stressedmumto2

My son and daughter both have one and my son's has definatly helped him, it was expensive but I do also think it's great value for money and as J's mum has said maybe you can get help with paying for it, I used my son's DLA. If you do an older search of weighted blankets, there is a lady who comes on here occasionaly, I brought mine of her. <'>

J's mum this is absoloutly fantastic, Well done to you and what a huge relief for you <'> <'>

Hi, I too have a child with a diagnosis independently done of PDA/ASD/ and ADHD. He is going to be getting re-assessed at our local CAMHS though so that may all change but in all honesty his PDA is I think the most prominent. If you google PDA there is some information for handling the PDA child in the classroom, which is an excellent start for any teacher and parent who is working with a child with PDA, but it's great if one teacher understands PDA even better though if all the teachers working with the child understand it. The ways of managing a child with PDA are and can be quite different from managing a child with AS and so it's important that all involved with the child understand this. My child is in a special school for emotional and behavioural difficulties and so again the approaches they use do not always work well for my son and sometimes have quite the opposite effect!! I find with my son when things are on his terms he can be very well behaved and a pleasure to be around but when he is avoiding something he goes to extremes. As for help there is help out there, Ask your social services department to do an assessment of your needs and your child's, this can open up to things like respite/help in the home and advice on managing behaviours but I must say it is a real fight to get support as many people do not understand PDA, Have you any local autism out-reach in your area that you could ask if they have any knowledge on PDA? What kind of special school are you thinking of for your child?

My daughter is just starting to out-grow her dolls, she's 8. she still has the parm and all the bits and will occasionaly play with them, however she has taken to dressing up her big teddies in her dressing up princess out-fits, lol. My sis would still play with dolls till when she was 11 I think. I think girls are growing up far too quickly, when I was little I hated dolls though and preferd pens and paper, spyrograph and all that art and craft stuff. Give her what you think she will play with as opposed to something she may never take out of the box, it will be far more beneficial to her and who to say playing with dollies isn't educational and great for the imagination. Alternativly have you thought about buying her one of them kitchen things, with cooker and sink etc or a shop set up, expenisve but very durable. My son loved his kitchen when he was younger <'>

WOW well done fantastic news <'> I bet you are all so pleased, can I just ask has this been a long journey with alot of school failure? This is fab news, my own battle is still on going but to hear stories of success gives me hope, well done <'>

Thanks Bid, that is exactly the kind of advice I need. Did you also state what kind of support you felt your child needed?

Ok I have been told not to get my hopes up so I ain't gonna but I have been told their is going to be a complex needs panel nxt Tues with regards to my son's long term care plan, I can meet the panel before hand but it may only be one person from the panel, I have been given a list of names of people who are attending and basically it's only s/s and education but also i think head of children's services. My social worker has told me to prepare something for them to see if I want but she thinks it will be a good idea, now what I want to know is what exactly do you think I should prepare for them to see? Shall it be a look at the here and now, here and now with perhaps the last 3 years with a snapshot of future, or since problems began, when he was in nursery and that behaviour wise although he has come far in many ways he still has so many difficulties for which he is receiving no therapy intervention for to manage the behaviour? plus I also think that I should give a copy of the report by a psychiatrist and highlight all relevant bits, I do not want them to say he doesn't have a dx of asd? or should I highlight all copies of reports he has had done as I know the education woman who will be there insists he doesn't have ASD, she has also been present at two of the tribunals so I know she is thinking well tribunal concluded he didn't need a resi school so that is that. However today he has just been put back onto a part time table and he's in a special school as he's been refusing to attend since the start of the new term. What does everyone think, I really want to prepare my case well, I know that they are gonna say no to resi but I have to show that if things are still pete tong in a years time and my son hasn't achieved at school that I have requested it before and done it before a panel. Plus I think I also need to state what support I need if my son is to continue to live with me, social services answer was did I think he would be better of in care!! He is not accepted on the Child and Disability Team but they are now saying he is complex, I have repeatedly asked for an OT assessment of the home as he does destroy it and there is nowhere safe for him to go or his sister and I when he is having a meltdown so I do want to bring this into the equation as they still keep refusing to do the assessment. Hope someone can help me out with this one please iof they have any advice at all <'>

Lou lou I really hope you start to get somewhere with MP I can believe the social worker is like this cos mine is pretty much the same. I suspect that FC was offerend more money and probably a huge amount of pressure put on her too by s/w. Hugs to you hun and hugs for kai..hope things improve soon <'> <'>

My son is the same as you SG he loves big squeezy hugs and often will hug me in the same way, lol but very often hates light touching unless it is agreed that I will light touch him on a kind of stroke/tiggle way. My son comes down every morning with his quilt still warpped around him and the other day he had a therapy session where he was able to go inside a body sox or body sock which is a lycra type bag that you fit into and stretch yourself when in it, it kind of gives the feeling of deep pressure and he loves it. <'>

Lou Lou, my heart goes out to you it really does, the things is Kai needs professional help and support and you know that but s/s are just ###### useless at times. I'm glad you have spent some time with Kai to reassure him you love him but that the behaviour is the problem, must be so hard for all of you right now, take care <'>

Wow, that is fantastic news and it's so great that the nursery are supporting and helping, I hope it continues for you. My son learnt very quickly too to use the potty too

Whooooooaaaaaaaaa get your hair done and I wish you loads of luck with this, there have been so many times I have wanted to go to the press but I haven't got the guts too. Aswell as saying what a waste of space your LA is maybe you could make some suggestions as to what could improve services and hopefully it may help to make things move forward, wishing you loads and loads of luck <'> <'>

Lou Lou I have been thinking about how things were for you and Kai, don't give in now even though it's really hurting. Now that Kai has shown this behaviour in another household it will strengthen your case for a more specialised setting. Hugs to you and to Kai <'> <'> <'>

Just wanted to send you a hug <'> <'> You know you are doing this for his long term benefit and for that of your family, stay strong Lou <'> . I remember when my son went for a 3 day visit at a resi school, the 1st night he was ok the 2nd he was on the phone to me crying and screaming, it was heartbreaking as he was asking me to go and get him, I really was torn, in-between chatting to him on the phone I called a freind she remineded me that if I went and got him, bear in mind he was 3 hrs drive away I would achieve nothing, he would always know that when he kicks and screams he could get his own way, he was pulling at my heart strings the same as kai is with you now. The worst bit was when he kept calling me back and I could hear him in the background smashing up their phone, I was so scraed he would be restrained which would cause him more upset but the staff knew what they were doing and they got an older, responsible child to go sit with him in his room which calmed him. It really was a horrible experience but he learnt that night and the next that there are some places he will go, that even if he kicks and screams he couldn't get his own way. When I did go to collect him I was nearly crying, all the children were saying goodbye to him and had drew him goodbye pictures, in some ways he was sad to be leaving the boys but also glad to be coming home. Sometimes with our children we have to be really tough for their benefit and they do have to learn a hard way sometimes but you need to remember you are doing this for his welfare and that of your younger child and un born baby, things couldn't of continued the way they were and you had exhausted all avenues, Take care Lou <'> <'>

Flora. I think it is quite reasonabl for you to ask for another driver, no way should he be speaking to your child like that. His role is to escort your child to and from school and it's unfortunate that Bill has travel sickness but if he can't deal with it then he shouldn't be escorting Bill. As for travel sickness when I was younger I would always feel very travel sick in my mum's partners care, literally with just going 5 minutes up the road, but other cars I would be fine in, my boyfriend has a new car now and the minute he got it the sickness feelings had come back, he has a leather interior in his car and so did my mum's partner so I worked it out for myself it was the interior causing this. I find sitting in the front of a car much better but even in my b/friends car it is still unbearable. I have asked him so many times that the next car he gets can he please not have leather, lol One thing I found that did help was focussing on a point in front, wether it be a tree, a house, building etc as soon as that thing had gone I would find the next thing to focus on and I always have the window a small bit open, reading in the car for me is a big no no as that would make me feel even more sick, don't ask me why. Is there any kind of smell that Bill likes that could be put on a hanky that he could sniff for the journey home that could mask the smell of the leather for me lavendar is good and I like vic's stuff too and the deep heat stuff, wonder if something like that may help, you could of course get Bill experimenting this weekend with things he could sniff that may mask them smell, just an idea anyway if you have no joy with transport. <'>

Lou Lou I don't know what to say to you I really don't I am just hoping that this speeds things along for the resi school that you want. My heart really goes out to you with this heartbreaking decision you have had to make and I really hope everything works out ok for all of you. I know with my son's foster worker it had taken s/s ages to find someone for him and I have to say she is fab but he hasn't done an overnight visit yet, when the time comes in October half term I will dread it though but I know it will only be for the night so it makes things a bit easier. I am sure that social services have definatly tried to find the right person for you and Kai, they are not going to just put him with anyone as they know his needs are complex and they wont want the place to fail as it menas he will be needing that resi school sooner than they hoped. I don't know what else to say but wanted to send you a whole load of cyber hugs, <'> <'> <'> Good luck for tomorrow <'> <'> <'> Please let us know how it goes, will be thinking of all of you <'> <'> <'>

Glad to see you couldn't stay away for long <'> <'> yes we do all need to support each other and I am glad you are back cos our children will be turning into mini adults one day and it will be good to have experience from people who have been there with their children who are adults now <'> <'>

Hi I just wanted to say welcome to the forums <'>

Don't have this problem with my son as his stuff stays in school, thankfully he doesn't have a key yet but Lisa I wonder if perhaps leaving a key somewhere safe outside for him may be better, in a pot or something, of course with that come other worries such as your house getting broken into as these children aren' t exactly discreet, lol <'>

Lou Lou, I am sorry things have got so bad, you must feel completly drained right now, it's so hard dealing with our kiddies when they do go into violent meltdown's let alone trying to keep another child safe and being pregnant on top. I hope your partner has been able to offer support. It's sad that the school only has a space available next year, could you keep on to them to reconsider giving the seriousness of the situation right now?? I know right now you're probably feeling so stressed, angry, hurt etc but don't allow s/s to put Kai into foster care as this will just be an easy option for them and tbh I think it would do him more harm than good. From this I would write a letter to s/w explaining why Kai had the outburst, explain why the current school placement isn't right for Kai and explain why he needs a specialist resi school, if you have lots of other professionals stating that is what he needs ask them to hold a multi agency meeting with all professionals invited who are involved in kai's care, it's awful that they think they can just dump our children with another family and that's going to help the child. How is kai in school, do you get incident record sheets if he's showing patterns of disruptive behaviour there, if you do then you could use this to show that behaviour hasn't improved and if they don't fill you in you could also ask to see school records, but again he may be keeping it all in at school and then letting out at home which is very common in many ASD children. I don't think the police managed things very well butthis could be a lerning point for them, they need training on ASD. Just want to send you a hug <'> <'> <'> Hope you manage to rest whilst Kai is with your grandparents, take care <'> <'>

What an awful thing to happen to your son. One of T's biggest problems were being restrained, if he was held it would always make matters worse with teachers getting assaulted where he would fight back and then more teachers having to intervene, on occasions I found out there were 4 members of staff holding him which made me feel sick to my stomach so I kind of know how you are feeling. My son's school have now decided they will no longer restrain him unless he is seriously at risk to other children or adults and since they've decided this he's only been restrained a couple of times whereas in his first few months he was restrained approx 50 times. Restraining does no work for my son, even as a method of trying to get him to calm down. He has huge sensory problems especially in relation to being touched and at last school are listening and maybe your son has similar difficulties or maybe he was also frightened by what they were doing to him. If you think your son is ADHD then he does need help to manage this, my son was dx ADHD first then years later ASD and medication only helped to a certain extent, but there are lots of different meds you can try and often it will take a while to work out what suits him best. At the mo' we have taken my son of most of his meds and he's doing no different really to when he was on them but for so many ASD/ADHD children meds has been the right answer for them. I really hope you get somewhere with the consultant and they do agree to a trial of meds, sending you lots of hugs <'> <'>

J's mum I really hope you did manage to get some sleep last night and that J is calmer today. Sometimes the uncertainty can bee to much for our children and it sounds like J may be finding that a bit hard at the mo'. We have had a few days like that too, T has been refusing to go to school, gone in today thank god but has been equally just as awful at home. Social services out of hours can be useless, on one occasion with my son he was going into one so I followed advice to go into another room as to not to give him any attention, my bedroom door has a small bolt on the top on the outside so that when he was younger he couldn't go in there, this particular day whilst I was sat on my bed in despair, talking to out of hours on the phone, he climbed up onto his bed (bunk beds)and bolted my door then told me he had my keys and was going to start my car up to drive away, my keys are usually kept in safe by the front door, the s/w heard all of this and told me they still couldn't send anyone out and to cal the police. I quickly called a neighbour but she wasn't at home and then called the police, by the time the police had arrived he had already let me back out of my room, but the worry at the time was incredible. On another time I called s/s and asked for the samaritans no' and was told they didn't have it. I complained about this. If you are ever feeling in despair a good advice line to call is contact a family, I called them the other day and they were very good, sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you and tbh I do not think s/s are very good at this, maybe cos they gets so many calls in an evening, I don't know. On one occasion when an out of hours s/w did do a home visit he was great, but that may of been cos I had a letter prepared with a list of what my son's needs are and how he needs to be cared for and was actually going to walk away from my children that evening.

Freedom what you have written has me wondering. My son has recently been seen by a SaLT who has done more assessments on him, the last time he was assessed by SaLT properly he was 6 and they said no problems, she said so far the assessments she has done has put him on the 2nd percentile across all areas but she doesn't think this is a true reflection of his true ability as he gave up when things begun to get difficult for him. He's been dx as having ASD with Pathalogic Demand Avoidance aswell as other things. Now I know that his avoidance in my eyese disables him a great deal as he will just refuse to do things which he finds hard and will either go into fight or flight mode to get out of things, really simple things too. He requires the help I think of being on the Child and Disability Team as the Family team within social services do not understand his complex difficulties so much so that they don't understand why so much of his anger is aimed at myself. It would probably be fair for me to say that they do not believe he is ASD and just badly behaved. Does anyone know if I would be able to show that his avoidance disables him just as much as a child with learning difficulties, not that I am trying to compare the two but when I found a school over a year ago which would of been ideal for my son we were told it wasn't suitable because many of the children there had mod learning difficulties and in addition to ASD/ADHD/PDA but also there was no peer group for my son atthe time. But I feel my son's avoidance does disable him in that his avoidance at his worst often means he will refsue to go to school. At the school he had a 3 day assessment and loved it and didn't state to me that any of the children were different to him, having said that though the children in his class group were 2-3 years older.

Will be praying for you too, the hearings are a horrible ordeal, but you have done it now so try and take sometime to recover. I hope you get the outcome you want <'> <'>

Flo I'm pleased everything went well for you and your son today. J's mum good luck with the visit tomorrow, hope J feels comfortable there <'>