Paula Report post Posted April 25, 2006 I went back to my drs yesterday and saw another dr as i want happy about the treatment my normal gp was giveing me. To cut a long story short im back on the happy pills/anti depressants.i had an awfull weekend fealing wretched. Thing is the dr says that im 37 and act like im 80 aparently everything i do is for other people and she says i need to do something purley for myself that only benefits me.She says i should retraine,or go to college and forget about how it will effect the family.Sh says my net isnt spread wide enough ect ect and no wonder im bored and depressed when all i focus on is the kids and home and husband. I tried to tell her it isnt that simple not in practice.My husband works long hours sometimes 60 plus a week,i cant leave my son alone,grandparent swont help and i cant afford child care so how on earth do you go about doing stuff that is soleley for yourself. Ive spent almost 20 years careing for a family and running a home its not that easy to suddenly think sod yer its me time. Ive to go back in 3 weeks she says ive to have made a list of me strenths and what i want to do with me life and have something positive to tell her. I know she meant well and stuff but shes no comprehension of what its like how limiting it is. Ill be glad when me pills kick in. Moan over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted April 25, 2006 Paula <'> <'> Sorry you feeling down at the moment.... perhaps she was thinking along the lines of a hobby that you could enjoy, and go to a class once a week to be around other adults like a craft usually they go for a couple of hours in the day once a week, or go to yoga once a week, just doing a couple of things Just for you... Even if its only 2 hours once a week, it does make a world of difference to how you feel. Making a list is good as it helps you open your mind to all the things you are good at or enjoy, otherwise you wouldn't have put effort into them over the years. I am sure there will be loads of great advice coming your way, and Paula doing a course just for you isnt selfish. Its Looking after you.... Hailey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zaman Report post Posted April 25, 2006 I'm sure that she is right that one of the reasons that so many of us suffer from depression on this forum is that we put ourselves last. I know that it is really, really hard to do - but it sounds like it is time to break out! Are there places near you where you can do courses in the day time so that you don't need to sort childcare? I've been doing a distance learning course since Jan, so that I can start to use my brain again, but end up on here all the time, just having a 5 min break! And of course it doesn't help with the isolation. The problem with the courses here is that being a carer doesn't qualify you for concessions, so I just can't afford the full fee. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted April 25, 2006 yeah it does sound good in theory having more me time dont it but actually doing it is not so easy,i find when im low i dont want to do anything,its a vicious circle isent it,your doctor does sound a good one though,my one just grunts at me,ive got to go again in morning for some happy pills,i find just meeting a mate for coffee in town makes me feel better,sometimes its just about getting out of the house,anyway good luck with whatever you do,im not much good at giving advice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel Report post Posted April 25, 2006 i did my maths gcse a few years ago. it took my mind off a lot of my problems and made me feel like i had acheived something. i cant really offer any advice just one o' these <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted April 25, 2006 What she has suggested you try to do may not seem achievable.........but maybe focus on doing just a little something........a small step at first may lead to larger ones in the future. <'> Hope you feel better soon, how is the toilet going has he been again?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted April 25, 2006 Hi Paula, Hope the tablets start helping soon!!!! I can understand what the doctor is saying but as you say it's not easy trying to get time out for yourself especially if you have no network of support around you. We only have one set of grandparents who can help and they look after the kids during the day as we both work full-time - I could never ask them to babysit of an evening and there is no-one else we can ask. I managed 2 hours 'time out' last week - the first time in over 2yrs and had a meal with some friends - managed at last to persuade hubby (he works hard long hours too so) to look after the kids as it was Easter he didn't have to worry so much about getting them to bed in routine!!!! (although you suffer for that afterwards). What she has suggested you try to do may not seem achievable.........but maybe focus on doing just a little something........a small step at first may lead to larger ones in the future. I think what Suze says makes sense and my objective is to get more than 2mins in the bath - where I relax rather than try to beat the world record at how quick can I wash my hair!!!! Take care and good luck!!! Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted April 25, 2006 How do you become more selfish? Ummm... Seeing as this is an autism (or Autism) forum, this seems a bit of a strange question. You could try learning from our kids - wonderful as they all are, altruism is a concept few of them can comprehend, let alone spell. I try to get a night off every 6 months or so and have just spotted that V for Vendetta (made by those Matrix boys) is on at the Imax in Bradford for the next 3 weeks See you there? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted April 25, 2006 When i get chance im going to check out the local tech and see what courses are on offer pt for adults.Im in a rut i guess and need to force myself to do something. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest flutter Report post Posted April 25, 2006 u need to find the "old" you, afore kids, and afore this life with our kids, and if u cant reinvent paula, small steps tho hope the pills kick in quick, cos then you may see a solution better <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted April 25, 2006 Here the Doctors can give you a "voucher" so you can get into the local gym for ?2 a session - if that is your kind of thing. I did it for a while - I was supposed to go three times a week - I said I would go twice, but I only usually managed once, as "life" got in the way. I have also done a Learn Direct computer course that was free. I think going anywhere different is good, as people get to know you as you, not just as a Mum. I am a school Governor, as this keeps my brain working, and makes me feel of some use other than as a Mum. Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
palgem Report post Posted April 25, 2006 hi there gemma here, im doing a home study course which is mainly government funded, and the best part is there is NO TIME LIMIT on how long it takes you to do it you can take as long as you like. im doing a btec advanced level 3 in travel and tourism but they also do computer courses all have recognised qualifications too. my job finished last july and i was terribly down but i knew i needed to do something and as my options were limited due to my own problems, a home study course was the ideal solution. i mainly do my work while the kids are at school,but i dont have to do too much even as little as an hour a day is fine u do it at your own pace and you dont get no hassle from your tutor either. as i do a lot of research on the net i usually get my son to help with searching web sites etc. still it isnt for everyone and i do have other reasons for doing it, but it has helped me enourmously and made me feel better and better able to cope with my son bye for now gemma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted April 25, 2006 A lot of courses are IT things though and im not realy interested in computery stuff or stuff that involves office type work. I gained qualifications in english,maths,french,chemistry,biology,home economics,classical studies and humanaties when i was at school a long long time ago ............ O levels in them all.Id love to do something in physcology or philosophy that type of thing or even do physics as i couldnt fit it in when i was at school. You know reading through them i sound resonable intelectual even if i do say it me sen im not that brain dead and daft after all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted April 25, 2006 (edited) Stained glass is a good course - arty, creative, includes history, physics and psychology (if done properly) and you get something beautiful at the end. And when you've finished the course it's just a short sideways step into orthoscopics (Ian Jordan's thing), which will be crying out for trained folk soon. nemo (a fool's gold mine of daft ideas) Edited April 25, 2006 by littlenemo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted April 25, 2006 Your local college should be having an open day/evening soon - why not go along and see what you might be able to do? Psychology is good. I enjoyed doing Pilates too - very relaxing. I am also collecting qualifications - one day they might be some use- lol! Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
