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I'm sure he will go right off the idea once he realises he has to play outside!!! he doesn't like outside, or mud, or being touched LOL Thanks for the reply's everyone - I thi k we will stick with the wait and see attitude for now...

TBH the ultimate goal is to get him the best all round education that I can... DS says that he wants to join in with class PE (I think its been gymnastics type work this term), and is looking forward to doing rugby, cricket and similar team games. But at primary school they were unable to get him to grasp the concept of any team game, or even to stay on the pitch. He is hypersentitive to touch and pain, so I really can't see rugby is going to be a good idea physically he would really benefit from basic skills and co-ordination work, but socially, I would be ecstatic if he could stay with his peers throughout the whole day.... I would prefer the social to the physical, as I can do physical stuff out of school. Which is why I've left it for now.... Got a parents evening next week though, and thought I'd pick people's brains here to see if I'm setting myself up for more problems down the line if I don't remind them about the SM now....

Ds's statement clearly sates that he should have differentiated PE. That was pretty much the only thing that his primary school absolutely insisted on (and I added in that if he had differentiated PE, it must be with a qualified and experienced named professional ) SInce starting secondary school in September, he has joined in with his class PE. On the first week, I called the PE dept and discussed this with them, and they said that there were no problems with DS joining in the class PE and they wold see how it went.... I'm feeling a bit ambiguous about this - I do believe he would benefit from differentiated PE as he could do with some basic sklls and co-ordination work, but then again, he stands out enough without withdrawing him from lessons unecessarily If he can particiapte in group PE, it may help build some bonds.... So, should I push for his Statement to be fulfilled? Am I setting myself up for future non-fulfillment if I don't insist? And what has happened to the money I assume was set asidefor his "suitably qualified and expereinced named professonal"? CAn I ask that be transferred into alternative/more usueful stuff (such as socisl skills group work whichhe would REALLY benefit from)? Do I need to i nitiate a full SM review or can I take a wait and see appraoch as the PE dept want? advice would be appreciated thanks

I've gotta say, DS is doing really well at secondry too - even better than I expected He has attended every single lesson, completed his homeworkon time, and amazingly, got himself to and from school every day It was so worth all the effort to get him there, and a great relief to be proved right about the whole thing

I explained to my son when he was dx'd at 7 - but basically I kept it really simple to start. You have been dx'd with ASd, it means that your brain works slightly diferently to most other people which means you are good at somethings that othes find difficult (lego and remebering facts in your son's case) and find some things that others find easy to be really difficult such as how to behave well, and when to be quiet and what to say to people... As he's got older and recognised more he's asked for more info and started researching it himself too. I think the most important thing is to give your son a sime fact "you have been dx'd with AS" then allow him to ask any questions he wants - it's sure to be a very worrying time for him.

have you spoken to him at all about all the appointments/assessments? does he recognise he is different from his peers? both of these can be good starting points....

that's why disabled toilets are for disabled people, and shold not be used by non-disabled people who CAN queue without any major problems. not all disabilities are about wheelchairs, or even mobility issues (as we`all know!) and a lot of disablities require a more immediate access to a toilet...

mmm, except that the dsabled toilet was on another floor completely - I think it's more likely that he asked for a more private place to go as he couldn't POSSIBLY use the same toilet as the public!

Thought I'd share this article: Someone Told Me It Was OK" Having recently been accused of "jumping the queue" when using the disabled toilet for a disabled (but not wheelchair bound) child by ignorant chavs, IDS's beahviour really Peeved me off!

speak to HR in the first insance (if your line manager isn't listening) they have the background details and can enforce whatever was agreed originally

From the day he was born DS refused to be constricted in any way - as a tiny jaundiced baby, all the professionals and experienced mums kept telling me to swaddle him "all babies like the security of being swaddled". He screamed and squirmed and screamed and puked until I took the covers off. He wouldn't even lie in his crib - he needed to be able to touch nothing all around him to settle even a little bit It also made feeding him difficult as he didn't like to be pulled in close to me No-one believed me tho, and I was too inexperienced to think it was anything other than "difficult first baby" syndrome - I wonder if an earlier dx woud have been possible if I had been more forceful? Weirdly, he loves cuddles now (although not for too long) - it's one of the many things that makes him stand out as different from his pees. Along with the constant questions :wallbash:

TBH, we mostly use the Saturday morning kids screanings to "train" him to go to the cinema. It is something he really wants to do - he asks far more often than I can afford ot take him LOL. And we have suceeded in stoping the screaming for loud music - but he does still get very anxious and may need to leave - on the whole we don't go to those sort of films, but you can never tell when they'll put loud bass on a film!!! I agree that where possible, all things should be acessible to all people, but it's not always possible. To make a film acessble to DS it either needs a running commentry or subtitles. Both would be extraordinarily annoyng to your average cinema goer. Although a general "accessible" showing usually covers all the above (our local does these, not "autism friendly" - which include subtitles, a signer, and some lights on during the showing - spot on) Equally - I too used to take my dad to the special Xmas shopping in the evenings(don't know if they still do them with late night opening etc now?) - and again, it was good for him as he takes a lot longer to get around the shops, needs asistnance to get the goods from the shelves, etc so crowds really did not help him manage his shpping - it just wouldn't have got done without the special eveings. I do agree with you that an awful lot of stuff is enabling disaility, but not everything is!

but, to be fair BD - I agree with the other cinema viewers that having a yoof talking very loudly throughout the whole film is unfair - especially with the cost of tickets nowadays. Then having him scream (and I mean SCREAM) ever time there is loud music des kind of ruin the experience for everyone else... so it's not just the copany that percieves the problem, but pretty much everyone.

DS`likes the cinema, but other cinema goers don't like him as he tends to talk all the way through the film, fairly loudly, usually asking inane questions as he can't follow the plot through the dalogue - so needs a running commentry all the way through too He also won't sit still for a whole film, and will panic if the bass is too loud. We rarely go TBH, but he DOES`like the idea, so we sometimes go to the kids showings, and are actively looking for local autism friendly ones. He also gets on better if there are subtitles, so we keep an eye out for those ones too (doesn't need the running comentry then).

It is a standard question and they ask it for a varity of reasons -sometimes because they are too lazy to look for the answers, but more often to involve you in your treatment, to ensure they have grasped what the "real" issue is, or as a reality check: "I want you to cure me" would be answered by "that is not possible, but we can look at ways to manage your anger". Also patients go to teir doctors (in most cass) with an idea of what they want - counselling, drugs, a referral. They might not know what TYPE of counseling, drugs, referral etc, bu if the GP sends them away withsomething they didn't want, it can be counterproductive, expensive and just a waste of everyone's time - so i's wrth asking

does he pay rent? Towards electricity & other bills? Do chores around the house? Or does he get a free doss house to do with as he likes all day? Cos, TBH, given everything on a plate, I wouldn't bother going to work either Obviously you have tried "encouraging" him to go to work by removing priviledges, but he's a grown man, and autism does not negate the necessity to treat him as such - he is obviously ABLE to work! The DWP would expect him to be contributing to the household - so should you. Make him realise that he is grown up wheher he likes it or not, and has to accept the responsibilities of that. If he REALLY wants to live the unemployed lifestyle, he needs to understand what that means.

I was breastfed exclusively for 6+ months and breastfed my son exclusively for four months (recommended weaning age at that time) and then continued throughout his first - yet he showed signs of autism from the day he was born. How does she explain that one then?

At the risk of going further off topic... I don't think young people today are any less respectful/apathetic/militant/whatever as a whole than other generations - but I do think we have more bad parents and therefore proportionatly less "useful contributing young citizens"... IMHO this is due to a variety of sociological issues: First is good old contraception! This has helped keep families small so many people just do not see or experience any parenting other than their own (which is always rather coloured by personal experience and not the mst objective view of your parents). When I was pregnant the first time, I went along to NCT ane-natal classes. They didn't do them inmy town, so I travelled into middle class suburbia and met 9 other prospecive middle class mums. All were older than me (and I was NOT a child mother at 27!), all held down respectable jobs. All had planned the pregnancy and most had been trying for several years. Only two of them had ever even held a baby before their own was born! And I ws the only one who had actually looked after abies before (changed nappies/fed them/been screamed at etc). Their expectations were massively wide of the mark, and they had no real concept of the time and effort bringing up a child requires. Also, since the 60's we have been the "Me" generation: life is all about about MY feelings/wants/needs... Sadly, that doesn't work so well when you are a parent when it has to be mostly about what is the correct thing, even if it's not what you or they want! However, we are constantly bombarded by the media telling us that we should be perfecty happy, beautiful, fulfilled, at all times. The misguided belief hat "blood is best" has contributed too. Whereas I apreciate taking children away from parents is always going to be traumatic and undesirable, I think we have gone way too far the other way. There are families where it is obvious that the child is never going to recieve good parenting, but we use the phase "good enough paenting" and say that as long s they are not turning up in hspital that's the importnt bit - but we all know physical injuries can be recovered from! bad parenting lasts a lifetime. Finally, the big socioloical change has been individual movement: It used to be the case that family, frinds and community were all there to help out, advise and watch over new mums - and veryone knew which kids needed extra support from the community. Now, most people live away from their family, communities have retreated into their own homes to watch TV shows and tut at people 100's of miles away and no-one speaks to their neighbours any more. Society has not got anythong that can fill this gap i support - sure start and helathy living centres etc try, but are not the same.. I can't offer solutions though:( Although I would suggest compulsory parenting courses before birth, at age 5 and age 11 as a good start. of course that costs money an is considered "nanny state"

What Lynne said I also agree that it is a lack of parenting knowldge/course rather than the denial that they could possibly be wrong that is (part of) the che problem. Cerainly when we went on our parenting course I was`amazed at how perfectly intelligent and sensible epople seemed to have zero idea of how to parent a child! The simplest management techniques were suggested, practised (by the VAST majority of the parents) and in most cases solved the family issues! I have always known there is a massive lack of parenting knowledge in the uneducated/disenfranchised of society, and have been involved in a number of programmes designed to tacke that - alough I fel they are still not enough and not always getting to the most needy people.... But the numbers of well educated and empowered members of society sriously screwing up the next generation is something I thin we al should be concerned about.. Anyways I just thought I'd shove my twopenny's worth in, even though I didn't see either programme, whch is why I didn't comment before

giving it a ore positive slant: it could be that they just need some time to deal with their own emotions about your dx. Families are`affected too, and most people need to work through things themselves before they can talk about it with others. This is somehing that (I assumde) you have recognised in yourself for some while, yet you still need to "work through" the dx - for your family it may have been a complete surprise - you'd be amazed at how much families can ignore/deny LOL Give them time - leave some leaflets lying around/the computer on the NAS page etc, but don't push it at the moment.

well, there are a number of sues here I think: firstly, social services are not qualified to make any kind of diagnositic assessment - their job is to assess what his needs are, not what is causing those needs! You need a medical professional to start on the road to any kind of diagosis. I suggest a trip to the GP is the first step - probably with you/someone else to explain the situation. The GP will have to refer him onto further specialists - they have to pay to do this so are not always obliging, but you can INSIST on a referral! Highlight the personal hygiene/safety issues and the nutrition concerns. Secondly, it is impossible to give any objective kind of view as to his AS from a forum post, regardless of how detailed, but IMO he sounds immature, rather than AS. Has he had any assessments for learning disability? Mental health assessments? diagnosis of or management for his OCD? My brother-in -law was very similar at 24 years old (except that he still lived with his parents) - and now he's 28, with a girlfriend and a job and his own place, he still doesn't cook, clean, wash much or tidy anything at home:wallbash: But there is nthing wrong withhim- he'sj ust quite lazy, very immature and male

I don't think they will (or should) be offered to every child - that's just silly - we don't screen every child for every thing! But if an mri can pick up ASD as soon as any evidence appears, or in "high risk" kids then that has got to be a good thing IMO - and wil mean that they can access better support quicker. We all know how difficult it is to access any support if dx'd as an adult, and how many children strugle for years before a dx and then require more support because they have got themselves a whole load of problems associated with the stress of unsupported ASD. A very early dx would ensure that needs could be monitored all the way through the person's life, and the best support/management put in place.

but, to be fair, there is no cure for an AWFUL lot of things - most of which people are still offered management treatments, many of which are very expensibve. we have a`lad at school who has an insulin pump to help manage his diabetes - at £7k per pump (plus the insulin, and peripheries) this is not the cheapest treatment option for him, but it is the best for his individual circumstanstanes. my husband has severe psoriasis and psoratic arthritis - they could just say "its not curable and it won't kill you so tough", but they don't - they pay a lo f oney or ome quite complcated anti-tnf drugs and treatments. there us no evidence tht early dx leads to less support- rather the opposite has been proven many times.

but the article was not about using mri's to "change" brain physiology or "cure" anything - it is about it being a diagnostic tool - and early definitive diagnosis with no known risks sounds good to me! (not that we're there yet)

I had the whole day without DS today. Admittedly I had to swap him for my mother!!!! and niece... So it was me, a crotechety old woman and three children aged 6, 7, 8 plus the baby. We were out for the whole day - a bit of shopping, to the beach, lunch in the local Weatherspoons, then the afternoon in the park, followed by a longish walk home, making supper, tidying up, then bath & bed for the kids.... Not a cross word was said all day. There was no shouting, no fighting, and no-one ran off. I got to spend quite a lot of the day sitting on my bum vaguely "keeping an eye" on where the kids were, rather than trailing around behind trying to extricate him from escalating situations. In the pub, a lady actually came over to us near the end of our meal and complimented me on how well behaved the children had been I'm still not quite sure whether to feel proud of my kids or utterly despondant that I know it would have been soooooo different if DS had come along too We have never managed a fully sucessful day out with DS - even with both parents along to help - I wonder if we ever will?