justine1

How is my comment negative?

I think it is genetic, however my view/opinion is unique in a way. Whilst some parents believe either mum or dad may have ASD or indeed both, I believe it is the combination of genes that is an issue. This is true for quite a number of conditions. I see many traits in myself and many traits in my ex(the father of my boys) however I cannot see either of us being diagnosed with ASD as I think we could never tick most of the boxes. However his traits combined with my triats have created two children with autism. I believe its the same reason why my eldest is gifted, nobody on my side or my ex's side are as intelligent and talented as he is. I have a daughter with my current partner and at 10mths old I know she is definatley not autistic therefore its not from my side.

Yes but as I said in my other post they get the information from the school and professionals....which the OP's son sees at school which is fine. My sons school wrote two pages as supporting evidence for his DLA. The OP has nothing to lose by applying especially as her son will soon not have the support he thrives on.

Yes I know you need a social worker for direct payments. What I am saying is you do not need to prove someone is caring for you in order to get DLA you just need to show what extras you need because of the disability.

I thought direct payment is to pay for someone to help with day to day care? My understanding is that DLA is a "top up" for the care, as direct payments does not cover everything. DLA can be used for leisure activities to help a person regarding their disability,not sure about adults,but I know plenty of parents who use it for swimming lessons(for hypermobility) or horseriding for the calming effect...just as examples. It can also be used for taxi,if he is not confident using a bus,even if it is just to travel one way and bus the other. I use DLA for taxi's as I do not drive and I have one "runner" and one with hypermobility. I really think its worthwhile applying. If he has been at such a supportive school its going to be a real struggle dealing with day to day living and I am certian the school will agree. They are likely to contact the school and other professionals involved so I think you have a good case.

I know exactly how you feel. Sam and Dan were dx'd just 8months apart. Dan was not sleeping....max 4hrs each night. Sam was in year2 and was only in school 9-12 then Dan at pre-school 12-3....plus with their baby brother I literally had no time alone. I was a single parent with no family around at all. I got accepted to go study nursing and at the same time was trying to sort out statement and school for Sam. Dan wouldnt eat and was crying all the time,when their father did bother Dan was the only one he would look after over night. Eventually I gave up and he agreed to have Dan mon-fri and then I would have him weekends. He would also take the other three boys on saturdays for a few hours. However it lasted just Four mths and then my ex decided to control when Dan would see me which was once a month if lucky. I went to a solicitor and Dan is with me most of the time we still going to court after a year of hell to finalise contact with all four boys. I do regret giving him to his dad but thats because of the type of person my ex is. I also realise looking back that although things were so bad I was coping and would have continued to cope after all when Dan left I still faced challenges with the other three boys which I dealt with on my own. However as mentioned by others if your mum can help out and you lay down some rules for consistency it can work for you and give you a break.

Thats good advice. I think as you say in your opening comment that you did something wrong then I think you should just say sorry. I don't hold grudges either and I don't always tell people when something they have done has upset me, but I do tell family or friends when I think someone else was in the wrong and that they have'nt apologised. So prehaps although your colleague has'nt said anything it may still play on her mind or not, but its worth apologising anyway. The only time I will not apologise is when I have said something that I really mean,something that has been building up,it usually upsets the other person but I cannot be sorry for expressing my feelings. It has happened a few times with my mother, she gets upset and storms off but I try and persuade her not to leave without me having to say sorry...does'nt always work though.

He needs to know the behaviour is unacceptable. You say he likes cars,all cars should be removed from him. It may sound harsh but the crime has to fit the punnishment,and it is quite serious. Your baby is unwell and if the injury was worse when he jumped on him what would you have done? You cannot wait for things to reach a point where your youngest gets seriously injured,something needs to be done now. Yes you need to talk to him but that should only happen once he has been punnished. He needs to have clear boundaries and a visual timetable(if its due to boredom.) If possible share the care of your youngest with your partner so you can give jack 1:1 time even if its just to read a bedtime story or sit with him while he plays cars,you dont need to get involved unless he wants you to,but just show your presence. If you put on his visual timetable the time you will be with him on his own,he should have "now and next" on the timetable get him to remove an activity once complete(like bathtime) then he will see what is next(storytime) So he does'nt have to know the time just needs to be shown and reminded whats happening.

Meaning? It is all well and good to say anger is just an emotion that is if one can control it which the OP'S son prehaps cannot do so otherwise he would not be throwing things. Being happy is also an emotion but generally speaking people do not hurt others or become destructive when happy...they do when angry if its not managed correctly(as Lynda says.)

I have had quite a good year,however its been overshadowed by something so negative it has made all the positives insignificant. I to enjoyed the olympics,especially the paralympics as we live near stoke mandeville hopital and the guttman centre where it all began. It was great to see community spirit. I travelled to London with my eldest son,very big deal for me as I hate travelling especially trains. We went to the London excel to see some paralympic events which again was wonderful to see people from all walks of life coming to enjoy the event together. Best personal thing was my daughters birth my first lil girl amoungst four boys. Very special moment. I also am so proud of my 12 year and 9 year old's achievements. Both boys are on their school council's(at their respective schools) they have also made remarkable improvements academically. Especially rewarding for my 9 year old(Sam) due to his ASD,he had missed almost 18mths of school due to being in the wrong environment and then completley out of any education as we could not find anything suitable, so I am truelly amazed and proud at what he has achieved in such a short space of time. The negative thing is the family court system which has made so many mistakes and delays it has cause me such stress,my family are surprised I have not collapsed! Something that was meant to be sorted in April is still ongoing!!! It is even putting my career at risk,which again is causing me stress! Here's hoping it will be resolved in 2013 and my family can finally move forward, Wishing everyone a very happy new year.

We use "good strips" for all four of my boys(eldest is 12 though he is NT it still works for him.) How it works is they earn the things they enjoy,so if he has a game console or laptop he uses for games or watches a fav thing on telly he needs to earn this. We have a strip with thumbs,up for good down for "bad." This links with the visual timetable. Example at 3pm its snack time,if snack time goes well its thumbs up=10min of time on telly/laptop etc, then say 4pm-5pm will be play time on whatever it is,if they have earned the whole 60min they will get the whole 60min if they have thumbs down and lost 10min they will get 50min and so on. If the negative behaviour happens after their "time" then it will be carried over to the next day. The key is to be consistent and make sure he has a clear structure. We find the unwind time after school works,always keep this even though its not working for you at the moment. Has his room maybe got too much in it,prehaps instead of decreasing stress levels its making it wors as there is too much around him. My two with ASD have just a couple books,their beds and a couple of fav cuddly toys(my nine year old really needs these during a meltdown.) But they have no other toys,no telly or anything else that stimulating. You could maybe invest in calm lighting like lava lamp or similar. He needs to be told whats expected,I have pinned up house rules with pictures so there is the visual key to remind them what is expected. Again they lose time if they break rules. We also have a jar which we put a piece of dried pasta for every good day,they do have one or two thumbs down but overall its thumbs up,once the jar is full they can chose a treat could be going bowling to the cinema,all depends on the child.

Hi Just a few things really. One is what "list" has he been put on? Has he got a formal diagnosis or still being assessed? As his biological father you have parental responsibilty which means you are entitled to attend parents evenings,all school functions(even have a say as to which school he attends and you have a right to his medical history and information. If you are unsure you need to seek legal advice,and yes its not easy but if you have such strong concerns and you care enough for your son you will seek advice. I am a mum,I have four children with my ex husband,I left him due to domestic abuse whilst pregnant with our fourth son. I always had concerns for our second son(Sam) and third son(Dan) Sam's behaviour deteriorated greatly after we left his father and so I went to the GP and then to a paed who diagnosed ASD and they took into account everything we had been through. The paediatricians are experienced and can differentiate between unsettled/confused behaviour and that of autism. It is not easy to diagnose thy process is complex and thorough. Your childs history from birth would have been taken into account,that includes behaviours that would have been present when he resisded with yourself. Both my boys do behave differently in different settings the behaviour also varies depending on other changes and their mood. So what you may see and what his mum sees could be very different because of the setting,does not mean he does not have aspergers. I have been going to court for a year now to sort out contact between my children and their father,he has become very vendictive and bitter since I met my current partner two years ago,we have been separated for five years now. He will not accept the diagoses of either boys and this makes Sam not want to see his father because he does not understand his needs. He has letters from educational psycologists,three paediatricians,dieticians,speech therapists and many more to prove they do indeed have ASD but he will not accept it. My ex has made very hurtful allegations against me and my partner,hence the reason the court process has taken so long(they certainly do not favour mothers or else the matter would have been resolved 9months ago!) My children know who their father is and yes my youngest(4) did occasionally call my partner dad when our baby was born as he got confused when I say to her "there's daddy",perfectly normal as his own father was never really around for him,but he was corrected from the start and now he knows. As I say I would get all the facts first,read up on aspergers(my ex heard autism and immediatley refused to hear anything as he only thought of the lower end of the spectrum) be as involved as you possibly can,if you not happy with contact fight for that to. Most important thing I can say is be very consistent,if you say you will be seeing him at 1pm be there 1pm not 1.05pm,that goes for any child aspegers or not.

I would say these things are prevelant any where in the world..prehaps more in some places than others but to say it does'nt excist here would be a lie. There have been recent documentries here highlighting abuse of children with special needs(not just autism) in care homes. I myself have worked(albeit for just 4 weeks) at a special school with children who have ASD as well as learning difficulties. They do restrain children in the school,and is common in schools all over the country. From what I saw in the school it can often be very necessary to restrain a child if they are a danger to themselves or others. When I say others I mean pupils NOT staff who same to take punches,kicks,scatches etc as part of the job. The important thing here is that there are laws in place which mean staff have to be trained before attempting any type of restraining,this is undated regularly. The paretns would also have to sign consent for this to be done,which parents usually agree to as they have experienced first hand the violence their child can inflict. I don't know if any child has ever died as a direct result of restraint,but if they have done it may be due to other health related problems.

Just curious to know if anyone here,or any family have had a dx of sensory integration disorder as opposed to an ASD dx? My mum has a dx of sensory integration disorder she has also got many other issues with food where she is only eating the "free from" ranges as she suffers from many different complaints after eating eggs,gluten,lactose,wheat etc. Not sure there is a link between that and my two having ASD but just interested. Having read up on sensory integration disorder I notice the similarities to ASD and wondered how the would differentiate between the two especially in girls/women who usually adapt to socities norms so the more obvious ASD behaviours may be very subtle.

It depends on where you live and of course all comes down to money. I live in England so not sure of SNAP, however I know each school here has there own budget which does include getting outside help for children with special needs. The process of being statemented(as explained before) is school action, school action plus and then statmenting. During which time educational psycologists and behaviour support teachers will be called in to assess and make recommendations to the school. Sam was given 1:1 (paid for by the school budget) during the statementing process,it is rare but at that point he was already only attending school half day,the LSA was already helping two other children who did have statements so she was able to help for two hours in the morning. The good thing about having the support before statementing is to see if it actually makes a difference,that can determine whether mainstream is ideal or not. Sam had the 1:1 for 6mths and on half days and it still was'nt helping, so they said he needs to be at an ASD unit or special school. Special school's are all for children with LD which Sam does'nt have so we looked at many units, out of five only two were ASD specific. They vary so greatly.

Excellent post Both my boys have very different stims and they have interchanged over the years. I have found that communication and stimming is also linked so prehaps they appear to do it more when younger as they cannot communicate as well as an older child,also boredom plays a role in that a baby cannot walk and get a toy to occupy themselves but when they older they can. Everything above is very accurate for my boys. When Sam is stressed or angry he will cause himself pain, the biting inside the cheeks is very common with him and picking scabs over and over. When he is happy he makes lots of noise,not talking just noise, and jumps around. It looks like he is doing martial arts or boxing, like from console games. He can do this for hours if he is left to it. It does'nt bother us,you can see he is content and thats what matters. So I do think by knowing the difference between a positive and negative stim it can help,and then you will understand the increase and decrease.

It's terrible! They are describing it as a mental illness which it is'nt. Saying all that the media seem to mostly lay the "blame" on his mum as she owned the gun and ammunition and she taught him how to shoot at a young age.I do suppose it does portray ASD in a negative light but this happens all the time in the media.At the moment I don't think its the main focus,its rather that of the gun laws and compassion for the families.

None of my kids like Thomas thank goodness,I cannot sit through one episode its quite boring IMO. In fact nothing on the list other than Postman Pat. Sam loved Postman Pat between 18mths and 4 years old. He was given a huge plush(bigger than him) for christmas age 2,from my dad and he still likes to cuddle it now when he is upset(he is 9!) I think he liked the van most of all,he loved any vehicle at the time and the colour red. From age 4 onwards its been Spongebob and that obsession consisted of knowing every single episode word for word,sometimes reciting it as it was on...quite annoying! He now likes Sonic and Minecraft and likes watching home videos on both subjects on youtube,most of which are American so he has develpoed an annoying accent!

wow really?? Is it common? I am a woman and have female friends and I know NOBODY who has "chased" any man when they have been rejected I also have NEVER met anyone who wants to change someone's sexuality be it a man or woman. You must know some strange people

Very good advice. I do think you have to be honest though and if you try the above and it continues being blunt may be the only option. Not sure if you know the boyfriend or not,but if you do you could say if she continues you will have to let him know.

I agree. I have had times where I want to make a post and think that I am sure the topic has been mentioned before especially to do with education,but I just think even if its been asked before my own situation may be quite different to the OP's so I usually just start a new thread. I can see it being helpful to read over old post's but then there is old and there is ancient!!! I don't have the time to trawl through all the posts from years back and I am surprised some do. I don't see a problem with looking through old posts reading it to oneself and leaving it at that rather than resurrecting it.

I agree with most of the above. I have only had internet since 2009,I got facebook a few months after(mostly to connect with friends and family including my mum who live abroad) I do sometimes wonder what I done prior to having the internet,not least because I got it to study and have been studying since so its of great importance for that purpose. I went about 6months without a laptop this year and I felt indifferent but this was also because I was not studying at the time and did'nt NEED it. Once I did get it for studying I gradually began to use it to come on here,I would go on fb on my phone to talk to my mum even when I had no laptop. I guess its about getting the balance right,one does not have to go cold turkey so to speak,to realise there is more to life. I have kids so I guess its different because I cannot just sit on the laptop all day,we go out,we bake,we do homework etc. My partner has his retreat time on the PS3 and I have mine in the laptop so in a sense it is my relaxation time.

Don't think I have an answer to your question. However as someone who works(and studying) through the NHS I have to say your last point on lack of communication is very true! In fact I just done a presentation and essay on the topic. My dad has COPD and its one of his main issues. Due to lack of communication nobody picked up he had TB for almost 6mths as they kept putting it down to his COPD. When they eventually treated him there was a huge difference within a month and he could do more daily activities. I personally cannot fault the NHS and its not because I work for them its because I grew up in a country where unless you had money for private healthcare/medical insurance, you would suffer and even die from the most basic conditions. People old and young have to queue outside from 4.30am,even in winter,just to see a GP and even after being there all day they may not get seen and have to try again the next day. So we are very lucky.

If you know what time the food will be served then maybe you could "work" around that. The idea of retreating somewhere is a good one so keep a balance. Thats what my boys do, first they open presents,play for a bit, then while I am busy they have a breather on their own with less noise. After lunch we tend to watch telly as a family but if they want to go off they can do. So prehaps just say you going to the pc for a bit maybe put a do not disturb sign on the door or something. Then mingle when you can,mostly at mealtime. Don't worry about what others may think of you. My mum is coming from abroad and I don't get on that well with her,she does'nt celebrate xmas as she is Jewish but as I do she just has to adjust to that. It is awkward as we don't get along but I want her to spend time with her grandkids so put all the negative feelings aside just for one day!

That is a good compromise. Trekster is there no compromise you can make? With regards to telly do they not have a box where you can record? That way you can eat at the time your mum sets(this is reasonable as a mum of five I cannot stand cooking for over an hour only for nobody to be ready to eat when the food is ready!)) after that you can watch your usual programmes just an hour later. Life is about compromise and one cannot expect everyone else to ruin their xmas day routine to make sure theirs goes smoothly.