Meltdown/Tantrum?

[Pippin]

This may appear a really thick question....but is there a difference between a Meltdown and a tantrum. We've only had minor problems up to now but P (aged 7) is suddenly Tantrumming at the slightest whim. All he needs is one of us to say "no" when he wants something and he throws a complete toddler tantrum....right down to wailing loudly and shouting "it's not fair" all the time. This doesn't seem like the sensory overload meltdowns that others have. I tend to treat him as if he was a toddler when he does this....ignoring his behaviour or withdrawing other treats. This seems to work, which increases my suspicion that it's different from a meltdown. It's embarrassing in public of course, but I can handle that. Am I doing the right thing?

[Brook]

Hi Pippin,

 

This is only my own opinion on this, but I would describe a 'meltdown' that my son has, when his anxiety

rises and he loses the ability to cope with a situation or to understand a situation, the level of his meltdown

can increase very rapidly depending on what has triggered it, this can be a smell, someone laughing,

my son not understanding what someone has said, etc... I could go on.., sometimes there is no build up

and my son will display a sudden outburst of anger or frustration. Sometimes being over stimulated ends

up with my son going into meltdown. Basically there is always something behind his meltdowns and they cause

'him' alot of stress, there is always a trigger and it can be very easy sometimes to see what has sparked it,

and other times it's more difficult to work out the trigger.

 

My son can also have 'tantrums', if he wants a toy and I say 'no' he gets quite screamy and verbal,

but he does understand that he only gets a toy if we have pre-planned it so to speak. But you can see

a distinct difference in him from a 'meltdown' or a 'tantrum', a meltdown causes him to become really

emotionally upset, he starts talking or shouting out things that are totally off topic, he will shout out all the

things that wind him up, in the end he breaks down in tears and holds his head, we try our hardest to stop

it getting to this point but it's not always possible. With a tantrum, he tends to calm quicker, and after the

initial screaming it is soon forgotten.

 

Dont know if this makes any sense, but it does to me, I'm sure others will be along with their own

experiences of the two.

 

Forgot to add, that to onlookers I think 'meltdowns' look like 'tantrums', but delve deeper and in my

experience they are very different.

 

Brook

Edited April 4, 2006 by Brook

[jb1964]

Hi Pippin,

 

I can really only offer our personal experience.

For me when my daughter (she's 12) has a 'meltdown' (usually as a result of becoming extremely anxious and distressed over something) she completely loses control of herself and any reasoning. Once she has got to this stage nothing you say makes any difference because she isn't thinking rationally and she finds it difficult to interpret anything you say.

 

During this time she is usually screaming full pelt non-stop and this can last anything from 30mins to way over an hour - she can become violent, hitting, kicking and self harming herself - pulling her hair out, banging her head against a wall etc.

 

You can also see the fear in her eyes and she seems scared by what is going on - she also has loads of mucus develops and this poors from her nose and also from her mouth - this usually results in her coughing afterwards and her chest will then sounds wheezy (I've not heard anyone else say this happens so that may just be my daughter).

 

Afterwards she rarely remembers anything about it - especially if she has hurt herself or me - and will not talk about it.

 

This is totally different from just saying no to something - with my daughter it is about not understanding something or worrying about something.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited April 4, 2006 by jb1964

[Pippin]

Thanks both. I suspected as much. I suspect its more down to his immaturity really. He does respond to the sort of reaction which works with toddlers...which he wouldnt in the situations you describe. Thanks for your help.

Sue

[jen]

my son says a temper feels like he has pins and needles all over him. But a melt down is when the volcano explodes and he loses the ability to communicate via speech or touch.

Some tempers can lead to meltdown but it is very difficult. ASD children will push things and try to get things there own way.

 

 

Jen

[DaisyProudfoot]

I can only echo what jb said really as that describes Martin's meltdowns too. When he comes out of it he seems physically and mentally drained - and so are we! It's almost as if he crashes (like a computer) as if too much input just sends him into overload and the "crash" is the only way to reboot.

 

He has the strength of about 10 men when he's in meltdown (Pead says it's to do with the adrenelin released during a meltdown) and physically restraining him (he's 9) is becoming very difficult.

 

There is light though, as we learn more and more about his AS we are finding his "rages" as he calls them are becoming less frequent because we can manage him better and don't overload him anymore.

 

My toddler has tantrums and they are very different because he can be distracted - once Martin is in meltdown there's no getting through to him and we have to let it run its course.

 

Hope this helps

[Paula]

For me if my son can be talked round and bribed out of it then its a tantrum i guess.Because normally he wants something and theres a reason.

 

But a meltdown means theres n0o tlaking to him,no bribeing him,he screams ylls,is absolutley frantic and cannot remember let alone explaine what it was all about.These normally happen in corwded noisey places or when hes had to conform for long periods of time in an enviroment he finds stressfull.

[justamom]

For me if my son can be talked round and bribed out of it then its a tantrum i guess.Because normally he wants something and theres a reason.

 

But a meltdown means theres n0o tlaking to him,no bribeing him,he screams ylls,is absolutley frantic and cannot remember let alone explaine what it was all about.These normally happen in corwded noisey places or when hes had to conform for long periods of time in an enviroment he finds stressfull.

 

 

Well put Paula its exactly how i would have described it... meltdowns there is no distractions techniques that work and all hell breaks lose

 

Justamom

[Zemanski]

I suppose the difference is really that in a tantrum there is some sort of intent and control, in a meltdown the child loses control due to stress, you can preempt a meltdown by removing a child from a situation and very occasionally with distraction but mostly it's going to happen and often there is no warning.

 

Com is really scared by his meltdowns and hates the lack of control and regression.

 

Zemanski

[Pippin]

Thanks everyone, you've all been so helpful. I feel guilty bringing it up now that I hear from you what a REAL meltdown is like.

[asereht]

I can actually see in my sons face the difference between when he's just kicking off or whether he is in meltdown mode,as soon as it begins,in meltdown mode he gets a LOOK and it's like he's lost to me

( and himself sometimes) anyone else know what I mean?

[Bullet]

I don't know if Tom (age three in July) is old enough to have meltdowns as opposed to tantrums, but I do know that he does respond differently to some of them. Eg yesterday he had been watching the tv for half an hour and I switched it off. That provoked some tears, some stomping around and some grumbles, until I got him a drink (he was due for one anyway) That to my mind is a tantrum, as he was able to be distracted, was doing it because he wasn't getting his own way and it was more about asserting his wish.

However, today I was dropping off his younger brother at a friend's house to be babysat and when Ds1 realised that neither I nor him were going into the house he started screaming, kicking his legs, getting really upset and wouldn't calm down for ages. He hardly goes to this woman's house and I know that he would not be bothered if no-one was in the house. But he associates going to someone's house and knocking on the door with then going in. So the fact that we weren't was something he couldn't understand, which upset him. So that possibly might be a mild meltdown, although I'm not sure.

[smiley]

Pippin - Just wanted to say that although i can totally relate to what has been said about the difference between tantrums and meltdowns (can definitely spot the difference in my son), you shouldn't beat yourself up if your son is having tantrums. I was told by my son's psychiatrist that a child with ASD is around three years behind with certain parts of his/her emotional development. He may be 'just' having a tantrum - but it may well be that the cause of his frustration is related to his dx. <'>

[asereht]

He may be 'just' having a tantrum - but it may well be that the cause of his frustration is related to his dx. <'>

 

 

 

I agree

[curra]

Pippin,

 

When my son was a toddler he had lots of tantrums but no meltdowns, or maybe I could not see the difference. His tantrums ended with him crying and me having to leave with him to another place where he'd be alone with me so he'd calm down. I agree with the difference between meltdown and tantrums that have been already said. Now that my son is 12, I think that his tantrums (he still has them ...) are more controllable and I can talk about it with him , instead when he has a meltdown he has physical reactions like shaking, vomiting, headaches etc apart from the emotional outburst which is totally out of control.

 

Curra