I can't I can't' and threw himself around spinning.

 

I then tried to get him to put his own shoes on, he started yelling 'doesn't fit doesn't fit I can't I can't' (they do fit) so the shoes are sat next to me whilst I try to calm down, its took me half an hour to get pants shorts and socks on him.

 

Laces and buttons are just impossible.

 

My main concern is in September he starts a new school year and I have been told they go swimming, and there is less support in the class he is going into so if he can't dress and undress himself he can't go.

 

Any ideas ??

[Flora]

First of all.... it's only a problem if you decide (or let other people decide) it's a problem (wise words someone said to me years back).

 

My son is 8 and he still doesn't dress himself. He is capable, he just won't, which is just as bad really! But at 6, he not only wouldn't, he couldn't.... so please don't worry, your son is still very young.

 

(just to make you feel better, my 8 year old still won't go to the toilet by himself - he has a fear of toilets and rooms with doors that lock). I just go with him, it's easier.

 

As for the swimming, could you go along to the pool to help him dress afterwards? Many schools are delighted to get help from parents during swimming lessons, and you could help a couple of other kids too (believe me they'll need it!) so your son doesn't feel singled out.

 

One thing I've learned with the experience of caring for my two ASD boys is that you've got to pick your fights carefully. Some things are just not worth making an issue of and I think the dressing thing is something that invariably sorts itself out. My 11 year old had problems dressing himself (He's AS and dyspraxic) but now he showers, dressess and would be appalled if I was present when he's doing it! But when he was 6 I would never have believed he would do it, he hated clothes and would remove them as fast as I could get them on him. So don't despair.

 

 

Lauren

[Helen]

My son is 13 yrs old and he still has great difficulty with laces and buttons, he avoids wearing school shoes with laces and opts for slip-ons. He never unties the laces on his daps he just slips them on too.

 

How about getting velcro daps/shoes for your son, it would certainly make life a lot easier for him.

 

You say that your son complains of his shoes not fitting him, perhaps the shoes are hurting him in a specific area? If these are lace-ups is it possible that the laces when done up are too tight for him?

 

Does the new school have a school uniform policy? If it doesn't then dress your son in clothes such as T shirts/joggers/sweatshirts/velco daps etc.

My main concern is in September he starts a new school year and I have been told they go swimming, and there is less support in the class he is going into so if he can't dress and undress himself he can't go.

I don't know if the next suggestion is feasible (...depends if you have a job) - would it be possible for you to get permission from the new school for you to meet your son at the pool to help him undress/dress in one of the family changing cubicles?

[oracle]

My eight year old is still being dressed by me most days, although he can do it himself and proved this when he went away with Boys Brigade for two days.

 

But he also hates clothes many of our kids do. Especially shoes and socks. I know with Matthew it is a sensory issue and he hates being dressed. He especially hates socks and shoes. 'It does not fit' probably means it does not feel right. But then it never will. I have lost count of how many pairs of shoe we buy which are never worn because they do not feel right after he has worn them for a couple of hours.

 

Matthew has got better as he has got older but I agree some battles are not worth the effort and so I am sitting this one out. Understanding that clothes are an issue with Matthew did help a little.

 

I would ask about the dress code at his next school. Sensory issues are a big issue with our children so do not let them push this aside. Your son should be able to wear clothes and are comfortable and easy for him to manage.

 

Carole

[Sallya]

I dont know if this idea is any good, but I use a timer. I give him 10 minutes- less battles- very exited if he beats the timer.

xxx

[lil_me]

Thanks for the coments so far, Lauren I was told the same thing, well

'Whens a problm not a problem, when its someone elses problem' almost the same thing. I tend to live by the rule but some things if he could do them would make life a lot easier/better for all of us.

 

He will be at the same school just a different year group, they have been ok so far with PE, but its also became a problem as he doesn't like being helped, but he won't put his clothes on so we have no other choice really, I am hoping they will be as understanding with swimming as they have with PE.

 

He can usually take his own clothes offf, takes a while, ends up 99% of the time in a knot and tends to rip clothes but they do come off, he tries to undress fully every time he goes to the toilet which means I have to dress him again every time. Same if he gets wet or spills something on himself or he's dirty he has to take everything off . I don't even dare buy him lace up shoes, last time I did we had meltdowns for 2 weeks would not say why, eventually after realising he was hiding his new shoes every day it was the fact they had laces.

 

I suppose I'm just going to have to keep on trying to get him to dress himself. We have velcro shoes for him and most clothes just pull on but as he gets older its becoming harder to buy what he will wear with easy on options, but even if clothes just pull on he won't do them himself anyway. I will try the timer, maybe go back to the good old sticker trick with a picture chart of clothes and a person.

 

Kids eh << sometimes feel like I am doing this all day

Edited July 21, 2005 by lil_me

[Suze]

Hi lil me, when my son was 6-7 he still needed me to dress him.I tried not to talk too much and tapped his legs gently when I wanted him to lift his leg etc.He still needs me to lay all his clothes out and this year he has just learnt to tie his shoe laces .Swimming when he was younger was a big issue besides the noise/ sensory probs he also really hated getting changed.He hated to be wet cold etc, and he was always last to be ready .This caused lots of probs as he made such a fuss. ) A classroom assistant was allocated to him to help him sort himself.They unravelled his trousers, turned his socks the right way round etc.I must say now he,s older we have none of these problems, he now has a set of clothes that he wears, like his personal uniform and he sticks to these out of school.

[andrewpowell]

How difficult is that ! when you ask him he says no and when you do it he objects!!!

 

I always think about the backward chaining method, getting him all dressed bar last item, eg just leave off one sock on one foot and even that sock half on then ask him to pull the sock over the heel and even go hand over hand to demonstrate.

 

Get him dressed while he watches TV or is otherwise occupied? Put on music??? (clutching at straws here!)

 

Rewards for each item on without a fuss - making it a game - even bits of cereal!

 

Or timer and leave him to it - saying if you've not finished after 10 mins I will come back and finish off (which he doesnt like much!!.. so may be motivated to try on his own at least a few bits??) And reward eahc item he has got on. Maybe baiting the skill helps - 'bet you can't do more than one thing before I get back' type of thing.

 

Having a picture sequence on his wall with order clothes should go on. (Might rip it up??)

 

Sometimes bit of a massage before attempting clothes helps or changing when he gets dressed. If it is sensory does it hurt him - 'how do clothes feel?' He might answer 'scratchy' etc? Body lotion first (if warmed first)? Some kids like lycra or silk or cycling shorts etc

 

One man I know with AS said when he was a kid clothes, ? felt like wrapping my body in sandpaper?.

 

Sometimes another person coming in and saying it can help:

?My son wouldn?t wear clothes especially dislikes wearing trousers but neighbour came in and said if you wear trousers you get Bionical (toy). He said yes straightaway and put the trousers on? !!! (can you get neighbour to come in each morning?!?!?)

 

Ok enuff rubbish suggestions!

 

Good luck

 

 

Andrew

[lil_me]

Some very very good suggestions there Andrew, my son does prefer to run round naked, and did sit all through his last assessment twitching as the collar on his t-shirt was annoying him, suppose I never thought of it in that way before.

 

I'm going to try a few of the suggestions over the next couple of week whilst we are within school holidays so less of a hurry to get dressed.

[KarenT]

I dont know if this idea is any good, but I use a timer. I give him 10 minutes- less battles- very exited if he beats the timer.

xxx

I use a timer too. Fifteen minutes to get dressed, teeth brushed and pyjamas in the laundry basket - if he makes it in time he gets a token in his jar, if he doesn't then he won't have time to play on the computer before school, but I make sure I send him upstairs to get changed in good time so that it's less of a problem for him to get to school on time.

 

Some mornings he'll dawdle and needs loads of prompting to get dressed, not to mention the occasional threat. Other days if he's got a new PC game he wants to play or there's something particularly exciting happening in school, he can be ready in four or five minutes.

 

I'd recommend the use of timers generally - it's made a big difference to us in lots of ways. OTOH some children may feel threatened and under pressure by a time limit so it might be best to give it a go but not push it too hard if it doesn't seem to be working.

 

Karen

x

[nellie]

I'm with Carole on this one, I didn't take part in the battle either. When they can dress themselves, they will.

 

Sensory issues can be a huge problem. What a fuss when that old soft Tshirt finally disintegrates......and that's my husband!!

 

Nellie xx

[Zemanski]

Com still won't even try buttons at 13, especially not on trousers. It's really hard now to get elasticated school trousers but he can just about manage trouser hooks so I replace the buttons with them now.

 

hard to get regulation school shoes with velcro that fit him too as he has really wide feet - costs me a fortune as he has to have 2 pairs of trainers too.

 

Com spent his primary years in jogging suits and t-shirts - no uniform, it was so much easier. We don't worry how he does it as long as he does it and he does have some odd methods (especially for trousers). He has got much better and with the simplest clothing we could get he did manage swimming lessons OK - be grateful he doesn't have to wear a full swimsuit, you should see Dot struggle with that.

 

we tried putting those sliding toggles that you get on rucksacks on his laces. They worked really well and looked quite trendy but they wore out quite quickly (he hated those funny spiral laces that you don't have to tie, but Dot liked them). You can get them in walking/camping shops or in sewing shops - I got some in a craft shop once.

 

Zemanski

[sarahjane]

Hi my son who will been 7 in sept and has as and dyspraxia has exactly the same pproblem. I dress him at home and there is not a problem except no labels are allowed to touch him, no itchy clothes etc but when he started school there was swimming. In his first yr an older child helped him and last yr as well as he still could not manage, but this yr his teacher says there will be no-one to help him as the older boys will have to help the new ones in P1 They startd leaving him to his own devices at the end of this term and suprise suprise he managed simple clothes (joggers and t-shirt on his own) He is always last, often has no pants on when he gets home and either his trousers or jumper the wrong way round or inside out but he is dressed! However he still will not do it at home! You may be suprised at what he can do when you are not there.

[witsend]

Hi lil me - my son is 10 and has dyspraxia, dyslexia and AS, he does not dress himself (can't and won't!) he can't do buttons, zips, laces,or socks. I f he does dress himself it takes forever causes untold stress and results in everything inside out and wrong way round. I encourage him to dress himself at weekend when there is more time and always make sure everything layed out for him on school mornings, so that he can now do polo shirt/trousers himseld with supervision. PE and swimming have been my bug bear with school for years now. When my son was in reception class on PE days his teacher used to come out into the playground at the end of the day and in front of everyone hang various items of clothing on the rails shouting out names of kids who hadn't managed to put them back on! My sons vest etc was always there and he would emerge with few clothes actually on inside out and wrong way round much to everyones (except mine) amusement, I still writhe with the anger and humiliation this caused us

Since then I have spoken to school numerous times about help with getting changed finally at last statement review meeting I insisted it be part of his statement he get help with changing (extra time, someone to help) it is not acceptable that your child misses activities because of his disability. My son had previously ben chastised for being 'too slow' at changing and even threatned with missing school trips because he 'took so long'! This made me so angry so this subject still really pushes my buttons. I'm sorry I can't quote relevant research and law right now about this but I'm sure the school are not right to exclude your child from activities due to this as it would be discriminatory (I believe dyspraxia is now included 'officially' as a 'disability'). Please do not think you are making a fuss about nothing here or that the onus is on you to sort it out - the school have a responsibility to do so. Hope you make progress with this - luv Witsend.

[jools]

my son is nearly 8 and only started dressing himself in the past couple of months....and only if i put everything out in the order it goes on.

 

i did worry when he went swimming for the first time last sept and we practised through the holidays ......for drying himself and getting dressed.

he always has pants with pictures on so he knows which way they go.

big socks so they don't need pulling too much.

elasticated waist trousers or shorts

and polo shirt and jumper

he still comes home 'back to front' with most things!

[eddie]

my son is incredibly difficult to dress in the morning, he is 7 and a half and i have come to the conclusion that it is due to his hypersensitivity in the morning or after a bath/swimming etc. he clenches his fists together and curls his toes and will not pick up his clothes, however he has little problem with this side of it at school and will dress after pe. he does take longer and need more prompting etc but he will do it!!!! which i often get infuriated at, why can he do it at school but not at home.

 

i am quite happy though to continue getting him dressed myself it saves the distress all round!!!

[elaine1]

my son is 12 and still needs to be told which clothes to put on in the mornings. they are all laid out for him, but if i dont say put on your whatever he will forget.

 

hopefully there will be someone to help yr son get dressed for swimming.

good luck

[hollymg]

Mine is 5 and I still do it half the time. I try not to engage in a battle, I just set it up so he either dresses himself or stays naked. Sometimes I'll help him but if he fights I stop and tell him he's on his own since he didn't cooperate. He's picky about his clothes so when he tries to make me his valet and retrieve his clothes I purposefully pick ones he doesn't like so now he knows to just get them himself. It has been LONG time of doing this (I think I started almost 3 years ago when I had to do things one-handed because his baby sister wanted constant holding!) but gradually he is getting more used to just doing it himself because that is easier. Granted these techniques don't work if you are in a hurry to leave the house in the morning, so my confession is that he sleeps in his clothes (comfy knit and sweat stuff anyway of course!) and we just don't change in the morning.

 

Shoes and socks are still my pet peeve because of the sensory issues and Mom just can't get it right, but again I've set that up so that if he wants to go with me he'll do it quickly on his own, otherwise he stays home with his dad (and that has never happened, he always wants to go with me). I really tried to get him to wear sandals all summer so I wouldn't have the sock/shoe battles but he is splinter-phobic and wants his feet covered. BTW shoes are not laceups but just slip-on, and he still has trouble that the back doesn't get folded in.

 

Long diatribe but you aren't alone!

 

Not sure what to do with swimming except try to enlist the help of a patient and willing staff person in advance and have it pre-arranged so there isn't a scene that makes him stand out any more than is necessary.

[bid]

Late to this thread, and probably nothing helpful to add, other than it does get better, I promise!

 

I well remember my son coming out of school, aged about 5, with his school polo shirt on back to front, because he'd had PE that day (did the stupid teacher not notice??). Plus, finding his PE shorts still on under his school trousers at the end of the day!

 

Now at 16, he still needs push-on shoes, and we are lucky that his special school has a uniform of polo shirt and sweat shirt (bliss after his mainstream boys' school with blazer, shirt and tie!).

 

I worried terribly when he was younger that he would look 'odd' in the sort of clothes he could cope with. But actually I've found that there are plenty of mens' clothes and shoes that are perfectly acceptable, if you know what I mean. Lots of cargo pants have elasticated waists, and plenty of mens' casual and formal shoes are push-ones, probably more than for 'older' boy's styles.

 

There is actually light at the end of the tunnel with this one, guys!

 

Bid

[Brook]

When my nearly seven year old first started school, I was a bit concerned that we would be late everyday because of the getting dressed struggle

 

Someone suggested using symbols of each item of clothing on a velcro strip, and to place them in order, as each item was put on my son would rip of the relevant symbol and post it in our done box, although I still got him dressed it was so much quicker and he was also paying attention, we also used one of these visual strips in the bathroom, ie...toilet, wash, cleanteeth etc..

 

Then I had one with symbols of his schoolbag, lunchbox, coat, shoes, this also ensured that nothing was left behind, otherwise there would have been hell to pay

 

I was really sceptical about this working, but I was absolutely amazed just how well it did work.

 

We dont use the symbols to get dressed anymore now, and my son is still very reluctant to dress himself, but he has on occassion made excellent attempts, but he still insists that clothes are put on in the order that we used to with the symbols

 

If he now tries to get dressed himself and he puts something on the wrong way round, I always praise him by saying "thats a really good try well done, but lets turn it round", I have to play it down a bit, otherwise he would get stressed if he thought he had done it wrong

 

I think it would be outrageous that he missed swimming because of not dressing himself, I would imagine alot of the kids that age would need some help.

 

good luck

 

Brook

[lil_me]

He's put his own t-shirt on three days in a row, tracksuit bottoms on once, did have to put them over his feet, and he pretended to fall over when he stood up, but its progress