stressedmumto2

Hi Loulou I too have been away for such a very long time. Glad to hear that Kai is still in his present school and that they are coping, do drop me a line if you have time I have so much to ask you and to update you on and it would b great to hear from you again, in the meantime take care x

Good luck to Steven and A. Hope this year goes really well for both boys

Oh no hope it gets better soon and well done on ur claim to fame. Can quite happily some neither of my children have broken anything so far, think i'm lucky

I've signed it too

Sounds like you've both had a great day today my two love blackberry picking and we have woods nearby with loads....yummmmm

Hi don't know about the DLA but wanted to say good luck and fantastic news that your first day went really well for you

Hi, I don't post very often as I hardly have the time these days but I wanted to post a very big thanks to so many of you on the forums who have helped me with education advice over the years and whom have just been very supportive. Helen53, Darky, Kazzen161, Kathryn, J's mum, Loulou, phasmid (whose sadly is no longer here for me to tell him the good news) and so many more of you, so sorry if I have missed your names out. This forum and the people who post on here have helped me in many ways they wouldn't even know and I wanted to pass my thanks on. In September my son will be starting a residential specialist school for children with ADHD and ASD. I joined this forum in 2005 when things were really difficult, my son was very explosive most of the time, at first his explosive behaviour was mostly in the home and community and he was very compliant in school then his explosive behaviour started in school. His education for the last 3 years has been very up and down with a lot of education failure, trials of different schools-different types of schools, lots of school refusal and exclusions, it has been a long battle to get professionals to acknowledge that he has real difficulties and agree that he requires a specialist education setting, they are now listening and that in itself feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and we have been given some great advice too. He'll be starting his school in Sept and will be boarding termly, I hope to visit him every other weekend and spend the weekends with him as it's such a long drive to travel. I am very nervous but I know it's what my son needs and it will also give my daughter some special 1-1 time with me that she needs so badly. I am hopeful for the future and for a fresh start for my son in a superb school that I am hoping will help him eventually to have faith in himself. I also wanted to add to any of you who are having difficulties with school placements, getting dx etc to keep on fighting for what you believe your child needs are, if you don't fight for your child nobody else does and for most of that time they will never get the help they need. Here's to a happy summer holiday and a new start for Sept , thanks to everyone for your help <'>

This is an interesting post, my son is very very sociable and has been allowed to play out in the street as all the other children do in our area and it was impossible to keep him in, in many ways he's been able to progress and make friends but many of them have been the wrong type's of friends whom do work on his vulnerability and this can have disastrous consequences. At the moment he has one very good friend, whom is two years older but acts much older and more grown up, in some ways it's been good he's given my son confidence but on the other hand it's quite scary too. As Bid pointed out at one point and still pretty much now my son will accept anybody to be his friend, even if they are not true friends and later go on to hurt him. I think ultimately as hard as it is with our children we can only offer suggestions and try and steer them in the right direction, my son always thinks he right about his choice of friends but he is starting to slowly learn that some of those friends are not the right ones, having said that though he would rather have anyone to hang about with than know-one. My son finds it hard to take part in clubs and prefers the more unstructured play of doing what he likes, if he's at the beach where he's really relaxed he will talk and play with lots of children many of which he doesn't even know, but take him to a r swimming club for example and he wont hardly talk to anyone and I wonder if your son may find it easier to chat to people in more unstructured activities and was wondering if special needs youth club may be a good idea or even a smaller youth club, maybe he could go there as a helper. Scouts and cadets is another good option. My older brother a very very shy boy found sea cadets brill and made lots of friends. One thing I have noticed with my son when his anxiety levels are low he finds it easier to make friends and finds it easier to communicate with the other children. Good luck

In my 1st tribunal I jsut had a solicitor as did the local authority, 2nd tribunal barrister and solicitor was present from my side and local authority side, solicitor also attended annual review both sides. We have a big case requiring more specialist independant school and it's been going on for a while. I think when parents are requesting more specialist placement local authoritys want to build a strong case as do parents hence why barristers are used.

Fantastic news Lou Lou, hope everything goes well for you and Kai, and the rest of your family. You have been through a rollercoaster and I am pleased that things are finally starting to look up and head in the right direction and that soon Kai will have his needs fully met, take care and all the best <'>

This is brilliant Mumble, congratulations

<'> Take care Bid, hope your mum is feeling better soon <'>

I love these two too, especially two little boys I also like lots of country and western, but my music does vary from dance music to country and western and some rock, strange eh

Have sent link to those who requested it <'>

<'> hey don't be so hard on yourself, you're not a failure, sometimes we all lose it and feel the guilt after, I know I have with my own son and there are times when I wished I had more patience, but I also don't think it hurst sometimes for the child to see that others have feelings too and if you can manage this in a really constructive way it's better but we're human and sometimes it's just too hard, our own emotions take over. I found a web site the other day (not sure if I am allowed to post the link) but it had some feelings charts on it which I think are really good way of showing the child how you may be feeling and they too can show you how they are feeling. With my won son he often doesn't realise that we have feelings too and by using these charts he is really begining to understand that we all have feelings. If I am allowed to post link I will as I think it may help a few families. Hope you're feeling a bit better now you describe my son too when you say can be so lovely and sweet natured, but can go from calm to furious within seconds. Hope you start to get some support soon <'>

I have been a member of this forum for some years now, I rarely post but do read daily, sometimes it's nice to know I am not alone in my struggles, sometimes the advice given on issues is fantastic and sometimes it's good when members do have difference of opinions, as a person who does often find it difficult to communicate their feelings and get my point across I will often refrain from posting about my own situation and refrain from replying to other posts, for fear of maybe not making sense and sometimes I really do not want to highlight all of my own problems on a public forum so I will use the pm system. There are some very strong characters here whom have very different opinions. There are some families here who are happy with the system and some who feel that they are not and I think it's important that everybody should be able to come on here and be able to speak good and bad about the system. Not everyone has happy experiences, we have been helped sometimes by the system for the short term and we have been let down by the system long term, because the system for us have done short term, not thinking about the long term. I think sometimes when people feel they have been badly let down there will be resentment, especially for those families whereby the child may have had breakdown due to inappropriate placement/bullying and generally just not being supported, this doesn't just happen to ASD children but to NT children, in times like this there will be resentment. Many parents may come on here not really knowing an awful lot about autism when newly diagnosed, (I didn't) and how to manage their child's behaviour (I didn't and sometimes still don't) and this forum can be a real help and source of information and it's through this forum that many families will be able to obtain support for themselves, their children and the right education placements that will help their children. I think it's important to remember that no two people are the same, we all have different feelings, opinions, how we deal with things etc and we all at times may go through times in our life's when we struggle and it's at them times when support is needed more than ever. This site and many of the members and moderators over the last few years have helped me a great deal more than they know and I have been given valuable advice by members and admin who have taken their time to really help me, some of them have left now which saddens me as some of them were very experienced and were a source of information and I would like to think that many of them are not here because their families needs have changed and many of them just don't have the time to pop by it would be a shame if members and admin because they do do a fab job felt like they couldn't take anymore and wanted to leave. This forum is a really special place for many people who do not have any other support and do not know where to go for support

Just wondered if anybody has looked into the social and educational principles of Rudolf Steiner and how some special schools are now adopting this approach and if they think this kind of education set up would be ideal for their own children? I have been looking for a specialist residential school and thinking what kind of school would be best suited to my son, who is more of a hands on person and have come across the Rudolf Steiner approach used in a specialist school, this school is ebd but they do have children with ASD etc I think the hands on outside learning would be really suited for my son and he would possible learn a lot more this way, because so many of the activities are hands on the therapy needs are integrated into the school day. Has anybody come across this style of learning/teaching before?

Hi, Just wanted to come back to this post. I have been given the dates for the ADOS assessment, we have one appointment scheduled in, then another two weeks later, then another a week later, they have been scheduled for 20 minutes each. I'm feeling very sceptical if his ASD will be picked up in this time frame, but going to give it a go. I had an appointment with CAMHS last week, THE CAMHS nurse we used to see has written in many reports that son does have many features of ASD but whether we will be given a dx he wasn't sure as son is very complex. The new lady we are under now and has only seen my son once for 20 minutes, has read all of his reports independent and otherwise and is concluding that she feels he doesn't have ASD, but we have to wait for the ADOS assessment. The independent specialists whom I have high regard for are adamant he has ASD and is very complex and that education provision should be a ASD school placement. The local SaLT whom has not made a dx of ASD and was never asked to but was asked to compile a report based on his therapy needs has all along put in her report he requires...... input from a multi-disciplinary team of people who are highly skilled in the area of complex communication disorder.ASD, sensory programmes and pro-active support strategies. The OT who works with Children with learning disabilities was asked to compile a report based on his sensory needs, she has stated he has significant sensory modulation problems and that OT needs to be part of the daily routine. I do not understand why the local CAMHS are going against the advice of highly specialist professionals. I do know that many professionals may feel parents pay for the private dx, but when I first got my son assessed independently the ed psych who spent 5 hrs with us in the home told me I would need to have SaLT assessment done as he was confused by my son's complex difficulties and wanted to be sure of the dx. I know I have harped on about this dx business and I am boring myself with it now, lol, but to me having the ASD dx is going to be the difference in son maybe accessing a school who will understand him and effectively manage him or a school that may not as the approaches that the schools use could be different and already the approaches one would use with EBD behaviours has already failed. I also know that the local authority will prefer their own evidence which could all point to a EBD residential school unless I go back to tribunal and challenge this, this could be disastrous for him, again it may not be, I don't know. I also think that CAHMS have taken on board far too much of what the school have said to be the way he is acting, yet they are not willing to take on board what other professionals are saying, including our out-reach team. I know the school and the local authority will not want to admit he was wrongly placed, considering I went to two tribunals and a high court case for him not to be in the school, whom have now said they can't meet his needs. It all seems that it's going to hinge on this dx and that I should be prepared to go back to tribunal.

Pleased it went so well for you <'>

This describes me too and it's so annoying <'>

OMG just had a look at AD on some of the other sites, compared with when I looked at it must of been over a year or so ago the way it was once perceived to how it is now is definatly changing and is most worrying. Taken from another site....... Many of their symptoms are similar to children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and there is active debate about the relationship, overlap and diagnostic distinctions between children with attachment disorder who have a history of maltreatment and children with ADHD. Many professional now believe that ADHD is being over-diagnosed and that many of these children actually have attachment disorder. From what I have read on this site it really does worry me.

Hi Cuddlepie what you have said there mirrors much of what happened with my son. My son was first assessed and dx adhd at 4, he was still in nursery, he had many difficulties which all pointed to AS, he scored very high on the behaviour and socialisation scores, there was very high indicators of AS which were ignored because of his age. In primary school where things were more structured he managed really well until year 2 and the occasional settling back in after a holiday. In year 2 his behaviour become more and more confusing to all the professionals, the behaviour I had always had at home which nobody believed was how he was presenting on entering school, he was soon to be labeled with ODD. From a very young age we had a specialist behaviour health visitor, she would come to the home and take videos of us playing with my son and interacting with him and this included family and friends too, this work was to see how we responded to him and teach us ways to respond to him and to see how he responded to us and other people, he had no idea how to play at this stage!! from this work she helped us to develop ways to play with him which was a huge amount of repeating the same thing over and over and massively exaggerating the play, it was hard work but he did eventually start to play although his play is very different to that of how my daughter will play. We also done work on emotions/anger etc At the end of our sessions the HV told me of the records she suspected AS, she told me she couldn't put it on paper as it was out of her re-mit with the work she was doing with us, we were the first family in our area that she had done this video work with. I do feel from the work we had done at that time and because it was being used across all settings it did teach my son skills which now do hide his ASD, or not necessarily hide it but make it not very noticeable, which is why it has been hard to get a diagnosis for him. Me and my son were very close and this was even used against us once when our local HV who had known him from a baby had said to a social worker that myself and my son were very close, perhaps to close sometimes and that's why I get the brunt of his behaviour. The health visitor was shocked when she knew that what she had said had been taken out of context and I was shocked too as it felt like the s/w was insinuating something wrong was going on between us!!. Like j's mum this health visitor had said I had over-compensated in my son's needs, that I was a very good and caring mother who was very patient, lol (not so much now)!! The only professionals who have tried to go down the AD route with us have mainly been Social Services who do not understand ASD and because we are dealt with by the team that do not deal with families with children with disabilities it is easy for them to jump to conclusions I think. They see abuse and neglect a lot and for a child like my son his behaviours could present as that of an abused child if you don't understand or know him. My son refuses to go to school sometimes, mostly after a holiday or at the usual start time-happier to go later in the day, refuses to go to his dad-that's mostly now cos he wants to play with friends, often refuses to go out with respite worker-again cos he wants to play with friends so it would look like he had an attachment to me it has taken years to get other people to understand that it's often transition difficulties that make him anxious about going to other places or because he wants to play with friends, but there too have been times when I have left him at home with respite workers whom he has not know and he has been fine, when he has gone out with workers he has not known and times when he has stayed overnight with family and friends and it has been a case of having to use those times to show that it is not an attachment to me that is preventing him from going off with others or going to school, if he was so attached to me would he go off with a complete stranger or play out with friends? The AD label is a label that I think is going to get used more and more often and for many unfortunate families who may not have the internet to research it will probably not challenge it. I was shocked when I read it that I had to challenge it, my son's difficulties were not caused by us parents, although at times my son was very hard work we were and still are now extremely close, his father and I have separated now and he sees his dad weekly, his dad will say how he often felt rejected even when we were together as my son wanted me most of the time, my son was certainly not neglected/abused/didn't have his emotional needs met or unattached to myself especially in the early years when he was the only child and I spent most of my time seeing to his needs, playing with him, taking him out to parks, play areas beaches etc. I remember both my babies as baby's and spending hours upon hours moody coddling them as I believe many of us parents do!! The scary thing is as you say now how some professionals and therapists are discarding the abuse/neglect and going for more "subtle" pathologies in the mother or even in the mothers upbringing. So many times I have come across questioning like are you depressed, do you get depressed, do you have to take medication, how do you respond to your child when you are down etc. It's making parents scared to go to their gp's for support for fear of being blamed for their child's behaviour or odd mannerism's. I too really feel for families who may have had a difficult upbringing themselves but who are striving to be different parents for their children and are told that their child has difficulties because of how they were brought up. Something needs to change before families are destroyed by not getting the right support. I wnat to wish you lots of luck with your group

Excellant news Cat well done to him and to you

Sounds brill Enid, lets hope it continues for you <'>

Thanks Simon, have replied <'>