Jill

Unfortunately she is a one man band, so doesn't have a job lot of the books all ready and printed - when someone orders a set (or one of) the books she has to get it bound & the cards associated with it printed, cut out and laminated etc. Because this is in small quantities it's unfortunately very expensive. She is trying to get a publisher interested tho, so hopefully this will change in the future.

Right, I am no expert, but here's my two penneth until someone truly knowledgeable comes along. First of all, get a cup of tea and a slice of cake, sit down and have a minute. This is an awful thing that you are going through but you need to do what you have to do to keep strong - I find a run round the garden and scream helps sometimes (I'm not joking either). Why? What reasons does she have? Get her to put them in writing for your records. When the Head calls you, if she has the same concerns, ask her for them in writing too - doesn't have to be an essay, bullet points will do - as long as it is clear where they have originated. It sounds like the school is on your side, use them. We did for our fight & the HT proved an absolute God send - the LEA listened to her far more than me. Maybe they've been monitoring the situation & it's all come to a head because of what's happening now? I'm not defending them, but maybe things have happened recently that have brought them to this conclusion? Ask them why they suddenly think ASD school is best? The statement is not entirely useless. Yes, it doesn't currently meet his needs, but at least you've got one. That's part of the battle won already. Now you need the input from everyone and their dog to state that he needs an ASD specific school and they need to do this in writing. You're probably not in the mind set just yet, but when you get things going (and you will, you are incredibly strong you know to get through this so far) I would suggest you find out what SN schools are available in your area and start to go and look at them. We did this & it supported our case no end - the LEA were dragging their heels a bit & said "go and book some visits to sn schools" to stall us a bit. It was a really good feeling to reply "we've already done it and here is our reports on how we feel each school will / wont meet The Boy's needs & we've also listed them in favoured order". They soon start to realise then that you've done your homework & you are not to be messed with! Finally, a little hope for you. In January we had a statement that said The Boy's needs could be met in mainstream. We fought against this & got the statement changed & the LEA away from pushing mainstream at us all the time. Yesterday the LEA phoned me to confirm that The Boy has a place in the special school we wanted as our first choice. I'm not saying it's easy, but take heart, it is possible. Take a minute, sort yourself out first with a cuppa (or stronger, it is after lunch after all) then get stuck into it. YOU CAN DO IT. We're all here to help if we can <'>

We had to battle to get our son into special school. The LEA would have been ecstatic if we'd said mainstream (it was what they pushed for). So I agree with Kathryn, I think it's highly unlikely the LEA will try to make you keep your lad in special if you want mainstream.

I'm not sure about the bit about them quoting you, but I can confirm that no-one has ever met with other professionals to discuss our son without letting us know. On the whole, they not only let us know but invite us to the meeting. If we can't make the meeting we always get written output from it. What I'm not sure about is if they are legally bound to do this or whether we just have a really good group of people working with us.

There's also this site: http://www.growingandlearning.co.uk/ I admit that the lady who writes these books is a friend of mine, but I am not on commission honest! She has a son on the spectrum herself and she is also a sexual health nurse, so she does know her stuff. I know a mum with an autistic daughter who said the book on periods was extremely helpful to them. I don't know anyone with a boy old enough to have the *ahem* nocturnal excitement issues though, so can't comment on how useful the books on those are.

I've never heard of this one! Vaccines are such a touchy area and at the end of the day it's each to their own. The Boy had all the main ones when he was little. Whilst I am convinced he was born autistic & don't think the vaccines had anything to do with that, I'm not sure what affect vaccines have on children with autism and it's difficult when trying to find info about this to find anything concrete. At the end of the day we had enough doubts that we decided he wouldn't have the round of vaccines he should have had when he was 3 and a half. So he had the first lot when he was a baby, but none of the boosters nor the 3 in one that includes tetanus that we were called for when he was 3.5. That was our decision though. All I can suggest is that you read up about this vaccine & do a pros and cons list to help you decide. Best of luck mate.

I think Cat's right & you need to do something now. The Boy has a thing about ladies bums too. He's nearly 5 so not an issue now, but we've nipped it in the bud so it doesn't become habit forming. Besides which, DH used to be so embarrassed when women in queues in front of him whipped round wondering what was going off, when they felt a gentle stroking! Of course they smile when they realise it's The Boy and not this hulking bloke but that's why we stopped him - he's gonna be that hulking bloke one day! We did it by taking his hands away when he reached out and saying "no" in a firm way. We also avoid standing too close to people in queues. We also have some distraction techniques that work for The Boy. Beyond that, no megga advice I'm afraid.

We fell into this trap / habit / whatever you want to call it. We'd put The Boy to bed with a film on. When he was in a cot bed this wasn't too much of an issue - he'd watch the film then fall asleep with the intro playing away quietly. Then we got him a bed. We found that he was starting the film again & again (or going and helping himself to another one - I ask you, he's non verbal but can start a dvd better than me ) We had to bite the bullet. We removed the telly and dvd from his bedroom. Now he watches a film in the other room and then it's bed time. It's not so great for us, because he's NEVER tired before 10pm, so the only little break we get is whilst he's watching the film (which we try to schedule so it's finished around 9, so he has some "wind down" time). It aint easy, but it does mean we at least have some control over when he goes to sleep - too early and he's up at 4am too late and he's foul the next day. You could try explaining to him that he only watches the film once but at the end of the day he is a boy and he's going to do what he thinks he can get away with - ASD or no ASD they're gonna push the rules, it's what kids do.

Army

Nah, I've not won - yet - but my first attempt was 6th, second attempt was 4th and this time I've finished 2nd, so ya never know!!!!

I'd seriously consider if this school is the right one for your lad. Your analogy of how they would treat a deaf child was a good one, but it obviously didn't sink in that your boy's behaviour was his disability, her comment of "he needs to learn how to handle his anger" clearly shows this. It doesn't sound to me like your son was angry, it sounds to me like he was stressed. No real practical advice mate, but just wanted you to know I don't think it sounds like they are listening to you nor that they care <'> . PS I do think having someone not so emotionally involved supporting you in a meeting is a good idea, if you know anyone who could be available for you.

And that mate is the best advice that anyone can EVER give you. On here we all understand and can give guidance / ideas on what works for us, but at the end of the day all our little uns are different and YOU know what works best for your lad. As for your sis? Well, don't fall out with her (unless you want to of course ) but at the end of the day it does beat me how people always feel that they can tell you how to do stuff. Sometimes I think they do it cos they genuinely think they are helping, but sometimes I think it's just cos they think they are superior. Either way it's blooming annoying. I'm quite thick skinned these days & can generally ignore - if not I have a good stock of "put down" phrases to hand My sis was a sod for giving me child rearing advice and once even went into a long diatribe of telling us that The Boy was like he is because DH and I weren't consistent in our treatment of him. To be fair she did try & back track when we got the dx, but unfortunately the damage has been done & I can never feel the same about her (although we have mended some bridges). I'm really glad that you've got a professional that is supporting you. This is a major help when trying to sort out the things you need - esp as it's the EP that's so helpful cos education is a major minefield for a lot of us.

This did give me a chuckle, The Boy is not entirely verbal but not entirely non either IYKWIM, but we're getting beautiful renditions of "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" at the mo Karen T - do what we did - coupla years ago (and this was pre dx) we told everyone in the family we weren't buying pressies any more for any of 'em. We said we wanted to spend the money on pressies for The Boy and suggested they spent their money on pressies for their kids. The majority were relieved and glad of us broaching a subject they felt uncomfortable raising. The others that weren't happy? Stuff em, along with the turkey.

At the time I didn't spot anything, he's our first and only & had nothing to compare to really. Looking back: * He was always really happy with his own company. Even mum commented he was "no trouble" cos he'd play on his own for hours - this from being about 1yr old. * He liked toy cars but wasn't interested in "brumming" them, he always turned them upside down and wanted to watch the wheels spin. * Anything that spun fascinated him really - yes, we had the fan interest too * He didn't respond to his name (still doesn't really) in fact failure to response to such an extent I had his hearing tested (fine) * His first word was "more" meaning more drink or more food, entirely related to his needs, he still doesn't say mummy (recently has said daddy a coupla times tho, so I live in hope) * He never wanted our shared interest in something & still doesn't point * His speech is delayed (still) - his language skills are very limited and nowhere near what you would usually expect for a 4 / nearly 5 year old & this is both the understanding and speaking of words. Really I guess there were many little "clues" that I just didn't see at the time, because I didn't spend any significant time with other children of a similar age. Also, the little things just weren't so noticeable when he was younger, but as he gets older the differences between him and his peer age group is becoming more obvious.

It does sound rather young to me too. The Boy was first identified as having probs at 2 and a half at nursery - a very small change in nursery changed him from a boy who happily skipped in no worries to a boy that clung to me and cried and didn't want to go in. Initially a pre school specialist was brought into nursery to work with us. After 6 months we were put on a waiting list for CDC assessment. They then assessed him over a period of 6 one hour sessions over 6 weeks. This did not result in a dx - just highlighted that further assessment was needed. We then had 6 months of "full" assessments by various professionals, this ultimately did lead to the dx - The Boy was nearly 4 at the time (the Sept before his 4th birthday in Jan). So maybe your journey could follow a similar pattern? The fact that a therapist is coming for a home visit does indicate to me that although "there is nothing to worry about for now" they do feel there COULD be something? I'd wait and see. These things are never quick. It is horrible whilst you are going through it though.

The Boy is ASD rather than AS but he definitely shows empathy. If another child is upset then his face drops and he is sad. If he knows the child he will try to do something to make them feel better - not always something appropriate, but usually he offers them a toy in an attempt to cheer them up. If he sees I am sad he comes and sits on my knee for a cuddle, or offers me his cheek for a kiss. I don't know if he realises how much I like this & how much better it makes me feel tho or whether he does it to make him feel better.

Me again! We've been doing PECs for around a year & we're still really on the timetable stage. Exchanging started at special nursery around 4 months ago. The Boy has just (in the last month or so) started looking through his PECs to communicate something to us when he can't in another way i.e. by taking us to what he wants, but this is sporadic. I think it depends child to child really tho.

The Boy doesn't have tourettes, but he does this. Not to the extent that it sounds like your lad does, cos The Boy aint that verbal, but he does walk round saying things like "ready, steady go" over and over and over. Sometimes we get "what's going on, are you all right" over and over. He's not saying these things as a form of communication, I think it's something he's heard in the day & it's got stuck in his head & so he repeats it. I sort of view it a bit like when you get a song stuck in your head and you can't help it going round and round and keep singing it you know? It's not a major prob for us cos it's not insulting / bothering anyone. Whether it will be an issue as he grows older / will become something more directed at people & annoying, I don't know

Hello! You've already "met" me

Interesting article, no real surprises to us on here tho eh? The one thing that really annoys me tho is when you launch these on line articles, there's nearly always a link near to them about "how to cure autism" it ought to be illegal to do that it really did.

Wow Badonkadonk what a brilliant post! BTW I think your metaphor is excellent I can back up the punch bag idea. We bought one for The Boy last Christmas. Cuz he's only little we just got a small one from Boots of all places . It's the real maccoy - used for training for martial arts - but is specially designed for kids. Dunno if they'll have em this year or not. Good solid base cos you fill it with sand. If he gets physical we direct him to it. Sometimes he even goes to it himself these days and has a good thrash about I must admit I really like the wallpaper idea / letting him vent by writing. Might try that one as he gets bigger. PS Badonkadonk I love the idea of you and your fella letting it all out with a good scream and paddy. If ever I see the two of you, I might come over and join in. Sounds very liberating to me

I've decided. The chap can't have had an ASD. Why? Well, because if The Boy went out randomly attacking people he wouldn't NEED bricks. I can tell you that a well placed head butt is extremely effective. Especially on males, considering The Boy's current height and the positioning of gentlemanly "important bits". Anyway, can't hang around here today, I'm off for an AS test. I know all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody & I've felt like clunking two of my bosses today with hot coffee mugs (viable alternatives when bricks are unavailable) so I must be AS. I'm fitting in a test in my lunch hour, cutting out all that doctor and assessment mularky and giving CW a call. They'll dx me in no time - probably before I've finished my sarnie.

I'm sorry mate, I don't really have any ideas - others on this board are much more knowledgeable than I - but I just wanted to say that targets like the one above really really really annoy me. Just what is so important about eye contact anyway? Just because someone isn't looking at you doesn't mean they aren't listening. I've seen evidence of that every day. It's our petty NT brains that can't get around this & insist on eye contact. Sorry, it just makes me so cross <'> To you. Hope someone is along sooner with practical advice, rather than just a rant.

First of all, can I thank you for understanding what I was rather clumsily trying to say. I was thinking about my post last night (no PC access at home) and started to worry that I'd come across as all patronising & I didn't want that! So thanks for reading between the lines so well! The first part of your question is quite difficult to answer. We certainly did see that The Boy started to show an interest in communication when the PECs were used. However, how much of that was purely down to PECs is difficult to say. You see he also started part time at a special nursery at the same time & they obviously implemented other things that all helped him. Certainly within a month we saw The Boy start to understand PECs (he really did take to them quickly). Now - a year on - if he wants something & doesn't know how to ask for it / show us what he wants, he goes to his PECs pictures and gets one out to show us to help explain what he wants. He's been doing that for about a month now. It's still patchy, but it's a start Hours of the week we do it? We do it all the time. He has a timetable of events on the wall which show what's happening. Generally this is standard for the evening - play, bath, tv, bed. But it is useful if we are going to do something different like go shopping or on Sunday fireworks show. Because he's prepared that it wont be his usual routine he reacts better. I'm also planning to do a "portable" timetable to take out and about with us. I just have problems getting a "round tuit" IYKWIM at the mo Are we still doing it now? Yes and will continue to do so. The thing about PECs is that it evolves. It starts at the basic timetable level (which is more or less where we are now) then it progresses to exchanging symbols (which we're just moving onto) and then the child / person can use it fully as a whole method of communication if needed. I think there are even packages where the person can type in PECs and it translates to words. So it is quite a useful tool all in all. Anyway, hark at me waffling on! No probs with my communication except shutting me up

Sex education / changes in their bodies. It's gotta be handled differently for our kids - I mean I learnt mostly from friends, but you really wouldn't want our kids to learn that way, not knowing how to extract what's true & what's utter bs.