Brook Report post Posted November 13, 2005 Hi all, My son who is seven becomes VERY distressed when he loses a game, be it a board game, playstation, I spy, running game etc etc... I have read that this is very common with ASD, he really does become distressed, he screams, cries and goes on about it for the rest of the day. We have tried playing games where we set it up for us to lose so we can show an appropriate response, also for one of us to win so we can stay calm and congratulate the other, but all this is to no avail. To be honest I dont think my son understands the concept of most games but, he has learnt that with games they require you to WIN !!! When he was in school, the teacher would say things like, whoever has their plimsols on first will get a sticker, or, lets see who can get their coat on first and line up, alot of these things would encourage a NT child to comply but, with my son it started to become an obsession and in the end it turned into a phobia, he would panic and scream if he could see that another child had finished first, his aim wasn't to please the teacher but, it had been instilled in him that you had to be first, he then started to do this with everything, even cramming food into his mouth to finish his dinner first. He really enjoyed sports day practise, he would come home and tell me about the egg and spoon race, he would barely be able to speak through his fits of laughter but, as time went on his ability to cope lessened, he started to scream when the other kids won the races, he did not understand all the rules ie, he wasn't allowed to hold the egg on with his thumb (which I think is ###### stupid, they were only in reception class), in the end the teacher said to me that maybe it would be best if he did not do sports day and in all her years as a teacher she had never said that before, in the end I agreed, only so my son was not put through the stress, he started coming home saying 'I dont want sports day'. My son has always had difficulties with games but, it seemed to increase rapidly whilst at school. I am now desperately looking for ways to help him in this area, if anyone has any experience or suggestions, I would appreciate them. Thanks Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted November 14, 2005 Kieran is exactly the same with games but he only plays playstation x box games etc he very rarely plays board games and he gets really frustrated when he loses ive tried to explain that sometimes the computer wins and he loses but he doesnt get that ,so he often rants and raves at the tv like its his fault and he also slaps the tv screen as well.We have a neighbour who runs our local charity shop and dh often pops in and he got this great t shirt for kieran wish i could find a new one its got fred flinstone on the front bowling i think and the caption says "winning isnt everything "and on the back it says "ITS THE ONLY THING" and i thought how appropriate lol. lynn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Minxygal Report post Posted November 14, 2005 Oh Yes, I know this one well too. Thing is one of my other children is ultra competative and finds it difficult to lose. Causes ructions in our house. Being first is a problem in other areas too. You have to watch yourself around doors in our lives because they will knock you out of the way in order to be first. The number of times a blow off at school has been traced to not being able to stand at the front of the queue can't be counted on both hands either. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted November 14, 2005 Lynyona my son also slaps the tv when he gets frustrated with the PS or X-box Minxygal, when my son was a toddler he had an obsession with walking through the front door before anyone else, turning the tv on before anyone else, flushing the toilet before anyone else, he would come flying up the stairs if he knew you were on the loo, god help you if he heard the flush going switching the light on before anyone else, I could go on and on, if anyone accidentally forgot and did one of these things first he would go into EXTREME meltdown, this would often be a problem, especially when you are standing at the front door with all your shopping and he was screaming to walk through the door first. Most of them had subsided by the time he started school but, some of them came back with a vengance, he has now replaced quite a few of them. Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted November 14, 2005 Think its partly to do with the need for perfection with my son. Everything he;s got to win or has a meltdown, evn if its just getting upstairs first, when will his little brother learn if he tries to go first his brother will drag him back down. Don't think there is any easy solution, something I live with day to day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Minxygal Report post Posted November 14, 2005 Lynyona my son also slaps the tv when he gets frustrated with the PS or X-box LOL......Yes I know that one too. If Mark can't complete a level on his playstation or if for example Mario dies it's Mario's fault not Marks and he will hit either the TV screen or the playstation. I can't tell you how many of the damn things we've gone through in the past. Now he's 15 it's not as bad as it was but we still have to watch out for it now and then. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Elanor Report post Posted November 14, 2005 Hi I know exactly what you mean - my son loves games, but can't bear to lose. I don't understand it, but I recongise it! It has got better as he's grown older. Only 2 things have helped - making sure that the games aren't too hard (but it is a difficult balance), and encouraging him to play strategy games. In these, you can still have fun (eg Tombraider - lots of shooting and excitement) - but the boundary between winning and losing is blurred. You can always save game, and start over. The Harry Potter games, Sim City, Age of Empires/Mythology and now Runescape (online game) have worked very well. Elanor Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DAS999 Report post Posted November 14, 2005 My girlfriend throws the remote if the program she is watching finishes before she is ready for it to finish or if a program comes on that she dislikes. I guess its sort of along the same lines! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted November 16, 2005 Oh I can't really help you on this one because we have the same problems too. Actually I have found a game M doesn't mind losing - dominoes. Played properly pub style with all the dominoes faced down and everyone equal. Because it doesn't really involve skill or cunning just plain luck he's quite happy with that. Funnily enough we were shown that method by his grandad who I'm pretty convinced has AS too Daisy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teaorcoffee Report post Posted November 16, 2005 I can get frustrated at videogames, but only at single player. When I play on 2-player mode I'm fine when I lose because I know the other player has genuine better skill than me. When I lose with the computer I can get frustrated because all the computer enemies are programmed to be hard and therefore it feels that they are cheating. Hint: play something like Spider-Man 2, its kind of stress relieving as you swing freely accross the city. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Report post Posted November 17, 2005 Hi Brook and all I Have the same difficulties with H he cannot accept to lose, the only game he manages to lose is chess game because he is usually better than me and can win most of the games, even if sometimes I do the wrong move knowingly to encourage him, I think it is something to do with feeling in controle. The first to the door thing really was a problem with his sister who when she was in primary would do it on purpose to annoye him now they come back at different time and she has as well become more sensible in the way she is with her brother. Take care. Malika. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted November 17, 2005 My son is fine when playing ps2 games with hisbrother but loses the headwhen on his own and not winning. We often almost get killed in the rush for him to get in the door first and he is now 14. Theresa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Delyth Report post Posted November 17, 2005 Some strategies that are currently helping my daughter in this very difficult area are - Choosing before the game, a safe way and place to express feelings of disappointment/anger in case of losing. Continually interrupting the game process (or TV watching) with reminders/warnings/preparations that losing might happen so she doesn't get carried too far along the "I'm going to win" belief. She doesn't have quite so far to fall so it's not such a bad experience (in theory). Clear consequences for unacceptable behaviour. Playing games produces big chemical changes in the brain and sometimes she is less able to cope with these changes (when feeling under the weather, for example) so, when it all seems too difficult, we avoid them altogether. I used to think games were supposed to be fun... Delyth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirstie Report post Posted November 20, 2005 You shouls see Lewis's bedroom floor (wooden) it has chunks out of it where he has launched the controls of the playstation or even the console itself if he can't complete a level. We have had to put a timer in beside him and give him a certain amount of time on it otherwise he would lose the plot and we'd have to put him in his time out chair untill he calmed down. He isn't too fussed with playing it at the moment thankfully. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted November 20, 2005 If my memory serves me rightly kieran has put his xbox in the bin three times id leave it there but i can see the repercusions hurtling towards me like a thunder bolt but he would just go on a nd on about it untill he had to get himself a new one so be a bit pointless but i can say without his gaming kieran would cease to exist has he cant see beyond them in kierans world and i will admit to playing along with him sometimes but i may add very rarely usually when he gets fed up of being beatby the computer as he wipes the floor with me at most things lol. lynn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
