KezT

I haven't seen anyone say you are turning work down - but you seem to think that someone should just turn up on your doorstep and offer you the job you want in the profession you want for the money you want! You know what - I don't have wealthy parents either - I have never been "given" a job because I know someone.... I have a degree and several dozen professional qualifications and a long history of work with good references, but I am happy to work part time for minimum wage currently because a job is a job and you are much more likely to get the next job if you are in a job! I have been made redundant a few times, and never stayed out of work for more than a couple of weeks BECAUSE I was willing to take anything, including stuff I was totally unqualified for and learn on the job. Some I found suited me well, and I took further qualifications mostly funded by myself or once or twice (in the good old days) funded by an employer. Some were just jobs that I slogged through each day and waited for the right time to move on. When I couldn't find full time work, I spent my off days volunteering in the sector I thought I wanted to move into (changed my mind after doing it for a couple of years LOL). In the current climate there are 100s of people going for every job vacancy - but I don't think it is your AS that is causing the problems you are describing. Indeed, many companies would consider AS to be an ideal "disability" to invite to interview - they get to tick their disability box, may find someone who is amazingly brilliant at that particular job/someone who is barely noticeably different in a work situation, and if not, they haven't had to put any additional resources/effort into the recruitment process! If you have not had ANY invitatons to interview you are either applying for the wrong things or writing the form badly. The JobCentre can help with both, as can the NAS, DIAL or any number of local groups/charities.

but you have already said (numerous times) that you HAVE the education - what you need is work experience. Getting more academic qualifications will not give you that. The only thing that gets you work experience is working - for free, for a short time, in places you feel are beneath you - anything, provided you can write it on your CV and get someone to give you a reference. BTW - I have NEVER heard anyone say the OU is free - it's one of the most expensive ways of getting your degree, because you are paying for the flexibility! There is some help with funding in some very restricted circumstances, but on the whole, everyone pays a LOT of money

pointing at things shows an awareness of his environment and his ability to change it, so yes it is good progress regardless of how he points:) My DS is 11 now and stil hasn't managed to point at anything, and only reembers to look at what others point to if he is very calm and very interested LOL as an aside, DS2 is 20 mths now and stll not talking hardly at all (maybe 5 sounds that could be taken for words if you know him very well), but I am happy that he is developing normally, if a bit behind in speach:)

Finaly got an answer fro ur continence srvice - they said they do not prescribe nappiesfor children unless there are severe developmental or learning problems dx'd! Does that sound like it can possily be legal? Everyone agrees she needs them.....

Hah! I couldn't get a social worker to see us even when I phoned up in tears saying I honestly feared for the life of my son (years ago - long before all the cuts made things even worse!). One did visit when a neighbour reported us for child cruelty (becos son screamed for 20mins straight) - even then it took a month before they turned up - if it had been a real CP issue a month is enough time for another Baby P or Victoria Climbe(sp?) to happen:( That SW agreed we needed some help, and referred us to two organisations who both said they'd put us on the waiting list - that was nearly two years ago now and I'm still waiting. And I've never had any further contact from SW or disabled childrens team. I've even complianed to the Director of SS in the LA to no avail...... Have been told "of the record" that the child neds to be admitted to hospital or arested before there is any chance of geting a SW- bothof which I am trying quite hard to avoid!

we have applied for DLA- it took five months then was refused. Just got a letter saying it will be another 3 months for the reconsideration. I'm not sure if we'll get it as the doc says she should get better eventually - won't give a time frame to us, but if he says thaton the form they'll se it a s a reason not to award..... But eventually is an awful lot of nappies at £8 per pack....

I know this isn't directly ASD related, but many ASD children must need nappies so I'm looking for some advice.... My daughter is not ASD but does have continence problems. She is under a consultant and the continence clinic. She curently soils herself several times a day, every day, and has done for well over a year, with no end in sight:( We put her back into nappies about a year ago because she was getting so many infections. We buy these ourselves, but its costing a fortune and I really can't afford it. It has got beyond the point of "nappies or milk".... A friend with a severely autistic son said she gets all of his nappies prescribed, but when I went to my GP, she just said "we don't prescribe nappies, ever". She sugested that is what DLA is for, but we don't get DLA for her! So does anyone know if I can get nappies prescribed and who by? Thanks

Definitely don't just keep him at home - it sends the wrong message to him, sets you up for problems in the future, and really annoys the scool. You need the school to be on-side and to see you are supporting them and they are supporting you. Where the parent/school relationship breaks down it is bad for everyone! I would suggest taking him in the morning and saying that he was really upset - but remember it is quite likely you will not be able to see his teacher without an appointment - teachers are busy people You don't say how old H is - are you talking primary or secondary school? It makes a big difference in the way they handle things. Also is he dx'd/Statemented etc? If problems have been obvious for a while, do you have a named person to liaise with?

Phew - just school people, plus the LA SEN officer (a new one - yipee), and all very positive and good stuff:) Very relieved

I'm looking for some recommendation of books about emotions - what they feel like for the ASD person, not what they look like in others. DS is very god at reading and pretty good at intellectually understanding what he reads - but can't describe any emotion that he feels:( Thanks

My son has a full time TA (although it doesn't say that in his Statement). I'm still sure that mainstream is the right place for him. I applied for several jobs as a full time TA for children wit varioius conditions/disabilities - some involved personal care, or mobilising the child etc. They would not be able to access any eduction without a FT carer, but there was little doubt that with one they could and should be in mainstream placements...... Obviously we know nothing about the OPs position, but needing FT 1:1 des not mean anyone eed necessaily be loking at anyting other than mainstream.

It's fairly standard for many conditions for the child to have their "own" TA. I expect it must be an efficiant use of resources from the number of job adverts I see;)

My eldest son is ASD and my 6yr old daughter is currently on movical and sadly back in nappies`24 hours at the moment, so I understand some of the issues:( The way we have dealt with it is to be very specific that the nappies are due to a medical issue, which she is recieving treatment for, and will get better from (God I hope so!). There are some good leaflets available from your continence nurse (if you have one) or from the ERIC website, which might help the family understand - although none of them explain the timeframes very well imo. You don't say how old your youngest is, but the bonus of saying it is medical, and ongoing, is that you can then legitimately get quite huffy about disability discrimination if people make rude comments Also, has your partner talked to his family about how the MS affects him? It is a much misunderstood condition, and the info "out there" is not always very helpful. TBH, no-one will really understand unless they see it day in day out, but it sounds as though his family have no idea of what your family are going through.

Thanks everyone. The reason I'm so confused is that only two weeks ago we had a meeting with the school just to ensure everything was going smoothly (he only started there in Sept, so we wanted a meeting at the end of the first half term, once they had a chance to get to know him a bit). That one included Parents, Child, Tutor, SENCO, LSA, Year Leader and Assistant Head and was quite positive. They did agree that he needed full time 1:1 (which was we had said), rather than just the 12 hours as in his Statement - maybe that's what has prompted the Interim Review? But I would have thought a full review would have been more appropriate if that was the case The school has provided full time 1:1 for him so far..... We'll wait and see I suppose. there is only one thing that I particularly want added, and I wil try once again to get it added into his Statement, otherwise, I'm prety happy to go along with whatever the scool suggests(within reason)

very, very cheap - I used to charge £15 for 30mins back in 1990!!! (& I'm not that good looking LOL)

We have just recieved a lette?r from DS's school inviting us to his Interim Review Meeting. I feel a bit like Cat in Red Dwarf - "What is it?" Obviously its a meeting to review DS's progress, but "What is it?" Is it a school only thing? a Statement thing? A professionals thing? I haven't been formally invited to one before but this is a new school, and his first Statement.....

I know there are special jobs, but pitifully few of them. I xpect my DS to be able to get a "normal" job, with some "special" adaptions if necessary - rather like I expect him to attend mianstream school with adaptions. If there was the perfect soecial school for him, locally, that would be even better - but we all have to be realistic about what the actual situation is, rather than what we think it ought to be! Obviously, we should still lobby for the ideal situation, but right hee, right now, my son and many (most) other HFA children have to work within the "normal" world

I quite liked the comment "he won't get a special job when he leaves, so he shouldn't be in a special school" that's exactly how I feel about DS, who I am confident can get a normal job when he is grown up, and therefore needs to learn how to survive in a "normal" environment I was appalled at the comment "x used to live in Spain, where as a child with autism, he was kept in primary school" WTF??? Do the Spanish really just leave ASD kids in primary school until 18 years old?

The circle thing is a very good idea, but make sure you expain the concept of each circle well. When we tried it with my son he put pretty much everyone (including total strangers) in the "close friends" circle as he didn't really have any concept of what a friend was he still doesn't....

My son also went through a paticuarly violent patch at 7/8 years. I think there are a number of elements, not least that the other children start recognising differences as being "bad" at that age, and therefore some will show less tolerance, and some will deliberately wind up the different child to elicit a reaction. Kids are vile sometimes..... We did get CAMHS to take notice eventually, and DS had regular sessions with the pysch there around controlling his emotions/anger, what made him lash out and how to break the cycle of anger=violence. What she did with him was common sense really - he was intelligent enough to understand the concepts, as long as he was perfectly calm when discussing it. There was no point trying to talk to him about an incident when it had just happened! If your son is able to cognitively process the idea that violence is ALWAYS wrong, and whatever was done to him first, the moment he hits out, he will be more wrong than anyone else involved, then that is a simple rule to understand (if not so simple to follow). You do need the school to be on board so that he knows what he SHOULD do if the situaion is getting too much for him. (a time out card/placeto go/specific teacher to talk to etc). Then it is a matter of working with him while he is clm to work out what the major trigers are, and what his options for escape are..... It does take time though:(

my youngest is only 19 mths, but I'm positive he is not ASD - even though the nursery is quite upset that he doesn't speak yet and he does have a bit of an obsession with cleaning/tidying (if only the older ones would pick up on that a bit LOL). I think we notice personality traits/quirks more than families with only NT kids, because we've trained ourselves to see our kids from a slightly different PoV. I know that when DS1 was dx'd and we went on that amazingly steep learning curve, it affected the way we parented out NT girls too - even though they did not have any behavioural issues. It is hard to know what is "normal" in the same way as it is hard to know what are "autistic" behavioulrs and what are "annoying child" behaviours. You have to trust your knowledge, instincts and education to hep you make the decision for each child...

In Primary school his LSA always accompanied him - he was also usually driven to the ones the other kids walked to. Plenty of forewarning and 1:1 supportmeant he went on all the day trips with few major problems... Residentials were much harder and not very sucessful generally:(

we taught DS "no touching" - it meant he missed out on some games, but it was a simple rule that he could understand easily. We've no oved on to no touching unless you have asked for and been given specific permission (he's reaching puberty now so it became a bit more important not to touch the other children, even without hurting them, as his hands and hugs were everywhere!). We also taught him and his classmates a "STOP" sign, which when used meant he had to stop whatever he was doing and stay still. This was used a lot with play as he couldn't tell when people had had enough. We also used it when e played rough and tumble with siblings and when we were out walking etc. Ous was a simple Hand up/flat palm Stop sign accompanied by saying "Stop child's name". We used it for a few years, but he doesn't (usually) need it any more) We always use the carrot and stick approach. Start by offering carots until he understands the rule, then implement sticks when he breaks said rule;)

Tally, three months is no time at all really:( It's been just over ten years since my brother died and i still have bad days.... But time does help. The first year is the hardest because every day is the first "xxx" without him, and your mum may well find that getting past that first anniversary helps a little. BUt TBH I don't think my mum ever "got over" my brothers death. I'm not sure any of us did, in that we were al irreversably changed by what happened. Hopefully the trial will bring some closure for you all. But all you can do is get on with your life as much as possible and allow yourself to work through the emotions and grieving process in your own time and way. xxx

Ask for a formal meting with the scool, explin your concerns and that Kai is undergoing tests/dx. ask for an IEP to be writtem. follow the whole thing up by "cnfirming" wha was iscussed/agreed in writing. the school has a duty to support with or without a dx. if they can't, they should be pursuing additional assistance! you can also request an ed pysch report. but at the end of the day if the school is totaly unsupportive - I would suggest looking around for a better one. we moved DS at the end of year 1(pre dx), which was extemely traumatic for everyone, but soooooooooooo the right thing to do forhim in the long run:) it's better to get the school on board at this stage than to fight them for the next 5 or 6 years and watch Kai get more unhappy, then try to change school later in his education.