Jannih

Don't wait for another bout of bullying - Do it now.

I was about to say the same thing myself, but you beat me to it. I daresay, it won't be long before GPs are given financial incentives to refer adults for diagnosis.

I believe he has now started to build a fleet of ships from matchsticks ! Just a a little bit obsessional but nobody was ever harmed by it, except perhaps his wife, who said ""I am absolutely sick to death at the sight of a matchstick but I think there is still more to come unfortunately " "But at least I know where he is and what he's doing, so I'd rather have him there than down the pub."

Hi Asnewb, It is best to view yourself as being different, rather than disabled. Like most people you need to work hard and major on those things that you excel in and enjoy. Now you have a diagnosis, make sure you avail yourself of all the help that is out there. There are several people in history, who displayed autistic traits. We will obviously never know whether they would have found themselves on the autistic spectrum, if they had lived today. There is a link which lists famous contemporary and historical characters. http://www.geocities.com/richardg_uk/famousac.html All the best !

Get well soon, Mumble. I should imagine that all this stress is not helping you at all. It might be a good idea to read and be informed about the recent Mental Capacity Act. Perhaps someone can print it off for you - Should make good bed time reading ! http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Mental-Capacity-Act.htm http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/40000710/

Hi Obi, Welcome. Sorry to hear about the problems you are having. It's right what you say about the lack of provision for adults, but it is out there, somewhere. Have you contacted the National Autistic Society ? They will give you names of specialists in your region who specialise in diagnosing adults. From what I understand, most of it is private, so expect to pay anything between £200 - £1000. If you want to go down the NHS route then there is the Maudsley Hospital Behavioural Genetics Dept. which is very near the Kent borders. The Maudsley will only take on those who have been referred by a psychiatrist/ psychologist via their GP. I wish you all the best.

Playing the same song over and over again, can have an almost hypnotic effect and can aid de-stressing. Well, that my view. I don't know what others think ?

Don't feel guilty. You have not acted impulsively by leaving him but have given it much thought and consideration. When a partner tries to prevent someone from seeing their family, that, is the ultimate control. He refuses to get help or acknowledge that he is being difficult, so it is his problem, not yours. You have done the right thing by you and your son. After all you don't want him growing up emulating his father's behaviour when he settles down with a partner. We can all have behavioural traits that "drives the other up the wall" but we try and compensate elsewhere eg. he might have difficulty demonstrating physical affection but he can compensate for that by being helpful around the home. What about treating you to a breakfast in bed ? If he is take, take, take and you are give,give,give, then there isn't much hope and you will grow into a bitter,resentful, unhappy woman. His Asperger condition should not be used as an excuse. If he is quite happy to leave it and not seek further help to save your marriage/partnership, then then there is little else you can do. Make sure you get support from your family at this time. Sad to say, partners come and go, but parents and siblings have been there for you from the start and will always be there through thick and thin.

I don't know why he said what he said, but maybe Guy Ritchie is on the spectrum ! In what context did he make these remarks ?

Brings back memories of my sister No.4, who was/is autistic, who would always accuse me for everything that went wrong in her life. Inevitably, I would be blamed for so may things. One day my mum sent her to stay for a weekend with an aunt. Sister No.4 fell over in the hallway of Auntie's house, crying, "Jannih did it". Auntie said "Jannih couldn't have done it, she isn't here." My aunt told my mum and after that I was never blamed again ! You can bet your life though, I was beginning to feel rather victimised. Praise your daughter when she is nice to her sister. That is the only advice I can think of at this moment in time.

That's the best way to do it, have a google ! I would be soooooo lost with out the internet !

Hi Kenny

I have just noticed, Bid. You started this thread in 2006. Have you any idea what the problem might have been ?

Not necessarily. Bid could be going through the peri-menopause. That is the time that leads up to cessation of "periods". I went into the peri menopause when I was 42 years old. For me, it started with subtle changes such as diminished libido, forgetfullness and my periods began to get lighter and shorter. I stopped menstruating when I was 47. No one is the same, we will have different symptoms as some will get "heavy and longer" with a libido they can't control ! The other thing to consider is that some autistic people may have Fragile X . One aspect of this condition is early menopause but if Bid is experiencing menopausal symptoms , I would say she is still within the normal range. Bid, have you asked your mum when she went through her menopause, because they say that daughters tend to stop around the same time as their mothers. That was certainly true for me, as my mum ceased menstruating when she was 48yrs old.

These insurance companies promote unnecessry fear. I have lost count of the number of times I have been encouraged to take out Critical Illnes Insurance . What's more, one of these policies only covers "female cancers". What good is that if I get cancer of the colon - Not a lot ! They are in the business of trading on fear and making money.

Generally speaking, are parents held accountable, when their children, who are below the age of criminal responsibility commit a crime ? I know politicians are pursuing this idea, but I am sure it hasn't taken effect yet. Surely then, the same applies to violence/aggression displayed by someone who may have a low mental age. I use the word "MAY" as there are many of us who know when we are breaking the law and should not use our condition as an excuse. The other thing that needs to be considered, is that, if anyone knows you have personal liability insurance, they will not think twice about coming after you for compensation. If they know you are not insured, they might not bother or pursue an organisation as in the case of a teacher who claims damages from a school. An adult placement carer, who fosters vulnerable adults in her own home was told not to bother about PLI as she was insured by local Social Services and that if she did take it out, she would be a sitting duck for someone who mighht see her as an easy target and means for making money from compensation. Actually I worded that incorrectly she was "WARNED AGAINST" taking out PLI

I have done a general search for " I am Autism" on the BBC website and haven't found any reference to it. When was it shown on BBC3 ?

I interview the public, and often a person will look over their left shoulder, thinking I am looking at something else far more interesting than them !

You don't mention your friend's age or why you think this girl may take advantage of him. If he is too young for this kind of thing, then it is important that his mother is told by someone. If you feel you cannot break a condientiality, then ask your friend to supply all details such as : The name of the person. Name of the website where they first "met" Ask your friend to supply you with the persons landline tel. no. If he does not have it, then ask him to get it and find an excuse to phone her, such as last minute arrangements. With a landline, if anything happens, then this person can be traced. Advise your friend to meet her in a public place, in broad daylight. Advise him not to go off with her in a car or visit her house until he gets to know her very well and has built up a sufficient amount of trust The chances are if she is out looking for an easy target she will soon get fed up and move on to the next one.

Bars , cafes, now that's more like it !!!!!

Hi fogz, I don't really know what to say, other than I feel for you. Being depressed after the break up of a long term relationship is NORMAL. If you didn't feel upset then I would be thinking that you were hard, unfeeling and uncaring. You obviously loved her deeply. You say that you do not want antidepressants and that is your choice. Have you considered counselling. You can get counselling on the NHS, although there is a limit to the number of sessions. Are there friends that you can confide in. I know that it is difficult for guys to share there feelings with each other but maybe you might have a platonic female friend. Do you have a male friend who is not in a relationship, someone with whom you can do " bloke things" eg football, train spotting, couple of lagers down the pub with the lads and any other "no females allowed" pursuits - just a temporary measure of course, as you get over the pain of this break-up. As for the fear of losing your parents that will inevitably happen one day but bear in mind that it is a fact in psychiatric circles that the fear of something is greater than the actual event. One interesting example was that in the run up to WW2, rates of anxiety and depression shot up but once the war started, they plummeted. You will find that you will be able to draw on inner resources you never knew you had. As I said on your other post, stick around and you will find us lot to be Ok. What part of the world are you from. As you will have noticed, people in certain areas meet up occasionally and there might be a "meet" in your part of the country. Please don't give up on forming relationships. You obviously have the capability within yourself in spite of your ASD .

Hi Fogz, Welome. You will like it here. Everyone is very pleasant and supportive of each other. So what help do you need ? Jannih

I am sure most of us here have been in that dilemma ie. how much eye contact or none at all. I have sometimes been accused of staring ie holding eye contact for longer than I should. On one specific occasion I tried to avoid this problem by taking my eyes off the person who I was speaking to and looking at other things. I was then told that there were obviously problems with my concentration ! There is no straightforward answer as each community has its "rules" regarding eye contact. You will find that in areas with a dense population such as London, people do not do make eye contact with strangers whatsoever. When I visit my sister in her very small village I will actually say "good morning" to strangers but only with a very brief meeting of the eyes - so brief it probably does not get noticed by the person on a conscious level. I think you will also find that people from ethnic minorities will be more sociable towards strangers of their own race , simple for the reason they are a minority and will draw some camaraderie from that alone. Lets face it, we are an ASD minority group and in spite of our social difficulties, we are all arranging to meet up at Christmas with a bunch of "strangers" we only know from this forum ! I find travelling on puiblic transport a bit uncomfortable at times, if someone is sitting opposite me. So the way round that is to read a book or newspaper. I think wherever you live in this country, it is acceptable to walk past strangers in the street and totally ignore them altogether and not worry about eye contact. By the way I'm a Londoner. Regarding Mumbles remark , I could see it was a "bit tonge in cheek" but knowing that one of the problems of having an ASD is not knowing if someone is serious or joking, maybe in retrospect it would have been wiser to put a "Funny Face" emoticon or a "LOL" after it. But hey-ho we all make mistakes.

I'll be on for a Christmas Meet. I can't ice skate as I have arthritis in my toes ( getting on a bit, you see). I would be on for all the other suggestions such as Hyde Park, Pizza Express. I love food and drink, so I don't care where I eat ! I would love to meet you all.

I really feel for your daughter. Don't let her suffer any more than she needs. The chances are you probably don't know the half of what is going on, especially if she has communication issues as you say. My personal opinion is that you should approach the school on her behalf. Just speaking from my own experience, I was horribly bullied in primary school, but those bullying kids who were big fish in a small pond, became small fish in a large pond when we started secondary school. Other than one or two isolated incidents, the bullying abated and life was so much better. So don't assume that the situation will get worse because it might not. Wish you both the best in regard to whatever you decide to do.