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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team


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Everything posted by Ferret

  1. greetings

    milo, i do believe the only logical solution is pen and paper for drafting, and not to resort to using one's best ink and vellum until one is content with the content - ha!
  2. greetings

    to all fellow Autlings wherever they may be on the spectrum, greetings! *raises paw in universal peaceful gesture* this forum looks pretty peaceful, if a little quiet, but nevertheless thought i'd add myself. more the merrier. see you around, if you're about... until then... *retreats back to burrow at underhill*
  3. greetings

    ugh. lost replies. the bane of the online communication process. this communication dimension is fraught with such events. hence i always put pen to paper in the first instance, then type out and save a copy, then 'post' online. the principle and framework of 'real world' dimension i carry over. i only view online dimension as similar to a post box. and we all know the anxieties surrounding putting letters in post boxes, even sticking our hands in the gap to ensure the lette r is 'in there' because we can no longer see it - where does it go?.... - and then wondering what alchemy the royal mail gets up to. i still am fascinated if i ever pass a royal mail delivery man at work with an open post box - gosh, the curiosity, but also the averted gaze slightly, as if one is tresspassing upon some collective privacy: peoples letters! so private. there is something taboo about post boxes... as for online, that is merely energy draining. it is not 'real' or sited in the reality, but rather converted into another form of energy. once lost, it is lost - but of course energy can neither be destroyed nor created, only transferred, so if 'lost', where does it go to? is there a 'lost response' room somewhere in the bowels of the electronic realm, the equivalent of the umbrella room at the lost property kiosk at paddington station....? but no fear. any reply from you is always a pleasure. and i totally understand the 'lost moment' of the response process: through repetition or attempted repetition the energy in the sponteneity and therefore the 'art' of the response, and its act, is lost.... time. it's all about time.... ....until such time we converse again, my very best to you as always f.
  4. my pleasure. that does sound like your son has experienced a typical 'meltdown'. often as autistics when we are struggling to find a solution to a problem we get overloaded and unfortunately we spill over the top. it's not nice for us and unfortunately not nice for those around us. it's just a case of understanding, and sometimes it takes a while for even us to understand our own processes as we just function differently in terms of emotions and how we organise the experiences we have. what appears irrational, is only because what we experience feels irrational to us. it's a just a reflection. we just try to find a logical route through the ilogical and we get frustrated and emotionally distressed as a result. often this manifests in very basic emotions like anger, tears etc etc. we remain, however, peaceful in our intention at all times. we're just afraid of what's going on around us and it's too much information. we are sorry that we can't communicate this to others for them to understand, and equally feel isolated that we are not understood. we then find strategies to minimise the effects of what we perceive to be 'wrong' eg. venturing out to get food from the kitchen when no-one is around. this is because we don't want to hurt others by our words or behaviour. we feel like 'inconvenience'. we are very sad, often, and we lack the ability to communicate this 'state' of mind and being. we do get there in the end, though. yup, this sounds and i see it as 'space-giving'. it's about boundaries. he's needing space and also trying to come up with the best solution for both sides to reduce conflict. resolution of his issues for himself are for him to deal with. obviously this is difficult to 'live with' from your side as you'll feel resentment of the house being treated like a hotel. but of course just bear with it. if it becomes untennable for you as parents, another solution must be sought for the benefit of everyone... as i'm sat here i'm thinking of possible solutions, perhaps if there are financical restrictions on him obtaining a home for himself, perhaps he could explore for himself ways of getting independent living. the nas may help with ideas on this. but obviously it's a case of you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. sooner or later, the solution will present itself. i think you need to give yourselves some reflective time and do what is right for you first, and then the middle ground between where you stop and your son starts will reveal itself. that boundary, for you and your son, is the most important thing, in terms of wellbeing for both sides. all the best. by all means do keep posting, i'm sure others will jump in and reply too. also, if your son wants to chat, here or other forums might be a good idea so he can connect with others like him. ps. here's a little something extra from an independent source that may give yet another perspective... psychologytoday.com/blog/presence-mind/201306/parents-grads-beware-the-enabling-danger-zone
  5. Undecided what to do next at college

    hello i would say that your son should do what he feels is most appropriate for him. i am a great one for having a go, and saying that, i am happy to explore my limitiations, or rather, i am happy to explore my world and take my limitations with me, so to speak. i do not see any reason why an examining board should not be able to make special consideration during an exam for the element of dsypraxia. examination boards make special consideration for people who are disabled, giving them extra time to complete. i would say this: that is it not how fast you are able to complete a task that is important, but rather, how well you complete a task and how well you understand it at the end of the day. a task undertaken with consideration and deliberation, and most importantly, with the wider context of application in mind, then that is BETTER. that is a craftsman's approach. and approach is everything. it takes several months to make a samurai sword. many times the making has to be abandoned, and restarted. this is not failure on the part of the maker, but rather part of the process. that is the nature of art. i think that if any course cannot accommodate the idea of special consideration then it is the wrong course. but i do not think that your son should abandon his ideas purely because one course cannot accommodate him. my best wishes to your son.
  6. hello woodlarker i am autistic. the following is my opinion, my perspective. please take what you find useful and discard or ignore the rest. without knowing the details of what triggered the disagreement, i cannot fully apply my autistic problem solving mind to the issue and identify perhaps where the conflict is - saying that, of course i would only have your side of it, but then i'd have to hazard a best guestimate as to your son's position. in all things, there are two sides to any dispute, disagreement or otherwise.... saying that, i can explore what you have outlined. there are two main areas that jump out. your son has returned from uni with a degree back into homelife. at uni, he no doubt explored independence and achieved self worth and self esteem for himself by completion of a degree. that validation on top, externally, by examiners to say "yes, you are x good enough" (x being the value of achievement in degree terms 2.2, 2.1, 1.1) will of course be an added perspective for him to reflect upon.... your son returns home..... why? why is he home? has he no-where else to go? can he not achieve employment? does he have to rely on you? has he failed in some way? now to your side..... your son goes away to uni and returns with a degree qualifcation after three years of intensive study and has to return to the family home, back into his bedroom, his childhood bedroom, because he ????? .......... <---and here is the gap in the information. NO, you do not have to tell me, these comments are only to aid reflection.... are you behaving in old patterns towards a now adult individual whom you previously treated only as a 'child'?<---YES, he is still your child, he always will be. flare ups do not mean that he doesn't love you. BUT, parents can be just as troublesome as teenagers can be for parents. often, for autistics, getting our message across can be a fraught business, even at the best of times, even with professionals we have to fight tooth and nail sometimes...... so he can't wait to leave...... why? what is stopping him from leaving now? <----this i think is the real issue here. the problem he can't solve or feels inadequate about. and potentially that subconscious inadequacy is being reinforced, not on purpose, not with intention by you, but that is what is happening in a broader sense. so he wants to leave. that's his intention. he wants independence again.... why? what has taken that sense of independence away???? he is still the same person with a degree who has achieved but..... ?????? where did the sense of self empowerment go? where did the adult go? why is there suddenly a child again in its place????? i think neither your son nor yourselves as parents are deliberately creating this conflict situation. it is, as always with everything, a matter of communication and miscommunication, and listening and understanding perspectives. it's about roles, adult, child, parent. it's about who we are in any given situation. if your son just wants to stew in his bedroom and eat cornflakes, and you are happy to give your son what he needs and support him with a roof over his head and a safe space until he can work things out for himself, then why not just do that? why not just do the bear minimum? why not ask his permission if you want to do something for him, ask him: what do you need? we would like to help. and of course that help must be unconditional. if it comes with: you do this and do as your told because you are in our house our rules etc. etc. then that's just treating someone like a child and you need to ask yourself: would you do that to a friend who was in distress? as you can see, there are perhaps too many variables in the mix for me to be able to give an accurate reflection or analytical perspective on this. however, i will say that from personal experience of situations of major conflict with my parents over the years, it is often the case that best intention is always there, on both sides. a desperate need in the autistic to reconcile who they are with need to please the parent, and a desperate need in the parents to give to their child (any solution, even food) in order for their child to be happy. i hope the above does in some way provide even a tiny bit of information useful, if not, my apologies.
  7. greetings

    indeed! i am watchful. i do not go to the dark side. when it manifests, in ways which are detrimental to my health and wellbeing, i am so 'life' battle-weary that my old wounds 'flare up' and stop me from doing further damage to myself. harmony i seek, it finds me and keeps drawing me back - my 'labyrinth' (for want of a better visual term both in 'insight' terms/meaning and psychological terms/meaning, and mind/body terms/meaning), that i walk all the time: to centre and return, and in and out again - this is becoming more harmonious, it's pattern more embedded every time it is returned to and walked. anything other, that which does not have that natural shape, is eroded away with persistence of practice towards truth. note - this sofa comment you make, you remind me of my chiropractor, as they have a comfy sofa.... for a moment there i thought you were them sending me a coded message. silly brain i have!!! yes, i do 'see'. literally. in my head, simultaneously as i focus my external eye on the world around me. my insight is linked to my external sight. my foresight then comes through too. i have developed and trained myself to practice these ways of seeing. i have developed my observational skills - "you see but you do not observe, Watson" - Sherlock Holmes - i have trained an already instinctive and natural autistic ability to observe detail into a sharper blade.... i have sharpened my ability. the turn of phrase in english language when two people are in conversation "oh, i see what you mean"<---this actually occurs /in/ me, in my head, when i reach deep understanding of a 'thing', i call this moment assimilation. and it is another way of seeing. i bring into myself knowledge and make it part of me. this is done by. i literally /see/ the answer, and i catch a glimpse of the structure of it, and how that knowledge then fits into the bigger structure/picture. like a jigsaw piece. i then have the composite picture in my head. it then adds to insight and the ability to hone and develop insight. i also think this is closely linked to being able to open up the channel between conscious thought, subconscious process and unconscious held knowledge. that ability to switch off or direct conscious thought off so that one only experiences the direct connection between mind/body and experience externally and internally<---this point is purity of existence, i think. this is truth. i seek that harmony. i 'see' lots of patterns: patterns of behaviour (psychology), patterns in language (linguistics codes), patterns in art or the visual world (systems of subliminal codificationn) patterns in nature (organic codes and cycles of flow, and sacred geometry of course and mathematical representations of harmonic structures of energy systems) .... the list goes on. much of the behaviour and language codes give me insight into peoples personalities, especially online as the written 'code' is very easy to read, i'm not so good at spoken as my hearing/speech is not good, those input/output ports for want of a better analogy, are slow on the download; i thus appear 'slow' or 'dumb' or 'thick' or 'naive' or 'rude' or ..... when i discovered i was a polymath, it was the patterns which led me towards that self understanding and self truth; likewise towards my discovery i was autistic, as i applied logic principles, and techniques of disassociation, in order to examine my own thought patterns. i removed the false perspective imposed upon me by abusers, peer groups, historical experiences etc, and by employing a combined process of mathematical probability exclusion principle and disassociation, i was able to 'prove' myself. it worked exceptionally well. i effectively 'cured' myself of 'error' and brought myself back to myself; a psychological healing for want of a better description. as a result, i now know that 'pattern', the pattern of dis-ease and illness, and also its solution pattern. one of the (many) things i do in my every day life, is help people through that process of self-healing, if they are on that journey, and if they ask, give them assistance towards seeing their own pattern and discovering their own self-truth. as patterns can be transpositional ie. truth is truth whatever the medium it is expressed in, what i have discovered is that the basic principles and pillars of truths, be they expressed in mathematics, quantum physics, language and meaning and dialects etc, art, music, science etc etc. everything, at every level, from the micro to the macro, is an expression of the same thing. this spiro-graphic geometry you mentioned, i see that in my mind's eye at your mentioning of it, as the DNA of truths; truths being multiplicities of course: 1, 2, 3, 5 etc etc... this is why one is able to add, as you have, additional descriptors... the interaction of two people creates this DNA spiro-geometry; a positive helix from which other positive expression can branch off. the parasite <--i have no other expression or word for what i am trying to say) which becomes attached to that DNA, subverts the purpose and energy of the exhange and lo, we get the likes of the NAS upgrade... a collapse of the torus field, as it were... so in short, yes; yes, i 'see'; yes, i see 'it'<--whatever you wish to call 'it'). i see it. i can see. doesn't do me any good, it sets me apart, i am an aberration, even it seems amongst my own kind, speaking a language few understand. you seem to be the only other i have met or spoken with that perhaps shares or can access this parallel perspective, or level(?) of perception. i know i speak and see the world in such a different way. i am able to see truth, and it puts me at odds or in conflict with the nt world. nts like the lie, the fantasy, the distortion. i can't work out the 'why' of that yet.. i was born like this. i am merely maturing. i am joyous i have found myself, but saddened also that i am a unicorn effectively, i experience acute loneliness and isolation at the same time as quietly enjoying the beauty of a flower. i think this acuteness is part of the price of knowing and understanding. ps. dyslexia rules me too. i am known for my 'wordsoups'. i have a linguist friend and we discuss at length the deeper structures of language. we touched on dyslexia and its evidence towards not a 'wrongness' but an insight into an 'art' of language in terms of evolution and dialect in itself. interesting. they and i will be discussing this nas site issue from a linguistic point of view in the near future, as this conversation you and i are having has kicked off something interesting in terms of the a/r relationship in language exchange and evolution.... but more on that come the time... no, you haven't misinterpreted. the misinterpretation lies with me and my employment and use of a term inappropriate for my needs of expression. so yes, polarities: you are right, it is not correct/incorrect. no, i'm not happy with this term i have employed either, as i am fully aware that there is the natural disposition of positive negative and that the connotations of applying a dualistic term is not really appropriate. even when i used it, it was already in my mind that it was an inappropriate descriptor, as its inherent VALUE has triple functionality (as you outline in the R, P, P = triangle, tryskelion, triquetra, yellow, F). i want to find a term/descriptor/value that more accurately expresses what i 'see'. polarity is, as you say, carries with it the inter-phasic connotation. i want something NON-interphasic, OR, something which is /inverted/???? has a scattering effect in terms of energy <---and i'm not talking entropy here, which is a natural order of energy dissipation as part of a cycle of death, rebirth etc. what i'm talking about in terms of polarity /has no rebirth/ cycle, it is perpetually NON = it is a destruction/destructive process, rather than naturally entropic end result process. it is undoing, it is breaking down, it is non-organic process. it is the dark side of the force.... if we take the perspective of mathematics for a moment to help examine 'polarity', and seek to quantify 'polarity', the term definitely does not function well in absolute terms, it possesses too much stability. i need something more..... illogical!!! inorganic!!! parasitical.... i need... arrrgh!!! i can't see it, it's there but it defies logic... 4. this what you say here, this fantasy issue you identify. yes, very much so. out of touch, is a terminology i would employ here, and draw from somatic practice the physical expression: people lose touch with real, as the practice of self-validation is unreal. they seek to touch that which does not exist. a reaching out of a hand into the void. always unobtainable. perpetually out of reach. desperation and a sense of need ever present then in the person forever reaching and grasping, and a voiceless cry "validate me, make me real in my eyes for i do not exist otherwises, let me see myself through your eyes but only perfected, not flawed, apply a filter and erradicate everything 'real', everything 'organic' and analogue, everything sinusoidal ..." and yes,! there it is! the feedback loop! we see instantly how the effect of the embedded psychology is already at work, subverting constructive purpose towards destructive and damage ego-centric viewpoint. the focus shifts to validation of self. what a nightmare! the digitial medium co-opting and amplifying a state of psychosis, or pre-disposition for psychosis??? changing of brain-waves? hm.... and i will add a note here: that the internet, the 'aether' of the unreal, that medium, seems to amplify or act as an amplfier of the (message) negative** or rather plays upon and draws out that which may(?) already be in the human. if so, why and how, as its result is so non-beneficial. **(? arrrgh there's that polarised terminology again, perhaps my own autistic black/white thinking point of view at work here, i need to meditate upon this to see better) also: yes, absolutely, my suspicion is that you and I are speaking about and 'seeing' the same thing, but how we 'express' what we 'see' ie. what dialect? tone? frequency? of language/words we use/employer is purely a linguistic 'accent' for want of a better term/meaning.<---this then reflective of the 'landscape' and 'region' of personal experience, our place and space we occupy in time, our age etc. etc. as for avatar images as evidence /of/ this worrying egocentric pattern on the nas site; again, yes, it doesn't take long, does it, for the rot to set in and the emphasis of the site, its use, to begin to be subverted. i think i touched on this in my outline in my original reply, that it would eventually become an ego-echo chamber, a void, devoid of anything constructive. much like a snake eating its own tail, a negative (? arrrgh there's that dualistic term again) process, rather than an positive cycle. process v cycle <---this opposing polarity, one is unproductive, one is productive. even a cycle has entropy, ebb and flow, whereas process in and of itself is... going nowhere, just round and round, stagnating, achieving nothing else other than its own perpetuation. it does not evolve, because it cannot accommodate variables. it is a straight line 5. posed look at me<--- i will pause and examine this evidence (of what you instinctively/subcosciously see) and which reveals itself in your words for a moment, this truth. yes, the medium is the message, thus:- look at me, validate me, externalised viewpoint image created not for self viewed by self as expression of self, but rather as projected idea of self TOWARDS another or other person's mind. FALSE VALUE!!! i recall now the thread on the nas site where an op was discussing their difficulties with their emerging self, and their process of struggling to shake off the false truths in light of their discovery that they were autistic. their truth was emerging, as was their consciousness. i mentioned the distortion of the mirror image given by others to the self, a fractured identity of perspective of self. you jumped in at that point, and if i recall wrote a one line response, something of the ilk: yes this is it. <---those weren't your exact words, i'm not putting words in your mouth here, but the essence of your reply was that this mirror/distortion/perception issue was where it hits the nail on the head.. in light of the above recollection, i propose the nas upgrade /is/ the distorted mirror in practice. it is a reflection in and of itself of a psychology deeply flawed and damaging in practice. at a subliminal level, in a visual sense, it is awful. it is that which i seriously have issues with, as users will be exposed to this CONFIRMATION and REPEATED MESSAGE being sent/seen/used. etc. i find it.... so wrong. so damaging. the mirror i see as: person-centric personae personality validation by others rather than self peer pressure rather than self-guiding and self-reflecting addictive and paranoid self-surveillance and self-censoring rather than self-reflecting and insightful omnipresent externalised perception of self rather than insightful contracting energy and scattering of energy rather than expanding and renewing thus:- there is no self, self ceases to exist and is supplanted by hive mind/dominant personality values. self is invalidated and lives in a constant state of anxious need and doubt. without constant 'feeding' or 'acknowledgement' from external sources there is no self<--this is where the addiction to keep checking social media comes into play). the ability to say to oneself "I am" and to trust that simple acknowledgement of state of being in and of oneself, to essentially BE, with no other need or want, to BE in the moment<--this no longer exists! the self ceases to exist<---what horror! so then the result is one must be constantly acknowledged to exist!?!?! ye gods!!! what new level of hell is this?!?! identity dies. individuality dies. or rather, becomes invalidated. the mirror is fractured and distorted. the feedback (in terms of energy) is destructive - and again, i'm not talking destructive as in a natural order term here, like entropy. this is where i am seeing polarity (eek! that word again) it is an unnatural flow of energy in directional terms. it is feeding back <--how ironic that all social media is about 'feedback' - vote me up or down, validate me, rank me, feed my ego, let me live, give me purpose to live *shudders at the thought* 5. weirdly strange <---this is a "why" hiding in here. 'see' why. i 'see':- weirdly strange = not the person, the image is not the person but the bigger psychology of an egocentric pattern of paranoia, the externalised self validation pattern = no-self pattern thus:- i look at an image /of/ a person. i cannot validate them as i make no judgement and no comparative ego validation (as i am autistic) as i do not speak that language in a visual sense. it means nothing to me. it's embedded code is meaningless. i do not function on that level. i require no feedback, i cannot give it at that level. i do not function that way. note: my avi here is a ferret, a white one, in a circle. the connotive meaning in that visual language is defined as:- ferret = tenacious thinker and survivor; love, love of animals; fun, frolicking; shamanic meaning of ferrets as guides, spirit guide; white, purity of spirit; circle, purity of form, simplicity, oneness the ferret expresses that which i am at a level of being which only some people will connect to and understand. it is and acts as an expression of my personae, but only one facet of that persona, which is multitudinous. it therefore acts like a tool, but also protects me. it is not ego. it is id. my choice is based on my desire to express that which is /unseen/ rather than that which i want people to /validate/ me as. i am already ferret, in my ferretness, it is constant. 6. will be diminished - ina nutshell, yes. and you and i right now are not having this conversation there, are we? so QED.... also: the hubris loop/pattern - the nas will become compromised by hypocrisy. 7. accepted in full. 8. it was reported - ah, there we are, the medium is the message. reported? hm. by who and to whom? forgive my scepticism, i am too old in the tooth for this bs, as it has walked past my garden gate too often and i say: if there's a whiff, and it ain't horse, it's bull... i take this perspective that as the app is driving this decision for the upgrade it is this pattern: the cigarette defining the shape of the packet... 9. accepted in full. 10. it is this normalised abuse issue where my line has been reached. i call it my exclusion by inclusion principle, thus:- "you exclude yourself by not participating", a typical abuser tactic of pushing responsibility for the flaw/error away from themselves onto others around them. again, this is the feedback loop ego pattern at work. same as:- "some people find change difficult; try to fit in." comments, gah!!! the emphasis on the feedback is the "you"<--this is very directed. the 'you', the individual, are the problem and exclude oneself, where the truth is that one cannot participate as there exists unconscious bias towards exclusion. it's like saying a person who can't walk excludes themselves from attending the concert because they can't climb the steps to the opera house. they are then told to 'fit in' and arrive early so they can be carried in or make other arrangements. etc etc. it's just not right... this is why i cannot support by proxy a system which is inherently bias. i would be perpetuating that abuse of myself, i would become my own abuser. 11. again, i admire your 'tenacity', i cannot do the 'forgive bit'. i do forgive, and take the overview, but when it comes down to practical application in the field at the front line, there is a line with me where i have to say: no, not acceptable. yes, this collective abuse is at work. the distorted mirror. i cannot support abuse by proxy, as i see it. like you, i preach what i practice. i would feel totally compromised using the nas site. and yes, i am doing my bit in saying "i have reached my limit" where the nas site is concerned. you may find it interesting to know that following your original reply to me here, the next day i happened to be in my local organic shop and lo! the proprietor and another customer were engaged in a discussion on the very same subject you and i had been here: the upgrades in social media carrying with them not very nice effects. i mentioned you in passing, not by name or personae, but explored your contribution and viewpoint. they thought it enlightening. they also agreed, with both you and i, that all is not well in the world of 'social media' upgrades. also, and this i did find interesting, this very issue we have been exploring was aired on Radio 4 in relation to the damaging effects of social media and the embedded psychology i highlighted. so you see again, i hope, that in some quarters, there is already a shift in perception. 12. missing number, no reply required. 13. yes. agreed, but the message must not be lost. the upgrade erodes the message. 14. ah, you are walking your labyrinth, i see. yes. interesting. wise. and agreed, as i also walk heel to toe. since i become self aware of my autism, i have been able to shed much malarkey; add to that shedding of other things and i am still emerging from my chrysalis, though slip into bad habits like rushing about at a million miles an hour, which i call my seven percent solution days... but ah! brother-mine, this case is well solved, methinks, barely a 5, and will continue to solve itself. but i am ever vigilant against that nemisistic entity that goes by the name of moriarty; i see his hand in this nas upgrade; and if not directly then indirectly, the shadow of that spider at the centre of its web. the game is on!
  8. Son abused at YCMA gym

    ps, many apologies for the smiley faces, seems an autocarrot icon is at work, smiley faces should be annotative : b )
  9. Son abused at YCMA gym

    hello mina i am autistic. please take all which follows as open opinion. keep what you consider useful, ditch the rest. i too had similar experience parallel as a child, though not with ymca. saying that, and i hope without confirmation bias at play, i would comment as follows: your child is courageous and intelligent for speaking up and speaking out. i personally address this message to him: you are not alone. you did the right thing by speaking up. you know you are not wrong, and that is why you spoke up about this. you know that what you feel inside is the real you speaking up for what is right. and you know that the bad feeling is the bit that is wrong, and that is NOT you that is wrong. the bad bit that makes you feel awful and afraid, is NOT you. you are NOT wrong. you are NOT bad. you are NOT a sinner. the information you have been given is WRONG. you are right, the information is wrong. therefore, you are NOT wrong. as regards how to proceed, i would if in your position, write to the ymca and bring the matter into the light and to their attention. i would highlight the extent of the damage caused, both in emotional and psychological terms. i would also impress upon those recipients of the letter that although i was aware nothing could be done, at the same time as a matter of moral and ethical standpoint, this issue must at least be put in writing for the benefit of a) reflection the future. and i would leave it at that and in their court. whist you have approached the police, and taken their best advices, i would also include that fact in your letter. i would also send a copy to my local mp. to get something on record is sometimes all that one can do. i find it astonishing however, that there is no up-line from the police or follow up on this matter. i would be enquiring what their protocols were in such events of "unsubstantiated claims" of verbal or emotional harrassment/bullying etc. there is somewhere, a duty of care breach here, as far as i can see. who that rests with, i cannot say: the ymca? jointly local authority and ymca? despite all this, i would also explore the ideas closely associated with a) paranoia post traumatic stress (and disorder) and seek help from the gp towards some counselling or supportive guidance. c) grief counselling - this is particularly good as its principles are broad and deal with trauma. as a whole, i would say the worst is over, because your child has spoken out. now one can move forward and the cycle of abuse embedded in thought and instilled in your son has been broken. that's a good thing. he is very courageous. a note about self-esteem: no-one can take anything away from a person. self-esteem, self-worth, etc is always there. it never goes away. it can be silenced, it can be doubted, it can be suppressed by fear or ridicule, bullying, peer pressure, or even pain both psychological or physical. but esteem and worth never go away. they are always there. it is just a case of re-discovering that truth of the self, that validation of the self, by the self, for the self. this can be done by speaking out, speaking truth to power, and doing so in a supportive environment that reflects the truth back to us. ultimately we remain true to who we are, we always return to ourselves however long the detour may be or have taken. we always find our way back to ourselves. i trust the above helps in some way.
  10. greetings

    yes, i'm not competitive, i'm inclusive. i'm only competitive with myself, and that comes in the form of having a deep seated 'knowing'? or drive to learn as much as i can; that's my 'mission', for want of a better term, my 'inner directive'. and yes, here we havit = the embedded psychology at work; that being:- externalised validation/self-worth derivitive pattern ** which is non-selfsustainable<---which of course is a negative construct, one which then feeds into discordant matricies, in particular addictive/addition pattern*** as for the polarity, there is a positive/negative polarity active in all patterns which i shall mention later ** the opposite of course being a dynamic flow process, and self sustainable ***i'm restricted by this medium to words only but would draw out the patterns 'longhand' as the geometry of them is complimentary twards understanding at a deeper level, but for now, just bear in mind that when i employ the term pattern, i am 'seeing' patterns quite literally so back to mentions<---again, i'm equally as disturbed by this development and it is but one of several red flags for me; here is evidence of the subverting/subversion i was talking about in my replies 1. and 2. above i see it as polarity. and i will explore what i mean by poliarity, thus:- if we consider for one moment polarity of interactions as positive or negative both in inception and outcome, and 'see' or envisage in our minds this 'flow' of polarity as it impacts on the experience of the interactors, we can then examine the user and op exchange in any given instance thus:- op comes to site with query query is replied/answered to by collective contributors (collective contributors are a variable value in this instance) op can then decide freely, based on their own personal individual value set (that being created by emotion/logic/experience etc) which reply/answer best suits them or 'fits' Note: obviously at this point any 'ongoing topic discussion' between contributors can occur and often does and generally feeds off into other threads.... but the main op thread remains intact as a result.<--so we return to the main op thread here... the op goes away happy, their query answered/replied <--note the change of emphasis on poliarity value here r/a becomes a/r) and the a/r is constructive irrespective of being deemed right or wrong (r/w) the a/r can then be added to the archive IF key content is derived by the collective contributors and agreed upon to be or have VALUE<---this is important, as WORTH and VALUE are two different yet closely polarity driven markers. if W and V are both positive, then this maximises the positive effect on the collective whole being and organism, be that organism individual or collective or social... so, in the above polarity construct the FOCUS of energy remains /towards/ the op. the op is the focus. the intention is positive outcome. the intention remains to SOLVE THE PROBLEM. now we look at the new upgrade and it's polarity, thus:- op comes with query query is replied to<---note, there is no answer value here it is at this point where the poiarity is changed as it is now in feedback loop<--ego driven feedback is now onto the contributors, the energy of focus is DISSIPATED by ranking and voting up, and mentioning. the energy is spread and scattered rather than focusing on the op's issue the energy is competitive and diverted and focus is lost and instead users begin the addition pattern as the feedback loop continues:- they check how they are ranked, etc etc. rather than having a collective focus, there is now a 'we are competitive' focus. competitive v collective op decision is subverted. there is no longer the a/r value and therefore no archive as a result as WORTH and VALUE is no longer present, but instead INDIVIDUATED AND INDIVIDUALISED. <----the emphasis of the site is subverted and destroyed at this point and rendered defunct the op cannot achieve decision and is therefore subverted by peer pressure/opinion. the op's individual self-worth and self-esteem pattern is undermined eg: i disgaree with the information but everyone is voting it up and the person who posted is a top contributor and ranked top.... note: the ego drive to contribute becomes exponential and FUELS the pattern, thus:- site traffic increases therefore creating a "the site is popular therefore it must be 'working well'/'be right'/'be what people want/'is popular'<---this last being a munchausen by proxy construct as one designs a site with embedded psychology for a popularity contest, then wow! lo! behold! a popularity contest is what one ends up with... note: popularity contests become self-moderating, self-censoring in the end. something to bear in mind.... a balance? or a choice? either way anything would be better. but my position remains thus:- a) if auts were listened to or their position understood, then an upgrade consulatation would already have occurred /OR/ consideration in practice already given. this is not the case, and never would have been. we are in an nt world, after all. b ) i will not and cannot support by proxy, ie i will not use or contribute to something because that is all that there is. it is not all that there is. it only exists BECAUSE it is used. if it were not used, it wouldn't exist. the "change is difficult" patronage really is indicative of the general nt world i inhabit and i cannot support that attitude or perspective in practice. i live it every day. NO. change is not difficult, dischord is<----- and i have long challanged the idea or myth regarding change being difficult for auts as i think it is a dischord issue - and in the case of nas site upgrade perfectly demonstrated in practice. change is not the problem. neither are auts reactions to change a problem. you can demand anything of me!!! and yes, ask too. if i can help or assist, i will. i am merely deeply disappointed by the nas position and decision, but already had growing reservations regarding my continuing support there - something about the emphasis was/is wrong... the upgrade was the last straw for me. and yes, i am done with being patronised, therefore i will withdraw my support and contribution by proxy of a system i am fundamentally at odds with, even on a daily living basis, it's bad for my health and well being. i would not be able to continue helping people, being a mentor and guide, and other things, if i did not practice what i preached. i do predict that the nas site will suffer and merely become an echo chamber for egos now... i am done with being excluded by inclusivity-by-default. i am autistic. i am not nt. i don't see why i have to keep trying to fix and fit to fix that which is not my problem, or have to suffer its imposition upon me. i chose a different path... saying that, my goodness i do admire your tenacity to keep going. you're made of sterner stuff perhaps. but i would say, do keep an eye on your wellbeing. if it starts to erode, walk away...
  11. greetings

    my dear dp - yes, methinks satre would have much to say on the matters of hell created by other people.... what he would make of nas website now, we can only wonder... i mean, pink! for god's sake, pink! my 'sherlock' is repelled! re your app - yes, it seems like this situation now with the nas site is a 'windows 8' scenario: your app, i see, being an xp 'shell' equivalent fix to an otherwise visually intolerable front-end that serves no other purpose than 'cladding'<-- a term which i know is controversial in the current climate, but i will use it because it is apt and goes to the heart of the matter, methinks... re other issues with the site and my presence there - i am in two minds about this currently (or rather 3, 4, 5 to the power of n-minds); i will explore in brief, thus:- 1. upon examination of the current upgrade - i find the competitiveness built into the front end particularly disturbing; the ranking of people as top contributors, the 'quanifying' of users in terms of: points, top ranking percentages, site leaders <--seriously? the connotations are awful and could be subverted dreadfully; any unsuspecting soul coming to the site could easily infer erroneously that any user on the site 'ranked' and 'leading' was in fact, a leader of some sort???? this embedded psychology subverts the natural order (and also genuine intention, i would suggest) of people using and contributing to the site. for example: instead of a person coming to the site to engage positively in assisting others to arrive at self-discovery and experience a network of collective opinion and experience, instead we now have a competitive 'social media' experience, where the ego drives the contribution, and judgement of worth is based on precepts embedded in the site's 'shell' by way of rank, leaders, etc. etc. even the voting up and down sets a dangerous precedent and i see quite clearly that this type of heirarchical and peer dominated and directed social construct does not contribute in any positive way towards creating a 'resource' hub for people to come to when in dire need. 2. the emphasis of the site has been subverted - it is no longer a resource led or driven construct but one which is now competitive and 'social'. it's focus is social, its function has therefore been subverted. focus and function, if not in synnergy, will create fractures in the supportive framework of any intended structure. its purpose therefore becomes unsupported. it fails.. 3. personal contributions towards improving the site - it is evident to me that until we - autistics - are in the decision making position, all effort is either attritional or additional. to make addition to the site by way of posting etc, is to submit (no pun intended) to the format. i choose. i have a choice. i elect not to contribute directly to the site. i cannot support something that i find so intrinsically flawed, as i outline in 1 and 2 above. there is something very wrong. as much as i would like to help others of my kind, i would be lost in the 'noise' of that site, as that is what the new upgrade has created: noise. visual noise. noise distorts the message. it is so loud, it's deafening. it's too much information<---ha! how ironic that a site supposedly representing autistics (? hm) could suffer from the very thing that autistics struggle so much with: overload.... visual and sensory and data overload. there is no clarity present. the visual connotations reflect thinking which is non-autistic and therefore not autistic friendly or supportive. bad call, say i. saying all that above, i will always be available to support my fellow cat-beings. but not on the nas site. i may, if absolutely demanded, jump in occasionally, but for now, it's lost me; and that's not my fault. i see too many comments reflective of how autistics are treated: change is difficult (so patronising from the mods); and 'try to adapt' type comments from autistic users (so typical). i vote no.
  12. One word association

  13. greetings

    dear god almighty what new level of hell is the nas site?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? utterly impenetrable. and it was bad enough before. fur coat no knickers. all front no back. no longer a resource, more an exercise in how to hide the nuts. wood for trees. needles in haystacks. book me an appointment at the optomotrists i need to check i haven't developed glycoma - eyestrain much!!! the nts win again. a site for nts, run by nts. and so the push to the boundaries continues.... the natural organic growth will find root elsewhere methinks... rip nas forums...
  14. greetings

    in other news, god almighty i go off to solve a case and come back and find nas site completely changed and utterly eye-crossing. my autistic brain can't make head nor tail of it. utterly 'unautistic'. well done nas.
  15. greetings

    damn! many apologies, dp. a case of most urgency had taken me off, i was deep undercover. i've let you down in your hour of need because of contact restrictions via online etc. this must be remedied at some point. if you would like me to 'sherlock' the issue for you anyway, do let me know. dm me, and we can talk en privé (not sure if that requires a follow or...?) regarding other ways to get hold of me if i'm deep undercover on a case. hope this finds you well, regardless. ferret.
  16. The Autistic Dictionary

    i'm sticking this topic here in this forum so as not to clog up any other. reason: because this might merely be one of what i call my midnight madness thoughts and by morning what seemed like a brilliant flash of inspiration turns into some horror that resembles the previous nights leftovers and ultimately gets consigned to the bin of lost causes. so here we go: i have been lurking about and around, as ferret's are want to do, and sometimes frequent NAS answering queries and questions over there etc etc. it struck me that i seem to be answering the same questions over and over again; the same topics keep coming up. it's getting a little repetitive, which is not a problem in itself, but it has highlighted either a) that people generally don't know how to phrase a question to google and do research; and b)) information about ASDs and all that entails being autistic is mostly i) conflated either by mis-information or poor diagnostics from the medical profession and academia/academics in the field ii) produced by NTs also: someone on NAS raised the issue of where to get to advice etc. as there seems to be a bit of gap when it comes to how to get the right information if a) one is newly diagnosed; b)) an adult having being diagnosed, as this does not appear to be on the map/radar - i concur here as my personal journey has been something like that of gandalf in the archives of minas tirith... but i digress. so: your thoughts please on the viability of creating/compiling a dictionary of autism. this would include everything, even down to bitter chocolate etc. an include things like false cures etc. myths about autism etc. this dictionary would be compiled by us, we, autistics, and much like a dictionary, be A-Z, with definitions etc. eg. bitter chocolate - excellent source of fibre, reputed to have the effects of.... you catch my drift.... i hope so your thoughts? if any?
  17. site working now? hi there,im from manchester

    no problem, proudautie. no, the avi is not my personal ferret - i chose the avi because the shape and the spirit animal representation of my inner ferret-like nature. to change your avi--->: go to profile. where the avi is on the left hand side, you will see a small square box. if you hover the cursor over that small box you will see is is the 'profile photo'. click to select the profile photo. you then have options: photo type --> upload photo & with that 'choose single file' <---it is important to get the size of the file correct. so check that the image you wish to upload isn't too large. the maximum file size is 0.1mb. the type of file is also important, as the density of the image will make the file size larger. either drag and drop the file image you want to upload, OR, you can select 'choose single file'. if you select choose single file, this should then automatically open your 'download' folder on your device/computer, and you can select your image file from there. i did have to try several times to upload an image as there were goblins and gremlins in the process. if you have any difficulties at all, just contact LUFTY - you will find his details here-->
  18. site working now? hi there,im from manchester

    hello proudautie yes, this site has been down recently - a tech glitch which the tech faeries have fixed by the looks of it *leaves faerie snacks* please don't feel discouraged if this site is quiet, or you think no-one is responding to your post etc. because of reasons 'other'. also this site is quiet, but as autistics we tend to be that way unless we are on a subject, so there are flurries of activity etc. occasionally. there is also the NAS forum, where people occasionally post/share/or offer help to others, including families etc. there are rules there however about giving out personal informatione etc, so do familiaries yourself and read the rules there if you choose to try it out... i love all animals too. and nature. i have a cat too. do pet 'mr shadow' your cat in greetings for me. a pleasure to meet you.
  19. Social Anxiety and confidence

    hello tdewar. firstly, congratulations on your successful completion of your uni course. now on to the other issues you've outlined. whilst i cannot give 'the solution' in terms of advices, i can perhaps outline perspectives that you may or may not have considered. please take all of which follows as autistic rambling and thought. i'll deal with each issue under broad umbrella categories, almost like a venn diagram as they insect, so perhaps best to consider them as gestalt rather than absolutely separate. 1. anxiety - being autistic, one's anxiety stems from the stimulus issues eg. over-stimulation, sensory overload etc. as you mention, the unfamiliar heightens or exacerbates sensations of anxiety. it often helps to at least be aware that what we experience in terms of anxiety is 'normal' for us. yes, that doesn't much help with the anxiety, nor stop it, as we are sensory beings, but it does at least help to know /why/, and then not turn one's thinking in upon oneself in a 'there's something wrong with me, people don't like me because xyz'; this distorted self-perception can be very damaging so it is best to be aware of the pitfalls and not fall into them. a fear of being judged can feed into this, and i will deal with that aspect later on... 2. the social ideals - one must be aware of the false ideal when it comes to life and self. the false expectations created by the idea that there is a perfect blueprint to follow when it comes to being a 'successful' person is a social construct and a lie. this gives rise to the sense one is 'missing out' on something, and 'life is passing by' because one has not achieved a benchmark. the tickboxes of this false social construct place unnecessary pressures on individuals to achieve that which is unachievable eg. success, a perfect partner, a perfect homelife, a perfect job, happiness etc. these are false ideals, and it is false thinking. it is a trap, a pitfall, and one that many people fall into. the result is this pressure to achieve that which is unachievable, and when in that mindset, the added pressure creates an exhausting effect on the individual. it's like a dog chasing its own tail; one just ends up going round in circles and berating oneself for failures which are irrational. so throw away the idea away. 3. other people and the dating game - consider for one moment one's expectations, a) in regards to oneself and then in respect of others. now ask the question: what do you want? this question can be applied to a) and b). if disparity exists between a) and b), there will be incompatibility present (evidenced by factors such as feelings of frustration, anxiety, sense of failure, etc) want is a variable. in order to resolve/balance the 'self' equation, one must reduce the frequency of variables. this can be done by addressing:- the 'wants', (and variables inherent therein). it is therefore important to identify whether 'self wants' are derived by i) external factors or ii) internal factors. 'external' factors include the social ideals outlined in 2. above, and are false expectations imposed upon the person; they are false ideals, ideas, and will create incompatibility in thinking and being. 'external' factors also increase variables. the result is that one then exists in a perpetual state of irresolution; one becomes stuck and cannot move forward; one's thinking turns inwards; one seeks constantly for a state of peace and security which seems ever illusive. 'internal' factors include self-defining ideals and arise out of one's own /natural/ pre-dispositions, thoughts and abilities. these are true expectations as they stem from one's true nature - in our case, our pre-dispositions underpinned by our autistic abilities. resolution of the a) variant, 'wants', and 'factors' means:- removing any ideas which are non-compatible and stem from external 'false' factors and expectations identifying and understanding 'internal' factors and 'self'. "ultimately, i just want to feel content, happy and secure in myself..."<---i think you already know the answer and what i have outlined above is already there in the back of your mind. it is almost, and i will make a leap here, as if you need to give yourself permission to throw away the 'tickbox' social identity external factors you are aware you are subject to, and instead, define your own identity. if you /want/ a girlfriend, and that is all you want, perhaps you need to think more deeply about what that 'want' /means/. we are a strange (and i mean strange in a gentle way) mixture of independent almost solitary nature yet simultaneously have an intrinsic need to give and share. i see it as a polarity, in that we want to touch, but prefer not to /be/ touched, until we can trust and feel safe with whom we are around. it's a fine balance, in finale, and one which can be achieved as long as one stays true to oneself, i think. one will then naturally gravitate to compatible environs which are in turn, inhabitant by compatible individuals. like all things in life, truth is effortless, and should be effortless. anything else is false.
  20. greetings

    huzzah! yes, for a moment could've been a bit tricky but... - so we are both who we are and not some phantom impersonator (of which is entirely possible in this medium, damned imposter/impersonators will be unveilled as such in time no doubt) ahh, but i have found so few that can check my logic, or seem to be able to penetrate the veils of thought. i tend to 'come in' over the top, perspective-wise, and reduce everything to its formulae that i am often miscontrued - or rather the message gets completely corrupted and lost in translation. words, so limited, i need to invent more... and then one put into another person's brain... *has images of tangled balls of string...* ha-ah! very well then. t'would not be the first time someone's likened me to the sleuth, seems to be an in-joke with people who know me, so yes, let's share that and double our fortunes so to speak. a pleasure to speak to you once more, Dp.
  21. greetings

    if you are one and the same dp as frequents nas site to dispense wisdom and 'bertrand russell' my logic, then the odds are favourable we have conversed before
  22. greetings

    oh! hello there! *looks around* yes, the vibe hereabouts does seem to be a little more convivial.