Flora

Karen, I used to live in Whitley Bay and I could never find a local group that fitted the bill. My son is 11 and we live in Oxfordshire now and there still doesn't seem to be much around here either. If anyone knows anything I don't know I'd love to hear about it. Karen, one thing we did do in Newcastle was through our SALT. My son did a social language course (I called it 'Charm School') for 10 weeks and he made friends with a couple of other boys with AS. Perhaps your SALT could put your daughter forward for something similar? It's worth asking. Lauren

Hi smiley, Yes me too re Bristol Uni. I'll see what I can find out and keep you posted. Lauren

I'm going back a few years, but when my 11 year old as son was about 2 there was an advert for Warburtons bread. We were in the supermarket one day and he said 'Mum, get this one' pointing to the Warburtons, I was intrigued to know why he wanted that one, his answer (in his best Yorkshire accent... even though we've never lived there)... 'cos it's betta bread'!!! If you haven't seen the advert you'll not know why it was funny, but I was tickled pink at the time! Lauren

Tylers Mum. I don't know if this will be of any help to you whatsoever. It may be that your son doesn't have a problem with school lunches. When I relocated about 18 months ago both my ASD boys went to a local private junior school. Everything about this school seemed perfect re their acceptance of ASD, experience and the class sizes were small. The only thing was they had a policy whereby every child HAD to have school lunches, no packed lunches were allowed. To cut a long story short my son lasted six weeks. Eventually the food situation permeated into every part of his life. He would panic on the way to school, spend all morning worrying and fretting about lunch time, then whinge and fret and have melt down after melt down at home. I spent literally hours discussing this with the head teacher who absolutely refused to consider allowing my son to have a packed lunch. I'm not sure if this alone would have forced me to remove him from the school but then my other son began to have major problems with his class teacher (who told him off for being lazy!! (at the time his language was minimal and he hadn't yet learned to read or write). In the end I removed them both from the school and put them in a local primary school which allowed packed lunches. If your son doesn't like the school lunches and it becomes a problem then you can always resort to a packed lunch of things you know he'll eat. There is no point in fighting with your child over food if it becomes and issue, because it really could affect their whole attitude towards school. My son still cringes and almost throws up when we drive past this particular school! Hope this helps in some way! Lauren

It's not neccessarily the things we introduce them to that become their obsessions. Both of my son's have had obsessions with none streotypical things; such as diamond shapes, wooden spoons, bottle tops, and for a period of time pink socks (this is just a few). Then there are the stereotypical obssessions like playstation and computers (very common I believe). I really don't think we can control these obsessions, whether we encourage them or not they are going to have them. Lauren

18 months ago I moved from the North East England to South England. I often thought in the first 12 months after the move that it couldn't have been worse if we'd moved to foreign country!! So there you go, encouragement of a kind! Lauren

My son is extremely fussy. This is what he will eat Yorkshire puddings with gravy (has to be Bisto chicken) Broccoli (only the bushy bit smothered in ketchup) Hoops and hotdogs French toast French bread with real butter on it toast (has to be very crispy and only cut in a certain way) poached eggs tomato soup (has to be heinz) shreddies Ant that's it. Nothing more nothing less. He has been better since I started him on omega 3's and cut out the fun pots (children's version of pot noodle!!). Also he won't have more than one kind of food on a plate, so if he has more than one item per meal he has them all on seperate plates. Lauren

Sat for ages typing and deleting and typing because this thread is so close to my heart. My AS son should be starting secondary this September, but because of a series of unfortunate events (!) he is going to be reapeating year 6 this September. I won't go in to all the details as it would take hours but I so want to make these cases national news and am able and willing to give the time to do this. If anyone is interested in bringing this as a group story to a big newspaper then I'm all for it. I feel ill with the stress and worry but now I know that I'm not alone (there appear to be so many of us out there) then I feel like a united effort will go along way. Lauren

Hi all, Wonder if anyone else experiences this. My 11 year old AS son bought a glove puppet owl last year when we were on holiday. He named the owl 'Hairwig' as a sort of copy of Harry Potter's Hedwig. A couple of days after buying it we went to a big theme park where he lost the owl. After major melt downs and tantrums I managed to get another one (though it was a different colour) and joked that it had been to Vidal Sassoon and had a make over! He knew I was joking and latched on to this. However, he's since become very attached to this owl and one year on he still is. He 'pretends' the owl is real and gets very upset and offended if anyone suggests otherwise. The thing is he's almost 12 (in November) and shows every sign of this owl being part of his life for some time to come. The funny thing about this was that he didn't ever become attached to teddies or any other soft toys when he was very young. I'm not really overly concerned about it, I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this with their kids? He used to take it to school every day and the teachers didn't mind as the school emblem is an owl. He took it in to all his exams at the end of last term and is convinced that he couldn't have done them without the owl! Lauren

My daughter is 13 and has suffered from depression on and off since she was about 10 (round about the time my son's were diagnosed). I hate to admit this but I recently read her diary and found out from that the severe 'eczema outbreaks' which she's had on her arms on and off for a year were actually her self harming. Obviously I haven't tackled her about this as I don't want to inflame the situation but since this discovery I've made a huge effort to spend more time with her and I've been watching her like a hawk and keeping her busy. Like you though I'm only one person and am already stretched to my limits. However, we haven't seen any more 'eczema' for a while and I'm sincerely hoping that we won't. All I can do is give her my time and hope! The first sign of anything else and I will have to tackle the problem head on... fingers crossed it won't come to this Lauren

Hi Lesley. Yes, it certainly wouldn't work for all of them. I have tried a similar thing for my NT daughter who is still incurably untidy! I wasn't sure if it work for my son and certainly didn't expect it to, also I will add that it's only a couple of months since we did his room so it could be the novely factor! Only time will tell. Lauren

One of my son's is interested in plumbing. He loves the washing machine and has spent hours of his life (from a baby in a baby walker to 8 years old!) starting in to the washing maching when it's on. When he was 4 or 5 he went through an obsession about the inside of toilets and wanted to know what colour everyone's ballcock was. He would visit every toilet he could and remove the cistern lid to look at the ballcock! He could list the colour of everyone's ballcock and the varying size and shapes! Thankfully the ballcock one was short lived but he now talks incessantly about:- boats extreme weather conditions praying mantis crickets (the insect variety) guns swords Dr Who's sonic screw driver light sabers (star wars) could go on but I won't, as he goes on enough! Love him to bits but find his constant talking and interrogations about his special interests very tiring at times! Lauren

My eldest son was almost 9 when he was diagnosed with AS. My youngest though was diagnosed a few months later (aged 6).... I do think it's to do with what problems your child has, where you live, etc etc. My son with AS was a very early talker and had no apparent learning difficulties, hence his late diagnosis; but the younger one had a severe language delay and learning difficulties so was diagnosed much younger. Particularly with Aspergers many people slip through the net. I have met one man who wasn't diagnosed until he was 65!! And I know there are many many more out there with no dx. With regard to ASD running in families I'm constantly trying to identify relatives who may have traits. Problem is I see traits of it every where I look!! But I'm convinced it does run in families, I have two boys with ASD and a daughter (aged 13) that I'm becoming increasingly suspicious about! I know of no definate diagnosis of any other family member though. Lauren

Hi TylersMum.... I so understand what you are going through. Sadly I don't have any answers. When your son says he likes it, do you think he just likes the company and will put up with the bad stuff for a bit of peer interaction? I know that is what happens with my sons. We have some friends whose boys come to play with my boys and both of mine (both ASD) put up with all sorts of bad behaviour and teasing. The two boys who come over are exactly the same age as my two and are NT (although I do have my suspicions about the younger of the two) and can usually run rings round my boys when it comes to being verbally vicious! I find it very frustrating and often have asked the boy's why they are still so keen to play with them. Their answer is similar to yours, but being older than yours (aged 8 and 11) they have given me slightly more insight in that the negative interaction is sometimes better than nothing at all!! I sometimes wonder if I'm a bit over protective (haha, that's an understatement!) and we should let them get on with it and learn to deal with this awful side of humanity! I'm sure that when it gets too much they'll let us know. Good luck, and hope this may have helped a tiny bit. lauren

Annie, my son does the seat belt thing, it's so irritating if we are in a hurry. Elaine, my daughter, also undiagnosed but has traits does the same as yours. I'm forever bumping in to her or standing on her feet as she's always right behind me or too close to me. Usually when I'm carrying a hot pan or getting something out of the oven! What a species!! Lauren

A few weeks ago my mum (who is in her 60's and not as slim as she used to be!) was checking her self in the mirror and sighing over her appearance. My youngest was watching her and piped up 'Grandma, do you hate being fat?'. Luckily my mum thought it was very funny. A few weeks later and he was chatting to her on the phone, he hadn't seen her for a while as she doesn't live near us, I heard him asking her over the phone 'Have you still got your fat Grandma?'. We all had a good laugh but I since have tried explaining the intricacies of diplomacy without much success. My other son said the other day after I'd finished getting ready for a night out, 'mum, I'm not saying you look fat, but you do have T-shirts that you look slimmer in'... I'm not sure if it was a compliment or not!! Lauren

Hi Tez, sorry to read of your relative's attitude. It's all too common though. Obviously I don't know your aunt so I can't offer advice, only sincere sympathy and understanding. When my son was diagnosed I gave everyone who had any contact with him a print out with advice to parents and relatives of people with AS. I can't remember where I found it, it was on an internet site. It may have helped a bit, but it didn't stop the hurtful comments. I'm still getting them now (3 years after dx).... examples are 'he's got you wrapped round his little finger'.... 'you must try and encourage him to be less insular'....'he has to learn to get along with his peers'....'why do you let him spend so much time on the computer?'..... these are just a few examples. I still haven't learned to cope with them, I always lose my temper and at times end up in tears of frustration. I recently commented to a relative, who was sounding off about my son and my way of dealing with him, that if he could solve my son's problems then please do and then share his secret with the rest of the world as he'd make himself a fortune and make a lot of people happy. It shut him up but I'm not sure he quite understood the irony of what I was saying. All I can say is, don't give in and try your best to ignore these people and don't let them influence you at all. Lauren

Hi fagsanbooze. Glad to hear you got your dx. I can relate to your feelings, I felt like that, neither one thing or another, just glad to know. Other people expected me to fall to pieces but the thing is, I realised immediately it was just a label for something I'd been coping with since he was born. Lauren (ps I lived in Newcastle when my son was diagnosed, wonder if we had same psychiatrist!).

My AS son's room always used to be absolute chaos. Then earlier this year we completely renovated it and presented him with an orderly, newly decorated room with a home for everything and spare storage space for when he acquires new 'things'. Since then he has been totally obsessed with keeping it tidy and has even posted a list of rules on his bedroom door for visitors to his room! I'm not saying redocorating or renovating is the answer to an untidy AS person, but it certainly worked for my son. The messiest person in my house is my only NT child who's room is quite scary sometimes! Lauren

I live in south oxfordshire. Not sure about the LEA but everything else we need has waiting lists longer than a very long arm! Lauren

Tyler's mum, what you describe is a typical ASD trait. I would assume your ed psych has used it as an example to back up the dx. My son used to have to touch every bit of furniture before he left a room, and would go back in to finish off if he was made to leave before he'd completed the job! I wouldn't worry about that statement at all; it sounds like your ed psych backs your suspicions and an example like that is a good back up. Lauren

Hello blue. What an appalling thing for you to deal with. I know as parents we already feel guilty that there is something different about our children, without having bog like that thrown at you. Can't really say more than has already been posted, other than I know that my youngest child's head teacher once said that he was suffering from 'learned helplessness syndrome', and I was really offended. I felt like she was implying that I'd taught him to be helpless, ie that I hadn't taught him how to dress etc. It's not on the same scale as you're dealing with, but just know you're not alone and feel proud that you are being the best you can possibly be for your child. Lauren

fagsandbooze... love the name! It could easily be me, as they are two things I regularly turn to for respite! Though in my case it would probably be 'goingtoquittomorrow'... as that's what I say every day, and every day I don't manage it! ho hum. Lauren

My son who is 8 years old (will be 9 in Feb) is on two pull ups a night. I hadn't even thought about trying to get them for free! My eldest child who has no dx was wet through the night until she was 11 years old. She did eventually grow out of it thank goodness as she refused to wear any protection and it does get kind of irksome (understatement) having to clean mattresses and bedding every day. My son usually wakes me up half way through the night when he needs a change of pull ups and pyjamas. Some days his bed is unscathed but other days I have to change the sheets. He has a dx of language delay and autistic tendencies... does anyone think I could get pull ups free? Lauren

I have the same problem with my boys. Fixated on something to the exclusion of all else so I've rushed out to stock up ahead of birthdays (in case the stuff gets discontinued/sold out) only for them to be fixated on something else by the time the birthday comes round! You can't win! I agree.... thank heavens for ebay! Lauren