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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
lizzy-wilson

Depression - What triggers it?

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Yesterday I was as everyone else around the county shocked to hear that a young girls body had been discovered in a local wood. I soon found out that it was due to depression that she had taken her life. I didn't know her but I hear she was a very talented young girl.

 

I feel very sorry for her family and from what I can gather they tried to help her but it was obviously too late. I know what it feels like, hey I've been there and it's an awful place and would not wish it on my own worst enemy.

 

As the help round here is terrible for depression, autism, aspergers, ect, I just hope that this shocking incident will have opened people's eyes and made them see that people really do suffer and it's not something they can just get on with.

 

It may seem out of terms but what does trigger depression?

 

I think mine would be through the stress of moving onto secondary school, the anxiety of all the people and not having the right help that I needed. I still get down; But something inside me is telling me to go on and I thank god I listen to it. I know it effects people differently and I know some people don't talk about it and bottle everything up.

 

It makes me want to help people even more when I hear things like this. Tell them that I know what it's like but for them to trust me and listen to me when I say it'll get better.

 

But at the minute my thoughts are with the girls family.

 

How do you cope with depression and what triggers it?

Edited by A-S warrior

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Merry   

Brilliant thread Lizzy-wilson. I think this subject is EXTREMELY relevant and important to the forum right now. For me your questions require a lot of thought. So i'm going to go away and think about it and respond later if that's ok. One thing i'll say right now, is that only those who have had it can truly understand what it's like....just as with anything i suppose. But even though i've suffered with it throughout my life, I don't know what it would take to cure it.....maybe it's what people call "A very normal reaction to a very crazy world".

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Depression is usually caused by a significant (usually bad) life change. And from there we tend to defeat ourselves, and let it beat us. We come home from work, slump down infront of the tv, and eat sugary snacks. We go into self medication mode with food. these foods do lots of negative things to us, they cause the brain to release serotonin. The sweetnes of sugar gratify the mind because they fill the dopamine receptors or cause the body to do so. Very simular to how cocaine works. This begins a downward spiral however, as these foods also provoke depression, and mess with hormonal levels.

 

Hormones out of sync is a recipe for disaster. At his point, you really need to fix what you are eating as soon as possible.

 

The second factor, is getting stuck in a rut. You will get into a habit of doing things, that are unhelphful to your depression i.e staying at home watching tv, staying online until 4am, over use of facebook, alchool abuse, repetitive daily habits that you know are not helping.

 

 

So to cope with it? change your daily routine form the way you get out of bed, to the direction you walk to work. Avoid the sofa, and go out for a walk and reflect on your thoughts. Go for nice days out, even on your own. Go to the woods, and just sit and be. Maybe not post on the forums for once, and just listen to your own mind ticking over.

 

Also try and look to the futre and think in a positive light. Smile and be nice to others around you and try and keep on top of your chores. Don't let things mount up, and become impossible.

 

Fix your diet by avoiding grains, and sugars. Eat plenty of omega 3 containing foods.

 

The key is to keep on top and not let things mount on top of you.

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Merry   

A-S all the things you said are spot on...and when i'm NOT depressed, it all makes perfect sense...but the trouble is that when i AM depressed, I can't even be bothered to WANT to be bothered to implement any of these things or any of the other things which I know will help. It's like i become self-defeating because the emotions are so overpowering...suffocating. It feels like the emotions themselves could hurt me, they are that painful...they take my breath away and as much as i want to escape them, i find i have non of the willpower necessary to make positive changes... When I was a teenager, I used to explain it as a huge mountain that i had to climb constantly in order to stay higher than the `cloud of depression` that was always rising just behind me as i walked. I felt it was always chasing me...and i couldn't stand still on that mountain of life for a single moment, or it would catch up with me. No matter how exhausted i was, i couldn't stop or it would get me. That's how it felt. Sometimes, i would get too exhausted and stop for a break...and as the dark cloud enveloped me, it actually felt comforting...like the welcome hug of an old friend but the cloud was so thick and dark, that i wouldn't be able to find a way out and i'd get stuck inside it. Wouldn't know which way was up and which way was down. Eventually I would forget that I ever even knew there was a way out. Then at some point, something (I don't know what) would sort of `click` into place and i'd start walking again...start rising. But i don't know what causes it to arrive just as i don't know what causes it to clear.

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Well i'm a strong believer in there being no such thing as a bad experience, just a learning experience. Through those really dark days you learn more about yourself, and in time you'll learn how to combat the cloud. The more you go through these experiences, the more you become an expert in your own life.

 

Everything happens for a reason, even the really bad stuff that no one understands. They teach us, they develop us, they make us more tolerant to even the most evil of people.

 

If we gain tolerance to even people that have wronged us, then we can lead from example and show people the error of there ways through our resolve.

 

But unfortunately, most people roll over and play the victim. (it's understandable of course) but sometimes, we just need to go that extra round in life, even when we don't think we can.

Edited by A-S warrior

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Merry   

You're absolutely right of course. I love your positive outlook. For a long time i genuinely feared depression. I was affraid that the next time it got hold of me, i might not make it through. But now i'm in my 30's, it's not nearly as severe when i get it, and i don't fear it now. I have learned to go through it and almost kind of be at peace with it until it clears. My experience is that although i don't know why it comes, when it does i find comfort in knowing it will pass because it always does.

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Depression to me is more than a failed brain function, I say that because what normally gets me out of a particular bad patch is reading something 'spiritual' be that whatever and so I understand with what works for me this isn't the brain, this is a feeling thing far more than senses. But I can't just dive into the stuff when I realise I am in hole, it doesn't work that way, the way it works is it comes when it does and that I take as whatever this is is ready to accept. Therefore I believe depression is the emotional side of the body forcing a full stop, to take stock, recover or mull something over.

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So it's all trauma related? That makes sense special_talent.

I started with depression, well was recognised as a child that age 12 when were referred for help. The first thing was my nan had died, but also i had been abused by my father- pretty much grieving a lot of my nan and pets and also being abused and bullied. So its different for some people. Like i would say hollyoaks the girl esther is being bullied because she made a pass at a girl and now being bullied and that can also led to depression

Edited by Special_talent123

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I treat mine as a security blanket I think. I know when I'm down, the last thing I want to do is to think positive, it's the same for my panic and anxiety - for some odd reason I want to hang onto it as it's giving me a reason to be down, it takes me a while to tell myself to pull myself together and to get a grip and eventually I come out of that dark place.

 

The thing that worked for me was a thing called Panic Away - It's set up by an Irish man who once himself suffered from panic attacks and so on; I came across it about 2-3 years ago when I had had enough of feeling the way I did, yeah, it cost but by god it worth it! I have on my ipod and when I'm feeling panicky or low I just do one of the strategies and it works within a couple of minutes, sometimes I have to do it more than once though.

 

It's a tough one especially when everyone deals with it differently but I agree with A-S warrior (Ben) It's about your diet and what you do daily. They say exercise and fresh air is the best way.

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smileyK   

Which I knew exactly the depressive triggers but the main surroundings feelings is feeling frustrated ,misunderstood,lost and confused! Found hard to deal with underneathe deeper rooted issues!

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oakers   

Well i'm a strong believer in there being no such thing as a bad experience, just a learning experience. Through those really dark days you learn more about yourself, and in time you'll learn how to combat the cloud. The more you go through these experiences, the more you become an expert in your own life.

 

Everything happens for a reason, even the really bad stuff that no one understands. They teach us, they develop us, they make us more tolerant to even the most evil of people.

 

To a point I'd agree with this, but there is some stuff that NO ONE should have to go through, and you wouldn't classify it as a learning experience... some things are just plain bad. And those that go through those experiences who end up depressed have good reason to be.

 

Those who are strong willed make it through these things a lot better than those that are less strong, or haven't developed as strong coping mechanisms. I believe it is possible to learn how to deal with things better, but like I said, there are some things no one should have to go through.

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To a point I'd agree with this, but there is some stuff that NO ONE should have to go through, and you wouldn't classify it as a learning experience... some things are just plain bad. And those that go through those experiences who end up depressed have good reason to be.

 

Those who are strong willed make it through these things a lot better than those that are less strong, or haven't developed as strong coping mechanisms. I believe it is possible to learn how to deal with things better, but like I said, there are some things no one should have to go through.

 

Yes, but is it a will or is it something else ?

 

I say this because there is something in me that stops me when I am driving too far and it manifests as a voice and it is a powerful voice, not loud but it always stops me. Now I have investigated this voice as to what it could be and replies I have had include; guardian angels and spirit guides and from others; ''don't tell the medics'', but that had already occurred to me because they can be kind of narrow minded, but if one reads books by Paulo Coelho he touches on this stuff, saying we have all got one, it is just some choose not to hear, The Valkyries is a particular memorable novel. But I first became aware of this voice during a near death experience and I would say it is responsible for me being here now for no matter how low I get, it sadistically keeps me driving forward.

 

A traditional life is denied to me but I understand I am here for something I don't exactly know what yet, although clues are starting to reveal themselves, but I keep searching, because I can't give up anything until I have an answer.

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oakers   

Hmm you make a very good point Sa...

 

 

I believe there are guardian angels out there... some in our family believe my brother had one for a time when he was younger. He could see her as if she was stood there next to him like you or I might be... and he'd talk to her, thinking that we could all see and hear her. He'd also say that her family would visit her, and he could see them all and tell you all their names etc and what they were doing.

 

Then, one day, when he'd been well for a while he turned around and told my mum that she'd gone. When asked why he said that she was going to look after someone else who needed her more. I think he was 5ish then.

 

There's been some other stuff that makes me believe even more so nowadays, but nothing I've experienced in my own right, as yet.

 

So yes, I believe some of it may be guidance or 'being looked after' by another power but I also believe some of it to be will.

Edited by oakers

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Be careful what spirits you mess with. Some appear as an angel of light, when they are in fact something else.

 

Yes, the morning star but I can tell the difference.

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Depression is usually caused by a significant (usually bad) life change. And from there we tend to defeat ourselves, and let it beat us. We come home from work, slump down infront of the tv, and eat sugary snacks.

So to cope with it? change your daily routine form the way you get out of bed, to the direction you walk to work.

Also try and look to the futre and think in a positive light. Smile and be nice to others around you and try and keep on top of your chores

What if you don't have work to go to?

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I know you don't have a faith special talent, but i will pray and ask that god delivers you the strength you and your familly need to get through this. I wish i had a magic wand to make everything better, and i feel actully quite down on myself that i can't do anything.

 

You could do a lot more than pray if only you would open your eyes and see it - but pray mate if that's as far as you think you can go, we probably won't find out why someone disappears from here. . .

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As the help round here is terrible for depression, autism, aspergers, ect, I just hope that this shocking incident will have opened people's eyes and made them see that people really do suffer and it's not something they can just get on with.

 

That is very true, and the last thing someone severely depressed needs is people devaluing and ignoring their feelings.

 

How do you cope with depression and what triggers it?

 

All sorts of things trigger depression for me, events, people, grief and loss, my feelings of myself, this forum, my family, the world, hard times, financial pressure, my health, my loved ones health, situations that I don't know how to handle, the seasons of the year, activities or lack of, a feeling of isolation, feeling that things are futile and when I struggle to see solutions, society, fakeness, difficult scenarios, pressure, stress, failure, and even success for that matter, questions about who I am and the world I live in, aspects of AS, feeling disconnected, feeling unheard and devalued, not being able to speak, people dismissing me, people shouting me down, suicidal thoughts, obsessions with death or life, wanting things in my life I feel I cannot have.

 

That's just off the top of my head and doesn't include and extreme situations or mild ones, also potential biological elements and chemical imbalances, and of course my personality.

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The winter months get me down a lot. Roll on spring!

 

I would say that getting enough exercise, fresh air and eating healthily will help an awful lot. But I know some people would disagree with me on that, god I know what it feels like to be told to 'cheer up' 'it might never happen' 'life's to short to be down' but when your depressed, being told to think positively and constantly being told things like that it really doesn't help, well, it doesn't help me I just want to smack the person who said it and say 'Hey, why don't you try, when one side of your brains telling you one thing and the other something else' it's the last thing you want to do and it is really hard to think positive.

 

I want people to come to me when there at their wits end and to talk to me. Because I know for a fact that life does get better...maybe not straight away but soon.

 

This young girl had her whole life in front of her, it brings back memories from when I had my 'breakdown' It's shocked everyone around here.

 

I suppose another thing is to - when you have a horrible thought or your down about things is to turn it around and think a good thought (How many times have you heard that one before...but it's worth a try) I struggled still struggle with the 'what if's' e.g What if I panic - What if I'm ill in front of people. I got so fed up of them that I turned it around and said 'What if I don't panic - What if I'm not ill. eventually they worked.

 

I there's an up there's always a down. (Not sure if that fits but hey ho)

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The winter months get me down a lot. Roll on spring!

 

I used to have daylight balanced lightbulbs in this place, the so called artists light, they did help with what the winter lack of light can do, that was until they failed and I can't afford to replace them so it is back to the winter gloom, but I am now understanding supplementing with vitamin D might address such issues and will experiment whence I have the funds available to look after my health as vit D being all the rage at the moment, the useful RDA's are expensive.

I would say that getting enough exercise, fresh air and eating healthily will help an awful lot. But I know some people would disagree with me on that, god I know what it feels like to be told to 'cheer up' 'it might never happen' 'life's to short to be down' but when your depressed, being told to think positively and constantly being told things like that it really doesn't help, well, it doesn't help me I just want to smack the person who said it and say 'Hey, why don't you try, when one side of your brains telling you one thing and the other something else' it's the last thing you want to do and it is really hard to think positive.

Yes exercise does help in the endorphin release at least , but a healthy diet is prohibitive for those who are unemployed and does anyone every wonder why the unemployed generally suffer with fat issues and being unhealthy, for it is simple, in this country healthy food is expensive. That reality was brought home to me recently where I went on a health binge and spent £20 of healthy fruit and veg, which started to decay within a day and it is a cost I cannot sustain as £20 is more than two weeks normal unhealthy food for me, so no matter how much I would like to eat healthily, I cannot through unemployment.

 

And yes we all know about those with their helpful comments, where you will find those that really suffer what depression can be are not so glib with their suggestions as they know damned well what doesn't work for them and they actually sympathise not abuse with what they know doesn't help, as to face it if the answer to depression was much that people so gleefully advocate when they are not challenged beyond the blues the pharmaceutical industry would be suffering because anti depressant medication is their biggest mover.

I want people to come to me when there at their wits end and to talk to me. Because I know for a fact that life does get better...maybe not straight away but soon.

 

This young girl had her whole life in front of her, it brings back memories from when I had my 'breakdown' It's shocked everyone around here.

 

I suppose another thing is to - when you have a horrible thought or your down about things is to turn it around and think a good thought (How many times have you heard that one before...but it's worth a try) I struggled still struggle with the 'what if's' e.g What if I panic - What if I'm ill in front of people. I got so fed up of them that I turned it around and said 'What if I don't panic - What if I'm not ill. eventually they worked.

 

I there's an up there's always a down. (Not sure if that fits but hey ho)

 

Yes there is indeed an opposite to down, but society, life, the news,education, politics and everything else around you doesn't exactly help to foster a positive mind when you are down as when you are down and questioning one is very sensitive to all external stimuli, which just adds to the mess.

 

Depression is not something that can be so flippantly made light of, it is a diminishing and killing disease.

 

I have no TV or radio for a very good reason and I have noticed a difference since I rid such influences from my life.

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You could do a lot more than pray if only you would open your eyes and see it - but pray mate if that's as far as you think you can go, we probably won't find out why someone disappears from here. . . [/background][/size][/color]

 

Nothing is more powerful, than the power of prayer.

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I want people to come to me when there at their wits end and to talk to me. Because I know for a fact that life does get better...maybe not straight away but soon.

 

This young girl had her whole life in front of her, it brings back memories from when I had my 'breakdown' It's shocked everyone around here.

 

It is difficult to hear of such things and of course depression is an unstable element for many people, I am not sure whether there is a one rule fits all approach to depression, and of course, more severe feelings, what works for one, may not work for another.

 

I believe that life can get better Lizzy, and it is a shame that some cannot see that - it is difficult when drowning in the grips of depression, there doesn't always seem to be a way out.

 

I think trying to understand such things as this tragedy as you have tried to do, is a good thing, awareness is not easy, but there can be a lot of value in it.

 

Nothing is more powerful, than the power of prayer.

 

I respect your opinion because at the end of the day Ben, even the most non-religious can get on their knees and pray in desperate times.

 

I think the act of prayer is a very symbolic one, a lot goes into it from a person's soul at such times, I can accept that can be powerful, and the intentions and meaning involved in prayer could indeed be a very powerful thing.

 

As I once said to a friend in PM, I at times wish I could believe and have faith, but it isn't exactly something a person can just switch on and off is it.

 

As for spirituality, well, I find my own versions of that and in trying to connect with the world in which I live, and I do find those elements that I do find or experience to be very important.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

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Logic says religion beyond it's political ability is nonsensical, but with me it is part of the war in myself where the mind is fighting the emotions most of the time and what I understand to Islam is the true meaning of Jihad, but where I am at with what I believe depends on which side is currently winning the war :rolleyes: !

 

Prayer, what is it if it's not magic, for both are the attempt to channel energy to augment change, but what right do we have to ask for change might be a reason why both magic and prayer often goes unanswered, but I do believe it is going to take a lot more than prayer to right the wrongs humanity faces, be that the singular or the collective and there is a lot of evidence to suggest people should just believe in themselves as Jesus is reported to have said through his teaching that the kingdom of heaven and hell exists also within the person as suggested by Tolstoy based on Luke 17:12.

Edited by Sa Skimrande

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I have suffered with mental health since 12 years old and I am 23 next month. But I do volunteering, but when i am able to i need the energy and motivation and even the approval of the staff to keep an eye on me to say its okay i can go as long as i dont feel unstable that day or there struggle to handle my mood swings or even worry about me travelling home. I sing and going back to choir. I pretty much do that, most time i dance around to my music or sometimes walk, i get out a lot more than i used to. I am on a diet - eating healthy but still get my emotional depressive days by triggering things such as the advert on tv not long ago it made me cry and have flashback because it was triggering content. I even take medication daily, take supplements and eat lots of fruit, veg, meat and fish

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Prayer, what is it if it's not magic

 

See, that's where I don't have a leg to stand on - as they say - because I am more open to magic than prayer and that in itself is illogical perhaps, I don't believe in 'God', but I like the ideas of other types of - I don't know, life force, energies, 'something'.

 

And that is why I felt I had to come back and add to what I said to Ben earlier today.

 

I am flawed, but I admit that, it makes me who I am.

 

Good luck with your war Sa Skimrande - I appreciate that ''luck'' is also open to debate.

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aspieman   

take supplements and eat lots of fruit, veg, meat and fish

 

I think eating a good diet and getting plenty of exercise is a good way to combat depression.

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aspieman   

I have been in a bad way with my depression recently, I have been hiding away from everybody, Eating fast food and goodies because it's easier and comforting, I have had zero contact with the outside world apart from the family I live with.

 

Last couple of days I have been eating really healthy, Fish, veg and plenty of fruit and got out of the house for a walk and a good chat with my support worker and I feel a hundred times better, Have also rung the samaritans and off loaded which has helped a lot, I'm slowly starting to feel like a human being once again. I even managed to wash up today, I hoping to have a bath tomorrow and get out the door again even if I just go for a short drive with the family and see a bit of the outside world which will stop some of the negative thinking that I have been having that I'm totally useless, I'm in people's way and people would be better off without me, I have a doctors appointment on Friday, As much as I hate medication I might have to take some anti depressants as I haven't been in a good place recently and I realize that now.

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I think eating a good diet and getting plenty of exercise is a good way to combat depression.

I wrote I dance around if u didn't see that most of time and walk, but still doesn't make me feel better, but I'm on my healthy diet which apparently since Christmas look like I've lost 8lbs and now I weigh 14 stone 6lbs not bad but need to reach about 9 and half stone. I am slowly losing it by week and I will be pleased when I can fit in clothes I love look at. At the moment my goal is to get into size 16 jump suit

Edited by Special_talent123

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aspieman   

I wrote I dance around if u didn't see that most of time and walk, but still doesn't make me feel better, but I'm on my healthy diet which apparently since Christmas look like I've lost 8lbs and now I weigh 14 stone 6lbs not bad but need to reach about 9 and half stone. I am slowly losing it by week and I will be pleased when I can fit in clothes I love look at. At the moment my goal is to get into size 16 jump suit

 

I was agreeing with you and well done on losing weight. I weigh over 23 stone and I hate that fact and it does have an impact on my depression, I did lose some weight in the summer but now I'm putting twice as much back on due to the steroids that I have to take for my COPD.

 

I'm trying hard to lose weight as a doctor told me and my family that I could die anyday, I have never been really skinny but was never this big, Problems started in 1997 when I was put on lots of medication but then I got bowel problems and also swelling in my legs and an extended stomach probably due to heart failure.

 

I don't think eating healthy and exercising will completely take away my depression but it does help a lot, For years now I have to take day by day as I can't focus on the future.

 

Sorry if I come across wrongly. I hate that it's so frustrating. I used to be perfect with everything not many years a go but my thinking has got a lot slower these days and I often make mistakes that I'm not aware of straight away, I often call people here where I live the the wrong names (my family) and often people can't understand what I'm saying, I never used to be like that..

Edited by aspieman

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Merry   

Hi Aspieman i worry about coming accross wrongly too. It does happen, but don't think it happened in this case...you were very clear. :) And i like your positive approach despite your health worries.

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aspieman   

Hi Aspieman i worry about coming accross wrongly too. It does happen, but don't think it happened in this case...you were very clear. :) And i like your positive approach despite your health worries.

 

Ty Merry that's so kind of you. :) I always have good intention's and try and help people but misunderstandings always seem to happen on autism forums due to the nature of our disability (well I think autism is a disability but not all would agree).

 

Back when I was in better health I used to be one of the top posters on another forum that I'm a member off but I spend more time reading post's these days, I want to post more but have low self esteem and I'm always worried that my post's might upset, My support worker asked me yesterday of 2 positive things I have done this week and I couldn't think of 1 thing, That made me realise how bad my depression is at the moment, I have very little confidence at the moment but like to try and help others as it takes the focus away from my health problems. I never used to like Christmas or my birthdays but this year I really appreciated Christmas and celebrated that I was still here, I hope that I'm still here for next Christmas as I don't want my family to go through heart ache and especially my 12 year old daughter who has aspergers as I love her dearly and don't want her to be upset but my health is slowly getting worse, It's a shame that I have so much comprehension as I realise this which just makes depression harder to deal with, I love being around my family but often wonder if I should move out as it's not fair that they are also noticing that my health is gradually getting worse so it must be very difficult for them.

 

Having HFA I have always had to fight much harder then NT's have to too get the same rights so I'm used to fighting so there's no way I'm giving up despite how much rubbish life throws at me, I will go out kicking. :ninja:

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Merry   

That's the spirit Aspieman! Sounds like you might be turning a corner. I was once in a very nasty abusive relationship. It might be upsetting for other people to hear the things which happened to me so i won't go into too much detail. He basically kept me as a pet, locked in his house. There was no heating, very little food, and i was forced to drink alcohol and not allowed to sleep. He was very abusive in every way. I had lost myself completely, and after a while i didn't want to escape it anymore...although i was very depressed. And one day, the fight to get away just took over. I have no idea where it came from, but something changed in me and I escaped, moved to another part of the country and never looked back. When he moved away from this place i came home and i don't think about it at all anymore...i just thought of it because the way you're talking reminds me very much of that time in my life...where the will to survive seems to grab us and shake us at just the right time, even when we don't THINK we want to go on. I don't share this info about my life usually both because it's not an issue for me anymore and also because it would be dwelling on the negative...but what i learned from it (as A-S Warrior pointed out, everything can be a learning experience), is that something inside me, or perhaps something outside of me, wants me to be here. Blessings! :)

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Depression can start when one feels as if they have no control over the direction their life is going in. It can also come on when we don't take stock of the more important things in life and we end up feeling trapped and we don't respond to our needs to escape (often we get dreams, or ideas of escape but without the ability to read those signs we do not help ourselves as required and we don't ditch old routines and take on new ones we desperately seek).

 

So if you're feeling as if life is going nowhere and need to escape then take a break, go easy on yourself and start making positive changes to your life - do something different for a change and the new you will shine through and your depression will crack as you break free from the chains of it.

Edited by Mike_GX101

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smileyK   

I find once I have "bad morning" carries through making me "feel bad" for the rest of the day! If I have an 'arguement' it tends to 'linger' around making me feel more trashy,'weaker' then triggers sets 'bad thoughts' - (let down,failure) the list endless! Making me sink further and lower believing no-one cares wishing I could 'keep running' away from where pure depression leads me to paths I try not to go down! Felt like being 'shoved,pushed' however hard I push,fight against it! I can tell when going "downhill fast" but feel totally powerless within mess made! ;(

 

It's getting motivated -out of bed , going to work (even if for an hour an afternoon) or even eating ,brushing teeth, changing clothes regular can be pure effort to achieve when in "depressive mood state" everything good seems gloomy,bad,wrong! ;(

 

The fakeness of smile ,laughter hurts even more worse than the tears as the presence isn't easy to "put on" as doesn't come "naturally" have to "act" out to seem to be 'fine' o.k' when it couldn't be further away from struggling painful hard ship hidden false truth hidden behind everything going on!

Edited by matzoball

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