hev Report post Posted February 19, 2006 i wake up every morning with an aim to think positive and the minute steve gets up i cannot do it,ive looked at so many self help books on positive thinking,ive been to cahms etc,spoke to other parents with as children but the minute im called a vile name or steven is going on and on im back to square one of feeling why me?im not feeling sorry for myself,i havent got a bad life in general,my partners lovely to me,my mum and dad are brilliant,other members of family not so good but whatever i cope with that,all i want is a normal weekend without a pounding head,me shouting,goes without saying i love him but why does it have to be so hard? people think im life and soul but im not,inside its just an empty shell with me putting on a front,i can post this on here cos im anonymous,if youve got the answers to thinking positive im ready to listen,i just hope tomorrow is better!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted February 19, 2006 hev <'> <'> <'> <'> I wish with all my heart that there was something I could say to make you feel better. I do know how you feel, I really really do. I feel like that at leat part of most days. I just wish I knew the answer. I'm sending you lots of these <'> I am not going to patronise you and tell you things will get better. Just know that you're not alone in the world. I wish there was more I could say. Lauren <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirstie Report post Posted February 19, 2006 Yeah hev, i wish you weren't anonymous so we could all pop round and give you a hug! I know the feelings you describe, it was worse for me when Lewis was little but i do understand. I wish i knew the answers....... <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted February 19, 2006 The trouble with thinking positive is that people then make the mistake of thinking everything is ok for you, when it may not be. So rather than thinking "what can I do to look at the bright side of things" think to yourself "who can I talk to about how I'm really feeling about all this?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tylers-mum Report post Posted February 19, 2006 Hi Hev. I could have written that myself. I stay up late b/c I don't want tomorrow to come any quicker than it has too then in the mornings, I find it hard to even get out of bed but then T see's to it that I do (unless I want a trashed house!). I look at him when he's sleeping and I could eat him b/c I love him sooo much but then why can't I feel that way when he's awake. The minute we wake up, he's down my throat, the way he talks to me drags me down and he doesn't take No for an answer, not after the first go anyway, I have to keep on and on at him and in the end, i'm yelling at him 'I said No!'. Every minute of every day is a battle and it does wear you down both emotionally and physically and I sometimes wonder why I was chosen to have this lil special boy, I an't special and I an't no wonder Mum but I do the best I can and if that's by getting through the day each minute at a time, then so be it b/c at the end of the day, we are still alive and we love each other. You do what you have to do and you cope how you have to cope b/c they are our flesh and blood and we wouldn't have it no other way!! Hang in there sweety. You are not alone and I know exactly how you're feeling. <'> <'> <'> Hope tomorrow is a better day for you sweety. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted February 19, 2006 also have this too,some days i am determined to make it work out good and my son will grind it down until it ends in tears. so i no longer give myself high expectations and i try to have at least one good thing to look foreward to either,choc bar or new bath foam ,to a new cd or just something to keep me moving through it all. also im learning myself to ignore the enticement to get involved in further argument-which is quite hard work but some things are not worth the battle. as my boys are off this week i have ben making sure we are out and i get them walking alot and running about in park find it puts stop to about third of the moaning and wineing,leaves them shattered and they seem to be a bit happier after it. im also trying to curb my shouting back as i end up feeling guilty and more worked up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted February 20, 2006 Hev, I also want to pop over and give you a big hug... <'> <'> (i'll send you these instead). I mask alot of things and just seem to cope but every now and then i have a little hiccup and people think oh she is finding things difficult.. No s**** sherlock things are difficult and life is hard with a son who has AS. I also try to think and act postivitly that I have been given the speical task of looking after a very special boy but sometimes I wonder who is looking after me. I think that you are doing a great job and try and keep you chin up me love. good luck for the morning school run!!! justamom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted February 20, 2006 Hi Hev, I understand where you are coming from, and there is a flip side to the positive feelings and naturally that is the negative. We virtually need to say to ourselves, I Hev, love and accept myself even when I am a wet blanket, having a bad hair day, look like cr*p, smell, feel ugly and feel like screaming at my child. On the positive side you say I Hev am a Power Vital Intelligent, Magnificent, Creative, Sexy lady and a wonderful mum and partner to my loved ones. It is like a clover leaf, there are opposites to ALL our feelings. So ACCEPT, ACCEPT all your feelings, if you are unable to accept a feeling, you become stuck with THAT FEELING. We need to say to ourselves, ALL OF MY FEELINGS ARE FRIENDS, GOOD BAD, UGLY, OKAY AND NOT OKAY FEELINGS are ALL my friends. So I am going to take myself out today and have a good day, and when ........screams at 7am I am going to have a scream with him bbbblllllllaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Then have a laugh together..........get it out Hev, you rock even if you are feeling positive or negative. <'> <'> <'> <'> and a wonderful mum too... Don't you forget it. <'> Hailey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 20, 2006 <'> <'> <'> Hev Ive also wondered why us why me.Ive also had seveare depression and a couple of nervous breakdowns.Would i have had these things if my son hadnt had AS ill never know.I too can appear to be the life and soul people even describe me as a bubbley jolly person !!!!!!! What they dont know is i go inside my house and cry my eyes out at times. Its not easy to think positive when youre depressed llike i get maybe you are too. But there is positives i think. I think of all the times our son has made us laugh,about the new way we now see life that we never would have done if hed not come along. Im not a religious person but i also beleive that my son was sent to me for a reason.To make me a better person maybe to give me an understanding that others dont ever have. At times the road is bloomeing hard and we feel we cant go on but we havent reached the end of the road yet and we dont know how its going to turn out. I beleive ive been given the task of a special needs kid for a reason that reason isnt always clear but its there none the less. Take care Hev Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarerQuie Report post Posted February 20, 2006 (((Hev))).We've all been there-it's not easy when the negative overwhelms you.Try and give yourself small treats;a new bath fragrance or some favourite food. Although it doesn't alter anything,it helps if you somehow treat yourself.xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forbsay Report post Posted February 20, 2006 Hi Hev Totally understand where you are coming from. I am trying to make a bit more of "me" time and this is helping alot. Take care <'> <'> <'> <'> Forbsay z Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted February 20, 2006 Hi Hev <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> It's so hard, isn't it? ....... I can cope with the violence ...... but the swearing ..... I don't understand why he calls me all those things either My main fear is that toddler may think it's the norm and copy him! Hope you wake up and have a better day today <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted February 20, 2006 thanks everyone,had a much better day today,for a start he went back to school i went in town then up mums till 7 so i got out of house for a bit,i was in all weekend and that dont help me,when i got in he gave me a massive cuddle and said ive really missed you mum think we just needed a break from each other Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted February 20, 2006 Hi Hev, Glad you are feeling better today. It makes it all worth while when they say nice things . I went for counselling last year, and he said to me, "You need to stop thinking negatively about things." Yeah right, try living in my house for a day (silly man!). I think we should all say Hailey's phrase to ourselves each morning, "I ***** AM A POWER VITAL INTELLIGENT, MAGNIFICENT, CREATIVE, SEXY LADY AND A WONDERFUL MUM AND PARTNER TO MY LOVED ONES". Well said Hailey Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted February 20, 2006 yeah hailey must know who i am cos i am ALL those things!!see im thinking positive now Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
niki Report post Posted February 20, 2006 I dont think we ARE anonymous, we may have different names, and describe our children with different names, but you are hev, not just an internet handle. WE DO know each other, we know each other so much that we understand how tough this life can be, just because we dont "see" each other doesnt mean we arent all friends, so we understand and we CARE, so as a typical friend would, i send you buckets of HUGS xxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted February 20, 2006 I think we should all say Hailey's phrase to ourselves each morning, "I ***** AM A POWER VITAL INTELLIGENT, MAGNIFICENT, CREATIVE, SEXY LADY AND A WONDERFUL MUM AND PARTNER TO MY LOVED ONES". Well said Hailey Loulou x Absolutely Loulou HEV:yeah hailey must know who i am cos i am ALL those things!!see im thinking positive now Way to go Hev <'> <'> But don't forget to also say to yourselves when you are having a bad day the part that says " I"xxxxx" love myself even when I am a wetblanket, boring, having a bad hair day, look like cr*p, smell, depressed, lazy haven't achieved a thing, or feel like having a meltdown -I absolutely love myself when I am having one of those days <'> <'> <'> rejoice, rejoice As they say ACCEPT THE FEELINGS good or bad, then you don't become stuck, in that feeling Hailey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
