justine1

Trekster Thank you for that info on ODD I also have not heard of it,after my second son (6)was diagnosed I read alot of stories on families with more than one AS child,I suspect my eldest son has something but dont think its AS because he has none of the usual trits unlike my 6 yr old and I think my three year old has some AS traits,so now I have heard about ODD sounds like my eldest son so very much!He has no friends and always seeks peoples approval and praise,he constantly thinks everyone dislikes him,even his family,he also seems not to listen at times but not as much as my AS son (Sam) He is extremely intelligent and has been doing work three years above his year group since he started school,I dont want to put a label on him and I am worried I am looking for excuses for my childrens behaviour,though generally they are well behaved lovely boys,how will I take the other two to the GP to get assesment I feel so reluctant!

Hi sorry,it was me who made the comment on jealousy and the son I was refering to is non AS so in my opinion he is jealous and has jealous tendencies jealousy is a feeling after all like being sad etc.Sorry dont mean to offend anyone just giving my opinion!

Hi I have four boys so understand what you are going through.My son with AS (6 yrs) never got on with his brothers but he changed a year ago when I left my husband I think it brought them closer,he still does not get on with my eldest son (9 yrs) and they fight alot,he is extremely close to his three year old brother and the always hug and kiss and play lovely though rough at times!What I have noticed is that when my three year old is not around my 9 yr old and 6 yr old get on much,much better,then as soon as he gets back its mayhem.It is a bit strange to me that this happens I honestly cannot understand it!!So what I was thinking is there any chance you can try leave the other kids with someone for a day then the two of them will be alone maybe it will work maybe not but it might be worth a try.Is your six year old born just after her?The reason is ,my eldest loved being the center of attention then when I had my second son he was really jealous,he would throw stones at him pinch him,all sorts, and I to feared for his safety but he did stop being that rough although I believe he has Alot of resentment towards his brothers.I believe when they are adults things may get better.My eldest brother used to beat me constantly and even broke my nose when I was 9 I felt hatred for him then now I cant go three days without calling him and we see each other two times in a month, he is the best! Good luck.

OH MY that is so so funny!!!!!!!!Some people are just so boring!I am a female but I have to say I do not understand females,thank god I have four boys!Girls are just so bitchy and generally unpleasant.Do not be surprised if she changes again and starts up another conversation,hopefully a more productive one this time!I had an experience like this in the end I ended up swearing at the girl because she also kept making rude sounds when I entered the room and spoke about me behind my back,I left two days after the argument.Hopefully your situation will be more positive!

Hi Maria My son is also six and he has four brothers,one older and two younger.I know that having a new baby is hard my son was 2 1/2 when his brother was born and he never paid him much attention then last year when I had my fourth son it brought the other two much closer now they are inseparable,so it definatley will get easier.I know all the struggles of what you are going through,my son is wonderful at home but has many social problems (not academic)at school and when my family visit or we out,I am surprised I am not bald from pulling my hair out!I know you worry about the future but every parent does regardless of whether they autistic or not!!!!!!!!!!Just think positively and he will shine.There is alot of support on here and lots of autistic adults leading completely "normal"(hate the word)lives!

i tried for two years at three different schools to get my son a school psch or assesment they just kept saying its problems at home and when he sttles he will be fine in the end I took it upon myself to go to the GP for advice even now I am waiting a second assesment the school dont bother following up with the center or any other help,it is rare in my experience that schools help I think in their defence they have so many pupils with so many needs and concerns,but its frustrating nontheless.

I am no lawyer but I dont think he HAS to be a witness,think about when there is gang violence (I know this is different) if someone witnesses such crimes they wont admit it even if police know they were present because they may get assulted themselves.You never know if the boys can end up bullying him or just making his life miserable.So when the police ask you just tell them he does not wish to make a statement,if need be tell them about his ASD.This is what I think!

Hi I was in a similar position last year,my eldest son made a comment about my husband spanking him for bad behaviour he made this comment at school when a PCO was visiting,as I had already left my husband my children were left in my care.I was five months pregnant at the time,we had to go for police interviews four times,hospital check ups to check for bruising etc,and social services banned my kids from seeing their father.It was really traumatic,I was even moved to a different area for safety purposes.I gave birth to my son alone and my husband only saw his new child when he was nearly three months old.The allegations were dropped there was no evidence and now my kids see their dad all the time with no problem,however it has caused a very painful memory and now my kids have that record for life of being seen by social services,and my AS sons behaviour was always put down to my husband alleged abuse.I always said my ex was innocent and always said my son was always different in fact my ex was abroad when I had him and only met him when he was one,and the problems were already there. All I can say is if there is no abuse she wont have anything to worry about,she should in fact insist they do an investigation to prove that her son is in no danger,which I am surprised has not started yet,it is painful and long process and as much as I am bitter over my experience I never doubted that all will work out in the end as I know my son would have mentiooned abuse to me if it were happening and I know my husband would never harm his kids.I think all will be fine for her.

Thank you Alexis!I wish the school can understand this because right now he just seems "naughty" to them.It is his friends and siblings who rush him,my eldest son is a bit cruel at times he knows how to wind him up!I used to rush him until I realised I was causing him distress so for three years now I give him lots of time he always gets things done in his own time!Thanks I will be sitting down with and doing social stories its a great idea,he does get upset when he harms others but at times I feel its not so much the hitting that upsets him but rather that he gets told off for it.Thanks again enjoyed your post.

Hi I agree,my son's anger is usually connected to frustration,he never used to be violent,just like a normal tantrum-kicking and screaming but when he started school he started hitting others.He gets angry if people rush him or tell him what to do when he knows what to do(if that makes sense)he has a problem with people shouting and does not like sharing his friends,saying this at home it is rare that he gets angry and I have learnt to speak to him in a way he understands before he gets violent,unfortunatley this does not help at school or in public.One thing that does annoy me is that for two years now I have heard the comment "he is such an angry boy" this is untrue he is a lovely boy who has angry outbursts occasionally!

Hello I think you should ask loads of questions,for example how would they manage his behaviour?will you be told of his good or bad days?if he is more advanced will they be able to give him more challenging work so that he wont be bored?will they be able to help him make friends?These are questions I would have liked to ask when my son started two years ago because my eldest son never needed help I never really questioned the school they attended now I regret it.If you know situations that happen alot try and put these scenarios to the school so they can give a detailed explaation of how they will cope.Dont be afraid to ask it is your sons future and he needs to be happy.Good luck.

Hi there My son is the same age and I just posted something similar yesterday and got great advice and I am sure you will get more.I have moved my son to a differnet schools three times so know what you going through,he has problems settling in after weekends and holidays as well and like your son can take a month or even two months to settle,it is hard,he is lovely at home but does cry as he gets upset at the prospect of going to school.I think you should tell the school you are planning on leaving maybe they will offer more support,I did this once with my older son but they said it is my choice if I want to leave I can so not helpful,but each school id different.Go and see the other school and explain about everything your son goes through at his current school and put to them how they will react or treat him and whether they can give him more challenging work etc. its no good if you like the school and then discover you are back where you started.Also if you do move he will take time to settle anyway but if you know its the right school it is worth the initial drama and the school will be understanding(hopefully)I have read that if he is statemented more action will be taken to help him,I am waiting for my sons second assesment now seems like forever!Nightmare!I wish I could afford a private school that specialises in Aspergers I would definatley take that route especailly cause other parents would be more understanding right now I feel like an outcast!Good luck.

Thank you AV16 and NickyB,that is really helpful.He has an "informal" diagnosis in that we have been told by a Gp and he has been for one assesment and so I was told that it is Aspergers but nothing in writing,its been three weeks since his assesment and we are awaiting another appointment,so at the moment I am so very frustrated.I have spoken to the teacher this morning and she seems sympathetic but the solution seems to be keeping him in at playtimes which is when he is most violent.At school and home we do tell him what is good or acceptable behaviour and what is not,some of the time he gets it but 80% of the time he blames others, he does get upset and says he tries so hard to be good and it seems like he just cant help himself.They started an action plan last year but it is mostly for help in the class and this is helping him,so I think I will need to speak to them about how to help at playtimes.To be honest I dont know who supervises at playtimes but it seems he is not being monitered properly in that the games get to a point where he has hurt others so badly,I know at home he does get close to this point but I am able to intervene quickly as I know the signs,I would like to help them with this but what is the point if nobody is going to be around when he "explodes"! I will really look into the networks that may offer help thank you both so very much I feel much better now I have spoken about it.

Hi everyone My son (6) is having a hard time at school,he takes long time to settle down after holidays so I was expecting a little bit of problems when he returned but it just seems to be getting worse.He missed two days last week because he had a cold and now loads of parents are complaining that he is smacking and just being unpleasant towards other kids some of whom are his "friends".I am really stressed about this,in April I considered home school but I am studying nursing degree so woudnt find time to educate him properly plus I have three other kids to think of.It does seem parents and teachers have not got a clue about Aspergers,I realise if things were the other way and my child was getting smacked I would not be happy but there is a reason he is not just a bully!I just feel like crying!

Hi mel I also have four kids,single mum.My 6yr ols has AS and suspect three year old has to but same situation as you need to wait until he starts school. I have found lots of help on here.

Mandapanda,you are so right often it is about trial and error.Yes there are so many books on 1000's of sleeping techniques but it down to the parents what is best for them.I have four boys all slept in my bed from the day they were born until their second birthday then move to a big boy bed.I did this because it was comfortable for all of us and I breastfed them all,even when I worked night shift it was easier for my husband to get them to sleep because he was always right there.It was always hard moving them to their Big Bed,longest took three weeks of constantly taking the child back to bed and lots and lots of tears from everyone!!!But we got there in the end.Lots of professionals will say my method is wrong or unhealthy but its worked for us,and I must mention neither me or my husband smoke,drink or take drugs and never slept with a heavy duvet,so we eliminated all risks really.Well done to you and your son you will both get there in the end,just remember nobody is perfect so he of course may have nights where he doesnt have good nights sleep,just keep an eye out when this happens there may be other reasons why ie.food or drink that doesnt agree with him (just a thought!)Keep up the good work or should I say sleep!

Hi I think it is possible but the person could not keep up the "act" for long there will be signs of problems so it also depends on the people around him/her if they are close they would pick up on things,strangers may be fooled though.Many people regardless of having a Phd do try cover up mental health problems,for example many woman who suffer PND dont admit there is a problem sometimes 2 years after the child is born!!!

Hi my son does this started at 3 and he is 6 now.I have been told lots of people withAS walk this way,I have also been told that there isnt much help out there for it because there is no "problem" with the foot.Like Science geek said I am positive this will cause problems later on in fact my son already has problems walking to and from school he has to have a break.I think when you see him try encourage him to walk flatfooted I know this does not always work but its worth a try.

oops my son hit the keyboard I was saying I hope it gets sorted quickly I hope to start next sept (will know in may) and as I have four kids I cant survive without the loan so hope not to have this problem.hope all goes well and enjoy your Uni experience.

hi science geek I heard about this on the news this morning you are certainly not alone lots of students have not received their loans I am worried

Hi Maria Oh thank you so very much for your lovely kind words.You are so right I dont feel nervous in the sense that I do know what to say as far as his behaviour etc. but I always get nervous for everything!!!!!! I was especially interested in your situation as you mention two have been assesed and your other child will be to,the reason why this interest me is I have been wondering about my third son as he seems to have a few traits of AS but I am not sure as he is three now so cant really tell how he does at school etc. and I do sometimes think he has picked up his behaviour from his older brother.It must be so hard for you to have to get the doctors to listen and get an assesment I really admire you as I was so reluctant to take my son to the GP even though I knew something was wrong. Thanks again for your advice really appreciate it. Justine

Hi everyone My son has his first assesment on Friday,I am a little nervous,just wondered what to expect?Will the ask me questions?Watch him playing?I am also thinking should I take him back to school after as it starts at 9.30 and is about an hour and I need to fetch his brother from preschool at 12,I am not sure how he will be if he goes just for the afternoon as I have never done this of course as he likes routine I dont really know what to do?Sorry know these sound like silly questions thanks though.

Oh my where do I start...My son is much younger than yours but I can totally relate.I separated fro my husband last year and after a month my son (non As ) told someone at school that his dad smacked him,we then had police and social services all over us and I was told I would lose my kids even though I was no longer living with my husband and I had done nothing wrong,we were put under a microscope for 5 months it was a nightmare!I also suffered racist attacks last year and ended up moving,so we moved four times in a year.The schools are so quick to say your son is bad etc. not giving thought to all the upset they have been through even myself as an adult feel so stresses by everyuthing that has happened.I am studying health and social care degree at the moment and I do think there is a big problem with social services focusing on young kids and forgetting about teenages and elderly people.I dont really know what to suggest other than just nagging your GP for help.Prehaps he needs medication to help with his out burst.I do hope it works out it is so hard when it feels the whole world is not listening or doesnt care!

Hi My son is 6 years old and also is advanced in most areas of school work however he still plays about alot and to be honest would rather be outside than inside reading,he does find books for his age group boring but I dont let him read books beyond his year group or a year above.Also he has more of a photographic memory so sometimes wonder if he is just "photocopying" books or actually grasping the moral of the story so even though he reads well clearly and quickly I still quiz him on the books he reads.I also know his vocabulary is really advanced and like you say seems like old soul in little boys body,but I would never let him socialise with older children mostly because when the older kids reach teens they will go through things he wouldnt understand so this can put additional pressure,I am lucky in that he likes company of kids his age and younger.On the other hand my eldest is 9 years old he yo is gifted but not AS and he puts in loads of work to get the results he is the opposite of his brother loves learning can spend all day reading and is reading teenage books and easy adult stuff if its valuable info.He likes playing with older kids (between 10 and 13 ) I try not to let him see these kids for the reason I mentioned above but it is hard as he can relate to them more and hold a sensible conversation with them.My point is there is no right or wrong way I guess all kids are different!

Hi I agree with the above comment the letter seems directed at more than one child/parent not necessarily the whole year group but prehaps a handful of kids I personally have recieved similar letters ie.when my son misplaced a book and I had to cover the cost the tone was much the same as your letter was not annoyed with the school but with my son.I do think you should hint to other mums maybe there are others annoyed over this and even ask the school,did you see the book yourself?you shoulsd ask to see it,pretend as though its not your son who damaged it but someone else and then judge for yourself how bad the damage is,if the pages are a bit tatty and there are drawings etc. this is still useable but if there are many torn pages and cannot see the writing then it should be replaced.