Why do family do it???

[Tylers-mum]

My sister said that she'd some over to see T today (he's majorly obsessed with her) and now he's in the bath and after that it's bedtime so I called her and she's popped out to see my other sister, which is fair enough but why tell T she is coming when she has no intentions too?? In T's head, she is coming and now that I've told him she isn't, I am the one that has to deal with the HUGE meltdowns, the verbal aggression and the 'it's all your fault'. Why is it MY fault?? I didn't do anything!! Geez!!!

I've explained to my sister that b/c of T's HFA, you CANNOT tell him you are going to come and then not turn up but she or any other family member just doesn't get it!!

 

Now all I've been left with is a screaming lil boy breaking his heart and telling me 'It's all your fault b/c Auntie L won't come'.

Edited February 5, 2006 by Tylers-mum

[justamom]

Its not fair of your sister to let tyler down like this and to cause all this upset for you. When things have calmed down you are going to have to explain to her that its not FAIR to tell him that she is coming to visit and then to let him down. Maybe you should suggest to her that she does still visit but without mentioning it to him because thats the only way to avoid any upset....

 

good luck thinking of you sending you big hugs <'> <'> <'>

 

justamom

[darky]

that is so unfair of your sister!! i think now is the time for you to sit down with your sis and set the rules. explain the situation to her and tell her that with most people it would be fine to change arrangements, but not to your boy! but actualy i am sitting here and thinking that actualy its quite rude, sister or not to make arrangements with you and them change them!! sending you loads of pv's hun, you sound like you need them. why are people so thoughtless!!

[jb1964]

We have the same in our house. To be honest I don't tell my daughter anymore if someone has said they're coming round - it saves the upsets after - it's difficult when others don't realise just how much heartache they cause by 'not keeping their promises'.

[reuby2]

I've just found this post to try to find out what triggered your little boy and the way you are feeling on your other post and my heart breaks for you. Yesterday was a very bad day for me and I had to vent on here and

we had to visit the docs, he was screaming and blaming me, it's your fault, you made me upset, why???

 

I know how you are feeling and maybe it's the feeling of hopelessness in these situations because we can't make them feel better because they reject us. But your son loves you and his dissapointment is hurting him. Your sister has a lot to answer for, I really feel for you and your little one. Please take a bit of time . You need some support , is there anyone to come round for a coffee etc?

 

You are both in my prayers , hang in there chuck. <'>

Edited February 5, 2006 by reuby2

[OPooh]

Oh that sucks. Why did she do that! Jeez I don't get people. Hope you managed to calm him down hun <'>

[rainbow queen]

tylers mum

 

thats exactly what i get

 

its all my fault-i get this everyday over things ive not even been near glad someone else gets it too

[Zemanski]

T-M you are brilliant and so is Tyler when he's on form

 

it's other who people have let you both down

 

sometimes family is more trouble than it's worth

 

take care of yourself

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Z

[adamsmum]

My mums don this lots of times. I don't tell k she's coming now as he gets so upset if she dosent turn up. I remember last year we expected her and her freand for dinner at 5. I let k set table help make pudding and get things ready. He was so proud to help and exited to see mum. She turnd up at 8.30 to late. K cryed like a baby i cryed for him. At this point i realy dident like my mum it was one let down to meny. She had stoped of to look at a castle dident see it as a problem . So dont think you'r alone with this i can truly understand how you feel. Hope things are better in the morning <'>

[stressedmumto2]

I really felt for you when I read that and for your lil boy.

 

Been in that situ so many times now that i've pretty much not bothered with family.It's sohard for thesechildren because thyey just don't understand it.

 

I would call her now and let her listen to your little boy screaming and crying and ask her if she thinks it's fair for him to be so upset because of her letting himdown if that don't work then just don't allow your son to speak to her unless she's at your door.

 

Maybe you could do him a social story for when things like this happen, when there is a sudden change to the plan he was expecting to happen.

 

Hope he calms down soon and sending some hugs

[witsend]

Hi TM, <'> it's horrible when this happens. In my case it's not sister who does it (thank God she understands only too well the fallout!) but I have (had?) a freind who used to do this all the time. D adored her she was v good with him and used to make him laugh and promise to take him to places or just come round and then never do it!! despite 'knowing' about his AS.

Thing is I can reason this out, this freind is lovely when she's aroud but she's not reliable, I can accept it but obviously my son can't (not won't, just can't) now it's got to the point where I've stopped contacting this freind becasue TBH it's not worth the hassle. Guess it's much more difficult when it's family - so really

feel for you. Maybe it would be best not to tell your son when your sister is gonna visit in case she lets him down again, I know that's a bit cr*p but don't know what else to suggest.

Hope things are calming down now - take care

Luv Witsend.

[lil_me]

Poor little one must have been so confused. I now refuse to let family/good friends make such promises if they can't keep them. They tell me they are calling, but until they literally say they are on there way, or I see them pull up, I won't tell the boys.

[Richt]

Doesn't matter whether they're AS or not, you don't ever make promises you can't keep to children. OK, if they're not AS, the impact might be less, but they still need the truth, even non AS children are more literal than adults and get hurt when plans don't follow through.

 

Dunno much, haven't been here long, stick with it and stay strong, you've a lot of support out here to do the right thing. <'>

 

R

[Guest hallyscomet]

<'> <'>

[Klou]

Not just family......

 

We had a sofa repair man come last week. He noticed ds was a 'handful' and I made a comment about the fact I might get ds dressed before lunchtime (DS would much rather stay in his PJs!). Anyway the man set ds a challenge to get dressed and then said as he went out the door he would be back in five minutes to check. Of course five minutes later "IS the man back yet?". Ds was dressed and then I probably don't need to explain the next half hour as I try to explain why he didn't come back again.

[forbsay]

Poor wee darling! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>