stressedmum

Hi baddad, I know where you're coming from but I am genuinely worried about this. When my son was at school the school refused to accept the various diagnoses that he had (he couldn't be epileptic because he wasn't dropping on the floor and shaking, he couldn't be autistic because he wasn't exactly like the ONE autistic child that his teacher had taught before) and the school's version of information about my son would have been passed to the local authority when I deregistered him. The advisor/inspector we had was an ex-headteacher who also happened to double up as an education welfare officer and he wasn't fond of home education to say the least (even though he was earning money from it). There are also LA inspectors who are prejudiced against lone parents, people living on council estates etc. There are also LA inspectors who have reported home educators to social services because they can't get their own way (even if their way involves acting outside of current laws). I also know there are some very good examples of LAs, Milton Keynes for example, but we aren't all lucky enough to live in those areas where home educators are treated decently. This is why we're worried because it's pretty much pot luck who you end up with. I genuinely believe that if all local authorities and their inspectors respected the right of parents to home educate then home educators would be a lot more willing to engage with them then there wouldn't have been any need for a review. Sharon

Here is something for people to think about with regard to the part of the review report that asks for automatic right of entry to the home and for the right for them to talk to home educated children alone: "We will revise that statutory guidance later in the year to make it absolutely clear that if at any point the parents refuse to allow the child to be seen alone, the local authority has powers under that Act to apply for an emergency protection order to require parents to comply with any request to produce the child. The Act authorises the removal of a child in those circumstances if necessary." The above quote is in relation to the Childrens Acts 1989 and 2004 and was taken from here http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/c.../90505-0012.htm You might also be interested in some of the government indicators of child abuse: inappropriate dress, poor hygiene Inadequate nutrition Speech disorders Habit disorder (sucking, rocking, biting) Antisocial, destructive Neurotic traits (sleep disorders, inhibition of play) Passive and aggressive - behavioral extremes Delinquent behavior (especially adolescents) Developmentally delayed These were taken from here http://www.nationalcac.org/families/for_wo...indicators.html Some of these things are appropriate to my autistic son and I've already had problems with my local authority (when my son wouldn't engage with them during a home visit they said in the report that followed that he clearly had emotional and psychological issues, they also told me that he would be better off in school even though I explained the serious problems we had had with the school). My son has already told me that he doesn't want to be alone with complete strangers in our home therefore I will defend his choice not to be alone with them but what will happen to us if all of this becomes law? The report keeps mentioning childrens rights but what about the right of the child to decide not to be alone with strangers? Sharon

No, I haven't seen Snowcake yet, I will now definitely be adding it to my "to watch" list

I have similar problems with my son. He would only wear a certain type of jogging bottoms that Decathlon sold, then they stopped selling them Thankfully, we managed to find some pretty much identical on ebay so ordered seven pairs! We are currently having the same issues with his tops he only has a couple left and one of them has a hole in the arm but he won't be convinced to try anything else

Yes, it was very good Another thing that struck a chord was the straight forward answers to questions!

and I was just watching the bit where they're driving down the road and Raymond is insisting that he needs boxer shorts from a particular K-mart. It struck me how similar it was to my son's insistence on where his clothes should come from and which particular style they need to be (this has caused a few problems, especially when Decathlon stopped selling a particular type of jogging bottoms lol). I had only watched Rainman once before now and that was before I had my children, I'm now ashamed to say that I found it quite amusing at that time (I hadn't heard of Autism at that point). Now, watching it kind of makes me feel a bit wobbly because I can see so much of my son in the film character but in day to day life I don't tend to notice his "quirks" quite so much. Does anybody else have odd moments of realisation like this? (all of that might sound odd, it's hard to get my thoughts to translate the same way on screen sometimes) Sharon

Hi, I remember thinking similarly to you when I first applied for DLA for my son (I actually didn't think we'd get it at all, I just applied so that I could wave the refusal letter in the face of everybody who had been nagging me to apply for it. The reason I didn't think we'd get it is because my dad has been confined to a wheelchair since having a stroke ten years ago, his DLA was stopped completely after a year even though his needs hadn't changed and my parents had to go to appeal to get it reinstated). I was pretty sure that the school wouldn't "back us up" because they didn't agree with the various diagnoses that the paediatrician and hospital consultant had given to my son. I also didn't think our GP would "back us up" because we hadn't been to see her in relation to any difficulties my son was having, we just stuck with the paediatritian and hospital doctors for all of that. Anyway, they surprisingly awarded it to my son straight away. What I'm basically trying to say is that, despite what you feel the school might write, you can never be sure of the decision until the brown envelope drops onto your doormat and you may be surprised like I was. Sharon

My son has ASD as well as various other difficulties and was very behind academically when I took him out of school. For a long time after he came out of school he had such low confidence in his abilities that he would either do things half heartedly or refuse to try at all saying that he couldn't do whatever I was asking of him. I think a lot of it was down to a) the school had certain ways of doing things that ALL children had to fit in with and comments from his teachers, within his earshot, such as "It will always be an uphill struggle with J and he will never really get anywhere". I struggled on with workbooks with him for quite some time (looking back, mainly to keep the LA happy) then just gave up and gave him things like Argos catalogues, toy sale leaflets etc. where he would have to work out how how much everything he wanted would amount to, work out how many weeks he'd have to save his pocket money for to get the things he wanted etc. Then in the sale leaflets there were things like 3 for 2 offers where I'd get him to work out how much it reduced the cost of each thing by etc. After doing this for a while, I pointed out to him that all of this working out of money he was doing was actually maths and told him that it showed he was pretty good at maths. From there he went on to doing things online (so no pressure with writing etc.) then we've only recently gone back onto using workbooks. I also got him a little trophy made a couple of weeks ago for his maths efforts and this has really given him a boost. I hope our experience has given you some ideas and hope you find a way that works for you Sharon

No, I don't complain enough either. I did recently make a complaint about my son's treatment at the local A&E department and the whole experience reminded me why I don't normally complain. Over the last year or so my son has refused to let me be in the bathroom with him (this has created a whole load of problems!). On one of his visits to the bathroom he discovered a bottle of blue, semi permanent, hair dye that his sister had forgotten to take out of the bathroom and I hadn't had a chance to check for hazards before he went in there. A few minutes later I insisted he let me into the bathroom and found him covered head to foot (except his hair) in blue hair dye, including his eyes. I cleaned him off as best as I could but his eyeballs had started stinging and going red so I took him to A&E. While we were there his eyes were getting worse but it took them over an hour to even take his name, let alone look at him, and while they were looking at him I was on the receiving end of comments about my parenting skills which thankfully went over his head (also, this was the first time in about six years that he'd had to go to A&E). I put in a complaint about the delay in treating possible chemical burns to a child's eyes and also about the comments I received but it was a waste of time as the hospital implied I was lying about some aspects of my complaint and again pointed out my ###### parenting skills because if I was a decent parent he wouldn't have been at A&E in the first place. So, after all of that, I don't think I'll waste my time complaining about anything again

I've got exactly the same thing on my mind. Both kids have been hankering after a Wii since they came out so this year I've bought one between them for christmas as their only present. My son, who HAS been diagnosed with ASD, isn't the problem but my daughter, who hasn't been diagnosed, is. I've had to ban the playing of board games because of her behaviour when playing a game and we've also had the same problems over the computer, playstation, even the TV remote I'm just hoping a miracle happens on christmas morning and peace descends over our house once the box is open

I had to take my daughter to the doctors yesterday and, just as we were called (so I didn't have time to pick a leaflet up!), I noticed a leaflet about the Bankers Benevolent Fund. It's basically a fund to help current or past bank employees get help and support if they have a child affected by Autism. Here's a link to more info http://www.autism.org.uk/bbf It seems to be only running until November. Hopefully there are people who use this site that can make use of this.

I haven't got any advice to give you but just wanted to send you a hug as I know what you're going through. My daughter (who is now 14 and has never recieved a diagnosis) was extremely violent for years. She was always attacking me and her younger brother (right from when he was a baby. He has permanent scars on his forehead from what she's done to him, he even has a "tattoo" on his forehead where she stabbed him really hard with a pencil when he was about 5/6 yrs old). She was always trying to stab us with anything she could get her hands on (knives, screwdrivers etc.), she was always trying to push us down stairs (including a full flight of concrete steps outside our home), trashing the house and loads more other stuff, I could be here all night saying what she did She even used to hurt herself by banging her head against the walls and floors One time, about five years ago, when she tried to stab us I'd had enough and wanted to take the knife and stab her with it so I phoned the doctor for help and he told me to go and see him. When I got there he told me he wasn't allowed to prescribe anything to her to help with her behaviour (because she hadn't been diagnosed) but instead he gave me anti-depressants and told me to go back in two weeks. I missed that appointment because my boyfriend died so when I did go back I had to see a different doctor who turned round to my daughter and said "You've got to be good for your mum because she's poorly" (all because she was reading my notes about being on anti-d's and not my daughter's notes about her issues). I never went back to the doctor after that and I've never received any help with either of my children (my son IS diagnosed ASD), we just muddled through everything on our own. Anyway, to my point and to give you a glimmer of hope. Over the last few months (since she's gone into puberty and started coming out the other side of it) things have really improved. She is still often verbally evil (especially to her brother) and she still sometimes walks past her brother and hits, kicks or pinches him for no reason but we aren't literally living on a knife edge anymore and things are quite peaceful most of the time now. I'll shut up rambling now but I hope you do start getting the help you need soon because nobody should have to live in fear of their own child and carry on without support x (hope all of that makes sense, I've had a couple of glasses of "mummy pop").

AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! My 14yr old daughter is really worried about this and nothing I say is making it any better for her I can't wait until 8.30am has come and gone and she realises that she's still walking around!

......and another home edder here I have been home edding my son for nearly four years now. After years of him not getting the help he needed, bullying, me being branded a bad parent etc. etc. we decided to take the plunge and, straight away, it was like a huge weight had been lifted from our shoulders and we haven't looked back since You've been given some good places to start getting more info/support and, like the others have said, if there's anything you want to ask just go ahead. At the time it seems like a big, scary decision to make but you've got to remember that it's reversible. If you try it and feel that things aren't going well for your son you can talk to your LA about finding him another school place. Whatever your decision, I hope things start looking up for you soon.

I've been HEing my son for four years now.

Yep, I often have this with my son so you have my sympathy We were in a shop a couple of weeks ago and after I'd picked up what I needed I told him he could have a treat because he'd been really good and patient. We ended up stood near the counter for about 15 minutes, with him looking from one thing to another, before he decided on a strip of bubble gum balls (you know the sort, a long thin strip of card with gum balls all down it with plastic over the top). Anyway, he picked up the first strip of gum balls and noticed a slight crinkle in the plastic so put that strip back, picked up another and that was the same. He went through every strip of gum balls but every one was the same so he ended up in tears and very close to meltdown. I ended up taking him out of the shop with nothing then on to another shop where he was a bit more successful.

Glad your cat has had a good day today I don't know if you've heard of "Rainbow Bridge" (here's a link to a version of it http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm ). It's a comforting thought for a lot of adults so it may be of comfort to your children too?

I'm really sorry to hear about your cat and speaking from experience you're doing the right thing by preparing your children for the sad day to come. I foster dogs occassionally (sp?) and twice I've had to take them for their final journey. The first time (a couple of years ago) was because the poor dog was so messed up mentally he was too aggressive to be rehomed. Because of how the dog was, there wasn't much discussion with the children when the time came and my AS son cried every night for months because he wasn't prepared for what happened. The second dog came to us old and poorly in July last year and I knew from the start that he wouldn't be with us very long so I started preparing the children straight away. I had to take him for his last trip to the vets in November and because my son was prepared this time he coped a lot better. I also gave him the choice to be with the dog as he was sent to heaven, which he did (my son was 11 at the time so I was beating myself up over whether it was right to give him the choice or not), and this also seemed to have helped him to deal with it. Anyway, I'll shut up now. It's going to be hard whichever way you go but I'm sure as a family you'll work out what is best for everybody x

Thanks Harmony, I'll send him over so your boys can use him as a mascot I can sympathise about the hair cutting, we've had that happen a few times too. The last time he did it he looked a right state, then his sister decided to do me a favour and chopped a bit more off for him. He wasn't happy with the results so the next day he chopped some more off and ended up with several bald patches! I thought I'd had the scissors really well hidden but obviously not well enough.

Yes, he's still pretty blue (we're getting some very strange looks when we're out and about!). Thankfully his eyes are starting to get better now, no thanks to the hospital though. When we got to casualty they said we had to go straight to eye casualty but when we got there it had shut for the night and had a sign on the door saying to go to the eye ward. We got to the eye ward and ended up waiting for over an hour before anybody would even look at him, we only got seen then because I grabbed a passing doctor and had a major rant about chemicals in eyes and the possibility of blindness so he went onto the ward to speak to them and they were grotty with him too but then they told us to go in a few minutes later. Needless to say I've sent a letter of complaint to the chief executive of the hospital and hopefully they'll get a rocket up the backside because there were other people waiting aswell and they were being treated the same as we were

Meant to add, the hair dye incident wasn't funny at the time but I can't help but have the odd giggle now because it was like seeing a naked smurf

Thanks for the replies you three It's good to know we're not alone. I was about to start sorting out the chaos a few minutes ago but he started heading towards the bathroom again. I asked him why he was going and he said he was going to find out if clay floats I've managed to head that one off and have now got him sitting quietly on the living room floor with his collection of crazy bones while I have another calming cup of coffee.

My ASD son (11 yrs old) has started wanting some independence in the bathroom which is a bit of a pain because he doesn't manage anything to do with hygiene very well still but it's also sort of good that he is wanting some independence (if that makes sense). Anyway, Tuesday night he went into the bathroom, locked the door behind him and found a bottle of bright blue semi permanent hair dye that my daughter had forgotten to take out of the bathroom. I thought he was taking a while so asked him to open the door and when he opened it he was bright blue from head to foot. There wasn't any visible skin at all, he even dyed his eyes. We ended up at casualty to get his eyes sorted He hasn't done anything like this for a long time. Also in the last couple of days, he's started making a hell of a lot more mess than he normally does. He's decided to start looking for things that he's had no interest in for years but he throws everything over his shoulder as he goes along then walking off and leaving trails of destruction behind him Again, this is something he hasn't been so bad with for a long time. I should be clearing up these trails now instead of sitting on the computer but I keep looking at it all at the moment and don't know where to start so I'm just going to leave everything where it is for now. Does anybody else have times like this where their children just take a massive leap backwards or is it just me? Thanks for reading my ramblings. Sharon

Have a look at the five outcomes of the Every Child Matters green paper http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/aims/outcomes/ These should help when stating the case for your daughter, especially the "Enjoy and achieve" part. How can she possibly enjoy and achieve with the suggestions that your inclusion officer is making? GGRRRR!

I've had the same thing with my son. He was supposed to start wearing glasses about three years ago but, apart from the very rare occassion, would refuse to wear them. Every time I've taken him to the optician I've been lectured on how important it is for him to wear the glasses which I know but I've just never found a way of forcing somebody to wear glasses if they don't want to. One time when I was asking him to wear them, he got hold of them and completely destroyed them. Anyway, a few weeks ago my daughter was told she needed glasses which she was very happy about and wouldn't take them off once she'd got them. One night they were sat on the sofa together and I asked my son if he'd put his glasses on for a minute so I could see what they both looked like in them together, then I asked if I could take a photo so I could show him what he looked like in them. I showed him the photo afterwards and he said "I look like T*****" (a friend of his who wears glasses) and since then he's been happy to wear them So, maybe taking a photo of him once he's got his glasses may help so he can see that he doesn't look silly in them. Good luck with getting him to wear them.