dana

Hello Alisha and welcome to the forum! I have a son(9) and when he was small a nursery teacher worned us that he had problems with socialising a part from language delay but like you we also hoped that he was too small and that things would improve. They did but only with his language development which is now ok (after a hard work). He is going to be seen by EP at school in May (hopefully). My family (a part from my husband) ,like yours, also does not beleive that there is anything wrong with him and put blame on me if his behaviour is not ok.The road of dx is still in front of me and I dont know what to expect since every case is different and I am afraid although I know that my son has problems and needs more help. This forum is great ,you will find a lot of nice and friendly people here! You re not alone! dana

Hello and welcome to the forum! dana

Have a nice time,Pearl! dana

Hello and welcome to the forum! dana

Hello and welcome, Dawn! dana

Hello and welcome to the forum! dana

Good luck! dana

Thank you Caroline for advise. I will speak to the LM about my concerns. I also told my husbund how our row affected our son and he himself realised how ds is sensitive and is trying to be as gentle as possible with him,because he loves him very much.(I havent told him yet what my son told the school about him since it would break his heart). I understand why the school reacted that way and I know that they had to call me and investigate things. I just hope that their attention will be in the right direction eg. my sons real problems (socialising,behaviour,ADD, relation to everyday events). I am still afraid of what will happen next but ,thanks to you nice people from this forum,I am now a little bit stronger and calmer. It is good to know I am not aloan. danaxxxx

Thank you all for your replies! My sons main problem is not his relationship with his dad (if he has that problem at all) .It is the fact that he many times misinterprets social as well as life situations at home and at school. Although he is very much verbal (even speaks 2 languages) and literacy is his strengh now, we have to explain to him what is really going on. He literally takes everything. What happened with his dad happened with some other children even with me. For example if I touch him by mistake sometimes he will understand but sometimes he will ask me why I hit him! The LM is not only asigned to him. She is working at school with other children as well and she is supposed to help him to understand social situations as well as to form the group with children to help him socialise(which she hasnt done yet). I don really know her qualifications. My son has not been dx yet and I am seriously thinking to do that. I have been thinking to speak to the LM about all that.Would it be good idea to do that or just to leave it and wait for EP who will come to schoo to asses him after Easter? I would like the LM to focus her work on social and behaviour isues not other things. My concern is that the similar thing can happen again and then they may pass everything to SS without really understaning his real problems. danaxxx

I know how you feel! <'> >< dana

Hi there, I really dont know what to think,what to do! On wenesday my dh and I had a row. He lost his job so he is touchy and nervous and was upset for a small thing he usually wouldnt, he admited himself that. BUT my son(9) took it very badly. It all happened just before he went to school. He was very much upset, couldnt concetrate on the assesment at school and was taken by the Learning Mentor and asked why he was upset. My son told her everything bad about my husband, that he pushed him, that he hit him (none of that was true!) ,that we quareled. I was called to school by the SENCO/Deputy Head Teacher to explain what happened,if my husbund hit or pushed my son. I was in shock, embaraced, horrified. I had to explain what really happned. The SENCO seemed understanding and said that we all said bad things in anger and it seems to me that she beleived what I told her . I asked my son why he told that to them and he did not know (obviously that row affected him more than I thought). The same day after school we discovered that he had a high tempeature and tonsilitis so we took him to see a doctor who gave him antibiotics after she checked his throught. He felt poorly so I asume that maybe that also influanced his behaviour at school. He told me that the Learning Mentor wrote everything and will ask him to carry on talking about his dad next time (they meet once a week) and my son doesnt really want to do that because he is not any more angry on his dad . In fact my husband is a very carring man, generous, dedicated to us and loves our son and me to bits. Sometimes he shouts and tells all kind of things he reall does not meen when he is angry(like many of us)but nobody is perfect. Learning Mentor is seeing my son in order to help him socialize at school, but now her attention is turned towords the wrong direction. I didnt tell my husband about all that since I know that this wll break his heart. I dont now what to think now. I am afraid of what will happen next , what will my son tell to the LM , will it be the trueth or some of his interpretations? I am afraid that they might call social services and who knows what can happen with my family! What shell I do? Some advise please! Should I talk to LM myself? I do have tendency to exagerate things but is all this a reason to be so much afraid now? Sorry, it was a bit long. dana

Hi Nicky B, I dont have any advise to give but I wont you to know that I feel for you and wish situation gets better soon.You are not alone! My sons behaviour is better at home then at school . <'> >< <'> danaxxx

Hi Spike, did independent EP acctually dx your son? Or did he use WHISK test or/and something else as well? Did he see your son at school ? I am curious because I have been thinking to dx /asses my son who is 9 and needs one to one support at school. Sorry Athena for hijacking your thread. I hope you dont mind. dana

Hi Teresa and wellcome to the forum! dana

Hello and wellcome to the forum! dana

Hello and wellcome to the forum! dana

Good luck and the best wishes! dana

Please, Smiley, dont feel sorry that you expressed your feelings about CAMHS! Although your experiance was not pleasant one I am grateful to you because I want to know how somebody who has AS/ASD feels about them. I am aware that CAMHS differ from area to area and that every experiance with them is unique,each team different,and of course,each child different .Still, it is valuble to me (and I think to other mothers who started thinking abou dx) how you feel. This helps me not to be too disapointed if my experiance with them are not good. The way I am I would probably blame myself if something goes wrong. But ,since every experiace is unique, I will have to wait and see. I am really sorry that your experiance with them is so bad and I wish you, with all my heart, that you find somebody to help you the best way! You deserve that ! I wish you good luck! <'> dana xxx

Thank you Smilie for your honest reply.You realy spoke from your heart and wish your voice is heard somewhere else as well as here!.I wish there is much more understanding and will to understand beiing different in this world.... That what you wrote about CAMHS is why I am still not sure to dx my son. Do I have to accept CAMHS if my son is beiing reffered to them? Is there any other choice available (a part from private)? It is so annoying that everything differs from area to area! Can I choose the specialists to asses my son if I decide to do it? Do they have to be CAMHS? My son is very sensitive and I am struggling hard to help him build up his low self-esteem and I dont wont CAMHS to make it worse. If we are not happy with CAMHS can we take another road on the NHS? Which kind of specialist they include? dana

Is there any other school near you where perhaps you could go and try? I would start looking for a new school now .They didnt do anything to help your son and they are considering to exclude him permanently?! Even after you told them about dx! Schools differ form each other ,a new school might be more supportive and has more possibilties to help your son better cope. His problems will not disappear but the least he needs now is the school which doesnt wont him in! Maybe it is indeed time to have a fresh start, I dont think you can loose anything by doing that. Good luck! dana

Hi Joanne, It is a good news that you finaly got dx for your ds and I am glad that you feel relived now. I just wonder, the school is not supportive to your son, he is not happy there, you are not happy the way they treated you so have you ever thought trying to change the school? I know it sounds like a running away from the problems and I am not saying that in another school will not be problems but at least maybe they wil be more supportiv and willing to help your son especially now when he has dx. If this school is sending him home now even when they know his dx I dont see any effort to help from their part so far. I hope I am wrong and that their atitude will change. Good luck! I feel for you and your son. <'> >< <'> dana

Thanks! dana

Thank you all for your replies! You are really great support and thank you very much for taking your time to even write them long! Maybe yo are right ,Joanne, I am beating my head too much about it and I need to step back a little, to see what EP will say as well. There are many strong points for getting it, all of you were very convincing and definitely, I will take them in consideration. I just wonder ,Js mum, you dx-ed your son privately as well, is it too expensive ,if you dont mind me asking? I have been thinking to dx ds maybe privately in the idea that they will be more willing to take into acount what we are saying as parents and do it more accurately. How do you find good specialits (who exactely dx our children : pediatricians or psychytrists or psychologists?) ? If my son gets dx privately, can I ,for exampe, take it to his GPand she to reffer him to OT (or other specialists recomended by dx) on NHS? How much do they take into account private dxs? dana

Hello and wellcome! dana

Hi, I dont know ,I am confused and afraid for some reason to do it although rationally I think maybe I should do it.The arguments are which some of you gave me: th doors open for all kind of help, it is btter to do it while he is a child because it is diffcult to obtain dx when he is adult etc. From the other hand I also read here (many times) that CAMHS dont really help,that dealing with profesionals can be very stressfull ,dx can be very long and hard, not to mention an impact on the child self-esteem. I read from some dx adult posts that geting label AS or ASD affected them very much and they recovered with great difficulties (if at all). I know that there are people (even some GPs!) who choose not to dx their children. The school wants my son to see Ed.P. after Easter in order to help him .His behavour is not good. He was bulied receantly but he also keeps calling other children names even spitting on them and hitting them! His teacher told me yesterday that this is going on for some time, he finds hard to focus on hiswork. And it was after she made me beleive that my son is getting better the last half term .She told me that and also he did well assesment and was moved level up. But obviously the problems are still very much present, especially with focusng , behaviour and socialising. How much Ed.P. can help? Can he do anything without my consent? My problem is also that I find hard to argue ,I keep quiet when I shuold speak up and regret aftrwords. I have a feeling that I might not be able to cope with dx process although I desperately want to help m dear son.He is very afectionate ,caring and behaving at home. Please tell me : how much really CAMS help? Is the whole dx process that hard and is it really worthy at the end? I dont know what to think! Would be easier for my son to be dx now when he is 9 than later? Would he accept that he has AS or ASD easier now then when he is teenager or adult? dana