New here, stressed out

[LizC]

Hi I have just joined today and added to the introduction bit, but thought I would post here too.

 

My middle child Matthew has Aspergers, he is 5 and we have always known that he had problems. My grandad had aspergers and this led me to believe he did too. I don't really know where to begin as everything seems to be hard at the moment. he hates things out of the normal and likes a good routine but I am finding it hard getting him into one, especially as I have 2 other children too it is hard fitting into his way of life and vice versa. He won't ever do as he is told like getting dressed on a morning is an ordeal in itself, at times I don't think I can cope any more like today. he never settles on an evening and even when i try to get him into a routine he doesn't seem to settle or want it. i tred the bath every night and story but at time this was an ordeal too and he still won't sleep , it usually takes him till 10/11 on a night to sleep, which seems to have got worse lately and even wakes his younger brother up which makes thing sten times worse.

 

he couldn't cope wiht his grandad dying at the begining on the year and now his gt gran has just died, he doesn't know how to react to this emotionally which stresses him out. and because the last time he saw his grandad was last christmas, this christmas was hard as we went to ouor friends house just after they put their tree up and he saw it and started to flip out, he screamed it isn't christmas and started running about the house screaming this and ran into his friends room and started to throw stuff about. (He does this sort of behaviour alot) shopping, you can do! he flips out so most the time we try to avoid taking him, we tryed just before christmas to get my daughter a birthday present and he wouldn't gte out the car, shouting I hate shopping, he then goes wild, making silly noises, screams or hysterical laughter (which he does alot) but then he pushed aganist a door husband was holding and dented the door of the car next to us!

 

school was very hard at first but has since got into a routine (mainstream) but when he goes back after christmas he is going into a new class and I don't think the new teacher is aware of what Matthew has. Infact since his dx the school haven't officially been told by the centre he was dx at. we are supposed to be getting help but the last appt on 28th Nov was cancelled and we haven't heard anything since. sorry for going on but there is much I could just go on. some poeple just donm't understand as at times he can appear 'normal' but we were told this can happen so I think some poeple just think we are making it up. (espeically my mother in law) school have also decided not to statement him too even though he struggles, just not enough for them. I am worried about him going back next week...

 

 

thankfully there are some good stuff about him lol, he does love museums and history, computers and working out peoples DVD players (he particularly likes the making of films on DVDs and other languages) he can be caring and lovable at times, then times when he just can't and doesn't seem to fully understand. he gets on alot with his siblings but then other times when he just rubs off them, he likes to wreck the house too and is always pulling the sofa apart and just jumping and bouncing off everythign! (this really upsets and anoys me)

 

 

I am finding everything hard especially when we don't seem to be getting any help. I don't think I can go on life this. just looking for support, understanding and help in anyway.

 

thankyou for letting me ramble on.

 

Liz

[~Jonathan~]

Welcome Liz C <'>

 

We're a good, friendly bunch.

 

I'm sure you'll love it here, I know that I do

[lynyona]

<'> <'> <'> AW liz you are in a good place here,you will get all the help and support needed even if just to have a rant,i cant recall how many times i sit hear crying out of despair when things are tough so out come the posts lol.I wish above all wishes that id knownabout this site when kieran was younger, and i will say to you most wholeheartedly this board and others like it have been most help to me,more than any of the proffesionals which support was and is now non existant, so use the board its just great,Kris and the team do a great job and i applaud them all

[LizC]

Thank you both for your warm welcomes! I shall indeed be back. must go for now though lol

[annie]

Hi Liz <'> <'> ,

 

Welcome to the forum. You've come to the right place for support, understanding and help .

 

Please do not think you are alone in what you are going through, most of us here can relate to everything you've written.

 

Christmas has always been a stressful time for my son, he's 16 now but everything in the run up to it is different to the rest of the year. He could never cope with school from November onwards because any structure that WAS there just didn't happen. Also, I'm sorry to hear of your losses, it sounds like these may have had a particularly bad effect on Matthew.

 

I'm no expert, but it does sounds like Matthew has sensory issues (I can relate to that too) which result in the behaviours that you are describing.

 

If you follow this link to the IPSEA website

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/ it explains common problems in education. You can get the ball rolling yourself for a statement. On the site it gives a model letter for applying for an assessment of Special Educational Needs (the first step to a statement). It's worth mentioning that schools don't like to go down the statementing route, but don't let that deter you......we was told the same thing, applied ourselves and got the statement .

 

Anytime you have a question, ask away, if you just want to rant......go for it......we understand.

 

Annie

<'> <'>

[shintyboy]

Welcome LIZC,hope you find this site helpful.

[Suze]

Hi glad you found us all. Sounds like there is so much going on for you at the moment.The school issue is a worry.Maybe a meeting to discuss your worries with the new teacher, senco and maybe head would be a good idea.Drop into the education forum and check out some of the threads there, you,ll find loads of info.I can really sympathise with you, we have relatives that think AS is a parenting issue , .Take care Suzex.

[DAS999]

Welcome to the forum.

It is an excellent place and I am sure you will find help and support hear I know I have. <'>

[kirstie]

<'> Hiyah Lizc,

Please don't apologise for venting your feelings, everyone here does the same and in return there is always an ear to listen and give great advice.

You do seem to have had your share of loss, for which i am so sorry . <'> <'>

My son is six and has AS and what a struggle we had with him and his behaviours. I was completely lost. Like Matthew, Lewis would pull apart the couch and jump on it and trash the room and his bedroom, particularly when someone was here. However undesirable some of the behaviours seem to be there is always a reason for them. Thats one i learnt over time. Stress is usually huge factor and affects our kids like nothing else, also it was mentioned to you are the sensory issues which more often than not go hand in hand with AS. The jumping on things is one, a trampoline is a great idea and Lewis bounces to his hearts content, it can really help and have a calming effect. Also the Supermarket can be an onslaught to all the sensory issues they might have, for example the flickering lights can hurt the eyes, the squeeky wheels of a trolley- the whirring noises of the fridges, the smeels of the cheese and fish counters can be overwhelming not to mention the shoppers coming at you seemingly from every angle, very disorientating! and i imagine for one of ours very frightening. I tend to avoid it with Lewis as he just ends up bolting for the door........

Has anyone mentioned social stories or visual supports? These are great and have helped us enormously with many issues from going to the dentist to waiting in line getting on a bus! The visuals just reinforce where your going, what your doing next etc and it helps. The visual timetables are brill too, although i know myself having 2 other children how hard this can be to implement but it gives order to their day something that they need so much.

I hope this is a little bit helpful to you and feel free to ask whatever you like,

Take care,

Kirstie.

[phasmid]

Welcome to the forum Lizc.

[nellie]

Hi Liz,

 

I see you have already had a warm welcome and some good advice. I hope you find the forum useful and as Annie has already said, any questions just ask.

 

Nellie <'>

[something_different]

Hello

 

Welcome to the forum

 

SD x

[oracle]

The New Year begins here - because you are not on your own now Things wont look half as bad when you can share them with people who understand. Ask what you like there will always be someone who can help and understands here.

 

<'> Carole

[smiley]

Hiya Liz and Welcome <'>

 

 

just looking for support, understanding and help in anyway.

 

thankyou for letting me ramble on.

 

Liz

 

 

You've found it! - This place is a god-send!

 

I have a son who's six and has been diagnosed with Aspergers, everything you say sounds so familiar.

 

Welcome aboard <'>

[LizC]

Hi thank you everyone for your welcomes! Yes he can't cope with certain noises and smells. we nomrally go to church, quite a lively one but we can't take him because he can't cope with the loud music. in the town there was a band playing the other day and we had to cover over his ears and get him passed fast as he didn't like it. at home if someone comes to the house he will go upstairs and get his flannel from the bathroom or start playing with water. he went through a phase of rubber washing up gloves too.

 

anyway i am glad i am come here for support, you people sound great!

 

Liz

[Kathryn]

Hi Liz and welcome,

 

New Year is a good time to take the plunge and join!

 

My daughter (16 AS) had a similar problem with our lively church and opted out several years ago. She enjoys traditional choral music though and enjoys going to the cathedral in the town where we live.

 

K

[lindy-lou]

hi liz,welcome aboard,myyoungest is 3 and she is ASD/AS,you will get loads of support,advice and plenty of laughs on here. <'>

 

lindy x

[neda]

HI LizC

 

Can totally relate, I've 2 girls 6 and 8, and 4 year old boy who is being assessed. Can totally relate to most of what you are saying particularly the sensory issue with noise, my boy can't cope if tv is up too loud, didn't like the choir or band in church and shouted shut up as loud as he could when the choir had just stopped singing, everyone heard it. You wish at the time the ground would open up, I can look back now and smile. As for the water, this was my wee one's past time for the majority of his years. So much so that he used to flood his nursery toilets 2-3 times a week, by putting stopper in and running the water, if stoppers weren't there he used paper towels. At the time it was put down to boyish behaviour, his problems were only highlighted when I changed him to a local nursery for his pre school year.

 

My boy has been sick this week but girls have been staying at gran's and uncles as their cousin is over from abroad. He's obviously got used to the quietness as girls have only been in and out for half an hour here and there. Since girls came home tonight he has been venting his frustrations by hitting out at them, stealing their stuff to annoy them and switching tv off when they are watching. He went to his room about 7.00pm and when I checked on him a few minutes later he had fallen asleep, he obviously just couldn't cope having them back. Oh well, heres to tomorrow.

 

This place is just fab, I come on hear, read about others, ask questions and post when I can. You'll be glad to have found it.

 

Best wishes for the new year

 

A

Edited December 31, 2005 by neda

[ceecee]

Welcome to the forum you will find loads of help and support and friendship here.

[LKS]

Welcome LizC <'> The advice and support you get here will be better than anything the so called professionals will give you. Happy new year to you and yours

[Helen]

Hello Liz and welcome